我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhrsFl9Tqa
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDN8ugcPeRf
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXYzD1W2I0
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0odMtJWHUN
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlQdIvVSRV
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTGxeD7pcP
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKrp8ZIjUl
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxdVxmrd2s
壓力似乎一併消散。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6Wnlf2vZu
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaKUAgE0xv
茶盡。我再續杯。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBAhd14TCF
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1krteCkNS8
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCMVH4RO9N
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4DjAT7A2J
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCWlgZmNH8
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKnOmfu2mk
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsC1tHQXuhB
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vZf4JBiZG
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzJ198e3yZ
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v54ul2nk9
夢醒一場空。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeU7a1Sk5m
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SePEnphIq
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeTqNCYbY3
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJoeDgPVZ5
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ccll7TLlp
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGziIx5hVps
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0xeXcgmbK
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCk3oePtxf
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9IKkH2wGQ
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zNs4Tav0x
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd30Snd8xmr
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h2FwuGDbG
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAKW5BhN6f
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5Oldn2TCe
我沾沾自喜。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuP9NH8Aeq
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkV9N8cBUd
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwXM2k0oZV
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4famAWJfT
但我沒有向同學們坦白。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMraYZom52
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66q1P3Gwo0
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VArQMJQoG
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKat2j6whR5
努力，努力，努力。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesLMhJzmzu
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ83edqgky4
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jFyMdiW2h
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLzWtK3f3M
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKusYgc5e8
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwketkVI5U
以為。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2tq2cO69W
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAUPC7KbwQ
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU8yJDn824
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcKS7mEbK1
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3HTKpCcig
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87F6v2pzPk
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdi6UQlQ7V
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ888pi1pFH
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgPhsuV2Ox
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9F6r4tUa4
我的作品感動了我。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZfcv0rvk0
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7x9BmexRqw
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZPgtwvzmQ
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwX7fu6bKM
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeakd6Hxwrt
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VuiqJAQvP
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EqzEmYACC
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡril4XTA7HQ
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraqQpVhD5C
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eNA4HnP3U
熱茶又涼了。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBIfJwh90X
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxjOC3it5g
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKhiTE33rw
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgqWXgs97e
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFwqigUXfn
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu8Gzb2foL
我的作品只感動了我。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9Zh3f3521
324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaHd9wwnNc
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。324Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlLu5D2Q3P
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.210da2
