我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoOkVvMptb
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYUkWrojYM
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Fqrn6JQm0
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMyh3BWhJj
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UkDD4V70m
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntzpTj95SL
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsVQvYi2Hr
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZigVDt84Eq
壓力似乎一併消散。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9oFjaevwC
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0GCD9YUFs
茶盡。我再續杯。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XX50Iiiln
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dxf6xQlVS
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaxciJRNUI
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx45xio280i
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHBAJKtcAP
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBCpWRNOrQ
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqqhvq4vsy
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDXV4xXx3e
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjHUsatJVT
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEKqbpDcTs
夢醒一場空。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGOVVQuTPs
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaopR88x14P
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkxoJxsmd1
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrDKYj47J7
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTBGztkpPf
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNR4MYTTRF
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1BDmMKxN7
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡew8d07jvN1
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvkPnxflW3
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYLfgpvQG8
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95J7hjmwEA
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN993vDt8Eh
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJZmsTLabI
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTW8DhckSbs
我沾沾自喜。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYHsGLa0Jg
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv6nVlKfM2
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR80UpmDIk
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3NKdLnFdG
但我沒有向同學們坦白。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcD51YEG1f
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39cBfSTKza
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PGKvO08Vw
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LKosWYrRl
努力，努力，努力。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwY6JLsp5c1
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTABM0PEnlH
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OefwkEw48
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWxehQ8WE9
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhW2WJU2H8
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bN5Vzv1lz
以為。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkAQ8rQOM8
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVASW2t70o
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzukMCnYza
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxokTyNQB9V
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB85ti8CgUR
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf25jjR7QaY
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1kIWpTqyr
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7q0jMUGDOJ
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoE2lmUvbo
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPDXo7zECA
我的作品感動了我。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSxhKrjjPA
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMdsw6282X
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQa2GbFxTw0
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGF1WbGQKMO
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YwlYjzngM
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbn6G2zifL
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGyo37jwDO
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHVUXdjUFC
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFlQ2grUh4
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFGkfDzdaz
熱茶又涼了。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Qh8q0GEgy
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGL5YJ0Pen
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvD8bRloi2
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zpRdjardV
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZZKjgJ8yu
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3TBCT9Fu8
我的作品只感動了我。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnm54ZmjYz
362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5AxtpGfZy
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。362Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMSsxrTi6U
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.239da2
