我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxLtdr3te8
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHcbQ3cw6r
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEVzxM5AE6
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7StMaZGyh3
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwsBo31b59
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCReUQi9Wzy
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OEQQDszRQ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydLb5LbD6V
壓力似乎一併消散。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUX2XxttkU
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8iWVgffmx
茶盡。我再續杯。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryeFaXbCdy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJD1mZmOc3
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfb3hwq3pa
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk99WGXOo6
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mMbtRDinI
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFdBMTgb5Z
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpAf5qwXwy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4nB0BHSZi
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU7dYIkaxy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKsD4Q4amb
夢醒一場空。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJBfRat9i9
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevS7ygXCVN
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqygyX1hk3
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UXnmviVdp
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDro7Zjkh1S
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY0uxvsPe7
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVHSlyBG05
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhODXLLfDW8
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuprdq05iLR
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRF9HyCw4KN
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1IpPQa6CJ1
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnrGa0W64S
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrV6sPPotKA
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVYVnkgrp4
我沾沾自喜。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMFaviSUjJ
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAblhLWrJkk
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZyey8500W
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmAfThUsiB
但我沒有向同學們坦白。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRSt8usGzD
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYCjYKMrfY
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWhQL4B5Mv
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTmFHQXUSk
努力，努力，努力。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnW9p6Aatl
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cxg0P8uD3
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuT21K0vu2
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO6qwKWz7G
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim2y0a8rKl
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaIZdVC5ZM
以為。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCJheY4Ti4
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9xrFQS9eH
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXd5KBiGz7
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPOqoRDHYP
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5232wCr69G
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxNvmNeoJ5
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0epFPxOfL1
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrX4fMpdRgG
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwCZxQk681
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSg9z1GECU
我的作品感動了我。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidcfVZiFIN
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoFwxHWnb4
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnxzqM9klw
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnwSvMYHKh
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2WaTs0AL4
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMkwDlzyKI
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpGAyiBdXy
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RU3mk3j1L
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktGUZuz9te
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyzc8NQpwc
熱茶又涼了。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8CgTmcaPR
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3edHVJJdi
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zc1DiRSgc
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsUppKHG5b
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJloWAGy6Jj
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD1bOmWhel
我的作品只感動了我。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPlV1uEQzi
269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jr9vKT9j3
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。269Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DSWIMyHtR
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns18.190.152.109da2
