然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjswz63dtRP
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqxHFaaJaf
/381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tW0gZc5T2
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rmCSEFFKP
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSIGGUXXZs
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOny3HwNPF
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEqS6nlhxt
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQ0MarO2yq
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HpTz7zb93
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHRZjoRlCP
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXW1CvLQ7ZP
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8R5To69C8L
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSooQy0QGbu
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPKk1qDWhQ
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2iA0BGvKu
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31L06yflQR
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6WMp6F6Ef
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTu6TKoOFNo
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MuOqyvLnT
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroaEofDODu
他心情不好便會打她。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKk5zmiiS3E
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4V1WhqdTmm
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkj42LyYzkO
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ysdYvji5G
一下一下打下去。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68f5WzRbe7
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqNtFGogzL
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkRH2MeoP8
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg70THSLhLd
「我無唔聽話呀！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxB0UjkWl7
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAfmHJmqAq
「仲講大話！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2nByxVopG
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh5FDBc7Yv
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GTHU9cS8J
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpIWlNC1GF
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFlXhHnCmm
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDhKsbXKSF
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuK3WApQQ9f
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0p2bHWY8OX
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeHkgAo4in
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj89rIcQ8x6
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaE5JfDihp
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqcXMztRL2
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmEQq9ymX4
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6sScKIFWM
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0pnLKbq9L
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFgOOuEDJ4
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSjRVWxx22
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrItTCdxlyI
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pMhSTQ4Dm
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZD1m4f2Ra
/381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi7SZTQOlo
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KXwgUnuAj
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqriHGTPMz
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c6Sx3sPzC
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59fMpx86iD
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEO7YaFWlHq
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnoLf4CxAN
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpbvvqRXEp
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9t1N7UPP8l
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vgNfP5sBw
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRIfZhox8J
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBjaYsIXpn
「熊仔去咗邊？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXurbqGpU2q
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6CxbI7b6X
「我抌咗。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hlz5LZEW6
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbCdyabmtD
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQ47IEqNc4
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEQU0bHNqp
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbvmmqarI6
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmuqDxoj8P
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ktQyfM6dG
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8Jl0TGZZt
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBfTQqqzwy
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDwgv2ULRc
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuShhbz4Pd0
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0f7RxXxAOe
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7U1vNm7XX
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8TFP3bjFa
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB742w0EMN
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjpX9YtU4H
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKqBVSU3Iz
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dVpo3e1as
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9S95ucOa7U
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwyOeAfj0O
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EhIn3Bhng
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5S8RwC6mA
/381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYVgpoOV5B
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvW6d4fA9n
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyWb3xHlyE
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jC5Atgsg9
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvecjRiDwwU
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDl33xEZ22
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRGR8IKu9t
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAr446oewKE
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNDTFUkID3
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFwwqNnhWN
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYKsj7qPa6
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnGknIiOba
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu7aw08sWC
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOWjBzNe53
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhUa1Ucn8q
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKLj7boP2G
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3yxSmfkXG
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWtOr8ygm0
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54UYZXcObr
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GWsyoyS6H
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLgHwxi9IU
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rgw6eeJIL
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4b3wnkvuB
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyDA09Jv9b
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgomdxTWq2
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPslCLIGQc
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpFNmxLkJl
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxpnGda0AQ
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmlkOw0q2k
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtzZlGeY1M
直至父親又打家姐。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXMEfB4fxQ
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8YV1TSsXb
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4VmCgdg05
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY2CF5reOP
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQx2FwCUAH
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJj7Hs8lE7
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ooMHl5P2m
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwT7u9kXxjm
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgItvLbgRSM
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepEcoZEhT4
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDgqGA1zsv
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf40pKzwOha
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmnaHHiRw4
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMcBBJyfvA
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcYQAiWh5f
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztOVSerDyG
「我無！」家姐搖頭。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBCUnXour1
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62M0pfvNtQ
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLgUhux7M5
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ua6Zr3rOs
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuRtCGrrZm
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FksbkLZDH
「多謝阿爸。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlu5vuv5rU
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW87ZOb0pFS
家姐推了林蓁落地。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzz6w8gfIKq
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5COBnQuGLn
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0x44NqDknv
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2wyfTyE1N
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e9BqJp78o
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1CAujPMKp
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw59I1MlEIU
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgqGcE01Ku
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9lZfRwjXf
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJyIrRUOKN
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3SeSrnwJ0
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrpAZ4BjNN
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw83GowxJsJ
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEK9NzgcDL
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381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3iugI5ogh
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8OVvdZRZp
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNlJ6tAwOt
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaycrenDtcZ
