然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVkoecp9SG
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg699X8nYM
/296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvbea53fsE
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm61U2gDtIN
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCxVewR19J
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREPlnN26Ss
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlezlMnRj2H
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsnOZ54nFH
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQINskqArIk
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QNyKEVuui
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU79FGt0KeN
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4rqOJpNCw
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wF8x0PkmN
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGu5cJXDVPX
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoayXPFboRg
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJDf1wl72j
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6zSC4WSCN
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67UUuAF1bX
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmrlQ1HMg6
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpslpqOfLL
他心情不好便會打她。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLjl27RwRj
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuPvV1zVvm
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bN550MXig
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1C0ep5bg3
一下一下打下去。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFX8GzMxkW
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQ6F9FJRke
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZStua9wVgZ
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bFSXHgL49
「我無唔聽話呀！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIp7glwhpUR
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35tA2pAJe6
「仲講大話！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJONAub2XJW
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFdugSUMp4
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6C8jFK5hPq
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXiT9SD9og
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiqLA27MCI
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwl5YLFQBa
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4E3Aj7EKc
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WzBbiIGeK
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyZSgpQBot
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPN6b2vm6N
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91d0FRdWJd
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rshRAAEM8
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ719JNGcyhw
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7ouAN5vIJ
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEooP4kTDhA
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uo00GAKCZ
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUr5vNHh7fR
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxysc2JjFBY
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEtEwfiStB
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tqs48Jdt1
/296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbbBQHql6V
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAlWyGAI76
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOYUz9mIsr
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYERpD8jhP
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBESPWZp0Er
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5Dt50fz2N
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jqvvdv6iS
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30JpMzjzWf
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNCRpFdWN6
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrvjrz6xJd
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfJLAhuz5l
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyaoC4Yb6C
「熊仔去咗邊？」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFG6ea7fWXR
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8AQD57iEJ
「我抌咗。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCCKUGAaUt
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQgaUbKfF0
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEX7bHyuaXd
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZ3ohpdzx8
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcwun0Fljj
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtx74UVh9Z
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQnplwCyZC
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VQOn0wUZl
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTfyPejxrv
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ336pYswKcA
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNIHq4c3YR
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7IQA1OoPU
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVfShXOD5z
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNAmh0fsjt
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltxsdFUbMf
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeTcMYkpeK
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZoloaeC0q
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgNQiKEbhA
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdm6a32NvJn
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXaFlhxlFt
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACPsaDBnVy
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/296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQUCFzUa4o
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWeo7wVKNT
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc70dBBMhi
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9uAzdTT7c
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPkxSS92rE
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu33XmF00hF
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6NjJtitkn
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPx9qntjTo
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAJRSNPBQE
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9G6bHmgSf
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtjqXKxoii
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi52QKIeN5U
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8Z7VWWAJJ
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw0ZVga2Ps
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeABcAdaEqp
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wmUNoGvlH
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVO6HvRn1B
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvLG9mdrXt
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEo07Ze9gmT
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknsjNpfgov
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMyWcuuU8k
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNBgS1S74U
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJWGggghFJ
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7mI6dmVol
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BeHXD5GAs
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyUqii3WIR
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxnMe3MP31
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uholpV4Ed
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfrDToDAYh
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45enfb5YHp
直至父親又打家姐。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWpEKdsFrS
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsTLiWxYue
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooamWV9htZ
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKGbMHLPUm
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpLkHlKLRe
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bo4S8kWJs
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLa8oZs9ec
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW0Oz777EN
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00FZtlsATR
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo42cA8YhZq
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl70M6dDHjE
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvxi0U1tHd
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9NWs0DT99
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30Chtd7isl
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjfTWHw3M0
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFLF1Ka1aJ
「我無！」家姐搖頭。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHqRrVsoYZ
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡij8tGtbKYP
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65jlKbDbxB
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDB09oweVd
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrncMZntrc3
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfa7gyPeoF
「多謝阿爸。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVD901scHV
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBr4acpfKZU
家姐推了林蓁落地。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ucRD0Qctv
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbObQfKUzOk
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWYLUs4C10
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiSBSb5svD
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCru55urR9
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR5q9pX69b
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GpX7ylev8
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATNwNujPtu
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbNaEO94hU
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oDVvdRxYc
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVCYsVVJq2
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8P3c2etEW7
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAunp2GaXmv
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5N04umWLRa
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296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tiUIr9q2Q
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyz1Q4y3Ff
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3mkr8PKQy
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ851vqWtP21
