然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUU9eavdBYj
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQk3Fi5BJ19
/353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VAeA7RP3N
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tNLkzpqOC
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQt9ulAjI7f
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG36UxV8tH
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQeHo1icVB
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzm9b1intw
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTrpDGfIsV
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRR0WTxxdA
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07QydkFfad
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JUQNcXStG
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUA2FzYw5Vf
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiudZzFTky9
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavUo88QtJE
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TspaQqlju
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tORyEHS0m
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCacQvpBmj
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlD4QikIBQ0
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPzYj3ZWlH
他心情不好便會打她。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqdbxQ178B
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lswJ0SA1o
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGy0DmTd7Zv
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCCSuvcPKK
一下一下打下去。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExF0Mq80sG
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECtelyjTtk
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡratIBEKAwG
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVR6lELTwPy
「我無唔聽話呀！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTga3JrNcZ
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjGjPXqXcS
「仲講大話！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOxvOxVrdR
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXvbdC9OKD
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZbOzGewc7
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGILaLIgUk
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ddoO5lymW
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dADuQeXpF
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC044yk2H6Q
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIQEbyVYu7
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b7vJnLrCk
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIgHS3H4Om
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgdBA4bzFk
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihwn2B4N98
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgFX0g42yr
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaueO2FcBhy
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3C0WkaRvTG
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXi8Rkvanr
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyeVjuIiuH
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUDqhcgswe
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqrLrBiB3y
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5ZYGVa70C
/353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBg5F1xUbE
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuSYnq5MOV
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1thXV7xoQe
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QnmGPf4jI
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWNXqJpUd5
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGEAZ4tlDV
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoskEMsJMaV
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27IVDDw6xF
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCO0ch5lZX
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRxdFf7iJJ
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbtt6jhCqi
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjGPbu3bSB
「熊仔去咗邊？」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Qqc8LC65W
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QSIXlu2zF
「我抌咗。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbZrWNHvJw
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5Z38M5Sy9
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQSWZcjOz6
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dG0YfBMcZ
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqJVWSONTk
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFM8ax0T2A
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgJ35oGuDO
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Xofgg2xzp
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzANAepuV84
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDfqL1klW2
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPuV51ixMQ
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7U1gBDYMae
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcSI6Odpkf
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrEFN4gSHF
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77sJaFjulE
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73XoJW2hbi
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1HT59RMQE
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡes5tOCuZLY
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClPIB0OLGV
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6SuTDbFAn
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy0DAyCy9s
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgkY5a7itf
/353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfSKLGnxR0
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1KF015hdd
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO34PZE24kS
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSzG8jyKnh
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKX82R6kzym
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDFvJz0GbB
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMlwTmgZnR
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWKOzjKs1z
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qQhJgMEOI
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv7Nz9DiaG
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DQfAsPKbI
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8cQaQupOG
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBB50WxExV
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxI75a57p0
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3viJt1nec
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkLPzN3z1G
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6Ec1swpQP
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLP5pnfcrq
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQy3jHnJEX7
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhq5HkheGj
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQxY9folzE
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4AsqbLCpN
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjl3alPbEOG
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQfhlUhLOW
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4vZlBwFXB
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePJk3xZg8s
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6B6HXfFElA
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHaE0OVuXZ
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF2Yqp6dTU
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5peHYtI4y
直至父親又打家姐。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RyE2K4jdu
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwSlpLe2YM
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWHmQdpWf3
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45Fq0nYwD8
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Hzfx3Z2XE
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAOtWOYUbe
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1WmlKSYdn
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgCPV3XMwH
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN4zVWN5o8
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlJgTGlx0e
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRj4hYf3yXX
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkr3CHjkrh
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8w9QKyFojN
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku9waDghCN
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWL8XgfwhFE
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnif9IVqVMK
「我無！」家姐搖頭。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0XSjC6mZN
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3g5ZwQXNbC
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrMUDcAizy
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XO9T90Oie
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JzdVIAkDe
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07wQh9sPGO
「多謝阿爸。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbJt3I4sBV
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXylhqmVANv
家姐推了林蓁落地。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dpb2hqEuw
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4UgoVOZCS
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡth14kw78XG
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxs1WQVBRGG
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsaYNMlNba
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmY2yuujUa
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HmjKZuKh5
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhRPY5oGP4
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4XsxOpR76
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgrigS6dZf
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARd8BR11sC
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTP7oqUI67
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMkVRi9WpM
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfvhMUrpNY
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353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuh8I5JAOdP
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTb3IPpD5f
353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UjCV1XUGJ
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。353Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mOu7mBuKv
