在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDX1GQypSuQ
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaYDHwAmvb
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lO03J2opR
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AeXYSyTfT
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT4PSTSQ2W
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTM630FMGB
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DvIAD2Jzd
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HWVoQyLzB
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGP2gc37ooP
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5Y4NDWFud
「你條裙有血！」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jauK35etT
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqh2os3Ukt
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qgDuYl3s3
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UCKrSf2Mt
「大個女啦。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aHk9KrhUE
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJQrrwyuIy
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuZhKNoGTZ
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lIpFLp9c3
「去廁所清理吓。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f52WqGB71
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmElubcQob
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWZ03g8vTP
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouLnGm6DPf
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xEv11UIXA
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tzlcdEUst
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoO6Un7eZW
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7EEbTOUBz
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDXFAHCSSd
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVsro9DTJu
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x5E1aE6qQ
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHiIiGl1kl
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hnDktKbq6
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlnoMCbVg9
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFJRlSKJ89
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYDMbjSkJj
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerbvMkKnF6
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMgQEfHmql
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjRd7RZJaF
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10PLdUoZCr
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyN71wK8fo
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaAAKjd6Yb
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJIcJdN4So
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqpXhPYHa8
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx5ANVzvnl
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg6bDyD5Jh
只聽見他說：349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHiPVyXgIc
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FTbxOsfe0
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUUCGYlmVa
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyV77pvQad
林蓁心下一沉。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOFtZvHzmr
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDZRxr6ckB
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRFk2Q9TFt
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIy5cd7mGD
她又想，會不會是他口硬？349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zoWnEGABm
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeieiYTmWPh
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FbKK6lnIf
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwEnOYnnlX
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRePwWwkjSj
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5pi4wfQF2
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvHkE1JNDk
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGUCKJdJjJ
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRIRsdAanG
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDr6yyNh3Oz
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1k1jQgwrvf
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbVISKs3qQ
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVQTg70RTI
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsinu6gIVxv
/349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NumKmWGVq
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRjtcUioao
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTUhBB57Y5
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLoy85adr0
她去見了周立沖。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiE7Q74yfUR
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4qmZ38arV
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoGX1zdy7i
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O2AdXuVVb
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FnKYxj6Hb
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI5zhbBoiE
「無所謂。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbcKSchJeB
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgsKNNj7Km
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbKb7pb4nf
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYNtLxjzrf
家裡沒有飯吃。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQGdZ5J0yx
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJQRDQV2WR
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFKvAalqQw
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUE2HMZ570
「你煮咩我都食。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfGqyQYCF1
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡda2z7MfbUS
「傻瓜。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqEJc0IxIZ
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLe6W2s3QB
他摸摸她的頭。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5s9qSv1nLU
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Jx7wS31eA
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UmV9cNiAP
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVzsIj32Na
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpIAVF5L4K
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIciuYy99Ah
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNcCeiemr8
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK9lZrcY4J
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqIgLo6Xdb
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwGhy9ycs3
「不如食咗我先。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDUALTFFnv
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvuMYaApnT
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSoTueywhe
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyF5oWklKX
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrViWjniEd0
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFeG5WBlqk
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjAFuAjxEC
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnSjhFLO8X
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLEQMxWDXO
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieWQXyzKtB
不過，幸好，現在他在。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvwCQFzhS1
349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV23eChx7r
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qVjBLsvFS
