在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKRweWe3QB
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIrvBMMHE2
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9xu9Jb7uM
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCYn4RP5WI
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemZRPEn5d4
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMK3angueG
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjjKeboApW
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnzCnjtNDQ
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5B062QrGkH
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuigrO6LT0
「你條裙有血！」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctaeCfnGxf
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiZkYBDknk
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJaAMZ1akL
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6F6t8rzkv
「大個女啦。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQM2mSpXQm
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LUyvttyKa
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9wEq1kdZc
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwySVc91qMM
「去廁所清理吓。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVuSQTEcYw
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwaxTBdoCY
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaH9EQGxJeB
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bl1BxJEuo
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZY63z2fTM
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIvp3o6xwk
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEP63iR2Xp
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIGE2pyXoo
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttRqHrKJRm
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDywOprJgb
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxusWTThF68
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG4HBvDK5Q
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAibjvdwabV
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTddcgDyPOQ
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlp58j8IVf
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgD4evGFoV
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Nhdfs6mEa
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpR087M40D
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCZLsquq1S
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLVyYtuUW8
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4YnewCvRv
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGJ51gGxPv
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpb57RqfARj
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDA37PsRic
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4hnQ3isTl
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jm7wLvZjT
只聽見他說：364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbR0NabOGnY
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJXHQm0a2y
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaHPnGfNkN
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpe4uNkoPH
林蓁心下一沉。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR2K1DPkix
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbSmqEzemz
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1sYANwpe0
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsNeIqBAQq
她又想，會不會是他口硬？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuew75QBRWl
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWLe5bqj8f
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQeXOn6ESm
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe0K07J5B7
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQpuaTa40V
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAiHeI9Hew
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNeMIvDL08
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARxpKWWnVm
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg9mbMaaJ7
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6knyqoD0Jt
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfuAzqsnzk
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyw8jpdaNoI
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKO3SZajAy9
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbEtvCVOF3
/364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOsrS13w2m
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkhyfLoBoi
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnRP29UQTF
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiQqQmp2MA
她去見了周立沖。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Cj1lf5EPK
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIMQysjf90
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxG31T7OvFQ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBRzAgdUGp
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXchpz7ThWp
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0a06HzQEK
「無所謂。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8i0T2bYC9
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYugRaMOzbH
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhFCIPNUZj
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqw3IitNG6J
家裡沒有飯吃。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMkzeHHZ4H
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshIjZ0gWNN
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmodx451q5
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHQ2Dz6toD
「你煮咩我都食。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZP5D2bumz
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjsPuOBeGK
「傻瓜。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtZKsjvfoL
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04NrSyb6dN
他摸摸她的頭。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna6tyULIpQ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWy5JpgEc8Y
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0LUaNfk4F
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzLUv5Bacg
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlXkqHYG4J
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgayaBsUXkh
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHspcsp440
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLFYpa6azJ
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqKL5utkXM
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ec4hwWej9
「不如食咗我先。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Oudkg9ruv
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSnGDAFWSL
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3c2RCIH0AN
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTKVwyfCJh
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDaL1HQDa2
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH18EJGFQGx
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCBaV1ie1w
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpf7rR7cdj
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeewH5hFuOY
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlhzXy2Wkk
不過，幸好，現在他在。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4JfIWC7hF
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeA2CwECtxh
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGKDlRXYE0
