然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyxMSYBVB9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OrruCzegC
/271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S1MwTT200
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwW9IRgOgk8
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKK2lC7Ysp
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCvVYzQQwi
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNniXKPXvB
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5sSi1rD8J
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAirnRKaQG
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxLKwjD3WG
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7113zzcB4
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILLyvC6nfA
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIdjg9OXje
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTF7uPDn3p
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrrY2wLW7N
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaoArD2Wm7
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZtV4ZyMCZ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wla6NEvLI
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXuuOsSba4
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6AXWNvqxx
他心情不好便會打她。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBagrB57DOx
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKJpv5QmuR
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvecOYOtz5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnkOpVHfZb
一下一下打下去。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3fBxyB3kr
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuzoNu9jqe
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1kUfCpkkd
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuw13T17x3
「我無唔聽話呀！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKCYr2AcKA
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlZxlPOBqX
「仲講大話！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2803lKS0e
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiyN4Su9aW
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoJNlEK6Dj
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQvB3v4dct
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWApzxylbR
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY0NN674ub
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8u5vYKzPq
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhIwNV4Eqw
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYs9Fdc7w3o
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qDDg9hnps
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaq5iCqVBP9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3IJPXRmMc
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6m5taWkjo
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbZHW7Q8En
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLO1PohiVH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5xJlEqzO0
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41IJ6Ky3Tf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwSQu4uipI
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGEXxcmSQR
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqTJ2lvAIJ
/271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VvAvqc1Qo
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3zMH4mhgm
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85Llac6DW2
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyko1RDOHwp
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCg9Uy9Jy1S
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kfDgxJCeQ
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXKSx4QGOx
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnEFPpUay6
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqngUpr7Gen
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2SCOTzpzS
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9egTJaU5H
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoD9gLPC0Hh
「熊仔去咗邊？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrauXEpDAx
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwFV6OVXpL
「我抌咗。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZl2tOeE6be
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWemTam80Ni
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICNGtqpQyz
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDTIcuwpRM
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHgiwSb6Pi
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPM7Cdupqbd
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnp94f2rFA
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KABvkWCws
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1txRtoJ7RD
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9hx3lmH85
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkyLvRLbXC
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMhCy30cBM
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNF6QVzvtP
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAWHDXVRlL
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1Gb6HWKsv
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItggncw3Ls
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCe4NZEB1iU
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKfiz6j73F
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZOR7gfY4I
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rNPs675L9
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlalLdUKmeU
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcUpL5Qebt
/271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqmnTZ1kdC
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVm804PX54
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILrOMAVy5s
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUFK6UMQqy
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrX1muN0ki
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRJgYH1vNJ
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1i8mG8KceJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxepLhB6vQt
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5ezHPFx1S
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoI65V7HwIf
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLc36JUypTS
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqFMF89hbf
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgXwIzqcyu
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxzNuNSj72
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYm2sTnyjl
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0LIIPKyHx
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6rIQFJyCI
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrkXwnRB0r
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxWIwI4S12
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhnJkO4ARv
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JNv2EmkkJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmL5v1GrcXB
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEr66nTwBQ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7arlpfrwVy
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnYSpiB0vI
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWzE1rWs8O
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMuZpVOuHi
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5LpKb3QK5
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDcckhrG2W
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovrzfwkdh6
直至父親又打家姐。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyw6fnELeQs
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaizrJerTeg
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHHzjFBqSV
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCIleavSD6
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6hZdTNMIs
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAw2be5c65c
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmwFy2sM38
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOn9qLlIWe
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH86jexoTH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUMqfgm3Gi
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnaeKudiV5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITseuNNWJo
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77XXZsYtr9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfpJyTiBc3
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhC9c6klboi
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJEiDeTMsW
「我無！」家姐搖頭。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYizIvvWp7
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGo5xYpeHA
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1OIJVelJn
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtYa1OzfIN
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8K5rbnDZf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYlWD33bhZ
「多謝阿爸。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDFgwjbyEt
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGe2CA2mBKD
家姐推了林蓁落地。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ715ZjFqhUf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG16meFnxqa
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFGFpsAj75
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfAkiAEner
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcNdxkSfVk
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHDYvqvh3M
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliqHEKWRXS
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pRPeaqI1s
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdOtZxyawW
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc02T1HyJhS
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJkVkutov3
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExBqyJ8ctd
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4pcCEu9q5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wrdGIdh8B
/
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyN8GvSYYQh
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqErWdX7qVn
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2pDlKutN3
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c3idTDWPo
