在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTdlARu6h1
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lDhkIu9NI
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbxeyZE05D
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjtaykfUnU
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnenW36jl2
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaR7Jetb5V
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcx1yU41jy
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl692ndoxZP
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDFDnD1JpX
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS14cvL6FuJ
「你條裙有血！」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Fm5KzRJ0C
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ivevCHCxu
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCrqaOpn8a
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpW4G0L8VgT
「大個女啦。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tiOaBGfkY
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlZXt55ANq
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsoQCMAZOE
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78ZTpChEgS
「去廁所清理吓。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrZNQWXP1Z
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Q9rd7JLJ5
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFOLlVsHxE
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrcqk89mst
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefOeOyj5rz
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzdMzRF1t7
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p01gAqWUQ
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbA6lb6Bq3
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjZGEA92bc
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBrB6MPBrG
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRApQIm4OsR
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjuit2Acv3
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKzlEYyGRF
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNG8BNZHCa
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51J5UrePRd
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr43Swfp2d
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw7JLAxKdh
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpRzpaC2C2
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEi7OYBI1vU
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVPg0InoNk
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1A00nYEtr
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AUaXFEFsU
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBOfYheMxX
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZjhFrwudR
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3ji5ljQr3
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy1xqHxke3
只聽見他說：326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9roeL3NZAF
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydFFg4iSZ2
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZriGNYSHN
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJGoAdGRif
林蓁心下一沉。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsH4cZaGJCw
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1sncmSuOT
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVD0keVpfb
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXRLQ8fyBG
她又想，會不會是他口硬？326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyff639Uoso
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoaEW4noFp
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOHfRHFPb0
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaoeD6kxjk
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xUBJkgkmk
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowrd4ENCQF
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nEKzCtEnT
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡST4SBRsIG4
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuIHksLG1a
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4ow3h7JIu
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnnKT34PEm
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiThon79DsX
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKnKuDuiAk
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2gqIhyoDX
/326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzK53X1HNx
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBdL16lqmP
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqkHuXlYAq
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgA2yvvh6rZ
她去見了周立沖。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGABXq9mHI
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVY4FvO4f5u
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpuTDs23GZ
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡci3CgYykPx
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTHqfwyubg
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBi7Ub95s4
「無所謂。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5w782NdmuB
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgrfRM1ATU
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanOnlT9JjF
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgandf1B9Ii
家裡沒有飯吃。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3efGhA9GT
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrtMISfjj8
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPENCeJi4s
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ0YclHIf4
「你煮咩我都食。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRm1t4FNAWc
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmUsWGA78U
「傻瓜。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nC7ghjHzw
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqzS9UkAIi
他摸摸她的頭。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9XipnfmHr
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMss79MdEh
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TWlCRjOA2
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4HcF3wToR
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpqzWq98Vp
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsH6GQ6GYNT
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6dOVIYOOn
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBw5NegIQc
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzBNqSUUJR
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsuyKeFasG
「不如食咗我先。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyxoQVqhS0
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENlXoLaZZb
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPdf3oHJAd
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLNXk1h2E0
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrF3TYiLjfm
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KUe55NIhT
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4OpLekUNi
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxa9rP6dkd
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpQLa0ByZt
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLzujgebKV
不過，幸好，現在他在。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlati9zIFV
326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxcJR2zd0h
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFZ8yBd3NE
