在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtk2RibIAj
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t7gX9vIPb
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dOQuex5Xn
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3D7brMBI7P
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7u1hmCgJ2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwy1k9OLeG
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JelUjB0OG
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0waz7b3yU
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhHTwhTiaf
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlk6djeH7Ch
「你條裙有血！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQG3DFjCQG
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyUSb5Bo65
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiB3UvMZ7g
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ugfzfA9k9
「大個女啦。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMe8ZUArZvn
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntvYzs1THr
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTC0NKXatap
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWr6w7yRWBR
「去廁所清理吓。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCiE0lb8yp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnh6BdOBBa
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yJx6pv3mu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPTwiBzTGN
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ht5eI6r3m
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86XRzbK4Wb
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvTYE7NG0n
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8k03OAXIk
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOz1wu6q0M
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAX6bl0D4t
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOZzZ6zzSe
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSRPqLOW2y
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3Mkld2xin
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkjUgrOVz8
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBq8lf4SJp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiU2MJwznrn
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PsbUISvZa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLK3mNQrLk
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbacMo6Kupl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo0GRDZAZp
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7DHh4f99N
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0Y7aZ52XV
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsKVm2PnmB
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9b9mBcex2
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSphyVjLIDq
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwwWMvgSLC
只聽見他說：284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXac6x7lYC
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0RwjMifJS
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWfmqSfVMc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdftIqJ1L1
林蓁心下一沉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsfr2YmakX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUPPG3nfUQ
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xAmJgIq9I
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9d8xzZ73E
她又想，會不會是他口硬？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfQcER21f4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXApIHERCS
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTszWqP0WJm
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQl3fwkWO6
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvk3zgRqos
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwUcfhT7og
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHA3foY5QT2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi189mKqPG
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIZu3Knq0q
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbvZ3K5HqO
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJXFVnesAv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaK3toJuFF
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RHMYS0SWD
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHC7RKxx63h
/284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZ5F5rHZml
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcSOwmat2w
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlA5QKMnRWj
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNSXeSVNgx
她去見了周立沖。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vkvPGA0OR
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfp6iagnEeS
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoakQLLqDc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYtdWEpXtb
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduZ5kRsMcU
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuK00IAJxd
「無所謂。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMNMYAYDUM
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwVSXG10DP
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1yeOOflY4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKWDCzPilL
家裡沒有飯吃。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXYI1Eu0Xi
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaXszH3jgq
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnke6sutGO
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98AC80rXMN
「你煮咩我都食。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JPoZsmeMG
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfVo1BmMIH
「傻瓜。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34PibvuH11
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X2NEd53Nh
他摸摸她的頭。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9pDzKvrg2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7ge0e9dPU
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQQbILotYJ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsxHsTw5K1
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0upOLhVeEV
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWqBHTXxtH
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHguw3o8Bwi
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSn77gSSSX
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6t5F49ztn
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHz3CptPAkJ
「不如食咗我先。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU2Zf2fBm3
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyigAMdDFbG
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7APn1sSljW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmxWn24MjY
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbTdgaecbI
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVRWMKmB7J
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMjBVtPqUc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOmzl5U9l2
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXu8uSiU0c
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWugYwl3bU3
不過，幸好，現在他在。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7iOqgZO9q
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFiv4Z3UdC
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsQkrik3ka
