在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUJttP2918
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXqd62E5aj
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh1lkl8Cvi
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC82k9IgqiH
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmp0tBRPHr
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVCLGNzVae
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovwdDDWElE
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qhk4PzC3H
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPiQ0fOB7U
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdamnQTT0kE
「你條裙有血！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIV8g5OH2T
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYrTyYfjX5
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0rVUvQaD5
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0evMlyx7PL
「大個女啦。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lSbmPxhkt
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdt3fqhQBX9
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ogm6AbQvj
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxj3Ntc7fs
「去廁所清理吓。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPXGERMc5t
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00JrzbG4vo
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRSy5Z0Jwo
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiZCS7OYMN
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1S4YuDWUa
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr6ElpJeqv
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLSkXL32JN
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IEZCniAhu
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzUP3RqV5I
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6CTvgPL7M
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUD3qI1HjZ
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rmbLzhImN
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4ql1ZfB8E
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XYczIAntz
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrrVw1jJ5D
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomlJvitETh
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvG0ge0K1o
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmzylUE8Bi
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcvRfs6ASM
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw4y3XV9tE
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5D7huBAG3K
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVG938JK7XD
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPd4ojNanZ
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iT7LnxyZd
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpiYaR83Ai
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EeflcgKqy
只聽見他說：363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjmlEGGayg
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7ksQ1DZTM
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdejIPV5gX6
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuD6cuxUmmj
林蓁心下一沉。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8COrRuSgY
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYxdL14jKP
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVprXE08dwV
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoUjKgYhFW
她又想，會不會是他口硬？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhrYLUwTHg
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1uHzPNzx2
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kOHCjUNdG
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ehunsii0c
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT4UWBXdNs
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHxZAiJkJ2
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuLlSePXlQ
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVz6GpW9dV
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCQ8tKfuOz
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU217cnv4KF
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tEO9JBhLV
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowM4NXVRmc
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBoTxWhMaY
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEQ3pA0ylt
/363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7nZXydKn6
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VscZjOVhL
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiM4rCLtKKO
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUtWG5SeVd
她去見了周立沖。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6ET0rWNJH
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNK8ivPQzex
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptJSrDoM14
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYO8ZmGDrC
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPOqKGRMUJ
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iqi3ggBig
「無所謂。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFhqhToNF5
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCePtV130A
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyqiANvoFX
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2FHRfw20H
家裡沒有飯吃。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdyJ0kqLA0
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcORCSUZCU
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cMsEK37cE
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6KyPY1S2b
「你煮咩我都食。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUoCybVPZB
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1qMZWGLsB
「傻瓜。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5Sr6VJGJK
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xxz0PbaA7
他摸摸她的頭。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BZaJxKVFq
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpKJAEEib7
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GBKuW5ypl
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEV93slzMO
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2tQIUX4ir
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzqVe0nuEK
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPy5cX9pqp
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoirqZuoa1
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRkboWMRcu
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIjSMVnuBH
「不如食咗我先。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoifpod9Uac
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOZibcinOo
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZxW5uRgC7
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlaMTQqVTd
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JRHRU3Gcn
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeMl01hgoG
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQffjwOQop
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x3conVdXC
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5lVN7KD1t
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVaNbUKqdU
不過，幸好，現在他在。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH61RuYseKV
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4y8geIgqG0
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyi13wsy34
