在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOj11xp7y2
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GU3fTgVFC
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hE7HpXlXt
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡde1YsP3tjP
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttdIgHYZq5
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFq4SXAmiW
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMTbPOJwKO
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwwOh8Wc6Z
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyahnsv3Ci
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zAz1yZFKm
「你條裙有血！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDCdXgD6pZ
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPBqCn0oxe
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHiARiT7sP
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUA5sbWhiIu
「大個女啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJeOYEyvVfA
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4Hejzzdjs
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtr41HJhdCw
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z1ZjAmays
「去廁所清理吓。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnysq9Of3zL
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB3JA45N5I
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI09aPxZqx
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUIcjcWmDx
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsoCawmhSd
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uDssSXa3L
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDTNRnke27
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9w70RlTLQ
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9pLfmJb9X
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTi4tlYg8U
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4pYdUHuom
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJMcm4IoJp
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyNSNPJvFF
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8zWgt3OAp
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCpl7gQAYW
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAjIbctfbL
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTEyRvD8hY
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNkBjBhNNk
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4yTfUdAzi
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ysoa3WPzx
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYxQXy5zRn
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOUmigAgPB
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDwZCtFhvi
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXRX6KvIKQ
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXhrZ5cndt
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrCzLrvP8j
只聽見他說：344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDYPxCk0lV
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsW78jkFmiI
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdEmLWeAVh
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0xmwcFURi
林蓁心下一沉。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxdvvxvORz
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBAeV24Yeq
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LHEg3TQcr
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEE7AOTBKli
她又想，會不會是他口硬？344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjAvW7tbST
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6MO2WQpUo
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFW9rAbajDO
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdzFTx8wV1
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bPXVw9E3y
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RLs5ymJIe
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjI4Ispy5S
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAT8RU1A5B
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntkNW3Y0Hz
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalD3zi5MBC
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nV9hAkFKc
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGP7KMYhoKh
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjryohzAUrz
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphuJdXVA9o
/344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbvhJePXSu
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ApskCcTOA
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDNq5XFrCu
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReTwgqbrcc
她去見了周立沖。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZQVsF5Kif
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTIU8wPWoP
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLGJOA4k05
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobc9FuD275
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElKTxNqQ4B
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78wTDRmGY6
「無所謂。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRppxLGyeo
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOEM3kUpxq
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwyaLfSH4G
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuavDwHaEa
家裡沒有飯吃。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavLaPI6Ocl
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KnvoGCXPc
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ArXjINYd2
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJW72wn563c
「你煮咩我都食。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuDRwILuxB
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fQjhUMUMT
「傻瓜。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcFpMBMcMB
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFuVE6f9it
他摸摸她的頭。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnB05doeQJu
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2cqKVCTSz
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2hQlf2DWk
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGH0zax2B1
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBnISf5tIj
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4PqlhEg3e
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SLxcgl6rX
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h1OirNZWa
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqYTFRIyMN
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOiYzWFdZe
「不如食咗我先。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41CRZAwqck
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hp0W34FZl
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Rh9Z6Yuss
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKInv4bCHlA
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ280j5ZGVQq
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeJR002qc5
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HuVXmL0UQ
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjyBuHyvih
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAk4bD6Ng5
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIQgo5HT3K
不過，幸好，現在他在。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRw3tczl7Se
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLErjVylVa
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnUb3ol2dO
