x
You know that moment when the night’s too quiet…179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifpr6M5ez6
and your phone screen glows a little brighter than usual?
That was me.
Lying on my bed, earphones in but no music playing,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbex9zjqf9Z
just the hum of the fan — louder than usual tonight —179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQYlvWCsMC
and her last message on the screen.
It wasn’t anything romantic.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjAEsCdIuz
Not a heart, not a wink, not even a punctuation mark that hinted at something.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyiqvAqtc1
Just words. Casual, comfortable. But from her.
And I just stared at them, like they were the final piece of a puzzle I wasn’t supposed to complete.
We were talking.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKlUzJ9SYz
Really talking.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYF4KuR04Y
No layers, no sarcasm, no anime metaphors to hide behind…
But it felt real.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGWFXpXfzP
The kind of real that makes you nervous — not because something’s wrong,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9FqQz0cZB
but because it’s too good. Too close.
And I began to wonder:
How much can you talk to someone before you say something you shouldn’t?
Before a joke turns into a confession,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9rjWMP5hy
a casual text becomes a late-night heart spill,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp4pw6n1xY
and silence feels heavier than words?
How much longer can we keep it buried?
I could feel it bubbling up.
The things I wasn’t supposed to say.
Like,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1C8ROTISu
"I’ve been trying to get your attention since that first day."179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ry8Kprf30
Or179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw19UFfj4ZZ
"When you walk into a room, I pretend I didn’t see you first, but I always do."
Or the most dangerous of them all:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfL0kCDx45
"You called me 'bro' earlier... did you mean that like 'brother,' or more like... awkward placeholder for someone you don’t know how to place yet?"
But I didn’t send any of that.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFzI6Xp3vQ
Instead, I did what most cowards do when their heart starts to overthink:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKpCdtP4xH
I typed.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDW8D77EJcL
Deleted.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTB7NOySVo
Typed again.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEnZCfCGY1
Deleted.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEZjTOgPbx
Typed again.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfuS5gQkiP
Deleted.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknSInX57Sa
Typed again.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB241oJAFat
Paused.
And somewhere between all that hesitation, I asked myself something even worse:
If I truly like someone… can I ask them to like me back?
And isn't that just the most foolish question in the world?
What gives me the right to expect love just because I give it?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgoBqxnkpz
Does loving someone mean they owe me something?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskPZObHRVz
A reply? A smile? A place in their life?
No, right?
Because love… love’s not a job interview.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwxF8fqr8d
You don’t apply and wait for a callback.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaMNdXk0UI
There’s no resume, no credentials, no guaranteed outcome.
You just feel.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0R206yJtM
And hope.
But here’s the brutal truth:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWI93Na7XD
Hope is not a strategy.
I began to spiral.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWfrvyx8dy
Thinking about arranged marriages, random unions born out of astrology and surnames.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fyuumxU2o
People saying "yes" to strangers in mandaps because their families believed it was enough.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiiXcesWk9
And somehow, somehow, love blooms there too.
Is it just the absence of fear?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPtBggf4yA
Is it a choice? A decision made over and over again, like brushing your teeth or choosing peace over pride?
Or is it just a lucky accident?
So then what is love?
Love.
Four letters. Infinite confusion.
We throw it around so casually—179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8ymqNBMyK
“I love pizza.”179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7MDGi6Ys8
“I love that show.”179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWgSlkM496
“I love her.”
when the night’s too quiet and your heart's louder than it should be,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6uJXOdADW
you start to ask…
What even is love?
Is it the late-night texts that make you smile like an idiot?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡft4mFBDTl1
Or the effort to learn C just to help someone who might not even know your name?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiijr2Josx
Is it being seen, truly seen—not for how smart or funny or helpful you are—but for just being you?
Because I wasn’t sure anymore.
If love means trying to be enough for someone... is that love?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHt5ZdJ07ma
If love means hiding your feelings just to stay close... is that love?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4u2Yn052Iu
If love never gets returned, was it ever real?
Or maybe love isn’t about return policies at all.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWvZC1RemF
Maybe love is giving without expecting.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoQqHzS7la
Hoping without demanding.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIy2VggCgl6
Staying, even if the door never opens.
And if it’s the latter — if love is just dumb luck —179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1V1yQd2Plc
then what does that make me?
A gambler?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGtogeNfKt
A poet with no ink?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkEtUnxOQB
A fool tossing feelings into a wishing well that’s been dry for years?
All I know is this:
Love, the real kind, the scary kind — it doesn’t demand.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMBHuvUuXp
It doesn’t ask for returns.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTrX3q2i76
It just… is.
Like the moon.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRfqdy8tsX
Distant. Cold sometimes.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkMNgNeI2x
But still shining. Still pulling tides.
So I made a decision.
One I thought I’d regret.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCD4CrYwOG
One that felt like surrender.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU2n9jtaDF
But maybe it was the only honest thing left.
I typed:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5BSHYBqeS
"Let’s be friends."
And I meant it.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOmpeSyX0W
Not because I wanted to.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw6IBWfhHB
But because I had to.
Because I know — deep down — even if I poured out every syllable of my soul,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42VIhZBJtK
let the poet in me die trying,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8J8UpM0mN
the answer would still be silence, or worse… pity.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpY4BSkvKw1
time won't change the answer,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu9e0TMIJZ
in this moment or in the future.
And I don’t want pity.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RCB6Xwv0R
I want her to smile when she sees my name.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Sc5sGJDsy
Even if it’s only ever as a friend.
So yeah, laugh all you want.
But that was my truth:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUr5nmZYjk
Maybe I’ll never be someone important in her life.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRjIkfhZnb
But I can be someone good.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUbAykPCde
Steady. Loyal. Low-maintenance. Someone she doesn’t have to second guess.
Hopeless romantic?
Guilty.
But hopeless doesn’t mean worthless.
So when she replied:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmNyfw8MnF
"Sure, of course."179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarRU28e1lC
I smiled.
Because that’s more than most people get.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWknccVE4f
And sometimes, friendship is the love story that doesn’t get written into poetry —179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xd70Dnh6r
but it still matters.
The night grew older.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewCMDDGVzQ
The conversation faded into a simple:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4oTz4pL57
“Goodnight.”
And I lay there.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkXsXWnRoQ
Phone resting like a heartbeat on my chest.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTxJVsy29q
Ceiling fan humming.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvxtLIqQ72
Eyes open.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYM5FKByAH
Thoughts louder than sleep.
But slowly, everything softened.
The fan blurred into background.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp49Rgb9c7
The silence turned into a lullaby.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifPohvj4ie
And Nova... drifted.
Not into a dream of her,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbZNwXLCFE
not even of love,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2fXAJaYEO
but something stranger.
He stood at the edge of a nameless rooftop, under a starless sky.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ljaJrSFPx
No moon. No wind.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQkvLAwXwT
Just an ocean of lights flickering below — like forgotten wishes.
A voice — his own, but older — whispered beside him:179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIH1mdHAMG
“Do you think love makes you whole?179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwTrzDaDV8
Or does it just reveal the parts you’ve been missing?”
Nova didn’t answer.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JPHsq0Xde
He couldn’t.
Because in that dream,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81ERfgXWhk
he wasn’t searching for love anymore.
He was searching for something deeper.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcyOv424yV
A reason.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUmhn0rjfP
A pause in the chaos that made it all make sense.
But life doesn’t hand you clarity like that.
Sometimes it just gives you179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahmGFJHsCR
a feeling.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBFyZx0T0m
A choice.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Nbyoyyhpv
And the hope that in some parallel version of now,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmf0CidZim
you say the thing you never said —
and someone stays.
But in this world, in this moment?
Nova slept.
A little sad.179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡos30Tw1cfu
A little wiser.
And somewhere between the real and the not-quite-real,179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA8exACA6X
he whispered one last thing to the darkness:
“If love is a question no one knows how to answer...179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHy5eis7uxc
maybe I’ll spend my life learning how to ask it better.”
Then darkness.
And for once...179Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xOPuwqDJH
peace.
