|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAULsjFtRdaS
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANApIYyGiDG5x
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,102Please respect copyright.PENANAKADWskCe0c
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.102Please respect copyright.PENANAwbujeUy8XH
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
102Please respect copyright.PENANAWlip4hYWAu
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAhD7Flq8kwX
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANASy56Uf90U0
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,102Please respect copyright.PENANAId57u1E6uq
You’ve got the wrong Eli.102Please respect copyright.PENANAAesyWW8zZt
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli102Please respect copyright.PENANAwbO23QIkRO
aka Eli Martin
102Please respect copyright.PENANAVGqNpgeNe1
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANARAeL8KYbhE
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANA045sccyt0J
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.102Please respect copyright.PENANARQ2dIoVE5h
definitely wrong eli.102Please respect copyright.PENANALuh0mIBTwd
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.102Please respect copyright.PENANA3AYKZMeIGB
sincerely,102Please respect copyright.PENANA9AlSOCIMHN
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
102Please respect copyright.PENANAiKKBwv7YA1
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANA6jBBYGS6vb
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAJEWccjlEzO
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.102Please respect copyright.PENANAtA9kT2xN8c
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”102Please respect copyright.PENANAjzvXysFToy
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
102Please respect copyright.PENANA3j9yTwBCXL
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAETWpuCn9eZ
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAoVOMaGVX6L
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.102Please respect copyright.PENANA1Maam6FbkA
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
102Please respect copyright.PENANA0a1VUuguiN
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAKbs23HEEyZ
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAKhFHETyWjo
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,102Please respect copyright.PENANA2h9JJT8rBG
is this our meet-cute?102Please respect copyright.PENANA9SgQKkTraw
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.102Please respect copyright.PENANAeITnvFNpMT
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli102Please respect copyright.PENANAmWinNsy0t4
but i might be a decent one
102Please respect copyright.PENANA9Jw2nKjORU
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAN1MYn6tvD6
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAuoB4sqxShu
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.102Please respect copyright.PENANApOXwCMJ8sr
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)102Please respect copyright.PENANAEGpNBEByiM
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya102Please respect copyright.PENANAfM0VQs7qfl
professional emailer of strangers
102Please respect copyright.PENANAjr2Z2dGB47
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANA0rhGDIAG1H
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAVOKRhlMvzO
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.102Please respect copyright.PENANAmf9IYulpMV
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.102Please respect copyright.PENANA3wmh71VlHt
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAewsbwQEd56
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.PENANAshWXkaUaJe
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya102Please respect copyright.PENANAy7v1VIqClB
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.102Please respect copyright.PENANAw881EEkUjk