|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlinbJKPG7
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgJMFnBJMH
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdsjL9GQ08
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIl7pKja91t
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAJG8bKzBI
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CmzwnqXBi
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOatxY9jNte
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJpmcP7t54
You’ve got the wrong Eli.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBNtY16d4m
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHzqJrtNtj
aka Eli Martin
77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMjMFz2Tin
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkX7VnGeAR
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO6jSIrapm
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8XwPMn4PE
definitely wrong eli.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTbHj0PLE7
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EfVN5MtHB
sincerely,77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCr4jkkfTa
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSl5v79rWPX
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8Ekh20bl7
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8vW4YBvH1
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2wjDZ9Lbh
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqdKSvZeYd
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlsTO2GPld
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fk5hx5yys
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpttu6iwd8
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wpTZEAKTS
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOu0V6w6WF3
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4I6zwHW8p
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdipHKyHvKP
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6na5qHbYx
is this our meet-cute?77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkBq0BWYxt
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkYGet5NVN
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sOsLHP3vF
but i might be a decent one
77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGEmSdAjAG
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXLOxKdCRq
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45HYznPFs3
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzQyoTtc56
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bMwuXSJEY
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFbnev0to7
professional emailer of strangers
77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38uZJXv0s6
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvvL4mKFSn
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdlR3DlGr9
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rEwB4SDFP
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Pbwm4SC1b
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wc2iRaT3M
To: [email protected]77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1Qg65uZ8U
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyNnZ9GsIP
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiUb1uOBdw
