|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5RUMJ6pAp
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWBW7VfHPG
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTj1h6PLVd
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLFcSJwmoQ
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD7lBoEpvE
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUqTFkceDs
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2zOrfmgB5
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwyXFNPqsj
You’ve got the wrong Eli.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yRgdCoHmn
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedUairncDz
aka Eli Martin
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabOQWM3ewR
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAKZQi66LB
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYThfGKWQSA
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4MEQtvNdT
definitely wrong eli.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacwWdynNoN
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaSYWpAyHc
sincerely,104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k2U1SfCzl
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQEqSP9Vsl
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrecSd0YVn5
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vtrRyF1TO
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XQeLH1vDo
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02uoxKtXpR
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rqrQI0cW7
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl2eepgxBK
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5piv2ikb9
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnW8Ovwqx7
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXytZp1AiP0
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdARIk7GCO
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqVgBXJRTg
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX02TrsY6D
is this our meet-cute?104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmwFzcyuEr
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8Bw2t15tz
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcenOoHpV9
but i might be a decent one
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGSDAsI7FO
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGioM1GBqb
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBwbPRwbOf
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2k9tANrLm
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6C0pbJJLdB
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKpfreG5FF
professional emailer of strangers
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHO0YSIwfX
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26okvSfsEl
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTFPK5b1O9
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbs5RLPsnk
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1rJ8etMj6
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIVReSAxFh
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk3VKEQ1Z7
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAAXj9GqOx
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbnLcqLD1P
