|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAa5RUMJ6pAp
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAwWBW7VfHPG
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,104Please respect copyright.PENANABTj1h6PLVd
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.104Please respect copyright.PENANASLFcSJwmoQ
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
104Please respect copyright.PENANAWD7lBoEpvE
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAfUqTFkceDs
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAs2zOrfmgB5
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,104Please respect copyright.PENANAhwyXFNPqsj
You’ve got the wrong Eli.104Please respect copyright.PENANA5yRgdCoHmn
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli104Please respect copyright.PENANAedUairncDz
aka Eli Martin
104Please respect copyright.PENANAabOQWM3ewR
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAaAKZQi66LB
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAYThfGKWQSA
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.104Please respect copyright.PENANAz4MEQtvNdT
definitely wrong eli.104Please respect copyright.PENANAacwWdynNoN
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.104Please respect copyright.PENANAvaSYWpAyHc
sincerely,104Please respect copyright.PENANA6k2U1SfCzl
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
104Please respect copyright.PENANAEQEqSP9Vsl
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANArecSd0YVn5
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANA8vtrRyF1TO
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.104Please respect copyright.PENANA8XQeLH1vDo
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”104Please respect copyright.PENANA02uoxKtXpR
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
104Please respect copyright.PENANA3rqrQI0cW7
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANACl2eepgxBK
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAy5piv2ikb9
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.104Please respect copyright.PENANAbnW8Ovwqx7
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
104Please respect copyright.PENANAXytZp1AiP0
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAgdARIk7GCO
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANANqVgBXJRTg
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,104Please respect copyright.PENANACX02TrsY6D
is this our meet-cute?104Please respect copyright.PENANAYmwFzcyuEr
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.104Please respect copyright.PENANAd8Bw2t15tz
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli104Please respect copyright.PENANAWcenOoHpV9
but i might be a decent one
104Please respect copyright.PENANAeGSDAsI7FO
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAqGioM1GBqb
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAvBwbPRwbOf
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.104Please respect copyright.PENANAX2k9tANrLm
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)104Please respect copyright.PENANA6C0pbJJLdB
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya104Please respect copyright.PENANAIKpfreG5FF
professional emailer of strangers
104Please respect copyright.PENANAHHO0YSIwfX
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANA26okvSfsEl
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAWTFPK5b1O9
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.104Please respect copyright.PENANAQbs5RLPsnk
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.104Please respect copyright.PENANAg1rJ8etMj6
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAiIVReSAxFh
To: [email protected]104Please respect copyright.PENANAqk3VKEQ1Z7
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya104Please respect copyright.PENANAuAAXj9GqOx
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.104Please respect copyright.PENANAJbnLcqLD1P