|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEX5umv3iF
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuPkRT4xO2
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKj60mAtABL
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLRWfzkhbS
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfQ19qdljD
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenpKi2OmH3
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDefPMdGBcJ
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZiNkBe17K
You’ve got the wrong Eli.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yAS9i28g7
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlabwZD6l41
aka Eli Martin
129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoax3bxZfyz
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjZVb1kUTj
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS8RkQrsUF
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97Mt0a1icP
definitely wrong eli.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGx36mxx9W
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpWae2UoY3
sincerely,129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMESyosYvPL
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkcCI2lK6Q
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKBdv0H0FB
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3JiWXa1PX
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1T5EerHWmT
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJldzhGJzJB
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLvLJ8Y7D8
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VGPmf6TuQ
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1B7iVBnAvT
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurj0zZAS86
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7KrQnmCu7
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBjB2iypnp
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UpPFf46tr
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmblpKc4Pjj
is this our meet-cute?129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUHe2cmSqP
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkgepIgcIH
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuZCfyqaPb
but i might be a decent one
129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5QIjgCOlr
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAmNJSFVrA
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85sUN0vKfM
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mh9biayiK
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoc1G400URM
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2bX16yqWI
professional emailer of strangers
129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2fsRhjyrj
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbtdejsCWi
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TsjAj2GAv
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9riLEU1XPG
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQVZLpVBf4
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RSJ9mOhGa
To: [email protected]129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXv3irwtSwE
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWUAUWsGeY
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.129Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEhyNRkhVT
