|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULsjFtRdaS
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIYyGiDG5x
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKADWskCe0c
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbujeUy8XH
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlip4hYWAu
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhD7Flq8kwX
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSy56Uf90U0
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId57u1E6uq
You’ve got the wrong Eli.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAesyWW8zZt
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbO23QIkRO
aka Eli Martin
102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGqNpgeNe1
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAeL8KYbhE
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ045sccyt0J
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQ2dIoVE5h
definitely wrong eli.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuh0mIBTwd
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AYKZMeIGB
sincerely,102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AlSOCIMHN
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKKBwv7YA1
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jBBYGS6vb
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEWccjlEzO
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtA9kT2xN8c
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzvXysFToy
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3j9yTwBCXL
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETWpuCn9eZ
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVOMaGVX6L
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Maam6FbkA
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0a1VUuguiN
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbs23HEEyZ
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhFHETyWjo
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2h9JJT8rBG
is this our meet-cute?102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SgQKkTraw
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeITnvFNpMT
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWinNsy0t4
but i might be a decent one
102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Jw2nKjORU
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1MYn6tvD6
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoB4sqxShu
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOXwCMJ8sr
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGpNBEByiM
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfM0VQs7qfl
professional emailer of strangers
102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr2Z2dGB47
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rhGDIAG1H
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOKRhlMvzO
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmf9IYulpMV
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wmh71VlHt
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewsbwQEd56
To: [email protected]102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshWXkaUaJe
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7v1VIqClB
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw881EEkUjk
