|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANANJTHUM6yiG
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANADWOLbOo4Zd
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,116Please respect copyright.PENANAacltZZgs6f
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.116Please respect copyright.PENANAAmaKEAuCbt
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
116Please respect copyright.PENANA3YVByziv4w
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANADefkxHnWOo
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANApuCcuVJFHS
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,116Please respect copyright.PENANALmAmKQIgIc
You’ve got the wrong Eli.116Please respect copyright.PENANAp7SfhALQmL
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli116Please respect copyright.PENANAvRIzrGq7EX
aka Eli Martin
116Please respect copyright.PENANASzSOitocf0
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANAnS3FnEJqfi
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANA8mJ7LJ165Q
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.116Please respect copyright.PENANA5yPqQpHJ3W
definitely wrong eli.116Please respect copyright.PENANAtV06LQWDri
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.116Please respect copyright.PENANA3kShC7qn7b
sincerely,116Please respect copyright.PENANAifjWcWu3xO
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
116Please respect copyright.PENANAVfRP8l7iNK
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANAC780rMXyx2
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANAWRFpxxIsNW
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.116Please respect copyright.PENANAfmcwsHkajS
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”116Please respect copyright.PENANAYhRpjlBSiL
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
116Please respect copyright.PENANAID0pbSLdwR
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANA8G2vTLI2xN
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANAQkDEyyUdkq
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.116Please respect copyright.PENANAIQrIpxy8v8
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
116Please respect copyright.PENANAq8fwhjv5s8
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANA8Bj4BFBm3M
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANAj93BUVymXp
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,116Please respect copyright.PENANAvA1McQk8Tp
is this our meet-cute?116Please respect copyright.PENANADFpDP5y1Ov
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.116Please respect copyright.PENANAsoc4sr5KWI
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli116Please respect copyright.PENANAW7yfKFLk6W
but i might be a decent one
116Please respect copyright.PENANAiSf15LtVcm
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANA37Q1G84FoT
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANA5xshCw8xXM
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.116Please respect copyright.PENANAheqMP1TlrX
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)116Please respect copyright.PENANAW7nmtgKVl5
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya116Please respect copyright.PENANApQ7m6R7mPt
professional emailer of strangers
116Please respect copyright.PENANAUiigA7PRsO
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANAoiOVoVn6Jl
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANACfiYjd6oTj
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.116Please respect copyright.PENANA4dOcmrY0o9
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.116Please respect copyright.PENANArrYQuLz9SC
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANAkjV1m4OKPR
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.PENANA9JDgQ72c3H
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya116Please respect copyright.PENANAUbxcz9dErc
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.116Please respect copyright.PENANA5uBLfuanxB