|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAkDWQ8l1Tz4
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANACjRltT0HT8
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,99Please respect copyright.PENANACTWEvJ0NnT
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.99Please respect copyright.PENANAJLgrkGCzq6
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
99Please respect copyright.PENANA5TzWAo90y4
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANA16aH7MGhbZ
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANANDyFGJ1OGU
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,99Please respect copyright.PENANA8wwKu60sAf
You’ve got the wrong Eli.99Please respect copyright.PENANAaZno5oaOY9
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli99Please respect copyright.PENANAkDmA5eulGM
aka Eli Martin
99Please respect copyright.PENANAf5KtSVzSEd
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAZQn3ov9WGl
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAkFsaoAcKeO
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.99Please respect copyright.PENANAqk70gdMiu2
definitely wrong eli.99Please respect copyright.PENANAn0uFwUlBN9
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.99Please respect copyright.PENANAic6nfG0fbw
sincerely,99Please respect copyright.PENANA3g0ihGoNzt
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
99Please respect copyright.PENANAdWNr4SH5ed
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAP9mQHIJfcT
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAPcrAP8t9xT
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.99Please respect copyright.PENANASaTEh93Ih9
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”99Please respect copyright.PENANACZWyHdq1UW
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
99Please respect copyright.PENANAVSGobivw6h
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANABN4eSuiFWj
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANApoHQmjHObc
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.99Please respect copyright.PENANAylFJ8MZmvG
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
99Please respect copyright.PENANA6eXEBciQ3S
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAeqt49BpJAM
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAA9h0GZgA6G
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,99Please respect copyright.PENANAciZOlfBVjj
is this our meet-cute?99Please respect copyright.PENANAG11ohxMHLy
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.99Please respect copyright.PENANAklnrRqJK7K
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli99Please respect copyright.PENANAMAVSHKdlA2
but i might be a decent one
99Please respect copyright.PENANAxhDPRp80Nf
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANApBc3DFanN6
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANA4CXAhnrVjY
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.99Please respect copyright.PENANALaiTfyT6G3
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)99Please respect copyright.PENANAImvoZbKvXF
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya99Please respect copyright.PENANAbSh6G4f99c
professional emailer of strangers
99Please respect copyright.PENANAAlPCGgDsc1
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAP6oWlgGTrS
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAYf7ErLWqyS
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.99Please respect copyright.PENANAF0gKpreFnY
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.99Please respect copyright.PENANAIkytupPGSv
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAn5RU5xICe1
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.PENANAWCnOg1i9BD
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya99Please respect copyright.PENANAnG6ic8hE4T
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.99Please respect copyright.PENANA39smcCKt0Q