|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDWQ8l1Tz4
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjRltT0HT8
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTWEvJ0NnT
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLgrkGCzq6
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TzWAo90y4
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16aH7MGhbZ
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDyFGJ1OGU
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wwKu60sAf
You’ve got the wrong Eli.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZno5oaOY9
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDmA5eulGM
aka Eli Martin
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5KtSVzSEd
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQn3ov9WGl
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFsaoAcKeO
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk70gdMiu2
definitely wrong eli.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0uFwUlBN9
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡic6nfG0fbw
sincerely,99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3g0ihGoNzt
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWNr4SH5ed
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9mQHIJfcT
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcrAP8t9xT
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaTEh93Ih9
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZWyHdq1UW
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSGobivw6h
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBN4eSuiFWj
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoHQmjHObc
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylFJ8MZmvG
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eXEBciQ3S
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqt49BpJAM
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9h0GZgA6G
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciZOlfBVjj
is this our meet-cute?99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG11ohxMHLy
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklnrRqJK7K
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAVSHKdlA2
but i might be a decent one
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhDPRp80Nf
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBc3DFanN6
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CXAhnrVjY
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaiTfyT6G3
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImvoZbKvXF
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSh6G4f99c
professional emailer of strangers
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlPCGgDsc1
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6oWlgGTrS
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYf7ErLWqyS
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0gKpreFnY
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkytupPGSv
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5RU5xICe1
To: [email protected]99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCnOg1i9BD
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG6ic8hE4T
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39smcCKt0Q
