|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJTHUM6yiG
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWOLbOo4Zd
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacltZZgs6f
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmaKEAuCbt
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YVByziv4w
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDefkxHnWOo
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuCcuVJFHS
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmAmKQIgIc
You’ve got the wrong Eli.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7SfhALQmL
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRIzrGq7EX
aka Eli Martin
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzSOitocf0
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS3FnEJqfi
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mJ7LJ165Q
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yPqQpHJ3W
definitely wrong eli.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV06LQWDri
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kShC7qn7b
sincerely,116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifjWcWu3xO
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfRP8l7iNK
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC780rMXyx2
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRFpxxIsNW
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmcwsHkajS
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhRpjlBSiL
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID0pbSLdwR
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8G2vTLI2xN
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkDEyyUdkq
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQrIpxy8v8
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8fwhjv5s8
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Bj4BFBm3M
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj93BUVymXp
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA1McQk8Tp
is this our meet-cute?116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFpDP5y1Ov
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoc4sr5KWI
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7yfKFLk6W
but i might be a decent one
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSf15LtVcm
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37Q1G84FoT
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xshCw8xXM
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheqMP1TlrX
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7nmtgKVl5
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQ7m6R7mPt
professional emailer of strangers
116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiigA7PRsO
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiOVoVn6Jl
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfiYjd6oTj
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dOcmrY0o9
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrYQuLz9SC
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjV1m4OKPR
To: [email protected]116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JDgQ72c3H
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbxcz9dErc
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.116Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uBLfuanxB
