|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJ4vSdNAOM
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT20MWczrC
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTBLW3e4rv
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CDYnDGE18
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXkVDExTl1
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXAy576LyT
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEq0SX1gSxK
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuoApvfMSL
You’ve got the wrong Eli.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevVuADvTOP
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvkMAMiZFs
aka Eli Martin
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnwlkhwTPi
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcXKBpULxx
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwooaSlP7F
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSPlUgH7PP
definitely wrong eli.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LA6YL3fku
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0uErBNbYX
sincerely,69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn8jneroCP
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGGyhKtYqG
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88rC27rqVG
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eZspvEb0j
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFgkSvQ0Yi
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJojykfVVb
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJW64iURPA
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OvG4kNz7n
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllG4AWEaaE
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RIIErb1XG
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEqRRhnf8B
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kTKgZ6TDf
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxBzTKhvI2
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVaYgxsIkJ
is this our meet-cute?69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqisnkc3Qm
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0Tn8YD6yX
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHbLC1CH4o
but i might be a decent one
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJaEEOIpfj
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfwKjI8Vuv
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoVH4CJY3O
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVz2Bxcoxpz
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXAIe4wnxL
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Q58sbtSV1
professional emailer of strangers
69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrH8jSY6UJN
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lQo242Gni
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8C5TkbV6c
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpHTPsZBNb
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRbzxxVfNm
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnbsXESmOL
To: [email protected]69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLSnYuQBVJ
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSczxCev6g8
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.69Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkcxpIAXNf
