"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHZ0MBcP5H
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYx4zxkVU2
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4FJDBfBsw
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPUAKF9YLc
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSCvSyTdXp
it’s a mood.
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJNz4RXl8L
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01sr9uDMuy
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIRYyXPxAL
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoGfh4Dz45
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1sND9F22z
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcydQAbO7d
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYoHueso1x
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07CPhCTajs
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kDfVNSSrn
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eKgiSLBFs
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz0utH6KCj
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjtp7UpxLD
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXBuUhsbDv
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcbDZaPpVf
i have goosebumps.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULGRHmPwCU
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOevVy7wQ7e
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLSLCZE37n
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27UBHs1sWc
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwnSqHVxBw
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsyRXhcoO3
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiqyaUtUWQ
you passed the vibe check.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKEZA5SsbZ
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGqYhejTZM
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuicGSW2U7
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHa57usQq5
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSBvhHuqlS
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0bsh5mouU
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6vBsWZgv6
i did cry.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNyHkNwagt
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWumoJUu72l
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeronmOI3f
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh5gtBAgGD
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6508jazzf
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgN6MTDDoM
To: [email protected]54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHnntDgGEo
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoMUFFxLKA
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAX6TM4aQip
together we’re like...54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Rks7Y2wnC
the emotional avengers.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMptNeyODJ
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVOmphvBtA
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdss6jd8mva
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYbsWmzkCZ
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKA3Y1ZTLh
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQAw236T3d
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMz9L9Jjpp
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlxSB4AykF
screamed into a spoon. felt better.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM44eAWpMAJ
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJiq4UEfey
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgdacz2WE9
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XnEqFYavA
the rain cried for me.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BOZRYsKIY
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBGbAAtJii
i do not condone murder. but i understand.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsAOQbKQkr
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaijhXUsVL
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6NJ3xtinc
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdXcT4WQlS
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli54Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTNfsOSMVe
officially unwell in a poetic way
