"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9jg1VzUxW
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc5EPE7qvu
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LGKytM6Dy
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69rNLBoKgJ
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihoykpKG8H
it’s a mood.
– maya96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnU6SgN4slQ
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlR15W1WPu
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx88YNNINue
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLkP4hJGEw
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9cdypY98J
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUkRWjjMX9
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxHDWIWiEb
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEoYh6yat0
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPt9XV0z7V4
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggwqa7O9ww
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT7llBOxcg
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2J3sNP1T8
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sGHxESW0b
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexQ8hbee7a
i have goosebumps.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WLroocRqg
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQX8XXMOjn0
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFQOBFws5K
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JKCSOCZrX
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDI1iz85xYK
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgM78D774gv
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJA6D3VpX6
you passed the vibe check.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Y42hcpcrN
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMLmf6gWdb
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqRmCY9PZX
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7INYrzFRH
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfOXImhDcE
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf39yMeZPLp
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2sG3YhhQx
i did cry.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFJ9SLC6HY
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgiOmAXI4h
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMDl1pcKTs
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPdpy4J4gE
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLJSJTEr9S
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhDS5qAv2D
To: [email protected]96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymPN5CtVrs
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YdLmISgp8
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5tof8lagH
together we’re like...96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgBbbujAZh
the emotional avengers.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMWBMot4ep
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgHcqbWjRN
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIvS7GFIMF
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwjBKRCYFq
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9aWZwx5BP
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5o8FQTMpI
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxhi99u9k9
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdzq4INn4H
screamed into a spoon. felt better.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTK40X4qB4
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8RlHLvVBP
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgD9HrCAVS
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsidQCg5jt
the rain cried for me.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIeFjIp6oj
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSbD6MDw3f
i do not condone murder. but i understand.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekNGox6m6U
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBipJqaeFm8
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wE0AzMnYx
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJwOj5K5fR
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli96Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDN09y7tb5d
officially unwell in a poetic way
