From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VtCEZxwFL
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxATjP2scx
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnE3cJL9Ky6
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tE4MqU4E2
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJQmukNy0o
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8hLxM96je
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYZ5d3rnvj
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnADmVWnZPA
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzhNYWhxxP
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR8OjjR0H2
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY032DG1uAJ
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KgmdadQgg
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShmxzvKCSQ
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3y42rrHu5P
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanqbtDfhdy
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3Yk3Z6RKa
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZuHayLEIX
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDZ3HKejmP
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6UHHexKyV
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhg2FusfHr
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkwmC8Lgv4
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSk3RsMJXm6
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K7CeOtvZ3
and never speak of feelings again.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04qAp8T0Rx
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZfCnkkkhN
what would you write in a breakup text?76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwzay60Pou
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJApsN8UCcB
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8kL5DRxA9
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X31pCRvQZ
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFUEyQvei0
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnO1nyDNN3
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRykRufNc9f
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wuhXdSDAz
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CZjBapubU
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkNQ9UiADb
that was weirdly lovely.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHavZFxmCE
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48zjJc3Lq0
was there a form i missed?76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkiBl2zJqV
should i be sending muffins?
— maya76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsM6eBKk5TO
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKwh8Cdd4D
To: [email protected]76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSYbC4xS1c
Subject: it’s official
congrats.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5GqLysWYL
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPMmNHSGNq
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaqfWHfCHa
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSQ8Ge8uSK
friend of font victims
76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMJlBJVtzj
