From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1Di3lHKty
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95m9vh1Q0l
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3U9wI28FR
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFynFjmavv5
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9k9LkUC1iw
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHOBnLZeHj
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyXkmnBHvg
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvT3bWAsoHR
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgREXq3WwIx
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1YHiWCdhY
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDXJ1W8xM0
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YVg8c0MLd
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUgxBit7t6
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIHRS9dEc5
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5SwMnkCsy
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7wO1kWOxN
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyoTXxZtIa
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulyKeag3Vh
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2aNRYnybR
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTkCRH05fa
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVi3oQcRyEp
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mQZZp3Aag
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrzv25JXUV
and never speak of feelings again.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHizts0cw17
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vJxo4bwdq
what would you write in a breakup text?109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICB6C0IYtQ
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXAphqDhXP
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIBVMjxc02
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7FI8hPNtu
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbzgRAhG4C
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6siNqSxgl
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6MqHBZRG4
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcssmGXHJVO
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUVFkiGoFf
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEyxoyFoFy
that was weirdly lovely.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxre4yoWeS
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxyt4uPTAc
was there a form i missed?109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5RrkDy3L4
should i be sending muffins?
— maya109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhMTB686XL
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWMwV2LUbO
To: [email protected]109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUMz08DDKv
Subject: it’s official
congrats.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRiRkB5ZMH
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbGH7G157K
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqhpa3Tdwd
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgS60sPzcar
friend of font victims
109Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXyQ0hpTdj
