"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANA2gB8JME7Av
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANApZeN9C8H6D
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.93Please respect copyright.PENANAqFiZxWlGDj
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”93Please respect copyright.PENANABy6adzQgyb
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.93Please respect copyright.PENANAWvilQHImQD
it’s a mood.
– maya93Please respect copyright.PENANAPkGsodceR1
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANA4W0EuSkxuI
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANAp51QImw8Zh
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.93Please respect copyright.PENANAaTmwFOeoLp
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.93Please respect copyright.PENANAq41eTV0MbO
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.93Please respect copyright.PENANADOJMOzT6Yk
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli93Please respect copyright.PENANAikCv29xiNY
music snob, chaos enabler
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANACB9m9YGARC
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANAlN2RQK7nIq
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.93Please respect copyright.PENANA6GhwUnMn8k
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya93Please respect copyright.PENANAS07Pun8sUq
the most dramatic person you never met
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANAuvaOs4W3nd
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANAKilSgV6E6f
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.93Please respect copyright.PENANAw5HsDnJwcF
i have goosebumps.93Please respect copyright.PENANArR9n9Dbeg5
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.93Please respect copyright.PENANAsINrdw2R3f
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”93Please respect copyright.PENANA5e7D6jlP53
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli93Please respect copyright.PENANAmKjtdunTqu
threatened. inspired.
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANAupKsm0WcLN
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANAy6Hm2boWd1
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,93Please respect copyright.PENANAxXxcSK8O24
you passed the vibe check.93Please respect copyright.PENANAT30VRlHyJt
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.93Please respect copyright.PENANAKZUriJM8WO
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya93Please respect copyright.PENANAKx2tjuaepz
emotionally stable adjacent
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANAN2GHl67ZbZ
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANAUJEgVHi8CT
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.93Please respect copyright.PENANAKjLXIJpXsm
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.93Please respect copyright.PENANAtxsjK9tHN4
i did cry.93Please respect copyright.PENANAbnLRzrDoau
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli93Please respect copyright.PENANALsXqVAlqV7
co-president, feelings club
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANAGSanTMif15
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANAb3Lf4YxDVa
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya93Please respect copyright.PENANAI6qYCG9as8
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.PENANAj9SqzyFBTa
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.PENANAfG9s8ppDi8
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.93Please respect copyright.PENANAOREffUNgvv
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.93Please respect copyright.PENANAPbdCE5roYC
together we’re like...93Please respect copyright.PENANAXlFlC0tvNI
the emotional avengers.93Please respect copyright.PENANAATDODLLy36
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli93Please respect copyright.PENANAjMNBefHPAX
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin93Please respect copyright.PENANA4sIBdfqGfs
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore93Please respect copyright.PENANAZKY4kkFcw1
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.93Please respect copyright.PENANAiDYPmwgW2H
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift93Please respect copyright.PENANAyBx0EQW4pY
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.93Please respect copyright.PENANAy8KGI97723
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo93Please respect copyright.PENANAuIxs19EMtU
screamed into a spoon. felt better.93Please respect copyright.PENANApbJ6lIDGWv
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo93Please respect copyright.PENANAjfIuvasvGT
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.93Please respect copyright.PENANAmtr7ZLuKR6
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift93Please respect copyright.PENANA3LYaLt3VD5
the rain cried for me.93Please respect copyright.PENANAeSkMelEJ8P
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA93Please respect copyright.PENANAyMISseBKgT
i do not condone murder. but i understand.93Please respect copyright.PENANAFGFqgFkfKb
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:93Please respect copyright.PENANAH4WzOyEDax
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.93Please respect copyright.PENANAVsunFjNnNy
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.93Please respect copyright.PENANAADdgwavTk6
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli93Please respect copyright.PENANAVeVEzo0VTB
officially unwell in a poetic way