"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gB8JME7Av
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZeN9C8H6D
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFiZxWlGDj
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy6adzQgyb
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvilQHImQD
it’s a mood.
– maya93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkGsodceR1
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W0EuSkxuI
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp51QImw8Zh
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTmwFOeoLp
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq41eTV0MbO
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOJMOzT6Yk
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikCv29xiNY
music snob, chaos enabler
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCB9m9YGARC
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlN2RQK7nIq
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GhwUnMn8k
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS07Pun8sUq
the most dramatic person you never met
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvaOs4W3nd
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKilSgV6E6f
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5HsDnJwcF
i have goosebumps.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrR9n9Dbeg5
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsINrdw2R3f
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5e7D6jlP53
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKjtdunTqu
threatened. inspired.
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupKsm0WcLN
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6Hm2boWd1
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXxcSK8O24
you passed the vibe check.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT30VRlHyJt
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZUriJM8WO
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKx2tjuaepz
emotionally stable adjacent
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2GHl67ZbZ
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJEgVHi8CT
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjLXIJpXsm
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxsjK9tHN4
i did cry.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnLRzrDoau
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsXqVAlqV7
co-president, feelings club
From: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSanTMif15
To: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3Lf4YxDVa
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6qYCG9as8
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: eli.martin@redmail.net93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9SqzyFBTa
To: maya.cassidy@evermail.com93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfG9s8ppDi8
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOREffUNgvv
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbdCE5roYC
together we’re like...93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlFlC0tvNI
the emotional avengers.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATDODLLy36
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMNBefHPAX
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sIBdfqGfs
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKY4kkFcw1
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDYPmwgW2H
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBx0EQW4pY
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8KGI97723
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIxs19EMtU
screamed into a spoon. felt better.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbJ6lIDGWv
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfIuvasvGT
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtr7ZLuKR6
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LYaLt3VD5
the rain cried for me.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSkMelEJ8P
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMISseBKgT
i do not condone murder. but i understand.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGFqgFkfKb
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4WzOyEDax
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsunFjNnNy
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADdgwavTk6
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli93Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeVEzo0VTB
officially unwell in a poetic way
