Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd20uIvNhSL
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCBeJLBZ1S
And yet, language is always power.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvppYMSau7
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYN1jfn8xbT
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyV2lcpcB0K
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgQpWgDAng
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM1Hrpp4hI
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgO2ykVgpe
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2rqYDlpzu
And that was precisely the problem.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44AdukkmSK
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tEg7t9NqY
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERQHyjxoO3
"Come here, child."20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkD8dBRMXZl
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s6wkaAO2q
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwo0mHQr8nW
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oCymZPNdV
Leonora.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDYBoFa0hJ
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxFFelJ0PJ
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcifMeQu5P
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aqC43RKqV
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1jGTYJedT
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9UQQPxa1d
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFdM2nYoKq
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRZxcydPRg
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tGLmJ4fWo
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8veZx8em7h
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIiNsf8cIx
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTkWjXkrhz
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrZuCmIZtE
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIoOlXJTS6
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgYkVVzwCs
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80MD6m7V0P
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwVziqf6EJ
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRHSNoUtAB
But like you.20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqo0sV0gz1
20Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NU3ePqpbZ
