Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QrowG9c4b
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8I1ju3h22
And yet, language is always power.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxytDgj0LB4
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9clbEiHvBP
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXR1QSOObMI
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNm4OqbALiK
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWaC3LNKhS
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89dDkCI3iK
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqdDNmzrEg
And that was precisely the problem.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdKSNHw6qa
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhXrYawmfd
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ14408uA05
"Come here, child."15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZP1dTnNS2
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhW8WUZ3zyg
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zEEhDzaKH
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKvJp7A6kn
Leonora.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7j6IRPS0l
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0LxN1yYJk
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEbHKQxq2C
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhe7BwnLfjm
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7b1DUf3pL
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWDd0RFnrz
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgudtpAb0GY
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAQXAZD8be
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8pve47976
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5R14p5XAse
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeMNVDyGko
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSodXAmFMXb
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Rzir9kFlk
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5olIZQnfz7
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTsAeitfbR
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA133LiXaP2
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhsOu8oeDW
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcmTxwIBDo
But like you.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡny94ZdPwln
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uIX3jowKO
