x
I told her once—
"I'll be your confidence."
Because she had always been mine.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX25mVuNJq1
From the beginning.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPVYVe7hx2
She lit sparks in dull moments.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJHC2wmXZq
Listened when I didn’t even know what I was saying.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8laPxJzwXF
Talked like every word was music, and I was just lucky to hear it.
So when I saw an internship opportunity from Flipkart — open only for girls —53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCrIj5Jx7K
I didn’t hesitate.
I told her.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWdI4dgRw0
Knowing full well she might hesitate.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7R4MoqtfJ
Because that’s me when it comes to her.
Never missing a chance to be her helping hand.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1EdcKIOAN
Never wanting her to miss one step toward something better.
She thought about it.
And she said, “Okay.”
The day of the test arrived.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpLc7jYjsc
We planned to meet in the library, afternoon.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PAtqQX0VL
In one of the quiet discussion rooms.
I reached early.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7RFmOCXFW
Maybe because I was eager.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84qfClaDTh
Maybe because I thought, somehow, today could fix the cracks.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59cO4gQtri
Or at least remind us of how we once were.
I had everything ready: the laptop open, test page preloaded, my heart strangely light.
When she arrived, I gave her my laptop for a while — to finish some English assignment.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMjMWpTda7
And I took her laptop.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0F7aZuEyQx
Told her not to worry about it.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaHSbz48Y5
Told myself it would ease the guilt… the distance.
She smiled.
And it felt like I was doing the right thing.
But then… I did something I can never take back.
Not because I wanted to know who she was texting.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNvBE1qAH5
Not out of jealousy.
But out of that quiet ache —53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjsdECXDQv
To know if I still existed in her world the way she lived in mine.
I opened her WhatsApp.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hHmvxVPUf
Typed my own name in the search bar.
What I read…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObGbEAqpPx
Was not what I was ready for.
At first, it made me smile.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMogWITZS1Y
Little mentions.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS01iN4lAvx
Small memories.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdG3tqrhy3
Familiar tones.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyytTwomL1
But then…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47pMNNifYo
The words changed.
"I feel awkward around him."53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUy8cw8quA
"At last, I feel comfortable talking to someone… than talking to him"
It crushed me.
Like being stabbed by a voice I once trusted to save me.
I wanted to cry.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPshtXJGV4
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I just stared ahead.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDgz0TRXhG
Acted normal.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq9tCLkXXb
Pretended the world hadn’t just collapsed under my feet.
Because that’s what I do best.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqspgLUhro6
Break in silence.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR9g933Vca
Smile with scars.
The test began.
I gave it everything.
Some questions were easy.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoN1syTea9
Some weren’t.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpc65UrtBVK
But she never saw the storm behind my calm.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIM5cJm1Se
She didn’t know the war I was fighting in my head as I smiled, as I helped, as I tried to just be a friend.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnBIwnZ2pX
But I had made a promise.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLzGMswWXA
And no matter how broken I was, I never go back on a promise.
Later, as we packed up to leave…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAHIMo9MUN
She noticed something on my laptop.
Her name.
Saved as Stranger.
She asked.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlAfA3NVbF
But I didn’t answer.
Because how do you explain that someone once felt like home,53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGulimZZVfk
and now they’re just…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpPkZzhNqt
an address you can’t return to?
I still see her.
With Ren.
Laughing.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWBRiMPMHE
Talking freely.
No awkwardness.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10nZZiffPh
No hesitation.
Everything I ever tried to be for her…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQETkNlv2N
he now is.
I never wanted more than friendship.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAg6M9HrqO
But somehow… even that was too much to ask for.
I buried everything — my feelings, thoughts, jealousy, guilt —53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgzzmFqjiL
over and over.
But no matter how many times I tried to bury it all…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiorH352bOs
I always ended up the one grieving.
But it never seemed to be enough.
What changed?
Or maybe…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5yvCiuMRH
nothing ever did.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GIbzxNbzK
Maybe there was nothing from the start — to change at all.
Now the buses have changed their places again.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHlgUbPUAg
Destiny playing chess with people’s lives.
Alice’s bus — no longer somewhere in between —53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9AYdvAO0r
now parked neatly alongside Ren’s.
While mine?
Still at the same spot since day one.
Watching.
Waiting.
Trying to understand the stories whispered by the evening wind.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJkXgLy9pW
And the answers it hides in plain sight.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtw1hZWeUfq
At last,… all these are just words.
Words I wish she heard.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7txhsgZeu
Words I wish I never said.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kYq15kfV8
Words I’ll carry long after she forgets them.
Because…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8MHU3vkyS
When I saw those messages, I couldn’t bear to read any further.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMHOTQDpqm
When I sat across from her —53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrh2S7rPtj3
And she had no idea that she still trusted me,53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIYIJIZu1z
While I was doing the very thing I swore, I’d never do.
I broke her trust.53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwppIkbh1tr
I betrayed her.
And the worst part?
I still love her enough to hope…53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtu7MZO1Dm
She never finds out.
