|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBpkOXZXMg
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3Fxzi6fAP
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8C7oICjhrB
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0VrqjPm1I
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4QdrWdlrk
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmBRtoX1Qh
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi8dttutIV
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMiqGRawWJ
You’ve got the wrong Eli.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhyBHOtoqi
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZJREjXLi0
aka Eli Martin
134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMYX4u8rCx
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7CpysNNEq
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnY1onRa3LG
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmQqAnS8WZ
definitely wrong eli.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWNYs76Hdd
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VzjAVOiVs
sincerely,134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3F5Rd0P2Qr
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld38duWtr4
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF19xetfybU
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDi4UyngKaw
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCcgNBtJCq
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSWNQBPj5N
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOe9kOuvU2
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaW4DFdqgK
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5Cqg9Pn5x
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYgmJcfipW
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mjGSFd8qT
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1GOyrbqVA
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2ED3NisDd
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KOIsBSayP
is this our meet-cute?134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPWoFUBRYp
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPZY77dn6V
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6g41ufPtt
but i might be a decent one
134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9ga688O71
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCErvLOtKK
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsW5EPHPUX1
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfVh5glUVa
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpq44QR5c7h
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqMkdfDl9P
professional emailer of strangers
134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4S4vDp8qM
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUF2l9W6zd
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCd58SK0BR
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnY54F4LlK
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7vUf04iPU
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTwXQhje2C
To: [email protected]134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAqHNQXUpk
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXpxjcOjbZ
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.134Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNd1PCSCk8p
