|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlSEy5uayy
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlLWta7LzR
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHQAKBPxFV
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmFguPZqiM
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfISIfGNWW
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUMh1LHNVB
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleDA2xz5Dc
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglbZttHWlT
You’ve got the wrong Eli.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzLhNwRfie
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcwbnST1RW
aka Eli Martin
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uSz5lwuUz
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0RTzdPY4x
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZIv0TlJSq
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKHLG0r4Er
definitely wrong eli.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEwDSdPPpJ
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKV0wIgChF
sincerely,78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ78PLq5DsJ
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhF70XfvluO
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PCBFt6xUt
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVjmrgu7oO
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzOt94Je81
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEkLfi7dJu
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDKzHmrszX
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68llw95mfu
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i8Tw5oedh
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUli811S1w
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxejvqn6xJV
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICeIhbfJep
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCBm8fiwZr
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbbIC6PGpE
is this our meet-cute?78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYSMk6q4HJ
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nPQfEXQnk
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTOB4cLW8j
but i might be a decent one
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp6rq8K4vn
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jh1rz24A7
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJl7LG2Hvj
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY5xcmqZZW
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlsGFWVMpT
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21rTJBwaDi
professional emailer of strangers
78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxeQH1tdJb
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rO2ha7SGT
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHQFL6i24I
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fpZcAMpYM
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfj8NctsuHb
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkrSU4CFcT
To: [email protected]78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxY3p48AIFE
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffuwT3VG9K
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.78Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJexjGMrUyO
