然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbOvqeUFeb
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTBJXVnMD5
/330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEENIBa0A99
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxdROZcbrK
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hH164Mukb
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdhtoQX5J9
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KViYpbTVj
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UA8dKqqY6
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWt1FR5720
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdMcbgRluG
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sw5f7dOAJ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrf9cL0Dmls
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYazvwDORmh
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86JYjNNycA
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzjt0U2jUC
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwkvCqgHFj
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeq2tTAV0O
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABiEfNTl5S
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlnCzsFdN2
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1OKnsXD6p
他心情不好便會打她。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2ihgV0GtD
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3zUFwg1F9
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI52p0qZqaR
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNb7bcJcpH
一下一下打下去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTBJ2LyamT
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxbxUbIN31
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43fZ07Rxvm
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqX5y7sMZBv
「我無唔聽話呀！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qP5BhBcvx
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6be8HyT1mh
「仲講大話！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCniPHrzxP
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEx7flGZAh
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvlHdMQEck
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJFEsfBBql
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLT1Yghrr1
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNVzygsiF6
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4WsgCBJn4
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT0hGmkhyR
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOpd7sUakC
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVcI8OW6l3
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiJmHxevIq
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy26RvDXgp
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2o52DuM7g
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5U88JrfweP
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkmocgTM5a
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiYz8gCl7p
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1T6iL8mg6
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kKEjEOyvx
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKT80B6ptv
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhEdCwfMU9
/330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67vFS024LL
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXiNfExbCf
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxms3s3X1Xl
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTMegZnPzB
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfplHPDAYAp
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOPJ9FwZn2
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ilelgtnad
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGInGxliBrf
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nZjlH05Fn
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmxY8LjAfC
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtApfmVbA4
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaea7yErfu
「熊仔去咗邊？」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0btz7SO0y
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9HiWzwaBs
「我抌咗。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzsidw5Dlt1
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82FH7LdHpE
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVyjUUEcXe
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLDgDENH86
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9WFLu50lr
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQWUvAbMAJ
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3OuP3MFic
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sfFiq2HgI
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UkondFtUV
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4atG7ro5n
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWtkUsrbEr
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGrkUZP2xE
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXYVckl1lN
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnL0BzqDue
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgfGSreCV8
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MjSPt400g
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rS0ps7Wlo
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMiFjY98rw
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0mPBzXy3S
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNx8gpdHGX
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wNVlYBOHa
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUQaAtUEI8
/330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYShd3ExJj
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpl2hDiGyQ
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobKeN01ePG
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWL4aJPeSr
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yCDMKny7M
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSIHlFSA7e
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQb1jMuDUBO
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmq6gKW0ziG
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix1KSbEreQ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwI4PD4N0w
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eKBnDOFFC
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡav7tDYh5Fg
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDCMxw678y
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1w4lKSEa2x
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGmwRFFBsA
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoNm2QP7fk
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKcO99reKZ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZYYWr1DUB
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71MH3CyV0t
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04WzenRfWh
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DEXZttK6P
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseFXQkXrkv
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdGT3iUZNM
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZw5U9CI3vJ
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQ3B6oPxTF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJFjCzgm9G
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kJFPUpRG4
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfhz7ELvUA
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuWWNkhRz9
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxFHNkEZmw
直至父親又打家姐。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2q6FvE4xCt
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04oLt3UcD2
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfXoWC9x9q
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgArNlsi9Rh
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpE3R67b1LM
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgtAaJrq2R
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7u5ikwPod
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1b7NoAjRv
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKVASpjocc
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiXLhZyEEW
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPJpQUZxH7
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5oZ19M7rs
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDT3Pk0aLD
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7gVU8A34R
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAhYKZ5Ipm
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVefxBnnVih
「我無！」家姐搖頭。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlShWgxWHtQ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpWriPUaNb
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9lh19u3Ib
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pVrVaDFnk
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIefEdsnhQ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jeAafPASx
「多謝阿爸。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVIklf6ZNl
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwW3w9LNl8
家姐推了林蓁落地。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaD8dasOoo
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fRkPoorWx
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjtdeiqmTw
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchAoxjc3wb
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ8YFpNFO1
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1epp60NUpr
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhDCs8K8Pp
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYjsISeK4x
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhSWWhpzKI
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01zCSlu2hu
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VErh101kA
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGpCexpTXk
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvdlycjrqF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDPZLL9zVU
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330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHkaMNuVYz
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueSfFmF3hg
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1koaSCuuKM
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGnyJxNRVU
