"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eDs0dW4w3
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsfd6R69O3
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgfdt1lrFY
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoht6kNHwM
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgaR0VmuOF
it’s a mood.
– maya110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjaOlW9kRk
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAxDMhtY6X
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqH5L9VPyl
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaT6hK2IIt
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAyaGTEdnS
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wHviUn6pb
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJubMFcSR6n
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRH0TjuZhD
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUHF7JxWSN
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jwopgv9HT
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz1NsUON2S
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlS5MsskNH
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2FmrFmxjB
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm32nnwZMrf
i have goosebumps.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tn8fHyNZF
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlffyJhE80m
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0uifwXxrt
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qzx92JDpR
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96l1WWKt5N
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMfB8LpAvT
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQEFtJqBWT
you passed the vibe check.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZbuYD1YHh
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQwdJawr1A
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOx6QEYCty1
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbMz9IhnEx
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRxoU0cU4D
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvOSlnfbpk
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTvPbe0rr4
i did cry.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgs6Aqqmyo
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ188HHaAbdt
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnvYoNgvgA
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEtwxmSEoP
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWYIRw3VcK
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRPmhJv8e7
To: [email protected]110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXNHzubpjQ
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07aqMww4GA
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfG0bMCy3M
together we’re like...110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9u7mDTWAEQ
the emotional avengers.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJIHkBXlnu
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMAAAunkXY
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhOQ2dkaxE
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtAJBmEJhT
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5Vfr668iM
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVBdkRAJY1
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYbJba08fb
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaM2En6QXnA
screamed into a spoon. felt better.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1ulGYhkMX
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM14Kv4NZr
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNIWw0S6FL
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEia6eqgfv
the rain cried for me.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYbdMz8zEd
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozgEIVfn8k
i do not condone murder. but i understand.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcqpINJt1S
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr71ikJxtG
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFTfkl0bKt
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyCyIgdRML
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4E6xUP8MI
officially unwell in a poetic way
