在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1qIRkTlMh
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlo9ghmylrY
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfxhqcYSkQ
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUDLXgGEwM
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOESeDBHVUU
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2w9FaTscf
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡal1CtqVPkV
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEDJhbrW7V
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQF4EYW3P0y
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aYuN3gBW8
「你條裙有血！」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnFr1hC2K3
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfdAuJZWiO
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7DwTeUMD9
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zQJizjmp6
「大個女啦。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKUQo1oDuj
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSP1PsHNEih
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDQSynRPAW
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWq4qGXMVoK
「去廁所清理吓。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLNdVkNfQN
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AnKfyZyKT
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygAH2KL2Do
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMSSsBS4mX
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0aO4d3Vl4
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTV7WhXNuq
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ia330F59U
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdYlLmXiNf
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFn55kmo1h
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2JXfspOBs
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmZt8RSh2z
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgecUaqUkz
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBwvMyI18F
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQAA2unL5l
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPn3zeNBGis
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5cdJpht5t
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYYomI1mGL
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUQbyiQE28
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbpkDBKpy8
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYBIn5hcOO
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m3cIPTOlb
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wjhMulxV5
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1bOGDsaOa
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMdscyRm09
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKX5tPvMo9
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcgPZSwiA2
只聽見他說：335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3AkYkgjJQ
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssDyxLBT7w
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJZAulsFXK
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZDPW8fVt4
林蓁心下一沉。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1uD8S51VH
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjOR7W30nx
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSOEoHtSJs
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxqZc2fcHI
她又想，會不會是他口硬？335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojrW4YPRnn
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuGCGvOV7J
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmXkDXqnR2
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkLLyzrJeR
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeXtWzFVp6
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaB0dDU9ww
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MnP8W8RHi
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4yjnnn2BI
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ201uTLSO
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2fefl1YgQ
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf5i2jCA2y
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzw1kYpkKvd
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64QXLMdMrT
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWxAlPJf4J
/335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eRmZSEwsE
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0fAuENJtT
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30k5lk8e44
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWurHJSQ32P
她去見了周立沖。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DZta39Pbo
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ey92AIH6g
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiK0I7g2j0
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYZSMn5tQo
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfy2QIG8Exl
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0ufT3qowq
「無所謂。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlopD7APbX5
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWQamOTB68
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIk8tPBiYA
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMxer8Dwi2
家裡沒有飯吃。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6y0NUXSVBk
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjfBXjPORC
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ425mI3BeHs
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYECdrnvawz
「你煮咩我都食。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4NJwe8AwE
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27cVVibD8P
「傻瓜。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIM9SO027x1
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpfR8ZMjP5
他摸摸她的頭。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cLztIFaGS
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMy1gTXcML
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaby53S94R
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLXvOgxl5S
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdOwGGGDQx
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bRae5U2DT
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaavjWEtD8
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlT2Z4NKIx
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXr6DSUDrib
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dnEWbgNfk
「不如食咗我先。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8oXpBeUVm
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulbkzjLarp
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5eR711VF9
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuX20r6w80Y
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u2V32JdDO
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtvgdDndbq
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0ywwEHsuN
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcz58EfCN9
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWo7zBTDuB7
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWhYJHV2fQ
不過，幸好，現在他在。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLuULyTzWb
335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LC8bpFdNn
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。335Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspSlAeRcGS
