[1] "This Damn Company's Boss... Is the Goddess's Electronic Pet?!"
Crouched in the ventilation shaft above the CEO's office, Hoshino and I stared down at the "boss" charging below—
His suit split open, revealing a pink rabbit-shaped mechanical core stamped with:162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5DuvEw5Rp
[Model: Goddess's Beloved Pet #996162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSofxd46a7W
Functions: Faith Extraction / Employee Brainwashing / Automatic Frisbee Fetching]
"Three hundred years ago..." Hoshino's voice trembled, "that woman said she wanted 'a healing pet'... and this is what she made?!"
My familiar wriggled through the duct, its phone screen lighting up with the unlocked "Goddess Cloud Drive":162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmifiNjEdF0
"Your Majesty! Found the blackmail files! Just ¥500 to—"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlV5G6mJxvR
"BUY IT!!" we shouted in unison.
[2] Blackmail File 001: The Goddess Can't Actually Code
The first decompressed file:162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9IT5D505J
[Heaven System Source Code (Annotated)]
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mamMOcsZk
def exploit_humans(): 162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fXMuFTYCv
if employee.emotion == "despair": 162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRcDiOLDIw
print("Work hard! Heaven awaits next year!") # LIES. No such feature. 162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7fQWOLqIY
else: 162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMw5hmd6ds0
activate("holy_gaslighting_module") # NOTE: Outsourced to Hell.
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZNgFUz5CI
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYOlZO9Ob7
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIu5cA34UMx
"Hold up!" I yanked my familiar's tail. "Since when did demons take these kinds of jobs?!"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkJQdy9ghb
Hoshino deadpanned: "Remember? You said, 'Let’s earn side income from Goddess contracts'..."
[3] Blackmail File 007: Holy Swords Are Just Plungers
A leaked video played—162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFQfNCsYZK
Younger Goddess haggled at a heavenly hardware store:162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMrtnO6CUb
"Just plate this toilet plunger in gold, add LED lights... Yeah, make it look like a 'Holy Sword'!"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmrojTLTLf
Clerk: "You still owe us for turning the Roomba into 'angel halos'..."
Hoshino’s sword flickered like faulty Christmas lights.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiIeCqKqyT
"No wonder..." she monotone’d, "it keeps showing 'Low Battery' when I stab you."
[4] Company-Wide Riot! When the Wage Slaves Learn the Truth
The moment we mass-emailed the blackmail files, chaos erupted—
Accounting Dept. folded overtime forms into paper airplanes bombarding the CEO's office.
IT Dept. hacked the "faith conversion" backend, setting everyone’s "ascension progress" to 100%.
Janitor Auntie charged the coffee machine with a mop: "My daughter’s overwork data was in THIS?!"
"Now!" Hoshino flung off her HR badge. "Go dismantle that 'pet rabbit' and reclaim your Demon Core—"
Alarms blared:162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhoj6IwqES
[WARNING: Mass Awakening Detected. Initiating FINAL PROTOCOL: Full System Reset.]
Ceiling panels shattered, unleashing chains that lashed toward employees. The rabbit CEO’s eyes glowed blood-red:162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWupcsC6oh
"Naughty workers... become batteries~❤"
[5] Demon King & Hero’s Ultimate Fusion Move (Literal)
"Five seconds!" Hoshino tossed me her holy sword. "Channel your dark energy into it—"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCMvaIDDt8
The hilt scorched my palm: "This thing isn’t dark-magic-compatible?!"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPGtxumlZw
"Shut up!" She gripped my sword-hand. "Our ceasefire pact said '50% holy, 50% dark'—"
The blade erupted in gold-and-black lightning. My familiar livestreamed:162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ePqpjyd9s
"Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting the legendary combo move officially named—"
『S O C I A L D E A T H S L A S H』!!!
ns216.73.216.239da2
