[1] "This Damn Company's Boss... Is the Goddess's Electronic Pet?!"
Crouched in the ventilation shaft above the CEO's office, Hoshino and I stared down at the "boss" charging below—
His suit split open, revealing a pink rabbit-shaped mechanical core stamped with:60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXp7YaCOy5
[Model: Goddess's Beloved Pet #99660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKyp7akFSc
Functions: Faith Extraction / Employee Brainwashing / Automatic Frisbee Fetching]
"Three hundred years ago..." Hoshino's voice trembled, "that woman said she wanted 'a healing pet'... and this is what she made?!"
My familiar wriggled through the duct, its phone screen lighting up with the unlocked "Goddess Cloud Drive":60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzs80shCjZ
"Your Majesty! Found the blackmail files! Just ¥500 to—"60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQB6SQfAm2
"BUY IT!!" we shouted in unison.
[2] Blackmail File 001: The Goddess Can't Actually Code
The first decompressed file:60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiJUPUPp3Q
[Heaven System Source Code (Annotated)]
60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC3bLsMCnD
def exploit_humans(): 60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXu5gL4C02t
if employee.emotion == "despair": 60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WVGmkcVEa
print("Work hard! Heaven awaits next year!") # LIES. No such feature. 60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvW2ierpW4
else: 60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxZLMNJrf9
activate("holy_gaslighting_module") # NOTE: Outsourced to Hell.
60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhy8CSDRbg
60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPB1J5vQPwQ
60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8bkJ3YXrK
"Hold up!" I yanked my familiar's tail. "Since when did demons take these kinds of jobs?!"60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSRXPWDYjI
Hoshino deadpanned: "Remember? You said, 'Let’s earn side income from Goddess contracts'..."
[3] Blackmail File 007: Holy Swords Are Just Plungers
A leaked video played—60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMl2U1YgndF
Younger Goddess haggled at a heavenly hardware store:60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQoGsziqlV
"Just plate this toilet plunger in gold, add LED lights... Yeah, make it look like a 'Holy Sword'!"60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVNMlcKMqv
Clerk: "You still owe us for turning the Roomba into 'angel halos'..."
Hoshino’s sword flickered like faulty Christmas lights.60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMP14aaoQc
"No wonder..." she monotone’d, "it keeps showing 'Low Battery' when I stab you."
[4] Company-Wide Riot! When the Wage Slaves Learn the Truth
The moment we mass-emailed the blackmail files, chaos erupted—
Accounting Dept. folded overtime forms into paper airplanes bombarding the CEO's office.
IT Dept. hacked the "faith conversion" backend, setting everyone’s "ascension progress" to 100%.
Janitor Auntie charged the coffee machine with a mop: "My daughter’s overwork data was in THIS?!"
"Now!" Hoshino flung off her HR badge. "Go dismantle that 'pet rabbit' and reclaim your Demon Core—"
Alarms blared:60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4OGoiOOEX
[WARNING: Mass Awakening Detected. Initiating FINAL PROTOCOL: Full System Reset.]
Ceiling panels shattered, unleashing chains that lashed toward employees. The rabbit CEO’s eyes glowed blood-red:60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUFunRZr99
"Naughty workers... become batteries~❤"
[5] Demon King & Hero’s Ultimate Fusion Move (Literal)
"Five seconds!" Hoshino tossed me her holy sword. "Channel your dark energy into it—"60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhmRLiEJhS
The hilt scorched my palm: "This thing isn’t dark-magic-compatible?!"60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUK2FFzvprm
"Shut up!" She gripped my sword-hand. "Our ceasefire pact said '50% holy, 50% dark'—"
The blade erupted in gold-and-black lightning. My familiar livestreamed:60Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja7tI7wI8U
"Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting the legendary combo move officially named—"
『S O C I A L D E A T H S L A S H』!!!
ns216.73.216.96da2
