[1] "This Damn Company's Boss... Is the Goddess's Electronic Pet?!"
Crouched in the ventilation shaft above the CEO's office, Hoshino and I stared down at the "boss" charging below—
His suit split open, revealing a pink rabbit-shaped mechanical core stamped with:140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqSPw7xwSD
[Model: Goddess's Beloved Pet #996140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZqBGZiIOK
Functions: Faith Extraction / Employee Brainwashing / Automatic Frisbee Fetching]
"Three hundred years ago..." Hoshino's voice trembled, "that woman said she wanted 'a healing pet'... and this is what she made?!"
My familiar wriggled through the duct, its phone screen lighting up with the unlocked "Goddess Cloud Drive":140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0u5ZlCnYk
"Your Majesty! Found the blackmail files! Just ¥500 to—"140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvI0mJvG2K
"BUY IT!!" we shouted in unison.
[2] Blackmail File 001: The Goddess Can't Actually Code
The first decompressed file:140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAobZqYjS8U
[Heaven System Source Code (Annotated)]
140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29oWKRTwoY
def exploit_humans(): 140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3a84UUhev
if employee.emotion == "despair": 140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AO7P26ZNS
print("Work hard! Heaven awaits next year!") # LIES. No such feature. 140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqUOSIAJTc
else: 140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0vnEwCwVg
activate("holy_gaslighting_module") # NOTE: Outsourced to Hell.
140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxuI2f2yRw
140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscrbfYFJF2
140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPiHQdk9Mf
"Hold up!" I yanked my familiar's tail. "Since when did demons take these kinds of jobs?!"140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDYmdcTTOw
Hoshino deadpanned: "Remember? You said, 'Let’s earn side income from Goddess contracts'..."
[3] Blackmail File 007: Holy Swords Are Just Plungers
A leaked video played—140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTsD3uA9I0
Younger Goddess haggled at a heavenly hardware store:140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHALxrZ0Qs2
"Just plate this toilet plunger in gold, add LED lights... Yeah, make it look like a 'Holy Sword'!"140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIGlUoLkEV
Clerk: "You still owe us for turning the Roomba into 'angel halos'..."
Hoshino’s sword flickered like faulty Christmas lights.140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZUavWTzxv
"No wonder..." she monotone’d, "it keeps showing 'Low Battery' when I stab you."
[4] Company-Wide Riot! When the Wage Slaves Learn the Truth
The moment we mass-emailed the blackmail files, chaos erupted—
Accounting Dept. folded overtime forms into paper airplanes bombarding the CEO's office.
IT Dept. hacked the "faith conversion" backend, setting everyone’s "ascension progress" to 100%.
Janitor Auntie charged the coffee machine with a mop: "My daughter’s overwork data was in THIS?!"
"Now!" Hoshino flung off her HR badge. "Go dismantle that 'pet rabbit' and reclaim your Demon Core—"
Alarms blared:140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Kyh21zOJt
[WARNING: Mass Awakening Detected. Initiating FINAL PROTOCOL: Full System Reset.]
Ceiling panels shattered, unleashing chains that lashed toward employees. The rabbit CEO’s eyes glowed blood-red:140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfc7BNeDyRQ
"Naughty workers... become batteries~❤"
[5] Demon King & Hero’s Ultimate Fusion Move (Literal)
"Five seconds!" Hoshino tossed me her holy sword. "Channel your dark energy into it—"140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SgkQvi3As
The hilt scorched my palm: "This thing isn’t dark-magic-compatible?!"140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0ifrfrNYa
"Shut up!" She gripped my sword-hand. "Our ceasefire pact said '50% holy, 50% dark'—"
The blade erupted in gold-and-black lightning. My familiar livestreamed:140Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZTZfE5JxB
"Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting the legendary combo move officially named—"
『S O C I A L D E A T H S L A S H』!!!
ns216.73.216.197da2
