With the next early autumn, I had now counted 24 moons with you.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04PRWcf1lU
"No" became your favorite word. And now, and this was new, you could open doors.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCGcEsTzKq
The pantry. The cellar. And to my deepest dismay, my study. A place I had explicitly forbidden you again and again. For reasons that would seem rational to you, if you weren't an unreasonable little imp with too little intelligence and too many ideas. I heard it every time. From afar. The sound of a brass, albeit worn, doorknob being pressed down by sticky child hands. And then carefree pattering on the dark wooden floorboards.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlToXcXSvT
"Leonora." My tone was calm. Far too calm, because I saw the danger. I found you on the chair in my study, arms stretched out like a young tightrope walker. In front of you a table with vials and phials of liquids, most of which I still had to identify, and a scroll made of animal skin, older than Grellborn's back pain. I had not sealed it. Because I was tired. And thus careless.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2QeCUvEW0
"Look!" you laughed cheerfully, with a phial in your hand, its contents shimmering dangerously green. I had no idea what was in it. Something from Grellborn, something he had once bartered on the black market. Probably in exchange for a cursed bezoar of a ruminant or whatever else he kept hidden in his thousand drawers. I froze in the doorway, rigid. My arm outstretched, a finger raised. Like a conductor trying to prevent a cacophony of chaos. My left hand slightly defensive against the approaching danger. My body leaned slightly forward, as if ready to leap at any moment.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi9SUgfQgm
"Leonora," I said again, slower, warning. My gaze darted between you and the phial in your hand.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79q3HHikep
"Don't. Move." I said clearly and unambiguously.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqS1MFBUtN
"Why?" you asked and I swear, by all dark gods, Nora, that tone was exactly like a queen denied her dessert. I stood still, because I knew, one wrong step, one unconscious provocation on my part, and not even the most renowned necromancer could piece you back together. Nor me, probably.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hIymay2Ix
"If you move," I said, clear as a mountain stream, "you could explode."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKdnnuT6Fz
You tilted your head: "What expode?"18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0BZtBDcHZ
"A state in which you..." I searched for a phrase you might understand. Found none quickly. "...would hurt yourself very much." You considered.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOIYVEVR5M
"Aha," you said cheerfully. I stepped closer, slowly and every step calculated. You had been carelessly swaying the phial. I drew in a sharp breath. And then, in an act of ultimate rebellion, you simply poured the liquid out. Onto an ancient parchment. The liquid began to steam immediately. The parchment began to sizzle and dissolve with a crackle. No explosion or fire, as I had feared.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4Kdtbqztg
I blinked.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKxLMpPopK
"Leonora," I said with a calm only maintained through centuries of meditation, "this paper was older than you, Grellborn, and my cynicism combined."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69X6xDY8Hq
You giggled: "Look, moke! Maic!"
I pinched the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger and sighed. You had already climbed down from the chair and came toward me with a satisfied grin. And I? Took a deep breath. Then I turned around and made a mental note:18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdiIpxeor6
"Grellborn. I need valerian. For me. This time for real."
I handed you over to Grellborn.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaMSJed5iY
We sat in the great hall. A room that pretended to be a living room but was, in truth, a jumble of carpets, antlers, clocks, and wax-clogged candlesticks.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcpbrToFL4
The ceiling too high, the windows too small, the paintings too suggestive; and not a single one hung by me.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElFK7CACQM
I never quite figured out whether this house had shaped itself around me, or if I had simply adapted to it like a sulky guest who never left.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRlfvwyaaO
The fireplace spat the occasional spark, as if it wanted to remind us it was still there.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaH0lXeHyO
Above it, a stag's head glared at me with glass eyes, as if I were the intruder.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkmPbjf3Zw
I couldn't really blame him. He was right.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1v6RB6CNN
To the left, three red armchairs and a matching sofa, upholstered in a fabric that reeked of outdated taste and disappointed hopes.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6FLMDWEME
To the right, a grandfather clock that never kept time; I didn't care. Time had long since lost all meaning to me. The chandeliers hung from the ceiling like lost spiders.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3Gtowow56
I had taken over the house about a century ago. Not bought. Taken.
Back then, the plague was sweeping through England, and the former owners had decided, quite unanimously, to die. A few of them were still upstairs when I moved in.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEwCJ5YTgx
Some bloated like overstuffed pigs' bladders, others still stiff.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOmuSTfMuI
I was polite enough to bury them in the back yard. No flowers; I was merely a pragmatist with a shovel. You'd played in the grass there the other day.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiy02zLP3s
Of course, I said nothing.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3dWKIPGF5
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As so often, Grellborn had simply invited himself. I wasn't truly bothered. He brought you warmer clothes for the coming months (you had already outgrown the old ones) and even a carved deer, with which you played on Grell's lap. Grell assured me that your provocation phase was normal for toddlers, even if overly taxing for the nerves of a guardian.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo85WetGBA
"This is a really good sign for once, Szandor!" He beamed over his wrinkled face, half covered by white beard.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfZ5i5u6Hb
"For once?" My eyebrows furrowed.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHI47APhACZ
"She trusts you," he expertly ignored my question, "if she were always sweet, she wouldn't trust you."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDx7aDvtJuj
"Trust," I repeated, "a dangerous instinct in beings with such soft skulls."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvil1o5DsU
"Godbless, I'd have every scribe sign this if you'd believe me then," mumbled Grell, as you let the deer vanish into his beard.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJbT10U9M0
"She doesn't say no because she rejects you. She provokes you because she knows you'll stay."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pRFL42K8T
I blinked slowly: "Wonderful. So it's a sign of trust when she sets fire to my scrolls with alchemical fluids."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ili5vRCI3
"Exactly," he nodded, as if I had just passed the druid apprentice's exam.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasyie0ecg2
"What nonsense. She contradicts everything. Even the weather."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9tlWStVvY
"Exactly." Grell leaned back, I wasn't sure whether it was the chair or his brittle bones creaking.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKbHOrwCqJ
"She threw herself on the cold stone floor last week because I wouldn't give her a second bowl of carrot mash," I said with a worn-out voice. Grell watched you silently, with that old-man's smirk; neither sentimental nor foolish. More like someone who knows the abysses of all creatures on Earth and still pours milk into his tea, just for the fun of it. You looked at him and laughed. A soft crackle in the fire accompanied your joy, then he spoke again:18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KNAli9LhV
"And yet... she falls asleep beside you. Trust is not always a hug. Sometimes it looks like a tantrum on a stone floor. You never screamed, did you?" he asked suddenly.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4PN1yctMn
I snorted. "I was a quiet child. Disciplined. Compliant."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeVSOi0R4k
"How unnatural," he said dryly. I wanted to contradict him, but I realized I couldn't. I tried to remember, any moment from my childhood where I screamed, cried. But I found nothing. Only insignificant images from a distance.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgbd7tDNEi
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You were just about to explore Grell's fluffy beard, when once again a raven landed on the windowsill. You waved to it. It was the same one that had appeared almost daily in recent months, always at the same hour. Over time, I began to recognize it by small features. The little feather that always stood out slightly from its back. The slight scratch on the beak. I stepped to the window. The raven looked at me. No frantic cawing, no wing flapping. Just that gaze. A gaze too long. Too aware. I crossed my arms.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt1yj2Jpn9
"Grell..." I began, without turning, "you have nothing to do with this, right?"18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsQ7IW9ACa
"With what?"18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJGDiWSHRr
"The raven."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKeNcewyAT
"Godbless," he murmured, "you think every creature that survives more than two days in your estate was sent by me." You, meanwhile, had slid off Grell's knee and came to stand beside me at the window. Your little fingers touched my leg to keep balance.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmV8HOduzQ
"Caw!" you cried joyfully and pointed to the feathered beast. I said nothing. The raven looked at you. Then at me. Then back at you. A caw, softer now, almost watchful. The raven slightly lifted its wings but remained seated.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzH6wtsZV6
"Birb good!" you said then. Just like that.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaYbDWmAYQ
"He's a scavenger." I stated flatly. You nodded with satisfaction, as if I had merely confirmed your opinion.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMBvternxg
Grellborn giggled in the background like a cheeky maidservant: "Ravens don't come without reason."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn7wzsyOEE
"But you said you didn't send it." I turned slowly to him, accusing with a spider's gaze, though that never intimidated Grell.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjaIZI01sg
"I didn't. I'm only saying, if they come, it's with meaning."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0jcWP8PMx
You wiggled your toes beside me, still toward the bird.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk50SxbjQb8
"And oh, wise Grellborn, once forged by lightning, what do these avian vertebrates proclaim? Is the end of the world finally upon us?"18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtNUzkBTs2
Grell kept his pipe in his mouth as he stirred his tea: "In this case, probably not. Ravens often herald change. Sometimes they appear when a shift is happening. Sometimes they are messengers of coming fortune or misfortune, who knows for sure? In any case, they embody wisdom, omniscience. Or a threatening kind of truth, Godbless."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVtH3lG4Hd
I sat back down: "Your knowledge is as fuzzy as your memory."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvz2rD7q4i
"As with all things spiritual," Grell grinned like a rascal and then fell silent. And I knew he knew more than he let on.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPbNTvej4Z
I hate it when he goes quiet. It's never disinterest. It's too-much-knowledge he refuses to share.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELVfaZTXP3
"Grell, if you know something..." I pressed again.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ356z8taA3J
"I would tell you once you're ready."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2tKkMxwEy
I stared at him: "That's not an answer."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbfVwYhz5G
"It is," he said, "just not for now. Have trust."18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSssDkue5R
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Then the raven flew off and you watched it, fascinated.
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