然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeouc8neLkW
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLAtiAN8pt
/329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnl86SPKuAy
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CY3xEk1z8
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSqB6suRug
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7n1WYZl35
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoCTEN9fXs
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQflYs833yR
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiOyMBBNHZ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1hgNUtIxD
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Z5NLHJ70O
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHfiEOF8EH
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEitynWAMv
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bBF9ZpzuK
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsFfKIbMq2
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAVIX9q125
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tSsW84AeS
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfRcEgLsOR
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaUueXh6sh
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpc8GN4zTFx
他心情不好便會打她。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrv8S9488Pg
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRDhNpJYWA
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoCnyaq22m
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy5XDx9Bpb
一下一下打下去。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpLxPRLpLA
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrCTq5sqPJ
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkBOs6tpte
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZ2wrdKsGk
「我無唔聽話呀！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTmZ7fmf2L
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgq2IQpz1H
「仲講大話！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygQ4aBl2g7
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnCoXoPyG1
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2z8Ex91ugg
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpresp68IaK
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBlJ1FTm8x
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVrufVRf3z
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVWYaiRr7O
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtqOSolr4Y
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa93hufiwMY
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5w7cR65WV
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucM4MM25sN
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9kNQgeqEJ
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEal9DWDoc
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSpTyyqKWl
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2RwQzSWaj
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeVvJHSkZZ
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2x6zhlHYO
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XUFzeyY3X
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzhY5NrQ9C
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujJAoIYPZ1
/329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34uTM7LrMt
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgn5RyTYWLK
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC4fzymsPo
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2kwQjpYTy
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx07Tdn9CyA
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrCf8Rqjje
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvkBouSfgq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYeXSERT20
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VGqgNbLQH
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxOu6Iq3Lj
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvk6shhOJt
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqltWtrBJQ9
「熊仔去咗邊？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CbPlDlF0t
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKP3Jc3ZtJ
「我抌咗。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIyBPT4m9C
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vhYVnnQLf
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYoUW5tLqP
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT8KysGAV1
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26sEavmFy6
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS32etNSGg
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvIRWVho5M
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusnZWLsIQ4
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSnYrQwJkP
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IniI5wjBL
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW6THx8TbJ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5EXA2jaT7
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMExr8C7wrl
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQSMXH0Ogr
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmge7NzWCM
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlL4c0Oxei
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqL0xDZbpJ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaowliGZsj
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVqDOqtf2Q
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ARTNqQ51s
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNDDtyMzOU
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeu1imMeCD
/329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQTbRHhgdz
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6qYwTQFbb
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkzjrsp49e
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwULxImzrg
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9CPycIFc2
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrnNYnVyd9
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ABNLNIpMb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYm9c0eGc2C
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecMSZC9ROe
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mxNt6s2qS
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlA5suecc4
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29ziZ7ArYH
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0d9aVI81x
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFG9pjpfUe
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLXHpOGAa6
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76L3HEcRbS
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52hJGPunGH
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQl8Nr6Chb
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38lNrIHi43
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgK0E7BDy5R
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0acOUfagzs
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MI5ID7vhM
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXFz94IMDD
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ucvoh7zr3
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54OVqbhKhq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnj0lGNnJTB
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf8L3DxGKI
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaihGrBAGS
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhV63riyyPk
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRc3YePPwh
直至父親又打家姐。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6D4CiIxXb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TB8JN4I3X
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Eg0QQkBXW
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVsNlXf2sK
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5SM8IJIfP
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfheFmLJWvK
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiEVttt7xR
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYY2WXjE7A
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMR1EnsKsl
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2s5UdeEbz
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPAJfUQdTK
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2eCmFDM0p
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLiqRp20b5
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0ufsAEK0H
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlk3wxIFlA
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BxCLMzaNO
「我無！」家姐搖頭。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSC8BO3qW2
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNOGJswjln
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsK51un8xM
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVU6Bw88t1
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEpT02VsXO
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHIWwTxOl9
「多謝阿爸。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyCAekT5gI
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5GvqHK4dO
家姐推了林蓁落地。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYPtzBgEuo
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHfEdKzV46
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPCnqPieZB
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjU8OrWuhI
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzXTJvI5lM
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2wqOuNRzK
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13hRBZ6qdn
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNy6Toc8vv
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDIrwSkpf1
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKUVKjI3iD
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9G8alEQ1E
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOfTOQryAj
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpCCGL4aZr
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbd0ZQh5Nm
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329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5m770a2LT
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhz1GuIw1XJ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9EcJWknki
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj1BZqKeEY
