然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgeSGEq4mv
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0Ix48q1Bd
/272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ey3kTpK2t
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3ogPiEarP
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIB8e3JuoxD
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAjP74DL0H
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39POS3ZZS4
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCoGzUel1l
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxVWOIDgKB
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNfQoFpIvI
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYKHmrlyEd
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDZRXY2OSv
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDVSd2tHv1
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsLEcYHUNh
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl6DnzGA8B
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbV8IBtGlN
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJCVkLZ7NI
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQsRKkZ6YC
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPi8l1ahe6
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZdmaXiA3t
他心情不好便會打她。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5c38QKKJ6
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBhIUiNhgb
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LrnyBEJUN
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGYjn3U0cW
一下一下打下去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuy1DzjKlL
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp84nEM5G2
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaC6fIZtyi
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTAzJQrE5S
「我無唔聽話呀！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivTLSXMDsf
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAURNavrfj
「仲講大話！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQcmLRRvPZ
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1Ebyel3LO
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6qQd8S9Do
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38k0fPBi63
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3dOyT9AO1
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAXT31t4PI
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyRUexb7wf
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzk1ZscWF1V
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvlv3yIyqP
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSPsiXE25i
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoHlk54q2z
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJhCX8pYn3
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBT1u2SVUw
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡns3FEGdyuH
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkqVUX2xZb
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxFHrkKSw6
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaJ1FZMPEr
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJweCKvXa1K
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4W3SQykVah
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡym6mHp8zkw
/272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ge4nLIYpF
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqdGtDz4D6
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AVGSVjbGI
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGut5Kq8IW
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEuqcTVITt
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWVmtJtlUL
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SptSlx1KG
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wTeVXukhV
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSg1vHPa0p
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZvZVPHuU4
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLiRaSkKMI
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S8Z8ldDBG
「熊仔去咗邊？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnypUFZ7SWi
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1f9H5dKRz
「我抌咗。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQr61LzPAAV
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyb6SmvrUd5
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyJfXIQ5dY
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGS6ub5cQxi
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SMTWfC7OH
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlRkY75E0O
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Nj9sI2RTx
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEV3v0szpo
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YK1ywQIYK
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphOOImXHNa
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYDGVAqMS0
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngYpCML3Jh
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBQK8dSB0a
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBG9nWr10H
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpJzGOxiIO
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETsORoILj5
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEk0z1znG5
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ95yNecxNf
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8ZAWlCwcX
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDqj8Ct6a4
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmecFh5eLC
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vfESWFPtE
/272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlQu3P6VL1
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NFyIX929L
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e7R6tVQVU
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXKzo4v20C
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvD1RxzzIVt
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCbg6esbe0
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1S3atmDWs
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7R6trRFxCk
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCsahZ3YEo
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpSdif0VK2
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL38k8jJF3e
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtOntqD69J
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYozjkeGpU
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvUhQap5H2
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36ssuaW9c3
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WMBogT0OY
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKxkeFjF59
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKSZYZHMPh
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTAuy9cO2r
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwBkWBj5nh
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQtgm0sxY0
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtH4LwIxKun
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYUr78L56D
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4UHDIblA3
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyAVGv4feA
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjZkAySavD
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlk8PzkbGy
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQq3nmQdve
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7UnSQGWvN
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzi22nXjsE
直至父親又打家姐。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42oqlMhYND
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8a35zFbza5
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSecz8LClRU
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUhtM5s4v3
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoanwflj4xM
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fWoCL9IQd
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxUwsYE8QQ
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEjn7lX3fs
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvKPhZ6cnh
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXZ5ItSAFz
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOPc9WCE5o
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9O10cCT5H
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDAJO3IfPi
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLqsmM8DPa
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu1s1vM417
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewmW6WQfK9
「我無！」家姐搖頭。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzURd8wt5pa
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3Aa8M0vCj
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1m7DpD9rbs
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCrPhG2Tkw
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20w8XfqUMn
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYo79H16ln
「多謝阿爸。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHIDpzBVfZ
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrozpDxS6M
家姐推了林蓁落地。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBAz97D8JE
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHhQ0uBC26
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnuTYptBnW
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoH6Tc5cFQZ
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLywI8W3qVK
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVHpfMt0vq
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlKBthU0zQ
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP1pWL4GQg
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ai7Ps9ljZ
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cIW8gNTRr
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkWN4NTZwo
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxOK44MlA8
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSW8yK2fV6
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4Wa8z9qR1
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272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8EbyBJlqG
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiWDY9LTaw
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH1e6Iahmp
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSihLU0pLUe
