在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkxYkhwubZ
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroob0J3zdm
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoOy536oMa
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONQ9ON2HE6
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnIlro5eBr
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0sUdwiFxP
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQBaO6mS64
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYNpxRHvsk
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyIb2pSVSU
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8s9zalib5X
「你條裙有血！」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6FD5jDLM0
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRl69SFLqQ
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqhmLDz93U
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDp98BsHah
「大個女啦。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTEBJVtJn5
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdE8mCn31qX
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgVzRiQA8K
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ52vBLGrL
「去廁所清理吓。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rEMWCjIVk
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEvg01RQx1
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKv406YHH4N
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSdu1CmiZa
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVTXdSWSAC
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPAsrYIWX0
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNUHuezr7g
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGPf24IAdt
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyc0icNgWt
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8O0L4xDEtT
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MFTPmMw5N
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHwxyNGYvS
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDzpPIuEGV
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8Tu0PycfF
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeo8EgHtDxn
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYv8GdgStJ
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0dcGXUljY
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSKzPzB2yp
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlMhS54HF8
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5lyb9kfnx
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdMtgvsjjS
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlW0qTN43l1
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6gYeNvioz
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYPm0Dm0eW
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVw4pBNq6s8
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmilProqMSs
只聽見他說：283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeQYlHMptQ
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4MD90RyHr
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVxjaknv8N
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomQiyBL4Dj
林蓁心下一沉。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QhV3AWcoq
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoozhwLn5U9
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNA3VPbjNmI
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxWtxWO4rF
她又想，會不會是他口硬？283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3c2JllSc5
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1R6nKsulgI
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcL1FCDpt4
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMWw1gS8cD
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0wM7ycA9y
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSWzMt3qTC
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbLSnsL01G
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3nRyBoubW
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xhP0Eir6x
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkPOu7XI9B
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELoYRN4B6O
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIp77IStcne
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnEildGcNI
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMoSCXAGjt
/283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWro2VyNGR
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAuG8lXaCI
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmIqaYaIbl
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnE6LdsLzb
她去見了周立沖。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uIhkfK65W
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkA91dJuvPw
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uZiOMgKv9
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAj03JuHgzv
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHJc62NUG4
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9jnbwkYqt
「無所謂。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCsJnRENgM
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXANF2PZMu
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hKU9qMcOM
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uDqAnsiDD
家裡沒有飯吃。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sZWFUzcKf
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuf672koAof
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2MzFamz0q
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPWnOzws1Z
「你煮咩我都食。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfLer1157r
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL534GkDkti
「傻瓜。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08zwx8pcO0
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE31Mad7HOo
他摸摸她的頭。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavBhPKrriB
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdAK4Fl0uW
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrA3URjVFPh
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZl9GzI0I0j
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0z1JtkJeTb
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvgf1U4VQp
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhLYJPStuz
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNVdgiB1N9
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5ZqvJKgy2
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6BAo0gBnX
「不如食咗我先。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnS1Nn0qr5
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MQVJa0mxX
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52GCYKkXRU
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7WaKYdcqn
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBAHV0QT6y
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5fEM9QttS
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvdZLZ7h20
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6ilrxOhru
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDjHDG5yux
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHe3KzzgAw
不過，幸好，現在他在。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TeowK2lHp
283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsLJ9hSXuK
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。283Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWuWMIErQQ
