在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLsPxG5W8R
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhVg0d3xpx
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtrmHt4Gzr
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVupHrRcgH
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGkZshBLXT
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0JPrypTIu
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡameh389Ycv
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXPLzo5bm4
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgkSpb6rWh
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweesp3QDRU
「你條裙有血！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40kNMshInS
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eLXhZtQjG
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHzd6NSHV4
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGcxrEq9bj
「大個女啦。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3atho1qZt
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYNhsiRLHD
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheT3dWp3jW
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEKO1NGbe3
「去廁所清理吓。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2xhbs3B9r
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmI5pvl0sS
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5IstxZZRS
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtjbXIzoDr
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKUGWy2Sfr
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsEu0EzlPB
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDeBBGBXgh
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYwsrN7Azv
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4OHiB361k
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPT1TmlGU0
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNucEWsbew
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e05PGShXs
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVwq9Y7hdF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiC0tCMkM3J
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcu2DSrvE9
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRYIjNavAD
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACnjrLqQOB
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFr6lRQGFTt
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakSukV1soJ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XD6y5ngD0
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LeN0PsGIL
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0YG2At5Bv
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JSJ5R9stc
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsff0HoHbhD
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tiHYqG4nT
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzi0QdKfu4P
只聽見他說：330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgBlqGpGMb
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZlKgJo13S
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXzAWMyQCX
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFPyOPEelK
林蓁心下一沉。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIYNlr0wMG
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BRz2W9MRE
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO2ILz3HDU
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8C6PoburZ
她又想，會不會是他口硬？330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonBkUo2hyB
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNaEL50KBu
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1jN5t7pfg
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxdcAUDilv
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVD3sN1jEg
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wWCSpQUUE
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6dJMnxQye
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhD4nL9jl0
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1AB8G5NVq
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVOQcRl7Wf
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZhWeyCZQF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFy6XXGL2Wq
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzS3swTM43
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3YNP70dNp
/330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeZYnFSYP2
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhGRDy3xLe
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViZdArUfL1
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQReJCraG5
她去見了周立沖。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GYHuNEwcd
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAI5ayQRDC
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBngYJ7LUek
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmKPkNEdz9
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7pjZirAEJ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQHjgs99y2
「無所謂。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52ucZ3iZLV
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUr31iUKAP
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3G7p3YIm9l
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjgpF1ZGgC
家裡沒有飯吃。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SRskloUXb
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYYtVpNDoE
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Jw6Da8v5L
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9I9V7WWVHz
「你煮咩我都食。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtT5gaK09q
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXhGlquLVo
「傻瓜。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKDY2biVpQ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFsCw8SytB
他摸摸她的頭。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdaSdAWOUX
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmbRMMBjBn
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuTbRtSIJF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWCovG6Hyj
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtJm8PEgtF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtJh7Zery8
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVChAjidQF
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdQjm0y93q
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubmQeHC2lk
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3olg4RgB4
「不如食咗我先。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgKjczR3E6
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpYVmgxezl
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPX6KmS4jx
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZs1bEQBOc
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu9rI5meCh
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfDowvqrwC
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Bdk0uzla8
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9vDaiTiRA
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEu3PkE4P2
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVm2hYPkpc4
不過，幸好，現在他在。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSPjHg25CJ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3YXemTh8L
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLNQ9OZ91a
