在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndg8QQKwqc
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOD2kaQAZXy
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FlH2xr2EK
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K06g95Phu
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC87YbA5dja
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISsF9L7vy2
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W200lWEpj
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAkrCRoDWd
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPpxeLD0tl
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMho4OUWt47
「你條裙有血！」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPcdVhNiMo
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6m5IdESCH
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRETO6WXaqj
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dCh2kj5UY
「大個女啦。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxLTlRsa3g
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYhsh1cMIW
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWsqhyA0cc
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOXUZoOI3M
「去廁所清理吓。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fCUFaYqoB
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrhjOGOny4
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIErO2CaAD
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5aAMM68Lb
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv6Dlvlh6L
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28nrKFdSgo
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCF3a8sGZC
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oswSGaYJN
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gatJkl8Kb
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzKeVYaNu8
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DrHY3c0pq
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IWNthHq2k
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkqmibjVN8
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0g8S7NCYw
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomaYWeCJ5d
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwh6PnfLlz
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZ7jskp7TL
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCJoC1OmwP
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEaFQCUkyM
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2z4SZToCSb
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEzo2BlYmV
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7g8Ydgw5Mb
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMun7nJQ6a
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OpOhmTT76
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3LeJnJbOj
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwapkYk4aw
只聽見他說：311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWl35o9NGs
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWO1DASKEz
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyx9XcvXlC
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRSChddTIs
林蓁心下一沉。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJf2IDX5pk
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgUm0Sz1B4
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZXsz4g9TB
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOGDuAXElJ
她又想，會不會是他口硬？311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KrJSYenJW
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfzVd6ZFhH
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtm2XuXkMg
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKA0bSkC4w
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYn9teAMjz
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHok4MJEfDI
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjB2Ecgn36T
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsd6O1m3X3H
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlzjqPRn7o
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9GkuZpMJF
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqpRz73QvL
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dFarbtI47
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6VgLRuTNG
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRDNvilMfe
/311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsfuOLEMXc
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBKR7H1nke
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwkG6Oa06x
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL2cgPr9SiD
她去見了周立沖。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2prfcKfqJ
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSLM4eC8T1
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAlyTpC5Pz
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIMT9v55uZ
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAGINVvQwR
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgShkVdGS3R
「無所謂。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uDRdmMZtg
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Zey1or01E
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf9ZbMled5
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sUQiBAl9C
家裡沒有飯吃。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtE8Ezz37jz
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJlgSWMfb6
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqenPMK9cXC
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsoejFEttZ
「你煮咩我都食。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRm5yAIVWmS
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH92Ll4MOTZ
「傻瓜。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22Dd34P9Uq
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGr5w4Lr3WL
他摸摸她的頭。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1C8N7CCI7
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zv90reJKS
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHF5mD4M0lf
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEzG8wSlD1
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLouOConTK
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqdIBIbQdb
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbwBAoG76D
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kzJmJNqY9
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRqLixiTF5
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5jcsLG6U6
「不如食咗我先。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpdjX9XIuK
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8jsS14Xl3
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mLuYcMgVf
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GQbWHlxqA
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcrZS3I7de
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmTwD8Jq8G
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0JiMsVH3J
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjCAB4bdOd
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6o8dUGchzc
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajdIJQTt28
不過，幸好，現在他在。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHMAraFLbi
311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NGVxJmqkM
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。311Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnXv1j4DZ5
