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#8

《当“女神黑料包”解压后，全公司都SAN值崩坏了》

翎淵 翎淵
Apr 30, 2025 5 3 Mins Read
x
No Plagiarism!DbF5GrTrcZ2s4iDe2ayJposted on PＥNAＮＡ

【1】“这破公司的老板……是女神的电子宠物？！”  

我和星野晴蹲在社长办公室通风管里，盯着下方正在充电的「社长」——  

他的西装裂开，露出里面粉色兔子造型的机械核心，胸口印着：  

『型号：女神の爱宠-996号  

功能：信仰榨取／员工洗脑／自动叼飞盘』  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzigGYCf7GU

「三百年前……」星野晴声音发抖，「那女人说『要养个治愈系宠物』……结果养成这样？！」  

使魔突然从管道另一头钻过来，爪机屏幕亮着刚解锁的「女神云端」：  

「陛下！找到黑料包了！只要支付500円就能——」  

「买！！」我们异口同声。  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeakUPIfw9

 【2】黑料001：女神其实不会写代码  

压缩包解压后跳出的第一个文件：  

《天界系统源代码（注释版）》  

python  

def 压榨人类():  

    if 员工。情="绝望"：  

        打印（"好好干！明年给你上天堂！"） 其实根本没这功能  

    else:  

        调用（圣光PUA模块）注：这模块是外包给地狱写的  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbp0PjdsMQd

「等等！」我揪住使魔，「我们恶魔什么时候接过这种脏活？！」  

星野晴幽幽道：「你忘了？三百年前你说『接点女神的单子赚外快』……」  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOwvxlF87h

 【3】黑料007：圣剑是用马桶搋子改的  

投影屏上突然播放一段偷拍视频——  

年轻版女神正在天堂五金店讨价还价：「这马桶搋子镀个金，再加个LED灯……对，就改成『圣剑』造型！」  

店员：「您上次拿扫地机器人改『天使光环』还没付尾款……」  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBEh9WDcVV

星野晴的圣剑突然开始闪烁接触不良的彩光。  

「难怪……」她面无表情，「每次砍你都会弹出『请充电』提示。」  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wJVIiS4jG

 【4】全公司暴动！当社畜们知道真相后  

我们把黑料包群发全公司的瞬间，大楼炸锅了——  

-财务部把加班申请表折成纸飞机射向社长室  

- IT部解锁了「信仰转化率」后台，集体给自己调成100%升天进度  

- 最绝的是保洁阿姨，她抄起拖把冲向咖啡机：「原来我女儿过劳死的数据在这破机器里？！」  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfOuiK9I1J

「现在！」星野晴甩开HR胸牌，「去把『宠物兔』拆了拿回你的魔王城核心——」  

话音未落，整栋楼突然响起警报：  

『检测到大规模觉醒，启动终极预案：全员格式化』  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgrBMyizDs

天花板裂开，无数发光锁链射向员工，而社长兔的机械眼变成血红：  

「不乖的员工……要变成电池哦❤」  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2GrBN4yZe

 【5】魔王与勇者的终极合体技（物理）  

「只有5秒！」星野晴把圣剑扔给我，「用你的魔王力覆盖剑身——」  

我握住剑柄的瞬间，烫得嗷嗷叫：「这玩意根本没适配黑暗生物啊？！」  

「少废话！」她抓住我握剑的手，「当年停战协议怎么签的？『魔力与圣力五五开』——」  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZT9Q64hQ35

剑身突然迸发出红黑金交织的雷光，使魔在旁边疯狂拍照：  

「各位观众！魔王勇者合体技·正式名称为——」  

『社·会·性·死·亡·斩』！！！  

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0a5MI7OnIl

9Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpahPn279r

---

3.137.142.253

ns3.137.142.253da2
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魔王退休后跑去当社畜了
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Table of Contents
#0 Intro
#1 《被裁员后，我决定用诅咒让上司天天腹泻》
#2 《在茶水间召唤使魔后，它帮我做了Excel》
#3 《当HR掏出圣剑裁员的瞬间，我喊出了前世医保密码》
#4 《加入魔王工会后，我的考勤表变成了恶魔契约》
#5 《我的使魔偷偷注册了“恶魔Uber”，接单圣水外送》
#6 《HR勇者记忆全解锁后，发现我们曾是……酒友？！》
#7 《被迫和HR勇者“商务合宿”后，魔王的SAN值归零了》  
#8 《当“女神黑料包”解压后，全公司都SAN值崩坏了》
#9 《当女神兔耳照流出后，三界开始集体罢工》
#10 《当地狱推行955工作制后，魔王被骂“工贼”了》
#11 《当使魔发行“冥币NFT”后，三界经济崩溃了》
#12 《当女神在便利店打工后，她终于理解了人间疾苦》
#13 《当三界战争变成“线上PK”后，没人想上班了》  
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