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#1

《被裁员后，我决定用诅咒让上司天天腹泻》

翎淵 翎淵
Apr 30, 2025 17 2 Mins Read
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No Plagiarism!YDkQxJsfmjRU71MNStgMposted on PＥNAＮＡ

「——魔王大人，您被裁员了。」  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2Blv1Knpt

当我第七次把「黑暗融合术」用在Excel数据透视表上时，人事部的邮件突然弹出。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahbvfTmbee

「哈？」我捏碎了鼠标。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAxkgqdcfL

身为曾用「地狱火」烧毁三座人类王国的恶役，此刻却因为「未达成季度KPI」被黑心企业开除，这比勇者的圣剑更侮辱魔。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeMZajGQYB

「理由呢？」我咬牙切齿地敲键盘，指甲缝里漏出几丝黑雾。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdqqMdicjT

「上司备注：'路德维希君每天准时18:00消失，缺乏奉献精神'。」  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtNtkd9psD

……废话！黑暗生物在日照下会融化啊！难道要我表演《魔王变史莱姆》给晨会助兴吗？！ 

抱着纸箱走出办公楼时，我撞见了同期入职的田中——他正边哭边用领带擦眼镜，镜片上糊着「自愿加班同意书」的血指印。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GiDf3Xwo5

「课长说…不签就让我'社会性死亡'……」他鼻青脸肿地嘟囔。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAZIUPeRAQ

我盯着他衬衫下露出的诅咒淤青（明显是高层最爱的「精神控制术」痕迹），突然想起八百年前被自己变成青蛙的教皇——至少我还会给青蛙配个黄金马桶呢。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlX0KpUSkpm

「等着。」我从纸箱摸出半块魔王城伴手礼（诅咒曲奇）塞给他：「吃下去，明天课长会腹泻到说出所有贪污金额。」  

三天后，我在便利店打工时看到新闻：某企业课长直播谢罪，声称「括约肌被神明惩罚」，并哭着退还了3亿日元加班费。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBIddU7rAW

「现在的年轻人啊……」店长嚼着饭团感慨，「居然把上司逼到这种地步。」  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbKcnvfiV7

我默默把黑暗视觉用在监控死角，让收银机自动吐出中奖发票——突然有人按住我肩膀。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdZX3dB3hQ

「路德维希君，」曾经的人事部长笑得像发现猎物的鬣狗，「有没有兴趣…来我们总部当'特别顾问'？」  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ud2U7c0V3

他背后飘着只有我能看见的怨灵集团，个个举着「过劳死」牌子。  

新办公室比魔王王座还宽敞，但墙上「人生就是不断奉献！」的标语让我牙龈发痒。  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRhVLDFLSB

「您的任务是解决'员工士气问题'。」部长递来一叠投诉信：  

- 「希望废除凌晨4点的精神训话」  

- 「请求把自杀率从25%降低到24%」  

- 「建议用实弹代替催泪瓦斯做早操」  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpe9s0Lits

我微笑着点燃指尖幽火：「简单，先让管理层体验业火焚身的团队建设……」  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDCvrqvby8

「——打扰了。」  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLQFFJo21p

清冷女声突然插进来。我回头时，一个穿修身西装的女人正用钢笔尖端抵住我喉咙，她胸牌闪着冷光：  

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9NlUtqu7h

人事总监·星野晴

21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7MGOaMJ0W

「听说您只用三天就解决了课长？」她歪头时，发丝间若隐若现的银十字发夹让我后颈刺痛，「…真有趣，您身上有硫磺味呢。」  

3.145.57.4

ns3.145.57.4da2
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魔王退休后跑去当社畜了
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Table of Contents
#0 Intro
#1 《被裁员后，我决定用诅咒让上司天天腹泻》
#2 《在茶水间召唤使魔后，它帮我做了Excel》
#3 《当HR掏出圣剑裁员的瞬间，我喊出了前世医保密码》
#4 《加入魔王工会后，我的考勤表变成了恶魔契约》
#5 《我的使魔偷偷注册了“恶魔Uber”，接单圣水外送》
#6 《HR勇者记忆全解锁后，发现我们曾是……酒友？！》
#7 《被迫和HR勇者“商务合宿”后，魔王的SAN值归零了》  
#8 《当“女神黑料包”解压后，全公司都SAN值崩坏了》
#9 《当女神兔耳照流出后，三界开始集体罢工》
#10 《当地狱推行955工作制后，魔王被骂“工贼”了》
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