The things I hate. - The backup. | Penana

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#16

The backup.

savandler

May 31, 2025

136

1 Min Read

She was the backup,

She wasn’t pretty,

But she wasn’t ugly.

She was smart,

But she was so naive.

She was loving,

But couldn’t be loved.

She was trusting,

She was taken advantage of,

She was hopeful,

She was kind.

Then the world showed her how cruel it is.

When the boy she loved moved on within a day of breaking up.

When the friend she idolized stopped caring.

When the person she talked to every day wouldn’t respond.

These were the ways the world showed her how cruel it is.

She learned,

She learned how to wear makeup.

She learned how to shrink herself.

She learned how to turn her emotions off.

She learned how to keep herself from trusting.

She learned how to keep herself from loving.

She learned how to dress.

She learned how to be distant.

She learned how to laugh without meaning it.

She learned how to lie about how she felt.

She learned how to not look tired every day.

She learned how to hide the parts of herself no one would like.

She learned how to be realistic.

She learned no one would stay without a reason.

She learned she had to give something which she didn’t want to give to be accepted.

She learned how to be someone she isn’t.

She learned how to hide her entire personality.

She learned how to be the right kind of mediocre pretty.

She learned how to be the backup.

She learned she was replaceable.

She learned no one cared about her problems.

She learned she was never going to be the one.

I accepted it a long time ago.

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Table of Contents

#1 C.W. I hate the memories I still have.

#2 I hate how I feel.

#3 I hate the lies I tell every day.

#4 I hate my philophobia.

#5 I hate the distance.

#6 I hate waking up.

#7 I hate you C.W.

#8 I hate being empty.

#9 I hate that I can’t cry anymore.

#10 The real payment.

#11 I hate being afraid.

#12 They call me pretty until I tell them no.

#13 I hate the mask I wear.

#14 Why do strangers care when they’re online?

#16 The backup.

#17 If I meet you again.

#23 My reasons.

#25 Just a question.

#26 Pain is expressed in different ways.