人們經常說我什麼都怯,什麼都不敢嘗試;909Please respect copyright.PENANAlt289g68sT
害怕面對新的環境,害怕結識新的朋友。909Please respect copyright.PENANAAYhGzIdrYt
我怕,只是為了保障自己和其他人不會受到傷害;909Please respect copyright.PENANAGhcxTkQO8g
哪怕我一下無意的舉動,都會殺個別人措手不及。909Please respect copyright.PENANAUotQBEzWD2
亦有人說你都還未試過,你又怎會知道會否成功。909Please respect copyright.PENANAlu7NUsa4uu
但卻正是因為我嘗試過,才令我更加的怕;909Please respect copyright.PENANA5eTT1ymceJ
更加的怕我會無意傷害到她,更加的怕別人不會接受到我。909Please respect copyright.PENANAztXbNeURUs
那一次嘗試,就是我的初戀。
聽說,學校是戀愛的溫床。909Please respect copyright.PENANACQ8jXq2nG2
很多在學校談過戀愛的,後來都會大有發展。909Please respect copyright.PENANAkF1wjhI77H
但唯獨我,因為初戀使戀愛成為禁忌。909Please respect copyright.PENANAb9sjdXQeyS
那人是誰?一位由中一至中五的同班同學——婷。909Please respect copyright.PENANAQDb47PofZq
我愛上她不只因為外表,而是她的性格。909Please respect copyright.PENANAlfh8NrzQfT
那是我或她遇到什麼不愉快或不開心的事情,都會跟他一起談心。909Please respect copyright.PENANAYalZrOQyP2
功課遇到什麼難題,我們都曾一同解決。909Please respect copyright.PENANA2NtHknsIPP
就是經過幾年初中生活的薰陶,我就漸漸愛上她。
終於,就在一次自修時,我跟她示愛。909Please respect copyright.PENANAtkn5Jxn308
她突然不知怎樣去反應,呆了一呆;909Please respect copyright.PENANAWU2pstlpaP
然後就像答應我一般點了頭,但她的表情卻是不知所措。909Please respect copyright.PENANAb1ZpKZ1d8f
那時的我就當作她默認了,便「唔」了一聲作回應。909Please respect copyright.PENANAoyhtzZRHy3
她像沒聽到似的,繼續發呆沉思。909Please respect copyright.PENANAO2bzgvEsSY
也許她還未準備好談戀愛,就被我二話不說的拉進了來。909Please respect copyright.PENANAvVV0G423qY
現在回想起來,還是覺得自己很過分。
雖然說我們在戀愛中,卻和平日沒兩樣。909Please respect copyright.PENANA7wI6Nk6kLe
照樣的談心事,同樣的溫習考試。909Please respect copyright.PENANAUv28thfWPO
那時的我卻覺得無比開心,以為這就是談戀愛。909Please respect copyright.PENANAkQ33bPZmgO
還自以為得意的拖手,做些過分行為。909Please respect copyright.PENANAeLMj3sh9k0
然而,原來她在我背後已另有其人。
一個下雨天,我照常地跟她一起放學。909Please respect copyright.PENANA4FElHycnPz
當我打算跟她拖手時,她突然停下了腳步;909Please respect copyright.PENANAEPw640cUYS
滿面愁容地跟我說:「不如⋯我哋分⋯⋯絕交啦?」909Please respect copyright.PENANAB4EnC9WeRh
我愕然地跟她說:「點解呀?⋯你係咪有啲心事屈係個心?」909Please respect copyright.PENANAj7MTNhkajY
「唔係啊唔關事啊⋯其實係因為你」909Please respect copyright.PENANA0sQIL4YtOm
「我⋯?我做錯咗啲咩⋯⋯?」909Please respect copyright.PENANAhCsNSlgdXs
「我身邊啲朋友都笑我,笑同我個毒男一齊拍拖,仲同我講:『呢件咁嘅嘢你都啃得落?』」909Please respect copyright.PENANADMofFV3oaD
「佢哋講笑咋⋯⋯唔使理佢哋嘅⋯⋯」909Please respect copyright.PENANAZP0bFLfR48
「講笑?依家唔好話男朋友啦,我連其他男同學都識唔到個啊!都係因為你!」909Please respect copyright.PENANAvDWAdB90IW
「對對⋯⋯對唔住呀!我都唔想呀,我又唔知道⋯⋯」909Please respect copyright.PENANAUcEVVxcsSN
「夠啦!我唔想再聽到你講廢話!由今日開始我地再無任何關係!」909Please respect copyright.PENANAgltlBL9AyR
說完,她連同我的傘帶走;909Please respect copyright.PENANAunyyRFaRtM
剩下我一個在路中心淋雨。
其後幾個月的晚上,我開始失眠。909Please respect copyright.PENANAzi11HcQttx
不是想我做錯了什麼,而是想我一直以來到底傷害了多少人。909Please respect copyright.PENANAQAJBUmrzsR
結果用了好幾個月的晚上,都想不透。909Please respect copyright.PENANAC7jRMKTji9
不知道傷害了多少人,更不知道怎樣才能避免。909Please respect copyright.PENANAMGlFZigcbt
於是我就只懂得怯,希望能夠逃避問題。909Please respect copyright.PENANA0Y9bAeLFow
缺少了婷的交心,我變得更加迷惘。909Please respect copyright.PENANAayhCBeBma4
於是,我利用那唯一的途徑交心——互聯網。
跟婷絕交後,我的成績一落千丈。909Please respect copyright.PENANAogArP1uVap
學校裏朋友亦不多,做什麼事也不太成功。909Please respect copyright.PENANAzRUzNeNnUe
於是我決定在網上交友,至少也能交到個知心好友。909Please respect copyright.PENANAXhHh4fdC0V
中五那年,我就應識了另一個她——Peggy。909Please respect copyright.PENANAeAXU0GmKAk
初時,只是在一個交友群組裏面認識。909Please respect copyright.PENANACARSHcJchz
慢慢發現大家有共同興趣,便開始聊起個人心事。909Please respect copyright.PENANAPhUG0LtnnB
就是這樣,一段網戀開始了。
由於雙方都沒有自己樣子的頭像,所以大家只能從文字中瞭解對方的性格。909Please respect copyright.PENANA8EpJX53Kt5
正就是這樣,我們談開始戀愛。909Please respect copyright.PENANAstCud86IAV
不止在Facebook中互加對方作情侶,還一起玩些網路遊戲。909Please respect copyright.PENANA1maZxN2arQ
大家還試過互傳一些肉麻對話,就像喝醉一般。909Please respect copyright.PENANAlxDUgktCgX
我和她還通過無數次電話,就像我們是真正的伴侶一般。909Please respect copyright.PENANARLJKmHPOJm
問過大家的出生日期,知道大家的童年經歷。909Please respect copyright.PENANAaVv6B5dc4N
見不到對方的真面目,反而才令我更加安心。
但直到有一天,她要求我去一次約會。909Please respect copyright.PENANAIfYwkzNKhL
她說,經過這麼多年,很想跟我去一次約會。909Please respect copyright.PENANAryh2SrzyTV
「我都付出左我嘅初戀俾你,你可唔可以陪我出一次街咁簡單?」909Please respect copyright.PENANAJn73sCKDNO
「我真的真的很想看見你的真面目」909Please respect copyright.PENANAuR4Xzs5HeB
「點解次次我話想約你,你都同我講你唔得閑?」909Please respect copyright.PENANA6hxSmbInoM
我真的答不了她,唯有每次都說我很忙碌。909Please respect copyright.PENANAQOrw5iMkCU
我很害怕,很怕我又會傷害多一次別人。909Please respect copyright.PENANA5yizhBfVdV
要到底怎樣,才能避免這浩劫?909Please respect copyright.PENANAUFbcGEbhsO
難道要蒙着面出外?又不是參與什麼遊行示威。909Please respect copyright.PENANAFWaggCvjo2
但又不可能跟她分手,始終我真的很愛她。
「我警告你吖,如果你今日下晝兩點旺角恒生冇出現嘅話,我真係unfriend你架!」909Please respect copyright.PENANAQnKfh4a8lk
如今已經沒辦法再逃避,唯有硬着臉的面對。909Please respect copyright.PENANARlm479G6hq
我把衣櫃找了好幾遍,才能找到比較合適的衣服。909Please respect copyright.PENANAte5X1oIRXS
還故意把擦得比平時更白,還用漱口水漱口了好幾遍;909Please respect copyright.PENANA8ma9QTRoHI
久違的口臭完全消失,已經保證萬無一失。909Please respect copyright.PENANAqYseDcvZKV
做盡了一切措施,終於要出門。
「準時兩點正,我已經到咗啦!」909Please respect copyright.PENANANKrZXJEbJa
我就在恒生銀行門口,傳個訊息給她。909Please respect copyright.PENANALDbCP6oUpv
畫面顯示着藍雙剔,但她卻久久未見人。909Please respect copyright.PENANAquRL8HBAr7
然後我再問了她是不想我來錯了銀行,卻再也看不到藍剔。909Please respect copyright.PENANA4PLnHhHmDL
上面明明寫着「在線上」,卻像人間蒸發般再也找不到她。909Please respect copyright.PENANAbmqGEYFrgF
我站在那個銀行門口,然後又走到對面那銀行;909Please respect copyright.PENANAnJcUMGaEVq
由兩點等到六點,始終還是看不見她的蹤影。909Please respect copyright.PENANACo3Jc1TAgu
過程亦沒有任何一人跟我相認,我就像瘋子般逛來逛去。909Please respect copyright.PENANAEagXOtkW2v
但是最後,還是失望而回。
「⋯⋯你仲喺唔喺度?」909Please respect copyright.PENANA7nptVY5YGe
一日又一日的過去,她最後那短信息還是叫我出外的那段。909Please respect copyright.PENANA7SMOt4d6YD
她的Facebook封鎖了我,她的電話再也打不通。909Please respect copyright.PENANA5dkQTxuYIP
她的一切恍似就停留在那一刻,無論我送多少一發訊息給她;909Please respect copyright.PENANAmawiJDWe0H
還是跟他道歉,她還是照舊不理我。909Please respect copyright.PENANAr5bDPv5enX
失眠期間,我又想到為何她當天沒出現。909Please respect copyright.PENANAxLCFikEBPZ
或許她早已出現,但就是因為我的出現;909Please respect copyright.PENANA3YQ6waNlC6
她就完全消失,就像從沒出現過。
現在想回來,或許這一切都只是願者上釣。909Please respect copyright.PENANA8GHZlN8uCn
或者她根本沒真心愛上我,只是我一個自作多情。909Please respect copyright.PENANAm6m5bmxldj
但也可能她的初戀真的給了個毒男,就這樣傷害了一個少女。909Please respect copyright.PENANAXHvqGBrPsD
或許她那天是哭着回去的,就是被她的好奇心弄死。909Please respect copyright.PENANA9ihFO6a6DF
或許她還未準備好愛我,承受不了這好奇。
或許她還愛着我,還未接受到我的美。
909Please respect copyright.PENANA5QExQhe0tn
909Please respect copyright.PENANAliHPWzYNSI
909Please respect copyright.PENANAY3guDBIM3N