第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjGJhSX1x2
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wNozvECNR
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還沒有學會「接受」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOOjabq90B
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接受現實539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GF3YLbVBi
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因為認為是屈服539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPXgDfL9Gz
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感覺好像自己在投降539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua5TWqCCk2
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放棄一切539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2vDP7wtqu
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaInKBsjeR
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5pu6yvcz0
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認為是這樣子的狂妄539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIZAsTpXxC
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無他539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlofdDWk63
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說是愚痴也不過份539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNYmwA1v3n
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只是她不相信539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTkcuZRGAq
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懷疑539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNGxqQBZrd
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她⋯⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI2j0ix3Dn
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「⋯⋯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowbplHSlRt
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKT8ZJk2dBH
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單單是想像也有夠不安539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnt3PYhBzr
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCfkVivzqA
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOaBrGckBO
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唯一句539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNEcP8cOHh
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當局者迷，旁觀者清539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOL25KYrIrS
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXKgrR4S7D
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRRMCMof11
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8nv26KXu5
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且不死，無法殺死539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3RIufrnU3
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人家已經很盡力了539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tG8Bc9UAC
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFnQhZPoHv
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憤怒539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwXtUS7HKI
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFdO5navM4
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因為我沒有用539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthucnQ57hW
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHEsROs9hx
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE41AZPd68Y
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQSk5huDsG
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHbA9sd5qM
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsNZoqGHVT
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdM9SG5CnNT
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2Jyt3kDcG
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBx3gGpgG9
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVy2nHcv7w
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7Uj9rdkjG
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8rREqjbi6
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太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97FuRBvp1d
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已經失眠了多久？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpru0YvuNoD
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqX0lqPNex
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5EpvbQJj9
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItLO0cpq2o
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a4OhQEZYn
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzQEhz8iez
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVL3SwLPNb3
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEyKveNL7P
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutIDQUxtHG
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DiNfgMrEq
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbNCnXDyrD
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXoNg8Rfjp
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——呀？
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嗯？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkipdzAFx8K
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWENfonpExO
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXYyn9EbjZ
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Hl4LqWVIH
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51Ivj2jPuj
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCdhhxauKp
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajwLgcV8Yr
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpwn8eTea7
我也想活下去
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA97QdhTesp
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvrFa6y3Kj
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJJ6hHe3Bv
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoaoQuJTiB
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPOcdYQLG2
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlT9XJHyWpR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2S6RGK4uCE
或是說，我不希望⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbV7MtFk0gR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8rxEFXdeA
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUGu8qNmn4
⋯⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgkKPGSoiT
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PUKQBUWGQ
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLugeXzqqw
對不起539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9SZ6xqdGA
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg56ncFDcJl
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVAuYy6ssx
我也希望自己⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsZFXFWWPd
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nMpCH3Jcf
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYphpSCVj1v
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvtqmsKANq
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFan5J9PVD
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuf91YlR4ch
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6fgul0zEB
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQ2EC6cJkB
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZlEbyr1gO
角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UDUK4QD6e
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIS0hAYeYs
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dNJydXESl
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6vMdT8Pvj
「⋯⋯嗯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYwym9H8lX
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Fbdsd5c2N
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrPvi1Vxwa
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeXIM3Y5dv
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQBUyVzDhc
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfUk9XURD7
「⋯⋯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yKLsZHPgK
「真的」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeW8CygSO8
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnZPWhRJeQ
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhhbz7JfUv
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgX07gS3MU
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdWUkDugvH
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxEVM7Kmom
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXzkR6FUbE
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDgss5HX3j
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaKabAQgWI
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2Tebk14Hq
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROQpONQ8jK
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwoXM4GelP
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvL2fPV9Kxc
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3Zl0jp974
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkeYDPo1YX
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy98L6SrfSG
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAagTa1Vsp
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ244wueuTpK
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1EqIxLUVY
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjFoo1PH5D
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPy7NGqJ79
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBythHcLQc
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
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539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnk2vwVU5p4
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcgtoCdkGc
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99U7IRK3Bm
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZj7Qo5vT6E
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqhsKAq6pG
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuN0dbgRtj
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLigbFDgP69
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQ91bQk8YN
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQhxyPAh0u
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvFyyiyXe2
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bBUXp1sPL
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFHdK62Ec4
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwb7xlgBem
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGoagZAhyb
最後一記，最強烈
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539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvP5wxXp3nX
「⋯哈啊⋯」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtLRaFvleB
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomDYStQrxj
鬆口，直至其手到胸口539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu47H87AmPz
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYWRtiI8af
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEippWVI5fr
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
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539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFt7E9xMJ84
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSa4JkdYCWv
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOrBUniO9S
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYRszXHH0M
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4bNOwjT7i
「⋯啊？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0P454N9gor
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE8WV45TbH
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdybchl1V6
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiRjbByVkZ
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazajF9Rv8Q
「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNJgV22Ag2
「等、等等」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVR2TR1yq3
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWpqZwEWQA
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtFHSr2Oia
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW2v2ZzQdM
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCDjAoiomz
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOHjchxpt2
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvb8Gptoua
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutjbbjZTXw
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLnxreDUPJ
完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRspnwGSGul
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNiooli4W2
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbT0mfOZ7WE
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfzw31LHP6
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguQaDWdQsN
好痛
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftCNTRlFlR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxslkYC58u
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rzQ7Cal1l
但會有人在意嗎？
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539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbmbiJYmL3
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7p9zv2cg0z
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjzDmBshq1
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlryU4rZryw
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNV2GYTkwde
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRlTPqFmTR
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR97AsgO3S
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauCi4e3vH0
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5EhxQfDp6
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsRJugOuKk
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8laPavNobg
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRFh15xHmg
永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO7h6xCdU5
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPV9TqhDwbc
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QTxizkKSS
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhtnEj0bJa
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexApQqoipP
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpkBDrYFWx
每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wJsI967zf
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7urkxxT1fv
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cNezwgenW
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pP1XVI6WS
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheShErRp3g
比較下，條件不由自己定
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgBvinJkFS
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbzxoWyOus
我沒有選擇權539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uPHrQx8N9
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkHoSSmHpP
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvNW9wA0Vz
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDHLkWtcxn
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjIabzjNJx
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79LUbOgThp
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdJs41cFXa
明白嗎？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJyIZD50XY
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RvMFHBamI
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwS5EImay9
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcybIFrPVON
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ64X3q8aRD
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRwaEQ3Ge4
若世界更溫柔的話——
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539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUMFAfA2WT
不可能539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiu4oYSSWv
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhSM0zsVel
故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiOoAm4eeC
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFRAb5cBdC
什麼也沒有539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJibBYOz1gc
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XQrQeTyas
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSQGmK0YqM
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5xdGr7fu5
在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BfAChKS84
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaoV9hMktE
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix838nFOk0
當然539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFkr1t80ju
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ22oZfB1L7
絕對
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3LnEfHxWx
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoH475KBt1w
不想539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3jBVMmzAY
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37JBPLKcN1
但始終，真的太辛苦了539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2r92Pf8nh
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxcqixwT2F
⋯⋯539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsYWYjNuvB
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhBGIRqKLs
思考真的太辛苦了539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTVWPs2znv
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEN6U3jiIFE
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UuAygO9ex
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xTMqngVgM
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9HLa3OG8W
「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnux7NoyUHr
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oNCXGJ85d
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUMTHlVQyo
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZYcp0OGK1
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVIPstfZHW
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQozl0MTxz
「⋯⋯對不起」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFctBKq4Mvo
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMKaBg7Sk1
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfC490Bu6jk
「嗯⋯」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dNMBauQKS
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKdyERPyae
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWGeebbZ2S
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCbXtmZyme
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWEbEhA5Sk
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSdLpVnINE
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsS7HBFWnl
「忠誠致赤雨之日」539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBay0zpyN6a
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1Geyrlj4U
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbVq71mvzO
女孩說道
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxYrxGPu7b
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgiMETNAgx
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFHL5nP9Lk
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt9qEOVMON
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2y8NYlyxw
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigoJKGffZA
是女孩的指示539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4ImFdtQU3
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBwoskCg4p
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylFZ3TzMWD
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxGrhx0tC1
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFqzW7sgaj
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkdGxOM2RN
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGGMHISSot
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5iQJNWsnv
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38ZRyiOb5U
直至最後能看見的——539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZTW9C9oDl
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzRHfa6FFh
也不存在
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSUiu84d9X
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34MedMNNUf
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7OJbhYyQo
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VuUnYwSS5
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkViPr9BCG
但無法辨認539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXmiDJo5KH
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BMSahN6H3
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVY0MKsmNDr
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMcsFaF7Jc
黑暗將自己包圍539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYG048Pqda
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7Ra9iRR76
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61WNYXO8hP
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZmELZD61Z
不知多久了539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqxuGslCQ8
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMasxUrtHLz
在那時開始539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsqQo7RdBq
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFk2h1V815
那裏539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlsBxu0cVv
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi29xy1mOTc
但有些事情〇〇
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjOjBd6kCZ
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlmnQnWLKB
〇〇〇539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUeZwiD84y
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ389GreXd2O
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwauTSQrpt
〇〇〇〇〇〇539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqaSRMFPpk
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcXsQtWB1P
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoY1467vv11
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3djpbNDyHT
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh2X8jkwst
現在不是你的回合539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA13qcgMZOV
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVy4SoFKSF
539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAUMRJifMP
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