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第二章 —— 粉碎心靈而行
EP 1
知性逆襲
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是否忘記了初衷401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IUlpNlFfa
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有一件事，她從來不理解，照其個性，那怕重來也不明白，為什麼、如何、怎樣地，質疑事實，儘管已經繞之而轉一輩子了，每一角落、真相的碎片亦熟知401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWR1Ju3X0H
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還沒有學會「接受」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne3TYKYpdF
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接受現實401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09kFjkGyGe
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因為認為是屈服401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4s8PmNbSR0
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感覺好像自己在投降401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDcloplpVG
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放棄一切401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQivrdFTin
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追求完美至上，而不允許錯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuqLz8adLm
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如其之出生，尤像生活，所聽、知，授教的401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SDDZ7Wf6C
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認為是這樣子的狂妄401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5D2EDZd0L
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無他401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAgZECWbJb
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說是愚痴也不過份401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7rTH1NwkJ
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只是她不相信401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6heGzXmcaz
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懷疑401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrccoPLRMk
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她⋯⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtiieQmOSt
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「⋯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vIZZvWsJb
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由一開始，女孩的這種個性就已經總結了此下場，這並不為因果關係，純粹因這個下場的發生堪於必然，而是狀況的現象化，星星的模樣，是因為太遙遠才是唯美而存，近看，以生命來燃燒的想法，無比嚇人401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8gOuPpFoA
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單單是想像也有夠不安401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPWn87JYj0
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儘管此刻的自己也如看鏡面一樣，對此狀況不只是目擊證人，近是案內者，經歷者401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8MSIgaf2U
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但若論為什麼會對其驚訝401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX3dbJmWxT
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唯一句401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAWcc0sQZ7
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當局者迷，旁觀者清401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tDYw4sp2Y
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當初，我也不曾察覺其他的事情，只為信仰而活的自己，追求理想的結局，拋棄所有的我401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4kRrBIMgx
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根本不在意自己的身體點燃上星似熊烈401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXPROz7O1k
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想法，是會傳染、變異、影響、控制401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnfKDDI2mw
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且不死，無法殺死401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOfCqZ1kLd
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人家已經很盡力了401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9GMURyRnP
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我一直嘗試在抵抗這份感情401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwG1E6bAuOA
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憤怒401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtlF8nExuB
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一直以來無論多麼努力亦不能有什麼結果401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYe7CaKJOX1
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因為我沒有用401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsiN4vJJWh
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因為我的能力不足
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—— 咯 ——
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輕輕地扭開門把，金屬的把條縮回門鎖之中，角度的漸大，門的打開，男人就在該處站著401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQ4tj0GGXY
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「是的，陳熒羽⋯對嗎？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU348NSE9WS
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「嗯⋯嗯⋯⋯打擾了」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uKRyr7UIp
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進入到久違的房間，和記憶同模印的擺設佈局，主色調為米色，副色白401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GSdJF0VGI
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—— 咔 ——
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關上門，房間消音的性質方真正開始，完全隔絕外在，此處的所有聲音仍會遭吞蝕，留在這裏，只有這裏，才將自己從這個世界中抽離401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAGz7P4cfS
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沒有吵鬧聲
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餘下的，是自己腦內的聲音401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpc4IpBG0PT
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與其說是喜歡，說是比較、偏好才對，始終腦內的聲音，一直停不下來401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1BBedx4wf
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討厭
討厭
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「唔⋯⋯對不起⋯上次臨急改期⋯」
「不，沒關係」
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男人走向沙發，攤開掌心，以手勢示意
「來，請坐」
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對他點頭道謝後，我往位置坐下來
「那麼⋯最近睡得還可以嗎？」
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「唔⋯嗯⋯還可以⋯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9y19SVyzV
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深呼吸，讓血管稍微收壓、放鬆，使心跳稍為緩下401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1EQYwju8u
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舔了舔下唇，我才繼續
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「⋯最近⋯夜驚的情況⋯有改善到」
「但還是有嗎？」
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「嗯⋯」
胸口的壓力感在說完話後消退，弄得自己好像成就了什麼大事般
「⋯這樣喔⋯沒關係，不用勉強，放鬆就可以了」
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「嗯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIernMb94y1
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⋯⋯
那對眼睛
⋯
不要一直看過來⋯⋯
不要⋯不要——
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已經無法呼吸了多久？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoTAAbAQJj
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太久了，不過至從學懂存在，便已經失去了呼吸的權利，「自由」一字的概念遙遠得不但不能觸及，甚至連想像的機會也沒有，提心吊膽地呼吸，屏住心跳，一輩子活在的地方 —— 恐懼而不和平的暗影之中401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDIpuU5xYb
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已經失眠了多久？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6w1Zeeflh
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失眠不是問題，而是衍生出來的結果，閉上眼睛仍然無法逃離，知道張開眼睛所面對的未來，毫不期待，害怕未來，受到過去而滿身傷痕，無論如何也得不到明天，好想好想那裏也不去，不前進不回去，待在原處，寧願原地踏步，寧願當個別人口中的笨蛋，討厭改變，卻401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEeCKBrUr4
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卻⋯卻⋯⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuNpOYFTe4
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一點不想繼續這樣承受下去，而終究還是困在如此循環中，沒有所謂「時間」的存在，昨天即是今天，明天也去不了那去，等候自己的未來，只是幻覺401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEc29LACAko
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還是說，世事可以和大家口中一樣嗎？
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由開始，已經不像任何人的前提，是可以怎叫自己活得正常，我不能、不會、不懂，現在不會，將來也是，儘管我是對這強烈不滿401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJKjY6UeZl
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但我有選擇嗎？面對種種，難道有其他方法嗎？
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每天晚上也這樣想著，徹夜未眠，哭過無數次，甚至麻木，到淚水不自覺流在臉上，同樣的床，同樣的夜空，左右被冷意包圍，呆呆無意墮入腦內401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6G43IMqnr
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好想，一覺不醒
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即使每一次的夢也不完美，我知道自己的夢有多麼壓迫，難受苦人又使人瘋狂，但好歹是夢，醒來之後便能脫離，不似得這個現實，所在所有的破生活，根本忘不了，尤其這份痛苦，以夜以日頻頻萌生新的根，扎在過迫的心靈中401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡek1E6AIElm
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恨不得粉碎了之，那怕會死
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死一死也蠻好嘛
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結束就好了
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—— 別開玩笑了
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人家也希望能夠快樂401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7Dtf4TkEW
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可是從來沒有，是完全沒有一個這樣的機會401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4ksLVzgKq
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也希望被愛
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也希望被認同
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⋯⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYDRJQcOnL
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我不知足？
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⋯⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdb6PqxWZX
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這世界一開始也沒有給到我們些什麼，「足夠」也是自己所定義的不是嗎？沒錯吧？！401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhT005ZJPcT
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——呀？
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嗯？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvWGI2rE5u
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又是這樣
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難得我想表達自己，鼓起勇氣，想成為別人所希望的模樣，總是在自己嘗試前攔下自己，阻擋自己到前方去，但明明是同一班人叫人家去相信，要怎樣怎樣努力，結果又只是說說而已401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCVWFTj8rr
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU34fRlJDjm
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisQhwZgbsm
我是笨了一點，呆了一點，像個白痴，直接當成傻仔也不過份，然而⋯⋯然而⋯我⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bPKD7OKIA
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ04bjUek40
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTN9ArjhlVD
我也想活下去
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxmhLlQY0X
但一而再，再而三，真正阻止我從現況中掙扎出來的，是同一人，給予假希望，當自己不足為提，尤如走狗又好，簡直為玩具，喜歡便拿來玩，不喜歡便拿出來踐踏好一番，然後沒了興趣時，就隨手一丟，棄之不理
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvOd0xl2Hk
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjC2II5cTy
莫名其妙，但真的好痛，我嘗試將心比己，下場居然是遭隨意玩弄然後棄之，我躲起來哭時又在安慰我，這是什麼？
這是什麼？
我寧願自己一人好了
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1WRhWX6Az
一直以來，我的人生，完全是自力更生，因為沒有那個誰，能真正幫助到我401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFCb0aWoR3
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5krQQUBNm3
或是說，我不希望⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9nIH40Pa3
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JRopBkrj9
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⋯⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNWOBplbrp
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對不起401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfojtJ3MjG
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KHl9yRejj
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UE6pMEYDo
我也希望自己⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtU0WyuNBr
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT1UI6IcOI
不過⋯⋯
「⋯那麼好了⋯今天就先這樣吧」
「剛剛斷藥一星期，狀況已經是有很大改善了」
「所以你真的不用那麼勉強自己」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySmW2DvzTf
「唔⋯⋯」
「既然完成了⋯那麼⋯」
男人深呼氣，站起，走近自己
「我們還有些時間」
「嗯⋯」
緊張，我吞口水下騷燥的喉嚨
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEtlBl2MUk
男人他站在自己後面，就在沙發椅子後面，伸手按下椅旁的按鈕，讓椅背調低，另一手則是在輕輕地撥弄自己的額髮，角度之下，我能直視之俯視的顏容401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoTVhrQ4Yq
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXTtaZrRAZ
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角度最大，椅背的最低，躺在沙發上的自己在剛才過度集中精神，現時便持續精神疲勞狀態，稍有腦昏，意識模糊，但仍然，我知道接下來的發展
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8hjvQcx3Q
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jmiWel4v5
對此，心跳開始不受控制，我的呼氣聲明顯大了
「剛剛在外面的是？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NJcy6v5j2
「⋯哥哥」
「不再是家人以外的嗎？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7paQ8vuRG
「⋯⋯嗯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QU0Arcrrk
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDcvmBK4F9
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCkDazIhY9
男人緩緩地往自己校服裙領，衣領，膀子那邊伸手，溫柔，但快速地解開鈕扣，使頸前空間寛鬆些許
「哥哥⋯⋯會討厭哥哥嗎？平常」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKimPxzhlj
「很少⋯」
「真的？要説真話喔」
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「⋯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqRRljJFrC
「真的」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MdeWzUvf3
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0txHUnJuS
反手，迅速地拉下了背後的拉鍊
「這樣嗎？」
—— 『反正會變成怎樣，我也不在意了』 ——
托著肩，使自己稍為露出背給對方看
「⋯哎⋯不行喔⋯沒穿嗎？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5zSmtR8NC
「今天趕著出門口便⋯」
「不行呢⋯你可要注意一下自己的身份喔」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOTt4fhbJL
「對不起——呀⋯」
「是我的手冷嗎？」
「還可以嘛？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjKnr6wkGd
「沒事⋯只是有點緊張⋯⋯」
「也不是第一次了呢，放鬆吧」
「我會盡快的」
除下上面的部份，完全露出後背來
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpuyEwQhMH
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWhWPvZxas
沒有直接看，觸感因而格外特出
「不看過來嗎？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7XtYIALFP
「⋯⋯不用了⋯」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDwWNBJ0yq
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4fOrKWB1r
世界內完全隔絕其中的空間，我的呼吸才叫無比格外突出的存在
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIwrChk83V
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Pgm3V9hs2
冰冷的手撫在這副體溫比常人高個1-2攝氏(C)度，對比之下任何東西才更為清晰，尤其一對一之下，我方才明白自己的真正
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6af6NKLfM9
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIXyGEEP7J
從背縫伸入裙中，撫著背脊，繼續下去
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBCnsjubsQ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1j9aFAenIm
往那兒去
「啊，醫生⋯那、那個⋯」
突然地動了動，使男人的動作暫停了半頓401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwelYPZYaF
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCg7Kxce5Zt
「可以⋯不要嗎？」
「不行」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIicB9RkfR
「⋯我怕痛⋯」
「⋯⋯要先從前面來嗎？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxC4lvzRLV
「⋯⋯嗯，拜託⋯」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PxyE7YSR2
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17bJQIVuO2
抽手，繞過身，徬如要抱住自己
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqaE10vUVi
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeSfOM7X0s
見他的手遲遲不動，意識到什麼的自己方才示意
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ630mZD0IIt
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpMW9vUlsm
拉起裙子，他的手伸至自己下腹
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TeLkJUt8E
如記憶一樣強烈的感覺，身體因那股不只為痛楚之上的刺激稍為扭計抽搐，更可能因感覺過為久違而特別地格外，淚水溢出，我知道不可以動，但下盤，比較近的那處，完全就不聽命
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR21VdCvAoP
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PRs91EHeG
「哈⋯醫生⋯呀⋯手⋯手⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6c2MmlNu4
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3kxmIMSMiQ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCR9Lbf9NG
伸過來另一手，習慣性地抱住在臉前，口前，咬住401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5W4IMVNZd
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtuCEN44o8
「唔⋯唔⋯咿！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXognK6egg
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxJrcO6szb
最後一記，最強烈
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「⋯哈啊⋯」
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLradh245ND
鬆口，直至其手到胸口401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzdBzUV0TB
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7anl0AjkB
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqpNBBHm7g
儘管此處沒有下面的刺激，但仍然⋯痛楚必居多，畢竟是心臓
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG83npkaeDC
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKWhlLOOgY
放在前方，我閉上眼睛，任由感覺告訴自己而不想目睹
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUZhDcR4Xx
卻似乎⋯在自己預備好之前已經結束
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM2PGWUlcJ
「⋯啊？」
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJM5LX2Kr3X
連咬也不用，只有半秒的電流感
「前面完成了」
男人如此說道401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CGei2X4Q3
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3GO7E4SW5
那麼接下來⋯
「那麼⋯」
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「⋯⋯來吧⋯快點完事吧」
「好的——」
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「等、等等」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuk5V8op7DA
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLT4hzRXXhR
在他的手移至自己背時，我叫止
「⋯⋯」
「怎麼了？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡef3v87d7Tz
「我調轉身體，趴著，您從後面來⋯⋯比較容易對吧？」
「你喜歡吧」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgDNpSYKWK
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQWLC4Vt7o
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUQq11Z85m
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡept5tuyuhI
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAeCQc7kTQ
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完全將裙子脫下，連最後一塊布料也脫下，掛在一旁，接著倒轉，趴在沙發上401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63Gwlvy18M
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmfBE9kVOM
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK5vwtihIM
沒有什麼停頓的時間，在感覺到之際，我閉上眼睛
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8z5bnNeOT
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuX56PmYGqj
好痛
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJwFRrYIhh
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但會有人在意嗎？
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1syv87GyzK
他會、她會，但我不想使任何人擔心
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ238nKahCqN
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWmarv24VN
始終倒頭來，人家我根本不會怎樣和人相處，完全不出奇，毫無意外，畢竟沒有人教導過我，也沒有這個機會，本來與人相處，我也沒有那個需要，但另一個需求，更不想去實踐
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2OEYVgWLB
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9bRYa5teC
無數次因能力不足的錯敗，完全是拖延別人進度的我在之前找不到自己的位置，現在也不能，即使以自己的能力而言，是會完全勝任
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5W2T3z5gx
單單經驗，和他一起高居其上，但致命的是臨場發揮，我不能401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLtmXQrVME
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaLJ890hPz
長期的壓力與否認積累下來，成為了自己那無形的牆，困住自己，我⋯⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7ALEkozzP
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMT9DsFK2c
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永生而來也是所謂「理性」的囚奴
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYUqg7wOEA
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDLYssAR1i
名為「理性」的魔物是我腦內的聲音，也是各種困難的化身，我無從逃離，因為它無處不在401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAvGVHw95d
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPr4KHulQKM
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每日侵喰自己的精神，我口中的疲累，永遠會是先指精神疲累，做事，任何一件也是，它亦會阻止我，更不止一次而是無限多次
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcdxd60DYv
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4CoqEnqCg
控制我的動作，以自己的精神和動力為糧，在開始點絆倒自己，途中不斷勸退自己的努力，在受傷時再插自己一刀，在面對困難時成為負擔，以及那些不斷催促自己前進的壓力，成為自己真正到不了那去的最主要原因401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljNXjTOCQ2
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kOuFHAHAE
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvgU4acgaH
比較下，條件不由自己定
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjrT1p0GzP
我沒有選擇權401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OY4LHSBuK
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjwewwneRB
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsq8FL14jh
就連思考時，亦會來作崇，煽動自己做出愚蠢之動，決定時一二不是，我失去了選擇，見步行步什麼的，對我而言只是屈服401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIinnQXKln
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOJEEaWTsN
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明白嗎？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNOMJYKMKs
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3ZTHm89ux
我不是不想努力，而是我所有事的起跑線都比別人遠、艱苦，無法正常地思考的痛苦，總是被他人卑視又白眼，我在努力，他們看到嗎？可以讓我努力嗎？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5CyQjAdAQ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRSd1FzFRP
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpqjB1JWYs
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpgdQmpETg
若世界更溫柔的話——
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不可能401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUyMsYZpL1
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故然，我的作用⋯也沒有所謂的意義401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCByRjyuPMr
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什麼也沒有401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpRkQ4ZLRZ
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在邊緣望向彼方，死亡那，我想過去嗎？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgoujbOopK
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UxqWnZgHH
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcstNGCv6xC
當然401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnux1lD3VNH
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絕對
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xKPEE8UeI
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCD9Etrsdwo
不想401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jIXvoJjHV
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfWNBvMVf3
但始終，真的太辛苦了401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3H59IjGvr
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⋯⋯401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNVIiM2WaZ
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思考真的太辛苦了401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3t5jpCt5F
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgMSVnNnY3
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「好了，怎樣了？痛嗎？」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZwRmt3J50
「呀⋯⋯還可以⋯啊⋯」
「嘛，好像新的藥劑太強了」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBvjvDPe1E
「不⋯不這樣⋯我真的會休克⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfntpzTtLJ
「給人家條毛巾可以嗎？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiDlCLz1oc
「⋯⋯還有⋯抱歉⋯⋯」
「沒關係，我待會清潔」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJDmzde8a0
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28rv3Wmh2e
「⋯⋯對不起」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOCw4p0Mp8
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3yEXqIpID
「那麼⋯先來聽一下結果吧」
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhNMQTM2c7
「嗯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7ynLA7bq4
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqWxEtEq93
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sQMwIXdZe
「你已經有四成崎品變異融合了」
「骨髓、荷爾蒙、肌肉組織也完全適應了」
「看來，你的身體已經預備好了」
「嗯」
「在不久的將來」
「為新人類的未來祈福，紅雲感激你的犧牲」
曾經，我也有夢想
我希望使他人微笑、快樂
幸福
儘管我不曾能理解
但現實拒絕了我
正在自己徘徊崩潰之際，他們找到了我
說服我成為他們的工具
「忠誠致赤雨之日」
既然已是理性的囚犯，那麼就不自由下去吧，粉碎心靈也好
反正⋯⋯
人家我早已不在意
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最強大的力量，為信念
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401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwgOPJV7aS
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4gAnKovKx
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYUHnCxBIV
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRB1B7SQKS7
「忠誠致赤雨之日」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFb6hqCav7
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdWCQxylCI
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsJEWtl1z7
女孩說道
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhcKGIQ3VG
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Wphj9p34w
旁周的範圍漸漸陰暗，連光源 —— 燈管，周圍也暗淡
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡst75uv0TpB
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBePMnzwxGM
但不是燈光的點滅，反倒是影子的逆襲
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjnq113bIQ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhbyEpjrUs
是女孩的指示401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtuBqaSkwR
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpHEBfVjGw
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1m2ZuZhEFm
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRjYVZhwUa
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeSPDjipLD
從其身體散出，影子隨之散至每一個角落，讓漆黑侵佔光明
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05qx4w1eea
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9Q5GR6x8v
伸手不見五指，女孩逐漸消失在眼前
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ht1APcMls
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JgGipfVla
直至最後能看見的——401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8lsU0nfp0
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIVGVFmbDK
也不存在
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlxWqZ7KB1
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEyT0eSLLW
唯好像隱弱聽到了什麼401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgD0hi2B9vk
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5TF7q1rGO
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg44Z8jFA8B
但無法辨認401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cSlvmUHeu
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPkq7ba9R1
或是記住至可以重組一個句子
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡME6NIpf0BD
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhbJeRfm21
黑暗將自己包圍401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IplwJCTwB
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUrAmJ9TdS
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC13pSfvA1e
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1XJKW9T2O
不知多久了401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLd2nPySEH
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ335KkxoDWJ
在那時開始401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXtnoSYRB0
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsObM5T692Q
那裏401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqapQYEHR0H
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp0Swjsify
但有些事情〇〇
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrMg71KAjI
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2fggfrRl9
〇〇〇401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoLJ8NsLUb
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoA4jrvydeA
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEqtOTS7Gx
〇〇〇〇〇〇401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTmbu7BvjS
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2atlP2Quk
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoUqnYVWEH
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wbnyw6axj
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpJuHL78XT
現在不是你的回合401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8GdIW9GkQ
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhTjmL1BH4
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEuVGzv7sj
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