大一打了個顫,徹底沉浸在幻境當中。說幻境存在,卻又沒能將它握在手心裡,或是用言語確切描述出來;說幻境不存在,但它又時刻縈繞心頭,迷人又煩人。像鏡中花、水中月,存在又不存在。393Please respect copyright.PENANAiCibOn0deP
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幻境的對立面是現實。393Please respect copyright.PENANA6rdzWpXdXz
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現實中的大一,是個擔起一片天的好丈夫、好爸爸。疼愛妻女、保護家人。他是二人的支柱,精神上及物質上。沒有他,她們鐵定活不成。肩上的她們很重,硬生將他撕成兩片。一個身影分裂為兩條生命。393Please respect copyright.PENANAMxtNfwPnQI
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他已死。現實生活沒有他。393Please respect copyright.PENANAbbkkmfk7m2
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那個像大一的傢伙,不是大一,是好丈夫、好爸爸。393Please respect copyright.PENANA3tE9g20HxJ
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真正的大一擔當不了這種角色。393Please respect copyright.PENANAIwZXFqgcvl
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真正的大一是個懦弱的傢伙,生來就是為了瑟縮他人胯下。393Please respect copyright.PENANAoZgiY3Lg1M
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在幻境當中,他如願以償。不需逞強,不需思考。隨風擺,隨水流,卑微地拜倒在阿零的狂野下。長年累月卡在喉頭裡的鬱結,終能在倘大的房間裡迴盪。393Please respect copyright.PENANA4oDoyY8mwF
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晨光初露。這是他們首次一起迎來日出。沒有浪漫,不帶情感,不需道別。二人彷如陌生人,分道揚鑣。阿零上班,大一回家。393Please respect copyright.PENANAhNb94cjkGK
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入屋,沒有亮燈。脫下尖頭皮鞋,放下西裝褸,鬆開領帶和皮帶,軟躺梳化上。面向緊閉的窗戶,隔著上鎖的窗花,凝望微灰微亮的天。基於照明亮度的差異,縱使天色遠不及電腦螢光幕那麼刺眼,但雙眼隱若生起痛感。瞇眼。光暗更顯分明。393Please respect copyright.PENANAoSw8YkVT8n
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屋裡很靜,空氣悶侷得可以將人暈倒。大一傻笑,笑想妻女從山區回來時,發現在梳化上斷氣的他,會否嚇得當埸昏倒。393Please respect copyright.PENANA91Z3v8RcUt
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妻子是個不折不扣的賢妻良母,將家事打理得頭頭是道;女兒品學兼優,聰明伶俐,前途一片光明。二人跟隨學校組織的活動團隊到偏遠山區兩星期,在當地學校體驗和交流。393Please respect copyright.PENANAXySsiZAApj
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換著是其他人,大一鐵定會認為他們只是為了在孩子的個人履歷上留點痕跡。但他了解妻女的性格,相信她們真心認為這項活動利他利己。393Please respect copyright.PENANAQdDUeVSZ4D
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哭笑不得。393Please respect copyright.PENANAoa3g33dR2k
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妻子從未踏足職場,畢業後馬上結婚生育,全職當家庭主婦。女兒仍是孩子,未經風浪,不知世間險惡。不食人間煙火的二人是天使,純真無邪,遠在雲間嬉戲,沒能理解在世間打滾的大一。393Please respect copyright.PENANAjbjS5sgoRS
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筋疲力盡。眼開眼合,光影混和。矇矓,迷糊。393Please respect copyright.PENANAO36Wnx5bXt
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只求有個休息的地方,算不上過份吧。393Please respect copyright.PENANAttkRVpZfGx
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這個家,這間屋,這張梳化,一枱一椅,一磚一瓷,全都是他辛辛苦苦賺回來的。可恨,偏偏這裡不是適合他休息的地方……393Please respect copyright.PENANA4RlqgtnSU4
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是夢是幻境,大一又回到昨夜的酒店房間裡。393Please respect copyright.PENANA8lZqnfMj6v
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有個洞,他鑽進去。溫暖,濕潤,無光。不寬不窄,剛好足以容身。是休息的好地方。