The past week with Desta, my new boyfriend, has been absolutely amazing. On Monday evening, he taught me how to cook ital stew without okra, and ended up eating me out on the countertop.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAwh89dr46UZ
"This thing's taking forever to heal," he grumbled, grabbing the tent in his grey sweatpants.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAs1RBIlUBno
He then went to take a cold shower, while I ate my ital stew alone.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAEkQNQaNESh
On Wednesday, after work, we went to Ocho Rios. I love it there; its so picturesque, just so special, that I feel like Ochi should be a country by itself.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJ83o0xfoyQ
"One day", Desta said lowly, as we drove back into St Andrew, "I'm gonna fuck you in the water at Dunn's River Falls."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAGy5LAW3SlX
That set my skin on fire.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbvljMKjRNI
Graduation was yesterday, and honestly, I can't remember half of it because I couldn't even wait for Quad to get waisted.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAMZOrb0gnRV
As for Quad...well, fuck.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAalK0usyri9
According to Melissa, one of my fellow graduates, I wined on everyone, drank a two flasks of fucking John Crow Batty Rum* by itself, passed out, and had to have her take me home.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAfwXHQtsn7t
Please note that I'd already had two joints and five rum and cokes — more on the rum side — at various points throughout the ceremony.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAdFigMnbZdB
This all explains why I woke up with a bitch of a hangover this morning on Melissa's couch.
540Please respect copyright.PENANABDomZxpHAx
"You're quite the party animal,"
she says as she makes breakfast for both of us.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAKVzTiUygH2
"I get a bit... carried away when I'm celebrating."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAq7ECLn5Gpe
"Honey, that's the euphemism of the year," she says as she puts two waffles on each of our plates.
"You sure you don't wanna throw up first? 'Cause I'm not cooking again."
540Please respect copyright.PENANA0goubcS5iW
I can feel my stomach protesting, trying to purge itself, and I know that I won't keep the waffles down.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAb63IJKYuWT
"Okay."
540Please respect copyright.PENANA77O0VTpzP9
***
540Please respect copyright.PENANAzoLyEanCLt
"So who was that hottie that was with you yesterday at the ceremony?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbhx9kPj8py
My mouth freezes mid chew.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAjvHHoSXf9m
"Desta was at the ceremony?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAb8nPOzDeHF
"Huh. Odd name."
540Please respect copyright.PENANABwINlDbaZj
"It's Ethiopian. It means 'pleasure'".
540Please respect copyright.PENANARkLwee2kuF
A sly, perverse smile breaks out across her face.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAQBqAEzCTcZ
"Pleasure? So he pleases you, Ezinma?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAwJ3dRpiLC7
"Shut the fuck up."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAd9muGbpIYn
But it's true.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA50oTS3prMP
"He's my boyfriend."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAciPNsBuYhh
"Oooh! You've never had one of those before!"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAthAonuVxMh
"Yeah, well, don't get too optimistic. First relationships don't usually last."
540Please respect copyright.PENANA0jVJsM3eLh
I know, in my heart, that she's not the one I'm trying to convince.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAAC3gEsN5da
***
540Please respect copyright.PENANAHlDr0wJAK3
"Congratulations again, E," my mother says for the fifth time, smiling at me from across the dining table.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAtMshmnjmKr
I can't help but smile back; she looks so happy, so proud.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAFFnnku93Rt
As for my father, he has a grin permanently glued to his face, causing his Chinese eyes to look even more like slits than they do naturally.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAkvzTpOI4E6
Desta is sitting beside me, eating in silence, and for once, behaving himself like a good boy.
540Please respect copyright.PENANALU3UhMWXIp
I did introduce him to my parents upon arrival, even telling them about his name, but they were too excited by the whole graduation thing to even notice him.
540Please respect copyright.PENANATV9Ng5FZx5
And I know Desta. If he senses an opportunity to fuck me up, he'll take it.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA9JxII2CGJB
So it's no surprise at all when he tries to pull the same shit from the restaurant and puts a hand on my thigh.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAmA0B7BeYA3
I look up, into the eyes of my smiling parents... and I can't.
540Please respect copyright.PENANApK03i3OEhb
Very discreetly, I remove his hand from my thigh, and I shake my head as if trying to get rid of a bad thought, but surely, he gets the message.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA5AfkxnWDxm
"E? What's wrong?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAdSE11lqwaP
"Nothing. Just tired."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAST7Xv5P4pG
"Oh then maybe it's time to go," she says, her voice full of regret.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAN1ZVXLe1sx
"But she's only been here for an hour!"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAC4KGJLhgnh
"Marcus, give her a break."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAu1syOhKNAM
And I want to go; My parents have been plying me with questions about University, Rozii and life in general. I'm just not into the Q&A.
540Please respect copyright.PENANASJddtXxERk
"Your friend will take you home, right?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAC4Nokrmpxi
"Yes, mummy."
540Please respect copyright.PENANA6EsoO8kKuf
***
540Please respect copyright.PENANAzj8uwYrsXC
Within the five minutes of idle chitchat that is customary whenever one is leaving the house of someone else, I pick up on some weird "fuck you" vibes coming from Desta.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAUMvLOGuyIP
The first thing I notice is that when my father makes inappropriate sex jokes, while I giggle and snort, he's in the background brooding.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAz77nq8JTET
Then, every time I catch a glimpse of him, his giving me a side eye.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAN4cRyr7xIa
Finally, when were leaving and my parents finally take notice of him, they tell him:
540Please respect copyright.PENANAfUJtIncqZL
"Goodbye, Desta!" (My mum)
540Please respect copyright.PENANAlagVIWgtpm
"Bye, Desta! I hope E finds you pleasing!" (My dad, who then gets some fucked up side eye from mummy)
540Please respect copyright.PENANAKC0glVOVEo
And all he says is:
540Please respect copyright.PENANAeNKMDnWv6k
"Bye."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAvDBm8uVZHA
No smile.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAwrSHE0suYK
He always smiles when he says hello, or goodbye.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAMRTusad9Rz
About five minutes into the drive — five minutes of him glaring through the windshield, five minutes of deafening silence — he says, "how do you feel about me, Ezinma?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAz01r9tbsZB
"I don't want you feeling me up in front of my parents, at my graduation dinner."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAMyeEssbXXv
That's the truth. I mean, the primal part of me wanted it, craved it; but the rational, logical part of me was absolutely mortified by the thought of having such a thing done to me in front of them at such a sacred time; because even if they never find out — and they more than likely wouldn't — I'd know that I defiled our moment, and that would ruin it for me.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA6Plps8FCNy
But I'm surprised when Desta laughs bitterly.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAIG6ptdSrhz
"You think that's why I'm pissed?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAyrgk4Evoc3
"Isn't it?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAufhHfIx7Cl
"No! It turns me on when you say no to me!"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAi8WjIqwMGY
"So what the fuck is your problem?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAUbMVe1XJ4i
"Your mother... She called me your 'friend,' and you didn't correct her. You didn't even have that spark in your eye that says that you picked up her mistake. Come to think of it... Wouldn't most people introduce their boyfriend as... well... their boyfriend? All you said was 'This is Desta,' like I was a fucking object. But I shook that shit off but your 'friend'? I can't ignore that, Ezinma."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAf41a6xsQUl
I'm speechless. I have no idea what to say; in this case, "I'm sorry" will probably just piss him off. Besides I know exactly what he's feeling.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAmZLH47iqB9
Rejection.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA6j47rDuCkr
From what I know of his life story, this is something that he must've felt a lot of as a child. Something that I don't want him to feel because of me.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA6TJVI10hXk
When we pull up to my house, he cuts the engine, only the energy in the car this time is so different from the last time he did it.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAAg76ireBoG
"I'm gonna ask you again, Ezinma. How do you feel about me?"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAZVhenmAjJC
I let out a deep breath, and then begin.
540Please respect copyright.PENANACCKyNCg4e8
"At first, it was just intense attraction, but over time, it grew. You're... I've never met anyone like you before. You're sweet, and you listen to me; you can be so dominant, but also so gentle. I really, really like you."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAAAmaHvmE0T
"But Ezinma... I've fallen in love with you."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAVTyWlOHiRZ
Fuck.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAqbC1l85DOZ
"Desta... 'Love' is a strong word—"
540Please respect copyright.PENANAGjrIyzYoOi
"I know how I feel."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAtxd01wxUmf
Any you know how you feel, Ezinma.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAvzXtWtncpB
But I'm not ready. I need time. The most cliché thing anyone could ever say, but it's true.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA2G3CxaS2OA
"I need—"
540Please respect copyright.PENANABskVp6lD8m
"Time? Because 'time', Ezinma, is a euphemism for you being too good for me, and moving on to be with a brown boy named Ryan."
540Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0EbKefaW9
I want to fucking scream. I want to chop of his god damn locks and shove them so far down his throat that he chokes.
540Please respect copyright.PENANA2Ul4CK6Bjc
"I don't want a brown boy named Ryan! I want you! Why isn't what we are enough? Why are you complicating shit? I'm not ready to be in love, Desta."
540Please respect copyright.PENANATVi7HFvPFL
He looks at me with so much hurt in his eyes.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAsgVPYVubK5
Then, he restarts the car.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJQ0E07IEvB
"Just go, Ezinma. Please."
540Please respect copyright.PENANArA1Qm25SyI
And I do; I haul myself out of his car, and, like the true gentleman he is, he still waits on me to get inside before driving off.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAuHOZpy8ba0
I don't have it in me to go to my room, or even take off my dress. All I can see is Desta's pained look in my mind. As soon as I lock the door, I collapse into a sobbing mess in front of my door, knowing that I probably just lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
540Please respect copyright.PENANAfBR2TwN3mB
540Please respect copyright.PENANAbwn19GcDPl
540Please respect copyright.PENANAqtAw6tbo42
540Please respect copyright.PENANAnLphQ9ahzm