The past week with Desta, my new boyfriend, has been absolutely amazing. On Monday evening, he taught me how to cook ital stew without okra, and ended up eating me out on the countertop.

"This thing's taking forever to heal," he grumbled, grabbing the tent in his grey sweatpants.

He then went to take a cold shower, while I ate my ital stew alone.

On Wednesday, after work, we went to Ocho Rios. I love it there; its so picturesque, just so special, that I feel like Ochi should be a country by itself.

"One day", Desta said lowly, as we drove back into St Andrew, "I'm gonna fuck you in the water at Dunn's River Falls."

That set my skin on fire.

Graduation was yesterday, and honestly, I can't remember half of it because I couldn't even wait for Quad to get waisted. 

As for Quad...well, fuck.

According to Melissa, one of my fellow graduates, I wined on everyone, drank a two flasks of fucking John Crow Batty Rum* by itself, passed out, and had to have her take me home.

Please note that I'd already had two joints and five rum and cokes — more on the rum side — at various points throughout the ceremony.

This all explains why I woke up with a bitch of a hangover this morning on Melissa's couch.

"You're quite the party animal,"

she says as she makes breakfast for both of us.

"I get a bit... carried away when I'm celebrating."

"Honey, that's the euphemism of the year," she says as she puts two waffles on each of our plates.

"You sure you don't wanna throw up first? 'Cause I'm not cooking again."

I can feel my stomach protesting, trying to purge itself, and I know that I won't keep the waffles down.

"Okay."

***

"So who was that hottie that was with you yesterday at the ceremony?"

My mouth freezes mid chew. 

"Desta was at the ceremony?"

"Huh. Odd name."

"It's Ethiopian. It means 'pleasure'".

A sly, perverse smile breaks out across her face.

"Pleasure? So he pleases you, Ezinma?"

"Shut the fuck up." 

But it's true.

"He's my boyfriend."

"Oooh! You've never had one of those before!"

"Yeah, well, don't get too optimistic. First relationships don't usually last."

I know, in my heart, that she's not the one I'm trying to convince.

***

"Congratulations again, E," my mother says for the fifth time, smiling at me from across the dining table. 

I can't help but smile back; she looks so happy, so proud.

As for my father, he has a grin permanently glued to his face, causing his Chinese eyes to look even more like slits than they do naturally.

Desta is sitting beside me, eating in silence, and for once, behaving himself like a good boy.

I did introduce him to my parents upon arrival, even telling them about his name, but they were too excited by the whole graduation thing to even notice him.

And I know Desta. If he senses an opportunity to fuck me up, he'll take it.

So it's no surprise at all when he tries to pull the same shit from the restaurant and puts a hand on my thigh.

I look up, into the eyes of my smiling parents... and I can't.

Very discreetly, I remove his hand from my thigh, and I shake my head as if trying to get rid of a bad thought, but surely, he gets the message.

"E? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just tired."

"Oh then maybe it's time to go," she says, her voice full of regret.

"But she's only been here for an hour!"

"Marcus, give her a break."

And I want to go; My parents have been plying me with questions about University, Rozii and life in general. I'm just not into the Q&A.

"Your friend will take you home, right?" 

"Yes, mummy."

***

Within the five minutes of idle chitchat that is customary whenever one is leaving the house of someone else, I pick up on some weird "fuck you" vibes coming from Desta. 

The first thing I notice is that when my father makes inappropriate sex jokes, while I giggle and snort, he's in the background brooding.

Then, every time I catch a glimpse of him, his giving me a side eye.

Finally, when were leaving and my parents finally take notice of him, they tell him:

"Goodbye, Desta!" (My mum)

"Bye, Desta! I hope E finds you pleasing!" (My dad, who then gets some fucked up side eye from mummy)

And all he says is:

"Bye."

No smile.

He always smiles when he says hello, or goodbye.

About five minutes into the drive — five minutes of him glaring through the windshield, five minutes of deafening silence — he says, "how do you feel about me, Ezinma?"

"I don't want you feeling me up in front of my parents, at my graduation dinner."

That's the truth. I mean, the primal part of me wanted it, craved it; but the rational, logical part of me was absolutely mortified by the thought of having such a thing done to me in front of them at such a sacred time; because even if they never find out — and they more than likely wouldn't — I'd know that I defiled our moment, and that would ruin it for me.

But I'm surprised when Desta laughs bitterly.

"You think that's why I'm pissed?"

"Isn't it?"

"No! It turns me on when you say no to me!"

"So what the fuck is your problem?"

"Your mother... She called me your 'friend,' and you didn't correct her. You didn't even have that spark in your eye that says that you picked up her mistake. Come to think of it... Wouldn't most people introduce their boyfriend as... well... their boyfriend? All you said was 'This is Desta,' like I was a fucking object. But I shook that shit off but your 'friend'? I can't ignore that, Ezinma."

I'm speechless. I have no idea what to say; in this case, "I'm sorry" will probably just piss him off. Besides I know exactly what he's feeling.

Rejection.

From what I know of his life story, this is something that he must've felt a lot of as a child. Something that I don't want him to feel because of me.

When we pull up to my house, he cuts the engine, only the energy in the car this time is so different from the last time he did it.

"I'm gonna ask you again, Ezinma. How do you feel about me?"

I let out a deep breath, and then begin.

"At first, it was just intense attraction, but over time, it grew. You're... I've never met anyone like you before. You're sweet, and you listen to me; you can be so dominant, but also so gentle. I really, really like you."

"But Ezinma... I've fallen in love with you."

Fuck.

"Desta... 'Love' is a strong word—"

"I know how I feel."

Any you know how you feel, Ezinma.

But I'm not ready. I need time. The most cliché thing anyone could ever say, but it's true.

"I need—"

"Time? Because 'time', Ezinma, is a euphemism for you being too good for me, and moving on to be with a brown boy named Ryan."

I want to fucking scream. I want to chop of his god damn locks and shove them so far down his throat that he chokes.

"I don't want a brown boy named Ryan! I want you! Why isn't what we are enough? Why are you complicating shit? I'm not ready to be in love, Desta."

He looks at me with so much hurt in his eyes.

Then, he restarts the car. 

"Just go, Ezinma. Please."

And I do; I haul myself out of his car, and, like the true gentleman he is, he still waits on me to get inside before driving off.

I don't have it in me to go to my room, or even take off my dress. All I can see is Desta's pained look in my mind. As soon as I lock the door, I collapse into a sobbing mess in front of my door, knowing that I probably just lost the best thing that ever happened to me.