她叫張漫青,別人都會很親切地叫她「青青」;是一個大學二年級學生。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAmsudAMYBQ9
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAnMQ4wl3Ppb
和前度分手之後,她也有嘗試和男生約會,畢竟她的情感需求並不少,需要與人相愛才能感到安全;但是,那些人都並非真心或純粹地喜歡她。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAKMgdKHtueC
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAMs3GveUfIs
例如,Leo是她的組員,需要一同完成功課。1075Please respect copyright.PENANARfLNdqaQVN
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA2qf96P4USM
二人在網上連線聊着揀選什麼資料時,他時常都會插入曖昧的話語;有時,她稱讚隔籬組同學人品很好,他就會說:「邊個夠你好啊?我都想要一個好似你咁樣的女朋友。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANAYYvsGNO6PC
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA2yRF6ZH5G9
重重複複,他竟然說不厭,但她已經聽到煩。1075Please respect copyright.PENANADSpT6jkZOI
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAHfZWlVwENk
青青尷尬:「唔好講呢啲啦,快啲做嘢。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANAGfki2c8y7B
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAO6RoHP9vmm
「OKOK,做完先講。係呢,你冇男朋友咩?」他總是沒法專心做功課。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAsekuprVdZT
1075Please respect copyright.PENANACz0lLSvy0D
「冇。」她只怕爛grade。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAgWvPxlHfZo
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAK6kY0Lnwdv
「點解會冇㗎。我抵諗啲啦……」1075Please respect copyright.PENANABL6ULjJH7O
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAENSLQJFFih
「你就想。」青青想起Leo的Instagram裏,有一張團體合照,其中,他與一個女生哄得特別埋。直覺告訴她,他應該有女朋友——這或許與預感無關,是她不願再聽見他的曖昧話語。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA5mZTucEqPK
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAFNVyt54y3r
她試探地問:「你有女朋友㗎,唔好講呢啲啦。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANAFvj2GrtUf8
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA68TwhG86Ox
「咦,你又知我有女朋友嘅,哈哈。」他呆住,然後尷尬地笑了兩下,承認。1075Please respect copyright.PENANArPZBNFzXfh
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAIqw0O4Zn79
她也笑,慶幸Leo並非純熟的玩家,面前直接的提問時,還是會露怯。她可不想因為「傾多兩句」就背負了與他人男友親近的罪名,如果Leo真有女友,她會更小心一點說話。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAjqe6grWYGG
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA3Ns01sAVjJ
這段時間裏,她遇見許多人,新識、舊故,無往不利;多聊幾句,就似無法擁有純粹的友誼。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAYIC0zjlXY1
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA5rFJxxMkAE
又譬如,青青與同事Dennis十分投契,工作沉悶,可是他總會來找她聊幾句。有次,他看見她在座位上蜷縮一團,轉頭就給她買熱飲和暖包。回家之後,更是主動地找她吹水,覆得很快。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA04H6PutG1i
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAk2mJJ9PezY
他經常發表單身宣言,她便沒有拘緊地與他相處;她不用再擔心他是別人的男友,以免誤傷另一個無辜女生。1075Please respect copyright.PENANABBcaD8eO49
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAc3mqGQeXhx
「點解你Instagram唔Po嘢嘅?」Dennis問青青。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAYDTfJzjpBU
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAviLtF3Zp9i
「Err…冇嘢好Po啊。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANA9K8NVOT8PE
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAYOYCnFxUyU
「如果你Po咗,我咪有多一個藉口搵你傾偈囉,可以覆吓你啲story吖嘛。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANAmmZfTAXxlk
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAv5RfK2U41o
青青感覺到,Dennis似乎對她有意,平時亦盡顯細心體貼。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA4JCO1pPUnP
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA7Kq6uHSkOY
她並不抗拒,慢慢,變得很期待和他傾偈;她分不清自己是喜歡他,還是,喜歡他的熱情和主動。1075Please respect copyright.PENANATMS5IyptNd
1075Please respect copyright.PENANArHXBl721SQ
有溫度的來往,足以撫平躁動的心。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAyGaVBWOn3v
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAULqGI8FmVJ
即使分了手不算一段短時間,但她仍未適應沒有愛人的寂寞,她發現感情極其脆弱,曾經那麼真誠柔和的目光,可以變成厭惡的迴避。一刻快樂,確實無價,可是,如果快樂十分短暫,對方又要捨她而去,她是決不會交出真心的。1075Please respect copyright.PENANArl3M2AnzrQ
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAaS0uPAyPPC
愛情於她,不再是傾倒的天秤,她要確保對方真鍾愛她,才願意投入更多可愛可親;傻傻地迷戀對方,就算受他欺侮仍心懷希望——1075Please respect copyright.PENANAkXgg4wvSoP
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA3MMvsZd1IC
這已經是舊時的童趣。她已經長大了一點,僅僅是一點,但比沒有多。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAJeyOmRg075
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAOHfiItFNXH
畢竟,重新適應一個人,很累。感情好的時候,百分百信任對方,身家、性命、財產她都不介意傾盡;抽離的時候,卻遺落了自己在舊街故巷,她並不完整了。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAmtKqCN46Fv
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA3ciEU8uHbq
青青對Dennis有些期許,因為,他常常都會說喜歡她。年輕愚痴的她對甜言蜜語並無抵抗力。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAMTflf3U06y
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAToHtK0cmk7
只是,他又會突然失蹤,有時一整天都音訊全無,或者回覆得很冷淡、簡短——欲擒故縱嗎?可是她只覺得很沒有安全感,要是真的想聯絡她,一整天總能抽一點時間吧——是否?1075Please respect copyright.PENANAmVWmAXW7m3
1075Please respect copyright.PENANADn7ZIHHO5G
她的內心有個問號。1075Please respect copyright.PENANALJzMIXhg59
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAKn0uz6KUe6
再隔一會兒,她才發現,他同時在追求很多女生,不斷發展不同形式的男女關係。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAn9EU15MShr
1075Please respect copyright.PENANATjOMqGY7Pj
他確實是單身,但是,他對她的喜歡並非心無雜念的鍾情。他能夠在射精到他人胸部後打字回覆她說:「掛住你。」可是,手上明明還殘留床伴體液的味道。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAV4e8berOcw
1075Please respect copyright.PENANASfdy5I3RG4
青青無法接受這種喜歡。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAHDkaTrNl6P
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAmMfQSojRgI
「唔係啊,咁你又未應承我,所以我先至同時追其他人咋。至於fwb……好難忍㗎,有陣時想要就真係要解決。」Dennis說。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAzn6iPu1r2v
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA507OlrdSyI
「我冇意見,只係接受唔到——你可以同時對住我同其他女仔……」青青承認自己的私心。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAMZhKkDCQ8D
1075Please respect copyright.PENANADyCYWhv7Hs
她比較貪婪,她希望他在曖昧之時不要分神,不要將心思落在其他女生身上。她想起每次他的失蹤,都覺得可笑,在她焦灼地等待時,他或因與他人夜夜笙歌而分不開身;身軀畢竟只有一個,心肝脾肺腎的興奮無法從電波傳送給她。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAaworda5GVV
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAWbnvtLhTrP
他同時「喜歡」很多人,是他的自由;她無意干涉。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAgD4qCE794v
1075Please respect copyright.PENANATOkhu42UCD
只是,她失望於他無法專心待她,僅僅如此。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAljY7etttOz
1075Please respect copyright.PENANABeZTY6uUN4
青青回想Dennis所說的:「喂喂,咁我真係幾鍾意你吖嘛。」便覺得他在欺詐;他最愛的是自己,鍾情的是自己永不枯萎的男性魅力,而不是她。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAS9DfunmlmP
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAQPcweNzehb
還有一些人,他們隨便與她聊幾句天,便說:「點解我遇唔到好似你咁好嘅女仔㗎!」1075Please respect copyright.PENANA104lGVr1D9
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAY2zeqefrQz
挑!咪再派好人卡畀我啦——她總是無奈。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAz8p64xAZis
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAL3XG2pk9GK
速食時代,傾幾句偈就是「喜歡」,明明只得些許好感,卻硬要往「愛」上升;青青不明白意義何在,性格相對慢熱的她完全吃不消,每次她看見別人的深情,只是覺得很煩亂,因為感覺,太假了。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAfhoP315Ygm
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAJLw3sFAxUb
他們並不認識她,卻說,喜歡她。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA4d6yjYmqNr
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAgqXmgVeXOB
喜歡她什麼?1075Please respect copyright.PENANAvFWQYDceZB
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA8rfoLvpxOx
她的斯文和溫柔,只是對着陌生人的客套;真實的她,喜歡看地獄笑話,對住熟人亦有些口賤。難道他們喜歡她疏離冷漠之下的表演麼。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA0hTPXkL86U
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAjcq9mLuVON
無非想進入一段足夠相愛、別無異心的感情,是否很困難?1075Please respect copyright.PENANAcHJdALICjd
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAAxZaDB6FYA
這一年間,青青遇過幾個男生,將其中一位寫在了小說之中,她在文字裏叫「張青兒」,對方是林子樂。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAjGgltUVS7S
1075Please respect copyright.PENANASFsXsYrBvR
可是,在現實中,他們只是聊了幾次天,互相沒有情愫,二人只是朋友和大學同學;準確點而言,阿樂是——青青的好友許雅君——的Hallmate。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAgc0a2ckAVF
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAdFrYoZ5STo
她承認自己寫的東西是「假」的,是,這可能是很蠢的行為,但的確、不得不講,只有在小說這個虛構的場境中,才能不那麼孤單——她所索求的一種實切的温暖,只能從並不存在的人物身上取得。而且,為了避免自己過分沉淪,她將男主角「歸還」其心中的女神,不再霸佔這虛幻的愛。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA1tq11dlTNQ
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAes9QfL0A72
林子樂說:「喂,你不如執執個look,真係太頹。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANAZSMI6HUjqA
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAjJwvLqUyXX
青青不是美人。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA580aUmE53M
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA811lnEPg9F
她的臉色泛黃,皮膚毛孔粗大得不斷收集污垢,滿臉油光;雙目無神、下巴短圓。她尚有斜膊、倒及牙、腳彎、頭髮稀疏、矮小等自己看不過眼的外型缺點。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAyahQ0xxvHa
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA17PdMKWGxS
「忙,」她說:「好大壓力呀呢牌,遲啲得閒先啦。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANAJPusk6rGx3
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAkc5kazxSnC
「又話想出pool,男仔只係鍾意靚女——咩類型都好,都係美貌即正義。你正正經經護吓膚啦,唔好捱咁多夜,好傷身囉。」1075Please respect copyright.PENANAxTWcqg99sE
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAhG7cRv6TYy
她點點頭,他以男生視覺作出提醒,她沒有理由不聽。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAasbvQPJ2Rp
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAsLP5dFfhmb
秋末初冬的落葉在風中緩緩飄落,在地上被人踏過,發出「咔嚓」的聲音;飄落而無歸途的心,同樣不成一體。1075Please respect copyright.PENANA3yiR94F7Bs
1075Please respect copyright.PENANA5X04F3IL47
她開始迷失,或許,是她沒有被愛的條件,無人非她不可。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAGxWatXciSh
1075Please respect copyright.PENANAGs5QZNnAt5
她本人,沒有資格被珍惜。1075Please respect copyright.PENANAYDayLbVHub