
封面:
らくがき316 | 儀式
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EP 11 童言仍是渴之慰言
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凡是活著的就應當活下去
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- 費爾巴哈
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拜託從噩夢中醒來
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拜託,快從噩夢中醒來
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醒不來
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「生不如死」
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第一個說出這句說話的人,恐怕未理解到這句的真意
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始終還未曾有人能體驗到死亡而又能活回來
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坐落在雪堆之上,人形的身體是不會畏寒,但寒意早已滲入皮肌之下,即使身為宿主是人類的本來也好,本來也好像容易受凍,受凍的感覺卻怎也不夠寒心的刺意,始終所感受到的,純粹是自己所希望之事
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「仙境」
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因為爱麗絲要尋找著生存下去的理由,精神上的糧食,保持理性的力量,好使她能思考
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思考如何才能給予人最深的創傷,喚醒起人們對絕望的發現,結束一切的欲求,還有打從心底扎根,單單會吞噬人心的痛苦
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少女一直思考著這些純粹不過的事情,彷彿身處夢境的事實,是一個遙遠的未來,一個無謂理論的將來
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但是現實,對她而言又有什麼可以討論的空間呢?
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在另一個世界中,不在仙境中的爱麗絲,唯獨是個偏執的瘋子,這點連自身也清楚,作為異類的自己,根本沒有自己的位置
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這個世界容納不了自己
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的話
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就創造一個屬於自己的世界,讓那些可惡的人承受自己的過去,強迫他們去接受自己的苦痛
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是一個報仇罷,一個逆襲
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機緣巧合之下,獵物可以搖身一變,成為獵人
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良機不可錯失
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「我想建立一個正確的世界」
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真名為花子的女孩,只是這樣認為,一直努力著
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為信仰,她沒有可以再失去的東西了
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她以為
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人,總是會習慣的
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習慣小惡,自然犯下大惡、大錯
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但她彷似早已忘掉什麼時候才該收手
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她的能力,操控這個世界的力量很大,而對真正世界的影響亦很大
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正正是為,她掌握的力量,乃是人的核心 —— 精神、心靈
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精神,萬物之靈在她的掌上,一捏方可粉碎
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若然改寫了他的記憶,再強大的精神力,也不會有什麼分別
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如同小貓一樣,在絕望中,人會陷入極度的瘋癲,對外界充滿敵意
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但為什麼現在,下不了手?
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明明在這之前,致人死地,是一件輕鬆不過的事情
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為什麼?
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人形內心,最近這麼容易動搖?
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「為什麼?」
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我的聲音確實地傳進了她的耳
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「明明生活還是一如既往,不是嗎?」
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我的存在,她可是知會了
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「是為什麼呢?」
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坐在雪上的人形,在微微發抖,明明不應感到痛楚,明明心死的孩童不會感覺到寒冷,那怕是赤裸全身的我,亦未理解到顫抖的原因
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低下頭的人形,把臉藏在長髮下,躲避著自己,即使,我,其實早已知道一切
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「我⋯好久⋯沒有⋯⋯認真了」
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「我好久沒有去給予他人死前的安寧了」
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「至從⋯至從那次失誤後⋯我⋯⋯我不想再見到,那些帶著痛苦,而絕望死去的臉孔了」
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「因為我也明白身為宿主的辛酸呀」
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人偶口中的內容,是成為傳說的事件,亦是都市傳說的那件事
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微不足道的執念
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「死時過得安寧⋯至少⋯⋯也至少⋯我——」
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「喲,爱麗絲」
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若然,翠綠色,是生命
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那麼,夜紫黑,是什麼
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人偶的雙瞳本身已經美麗,但在似淚般的油脂溢出時,反光的耀明,又是另一種自然風采
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耀明直射我的人偶是帶著如何的心情呢?
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是和那些親歷仙境的人一樣吧?
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「你在説什麼?」
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「那次,做得,很好」
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翠綠色的,在鳥籠中搖晃
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「真正的正義,沒有多餘的安息,你是要讓他們痛苦,讓他們畏懼你」
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「反正人,天生就是惡,無論宿主或否」
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鳥籠裏的鳥兒,什麼時候要出來玩呢?
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「該死的,不只是宿主」
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「只是宿主,較方便辨認罷」
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「這個意念也可以更容易傳播出去」
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樹膠的皮膚,反著白天的光,這雪中的白光,他人夢境中的寒光
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「照你至今的能力和堅持,我確定,總有一天,天下的人也會順服在你的統治下」
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「這個世界,只要你想,隨時也可以成為仙境的一部分」
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「畢竟,你的能力和堅定,是歷來最強的」
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「過去的愛麗絲,總是太過⋯⋯溫和了」
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「而你,作為爱麗絲」
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「真的,做得,很好」
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「我討厭這樣」
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人偶開口了
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「若然我沒有你想像中那麼堅強呢?」
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「我⋯內心這麼動搖的我」
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「已經⋯失去了成為爱麗絲的資格⋯了」
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「不、不是⋯⋯嗎?」
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「這樣⋯這樣的話⋯我——」
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「喲,爱麗絲」
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若然,翠綠色,是生命
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那麼,夜紫黑,是什麼
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是死亡?
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不
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也是生命,唯只是靈魂的本質
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頑念
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「沒關係的,我們重新開始吧」
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比起生命更具有生命力的,是生命以上的世界,精神世界的生命力,思想的頑固程度
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頑固的信仰
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鎖著人心的「理性」
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「你的人生,再一次重新開始吧」
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是由始至終地永恆
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⋯不似得像人偶所裝住的人心,脆弱不堪
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讓人軟心的
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永遠是多餘的顧慮
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安全感
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「我知道你一定做到的⋯」
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但是呢
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其實人是不會改變的
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善變的是人的心態,但本性的人心,是不可能改變的,不動而若如「死物」
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也就是「死性不改」
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謊言包裝得如何漂亮,也是不真實的
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人性也是
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天生無性格的我們所認為的「性格」,純粹是精神的自我意識造成
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以為自己是什麼
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但始終不存在的東西,就不會存在
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謊言説千萬次不會成真
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除非
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改變
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除非一個謊言成為了「真相」
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那麼,什麼才算是真正的謊言,正確的真實呢?
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你無法改變一個人的靈魂