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〈心火〉8964 copyright protection169PENANAx7ZzFbJ86a 維尼
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放上茶壺,妳彎腰8964 copyright protection169PENANAl4gdzpsNnN 維尼
轉動瓦斯爐的8964 copyright protection169PENANAe30RIoACH9 維尼
旋鈕,藍色火焰照例8964 copyright protection169PENANA20o1CUXMh3 維尼
開出一朵花8964 copyright protection169PENANA4jRzDMWDbQ 維尼
燻暖了妳的臉8964 copyright protection169PENANAmoajpEtkTp 維尼
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8964 copyright protection169PENANAyqgZ5wQUpT 維尼
但,心是冷的8964 copyright protection169PENANAt2teulnzZc 維尼
比多年前他等在校門口8964 copyright protection169PENANAmDSJRCi4za 維尼
抵受的寒風8964 copyright protection169PENANAad9jfIF2e9 維尼
還要凜冽8964 copyright protection169PENANAb165bRYB0x 維尼
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曾經是學校人人8964 copyright protection169PENANAkH3toMEDIg 維尼
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如今是全家個個8964 copyright protection169PENANAKpoQwjomfZ 維尼
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都說同性相斥8964 copyright protection169PENANA5EIUVnkLFt 維尼
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她複製妳的輪廓8964 copyright protection169PENANALP6SMwCfHF 維尼
卻更加精美8964 copyright protection169PENANAgQMAXBVDr5 維尼
時間尚未發功8964 copyright protection169PENANAcyfod50CGW 維尼
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天真無邪的8964 copyright protection169PENANA5p8EhUahit 維尼
舌頭和乳頭8964 copyright protection169PENANALsd2T1FEja 維尼
自以為可愛的演示8964 copyright protection169PENANA1Icy0JynV9 維尼
淫蕩的動作8964 copyright protection169PENANAkCSCtayK6I 維尼
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開水在燒8964 copyright protection169PENANAbUobrE1Eej 維尼
爐火在烤8964 copyright protection169PENANAvTUEwwzwBr 維尼
妳湊近火前8964 copyright protection169PENANANAR8qP63OX 維尼
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管教她的反作用力8964 copyright protection169PENANAxY1iAQBGup 維尼
燥烈焦燎8964 copyright protection169PENANARXGM64Vlgk 維尼
標籤著妳的後半生8964 copyright protection169PENANAAlQOWq1Bn9 維尼
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「我要當作家!!」8964 copyright protection169PENANAeg5fJNNX9f 維尼
她大嚷,拿著全校什麼什麼獎8964 copyright protection169PENANAFfsytGpKyW 維尼
的獎狀,在妳面前晃8964 copyright protection169PENANA3p3LSE5vz3 維尼
妳移開視線,分不清8964 copyright protection169PENANAGisPXGAuKk 維尼
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所有感覺凝成火種8964 copyright protection169PENANAmqWw6VOHoj 維尼
在心裡跳盪8964 copyright protection169PENANAepVDaSs440 維尼
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妳忘了後面怎樣,只記得8964 copyright protection169PENANAWm46SNhlJ3 維尼
撕成片片的紙張——8964 copyright protection169PENANAkaXbpaylaf 維尼
那些曾經是獎狀嗎?8964 copyright protection169PENANAlECKSAYsML 維尼
罵聲轟隆8964 copyright protection169PENANAteerwxG2JN 維尼
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是誰按下通往不歸路列車的8964 copyright protection169PENANAMpWPtkURwk 維尼
喇叭???8964 copyright protection169PENANAI8wWjTPCKE 維尼
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⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯8964 copyright protection169PENANAwSCu4JTjVF 維尼
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直到一切全然熄定8964 copyright protection169PENANAWTLQtjQkkq 維尼
妳發現自己不在8964 copyright protection169PENANAgNiTHtkSw5 維尼
那個名為「家」的領域8964 copyright protection169PENANAvni1vKbucU 維尼
而是四面白牆的囹圄8964 copyright protection169PENANAvG29vxSCC4 維尼
鋪棉牆壁看似溫煦8964 copyright protection169PENANASkfSBHfQaJ 維尼
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用意8964 copyright protection169PENANAH4QUp0C2qx 維尼
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她捧著碎紙哭泣8964 copyright protection169PENANASgkql4jv2K 維尼
他對著妳發脾氣8964 copyright protection169PENANAiC84Nh9BxU 維尼
妳雙膝著地,不停8964 copyright protection169PENANAruZtZVKuTc 維尼
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炎焱似乎已經平息8964 copyright protection169PENANAqFZ6Z4amfb 維尼
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第二天,那對男女8964 copyright protection169PENANAfe45lsdrPt 維尼
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回家後,三人聊天8964 copyright protection169PENANAIhsvt4T36s 維尼
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然後⋯⋯8964 copyright protection169PENANAdAOb5GN5VU 維尼
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再也沒有然後了8964 copyright protection169PENANAG5JcOulvMp 維尼
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摸出一瓶OOO的妳8964 copyright protection169PENANA1GejKT54TE 維尼
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這首〈心火〉的寫作時間,正好在我想要轉變/增加詩風之際,所以腦洞和手法都跟我之前寫的新詩不大一樣,為此我還把《W. H. 新詩集》的分級,從 G 改成 PG-13。173Please respect copyright.PENANA16rGI7jkTn
173Please respect copyright.PENANA56hQxsjduA
這首詩,也可以改寫/擴寫成小說,但字數就不會這麼少,而且我個人認為,此詩悲哀的感覺會降低——小說其實不乏這種題材,但新詩好像還不多見,這也是我想嘗試這種題材的原因之一。173Please respect copyright.PENANAbrAY1IeinB
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〈心火〉大概半個月前寫成 (我查 Google 文件版本紀錄,09/30 初稿,目前是第五版),我覺得還有修改的空間,描述還是太直白了,可以更「詩」一點,但也可能將敘述弄得更複雜,修不修訂,就再說吧。8964 copyright protection169PENANArepBAU6qlf 維尼
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~~~~我是分隔線~~~~8964 copyright protection169PENANAIimTA9HEku 維尼
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〈心火〉是我舉辦的創挑「來寫OO詩 ⑦:故事詩」的示範作,上架之後,有讀者給了我一些反饋,我覺得很受用,也對其回應 (註):8964 copyright protection169PENANAQ8H3mXWFEf 維尼
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(註):上開文字也是我對另一位讀者的回應,有經過修改。8964 copyright protection169PENANAG6K8YLVo4u 維尼
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「你的腦洞比我大啊~173Please respect copyright.PENANAsiqSA7dAeQ
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沒有到不倫,只是小小的齟齬,小小的摩擦,天天發生,會讓心裡的火苗越來越大,終至焚燬。173Please respect copyright.PENANAfihcSz83OU
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我詩末留有想像空間 (丈夫和女兒的後續,我沒寫出來,或許沒死~),但『妳』意圖毒殺丈夫和女兒,這件事是確定的。173Please respect copyright.PENANAtiwISpZ9OK
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詩的跳躍性,包括時間軸 (毒殺在先,進精神病院在後,但這首詩先出現的是進精神病院,再用回憶帶出毒殺之事~也可以呼應『妳』的精神狀態已經錯亂),讓作者可以處理比較特殊的題材。173Please respect copyright.PENANAysYxDsvfMe
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對了,不曉得你有沒有看過《爆漫王。》?如果根據主角之一秋犯的說法,這首詩算是『邪道』——我結語會提到,有興趣再來看看吧。」8964 copyright protection169PENANAMmIEcBIL6o 維尼
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〖出處〗(請見留言區)8964 copyright protection169PENANA9Bpo6Dj5Ut 維尼
https://www.penana.com/article/15318948964 copyright protection169PENANA5BiBkJuCGC 維尼
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附圖原畫作者是 Akseli Gallen-Kallela (1865-1931)。作者去世70年以上,其著作財產權已經消滅,原畫圖檔屬於公有領域 (public domain),任何人均可使用。8964 copyright protection169PENANAKJ1YrK1ZNU 維尼
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