《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第二章數學課！

「同學們，請回位子上坐好。」一位沒見過的老師在鐘響後走進教室。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHDyHgoEY4

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同學們面面相覷。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wnhinAQ7k
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「那個……您是不是走錯教室了呢？」身為班長的我起身詢問。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOYRUq0K0u
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「啊，你們的數學老師請假，所以今天是我代課喔。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2iMzgXxip
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「咦咦？沒用的老東西請假？」賴妍驚訝的問。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxRKwdcPEk
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「請不要叫數學老師沒用的老東西。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkA4cr35vKl
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「那改成老不羞好了。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt0GrHstOv
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「更糟糕了啊！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH06TFCHEym
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「咳，總之，」代課老師乾咳一聲打斷我們的對話，「請各位打開課本第……為什麼桌上有酒瓶？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWaATaLxhH
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUYdttfmAr

「因為上一節是化學課。」正在製作燃燒瓶的簡澄說。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpvYmQHzwC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1STuvJAIO6

「那你桌上正在燒的酒精燈是怎樣？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1JdOpcMZM
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「老師，它正在暖身。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3KCaJ8Fqe
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「它是要暖什麼身啊！給我拿回去實驗室放好！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAD37EOFWbH
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「我要去！」賴妍自告奮勇的起身。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRd8f2c35Qw
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「給我坐下，妳不值得信賴。」我不耐煩的說。「三岐，你去放。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhB8gbJoUHo
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「那我改姓三岐。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXxHz40dai
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「才不是這個意思！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aH6uvkDD3
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「而且為什麼是三岐！」剛剛還趴著的三岐抗議。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuJpE37E6g
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「少囉唆！快點給我去放！」我用課本敲三岐的頭，「別跟著搗亂上課秩序好嗎？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1i1OgWAtv6
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAq5V1tFnI

「汝等下級生物，竟敢命令本元帥，看我痛啊啊啊啊啊啊！」三岐的話還沒說完就被我再次用力敲頭，不過這次用的是不鏽鋼水壺。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHN3bjEhWCu
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「元帥好弱。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvpfoxTc14
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「你根本是想殺了我吧！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByimaM7ehm
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHa7ckIVJLL

「同學們！請安靜！」代課老師看起來有些惱火。「全部給我翻開課本！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GUOFcYgdO
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XQrf5cjS2

「老師。」賴妍突然嚴肅的開口，「你覺得數學的意義到底是什麼？數學又是為何而存在？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGsmm7E9Dt
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「數學是為何而存在…………？」老師陷入沉思。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPiYfVORUe
除了賴妍之外的同學們臉色一沉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJi55joMzwt
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「老師！別中計啊！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWAxII5f8c
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「這傢伙的腦子才不會思考這種深奧的東西呢！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdaJaspUld
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「她只是單純不想上數學課而已啊！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KEfqJEPcT
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不過老師抬起手制止了那些警告他的同學。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgm3FjyAqk
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「我認為……」在思考片刻之後，老師開口，

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「數學是使生活變得更方便的工具。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnO1t5MYOW
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「真的是這樣嗎？」賴妍問。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJf53eW3oX
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「古埃及人與巴比倫人靠著幾何學的幫助，建造出了許多壯觀的建築物！牛頓發明的微積分也間接造福了許多人類！」老師越說越激動，「所以我才會選擇就讀數學系，成為數學老師！數學對我來說就是世界的真理！就是絕對的信仰！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOeLW6rHbq
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「那……如果我說，」賴妍緩緩開口，「我能反駁你的論點呢？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4UeDfvpHp
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「什──」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPpHSHm5lW
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「如果我能證明…………數學並不是世界的真理呢？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IwFjEmHXi
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqLrpFNhAp

「臭小鬼！妳明白妳在說什麼嗎！妳說的話是對神的褻瀆！」代課老師憤怒地吼道。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFgOXiZF2f
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「那個，班長，」坐在我後面的男同學輕聲對我說，「這部不是日常番嗎？為什麼會出現戰鬥番的台詞？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqySJynit0
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「我也很好奇啊！而且現在不是數學課嗎！」

最重要的是，代課老師已經在不知不覺間步入了賴妍「不想上課」的節奏之中，這才是她被稱為瘋狗的最大原因。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQuJ0WhZPI
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真正恐怖的地方還在後頭。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcfZf86iak
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「老師……你知道數學的英文，Math的意義，其實是Mental Abuse To Humans，也就是人類精神虐待的意思喔？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2UgVj4OX9
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「那只是討厭數學的人提出的可悲巧合而已！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGv6ITdn6G
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賴妍歪頭。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTWbuNe9GN
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「如果數學是真理，為什麼有人會討厭祂呢？」她問道。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ePDLx02tB
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「因為世界上總是有許多自以為是的人！他們只因為生活不如預期，就怪罪到神聖的信仰上面！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GFE8O38Ws
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5uJ2leQAy

「生活不如預期？你是指生活中的事發生無法用真理解釋的情況嗎？還是生活並沒有想像中的便利？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJwLYw8fnB
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「世上所有的事情一定都有辦法用真理來說明！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GUG4O7fm0
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「真的嗎？」賴妍正色道，「那我舉個簡單的例子吧。您有看過商店中『買二送一』的活動嗎？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayudjwhsvM
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「當然有。」代課老師不耐煩地回答。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ToiC1uRJn
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「那麼一加一等於幾？這只是單純的數學問題，不是腦筋急轉彎喔。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovnIiuTxUM
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「一加一等於二。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUr334W4dnD
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「啊咧？奇怪了？」賴妍故意用困惑的語氣說到，「我只付了兩個物品的價錢，為什麼我得到了三倍的利潤？好奇怪吶～」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeCCfAZkme
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「……咦？」老師愣住了。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHFdKiFDu6
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「這樣子算式就變成了『一加一等於三』而不是真理所說的二了呢。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IePHyw26W
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「什…怎麼會……」代課老師開始感到恐慌。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yh426al3I
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「老師別中計啊！那只是一種行銷手法而已啊！」我大喊。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCV5eMIziR
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「我…但是、但是一加一應該……還是等於二啊…………？」代課老師緩緩抬頭，用困惑而渙散的眼神看著我，就像一位瀕臨崩潰的精神病患者。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xCYIQ0Ypd
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完蛋了。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvmURzDfSi
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「我再舉一個例子吧。」賴妍再次開口。「剛剛說了一加一等於三，但是這也不是正確答案。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RlnZEdWNU
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「您應該也知道結婚是什麼吧？就是長期的一對一賣春契約。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7zBBWX6Wv
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「才不是這樣！」我吐槽。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoisBfDoWzY
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「好奇怪吶。住在我家隔壁的王叔叔明明結婚了，為什麼最近兩個月，在王阿姨不在的週五晚上，還會出現另外六個女人陪他過夜呢？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOC9AFNBmr
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「這種事情你應該早點去跟王阿姨說才對吧！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBPBJYASBV
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「咦咦，」賴妍不理我，「一加一不是等於三嗎？為什麼同時又等於八呢？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf3Qi3xjTi
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「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師抱住頭，驚慌失措地尖叫。「為什麼真理要遺棄我啊啊啊啊！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVCrgjIVRq
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ko25VU6cT

「沒錯，就是因為人們被你所說的真理拋棄，才會轉而討厭，甚至憎恨數學。對他們來說，數學不只不是世界上的真理，更不是讓生活變得更方便的工具！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOlmCiQfph
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賴妍深呼吸，補上了最後一擊：「對他們來說，數學只是讓生活更不方便的枷鎖！只是阻礙人類發展的、根本沒有存在必要的、無用垃圾而已啊！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Igi945PJ5
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「啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊……」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QUtK1Ging
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老師緩緩蹲下，雙手抱住膝蓋，露出自己長久以來深信的事情在一夕之間被摧毀的表情。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nEUzWGw37
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這時，去化學教室放酒精燈的三岐回來了。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcil2pytI9

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老師彷彿看見了希望一般，朝著三岐跑過去，抓住了他的肩膀，用力地前後搖動。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEXpgTft9E
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「同學！一加一等於多少！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzISzD6j9o
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「咦？」在狀況外的三岐很錯愕。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluMupsaZaH
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賴妍露出了勝利的微笑，坐回位子上，舒服的翹起二郎腿，抓著桌上的白蘭地仰頭灌了一大口。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZgawPvFJ4
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「到底等於多少啊啊啊啊啊！！！」代課老師瘋狂地大喊。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQMmOwLG90
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「等、等於五十……」一天到晚吃麥O勞的三岐結結巴巴的回答。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt2Vg0K6Lr
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「三等於八、八等於五十……等式應該不成立才…三又等於五十……啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師崩潰了，尖叫著衝出了教室。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDM74B05Cb
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全班盯著三岐。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KmYazTWxO
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「欸？我做錯什麼了嗎？」三岐很錯愕。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡof6nEb9MYy
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賴妍抬頭看了一眼教室牆上的時鐘。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEvBNmACBk
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「呦喜！多賺到了半小時下課時間。」她握拳。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDgy11V3gL
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「呦喜妳個大頭！他被你弄壞了啦！」我慌張地大喊，「全班快點出去幫忙找代課老師啊！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBf6sWDdqn
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當日結果：257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCtCtmGqhD
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在數學科辦公室全體數學老師的幫忙下，於放學前在校舍頂樓的花圃角落發現了喃喃自語著「三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十我被神拋棄了嗚嗚嗚我要成為一棵用費波納契數列整齊排列的植物三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十…」的代課老師，並送到附近醫院的精神科治療。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3K23bmuGZK
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賴妍被記了一支大過（目前總共七支）。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHX9K7DvSTe
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第二章 數學課！

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第二章數學課！