《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第二章數學課！

「同學們，請回位子上坐好。」一位沒見過的老師在鐘響後走進教室。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGkr6uP1Dp

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同學們面面相覷。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iBXR50BRt
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「那個……您是不是走錯教室了呢？」身為班長的我起身詢問。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9Vev5b40G
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「啊，你們的數學老師請假，所以今天是我代課喔。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XqNxsGV0C
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKZmkQUeP9

「咦咦？沒用的老東西請假？」賴妍驚訝的問。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYP8L6hNCl
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVmTevwgHi

「請不要叫數學老師沒用的老東西。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooyJBvweEb
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「那改成老不羞好了。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZC3TNzKieO
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「更糟糕了啊！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqzrQhPb8C
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQqTniwr5u

「咳，總之，」代課老師乾咳一聲打斷我們的對話，「請各位打開課本第……為什麼桌上有酒瓶？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyuT4LgYGq
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBLY3nhZkL

「因為上一節是化學課。」正在製作燃燒瓶的簡澄說。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GdWZ3CP51
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OmMM76FJU

「那你桌上正在燒的酒精燈是怎樣？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXSvvAbPkj
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vZxls5bS0

「老師，它正在暖身。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5ngFx1oiH
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINTfC5GCV7

「它是要暖什麼身啊！給我拿回去實驗室放好！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVb5nWPlzV
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8VjFxZ95s

「我要去！」賴妍自告奮勇的起身。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXVdYCUtP8
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwBFRqSo8r

「給我坐下，妳不值得信賴。」我不耐煩的說。「三岐，你去放。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiKfHqO7cG
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「那我改姓三岐。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5a2sHLec3
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「才不是這個意思！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0TUV2yLZY
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「而且為什麼是三岐！」剛剛還趴著的三岐抗議。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRJXOjixPu
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「少囉唆！快點給我去放！」我用課本敲三岐的頭，「別跟著搗亂上課秩序好嗎？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzX0zPIrNn
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3HA9PysU0

「汝等下級生物，竟敢命令本元帥，看我痛啊啊啊啊啊啊！」三岐的話還沒說完就被我再次用力敲頭，不過這次用的是不鏽鋼水壺。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3ITIn28Ee
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「元帥好弱。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEk7K7XgcUF
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「你根本是想殺了我吧！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8gYovhQK3
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlRwtqUQ6d

「同學們！請安靜！」代課老師看起來有些惱火。「全部給我翻開課本！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpi4qzMrIP
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m4hgHOO2O

「老師。」賴妍突然嚴肅的開口，「你覺得數學的意義到底是什麼？數學又是為何而存在？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJVbqZCq49
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「數學是為何而存在…………？」老師陷入沉思。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOL5hAarcoj
除了賴妍之外的同學們臉色一沉。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwsYHHpmru
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4LQ5OQlj2

「老師！別中計啊！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbBbmc6Nt9
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JXf6VbP6D

「這傢伙的腦子才不會思考這種深奧的東西呢！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufBfyOTsSV
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「她只是單純不想上數學課而已啊！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSG5t9y3eS
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvESIkdC9B

不過老師抬起手制止了那些警告他的同學。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39Ex3OqlEP
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「我認為……」在思考片刻之後，老師開口，

308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSK9yZDDxiB

「數學是使生活變得更方便的工具。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX2MoGx3eS
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpxWUWP98Z

「真的是這樣嗎？」賴妍問。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NaTZLPmBQ
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb7SUsAN18

「古埃及人與巴比倫人靠著幾何學的幫助，建造出了許多壯觀的建築物！牛頓發明的微積分也間接造福了許多人類！」老師越說越激動，「所以我才會選擇就讀數學系，成為數學老師！數學對我來說就是世界的真理！就是絕對的信仰！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9T5MjcB3n
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf948xVzsq9

「那……如果我說，」賴妍緩緩開口，「我能反駁你的論點呢？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwL9G1JXi9z
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「什──」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRUVV6NIXj
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「如果我能證明…………數學並不是世界的真理呢？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemWJY9HDQo
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZPDa6a4lp

「臭小鬼！妳明白妳在說什麼嗎！妳說的話是對神的褻瀆！」代課老師憤怒地吼道。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv6AjObEtJ
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsY6xDjfaWK

「那個，班長，」坐在我後面的男同學輕聲對我說，「這部不是日常番嗎？為什麼會出現戰鬥番的台詞？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIIJGQawT3
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkB0ynkYrxA

「我也很好奇啊！而且現在不是數學課嗎！」

最重要的是，代課老師已經在不知不覺間步入了賴妍「不想上課」的節奏之中，這才是她被稱為瘋狗的最大原因。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu1hj2e1EDm
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真正恐怖的地方還在後頭。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9N6pXLr6r
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「老師……你知道數學的英文，Math的意義，其實是Mental Abuse To Humans，也就是人類精神虐待的意思喔？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yQ2OrATzz
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「那只是討厭數學的人提出的可悲巧合而已！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUkytVicnq
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賴妍歪頭。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUcMgPfGRX
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「如果數學是真理，為什麼有人會討厭祂呢？」她問道。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVStZZMEuB
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3ivflLgLG

「因為世界上總是有許多自以為是的人！他們只因為生活不如預期，就怪罪到神聖的信仰上面！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHu2LJEK2xI
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhQ47hwqC5

「生活不如預期？你是指生活中的事發生無法用真理解釋的情況嗎？還是生活並沒有想像中的便利？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLkjs1E09x
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvBz8ybtm7

「世上所有的事情一定都有辦法用真理來說明！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzu7HR5Fxzf
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy9TT5a0Fj

「真的嗎？」賴妍正色道，「那我舉個簡單的例子吧。您有看過商店中『買二送一』的活動嗎？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCM0hWRkqU
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「當然有。」代課老師不耐煩地回答。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZLvL1x2HP
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「那麼一加一等於幾？這只是單純的數學問題，不是腦筋急轉彎喔。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpOZPUrtKl
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「一加一等於二。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UtIAQeU7e
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「啊咧？奇怪了？」賴妍故意用困惑的語氣說到，「我只付了兩個物品的價錢，為什麼我得到了三倍的利潤？好奇怪吶～」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOyvhbEP73
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「……咦？」老師愣住了。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBNFrC0gCf
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「這樣子算式就變成了『一加一等於三』而不是真理所說的二了呢。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dHSoWiylY
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「什…怎麼會……」代課老師開始感到恐慌。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvl7ZZ2lIHD
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「老師別中計啊！那只是一種行銷手法而已啊！」我大喊。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50a6qDuGs8
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9GCD9So6U

「我…但是、但是一加一應該……還是等於二啊…………？」代課老師緩緩抬頭，用困惑而渙散的眼神看著我，就像一位瀕臨崩潰的精神病患者。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQ5LEilnco
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完蛋了。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf4u3wMTkj
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「我再舉一個例子吧。」賴妍再次開口。「剛剛說了一加一等於三，但是這也不是正確答案。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbNLsufKKC
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「您應該也知道結婚是什麼吧？就是長期的一對一賣春契約。」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKMxOub9n3
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「才不是這樣！」我吐槽。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw62QtcXE6d
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「好奇怪吶。住在我家隔壁的王叔叔明明結婚了，為什麼最近兩個月，在王阿姨不在的週五晚上，還會出現另外六個女人陪他過夜呢？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUku74shoWe
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「這種事情你應該早點去跟王阿姨說才對吧！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9akGw5v24
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52ecZVev6w

「咦咦，」賴妍不理我，「一加一不是等於三嗎？為什麼同時又等於八呢？」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbF8sbbBVji
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKcfE1UnHD

「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師抱住頭，驚慌失措地尖叫。「為什麼真理要遺棄我啊啊啊啊！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1wsdEoWLo
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrec4GDPp2x

「沒錯，就是因為人們被你所說的真理拋棄，才會轉而討厭，甚至憎恨數學。對他們來說，數學不只不是世界上的真理，更不是讓生活變得更方便的工具！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb4PwT5EHM
308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6j4r4spkFA

賴妍深呼吸，補上了最後一擊：「對他們來說，數學只是讓生活更不方便的枷鎖！只是阻礙人類發展的、根本沒有存在必要的、無用垃圾而已啊！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvVpTImbZZ
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「啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊……」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkla5zmEwQp
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老師緩緩蹲下，雙手抱住膝蓋，露出自己長久以來深信的事情在一夕之間被摧毀的表情。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kpAhwfkP2
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這時，去化學教室放酒精燈的三岐回來了。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaM8FyNOr97

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老師彷彿看見了希望一般，朝著三岐跑過去，抓住了他的肩膀，用力地前後搖動。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVbIiAzWd9
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「同學！一加一等於多少！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyloM0mKcEN
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「咦？」在狀況外的三岐很錯愕。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuxcO5Vft8
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賴妍露出了勝利的微笑，坐回位子上，舒服的翹起二郎腿，抓著桌上的白蘭地仰頭灌了一大口。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG3pi4UBp6
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「到底等於多少啊啊啊啊啊！！！」代課老師瘋狂地大喊。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhrLzZS82D
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「等、等於五十……」一天到晚吃麥O勞的三岐結結巴巴的回答。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2S9umSbWY9
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「三等於八、八等於五十……等式應該不成立才…三又等於五十……啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！」代課老師崩潰了，尖叫著衝出了教室。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGAcpOg6jG
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全班盯著三岐。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZjKeDPESJ
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「欸？我做錯什麼了嗎？」三岐很錯愕。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhsSoHlgPa
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賴妍抬頭看了一眼教室牆上的時鐘。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyvDFbSgTS
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「呦喜！多賺到了半小時下課時間。」她握拳。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡva8rbjZ9Nc
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「呦喜妳個大頭！他被你弄壞了啦！」我慌張地大喊，「全班快點出去幫忙找代課老師啊！」308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEvY9sRnjn
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當日結果：308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldiXkVgnGl
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在數學科辦公室全體數學老師的幫忙下，於放學前在校舍頂樓的花圃角落發現了喃喃自語著「三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十我被神拋棄了嗚嗚嗚我要成為一棵用費波納契數列整齊排列的植物三等於八等於五十三等於八等於五十…」的代課老師，並送到附近醫院的精神科治療。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwbsuVkezk
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賴妍被記了一支大過（目前總共七支）。308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjJaflMcfK
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第二章 數學課！

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第二章數學課！