《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第三章國文課！

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「好囉，小鬼頭們，」在鐘響後，國文老師抱著一疊文件走進教室，「你們知道我們今天要做什麼嗎？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YmonP31tu

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「今天好像是……要發上次國文課寫的作文嗎？」我問。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9QJikFwF1
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「答對囉！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRs55hXptjd
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「又是一堂無聊的課。」賴妍發牢騷。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zmz5zZtsL
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「我早就猜到妳會這樣說，所以今天打算來點不一樣的上課方式！」國文老師興高采烈的說，「等等我會叫號，點到的同學請上台，然後朗讀你的作品！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMo52NxCcs
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「咦咦咦！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsSaHNjZfL
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「這樣會被嗆吧！尤其在題目還是『自己創造一個短篇故事』的情況下！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NxqqH3met
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同學們的反抗聲不斷。不過老師不理他們。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEuOQTABRN
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「要開始囉！一號！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStfKGbS6Ut
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是三岐。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2sRKeCAS2
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他接過老師手中的作文紙，大步走上講台！255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ1HTLKJ3e
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三岐深吸一口氣，開口：255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYK0lZlREzh
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「我在雨中拔腿狂奔。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wqUZBIzbi
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後面追著兩個人。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfAEUJeFWx
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我很清楚他們為什麼找上我，所以我只管向前衝。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiH9hdEyJ6
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四周的行人被我撞到後，發出不滿的抱怨聲。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYpxWEiELx
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『哈塔！你竟敢帶著欠我們的錢逃跑！你以為組織就會這麼放過你嗎！』追著我的其中一人在後頭放聲大後。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZePay4ZwH
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我加快腳步。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsvzz4G7cv
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這時，我聽到了幾聲槍響，後腿同時感覺到一陣劇痛。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2XpckigNW
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我發出慘叫，猛地跌倒在地上。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIUwt8SGO7
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附近的群眾尖叫，開始四處逃竄。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDTKneKWmz
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我轉過頭，看見那兩人的身影離我越來越近。

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看來如果不快點找個地方躲起來的話，我就要成為槍下的亡魂了。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY7lMoFk87
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這時，我看見一旁的廢棄大樓。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQikDgJ3bA
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我也沒空確認他們有沒有看見，拖著受傷的腿，逕自藏身在大樓入口處的一個陰暗角落。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcwmZUyL9z
我開始默默祈禱。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2b0hwXqdl
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『跟著血跡走！』其中一人大喊。『奇怪…那棟大樓？』255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwD9go4ZDZC
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在我躲藏的角落，我聽到兩人的腳步聲逼近。

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我默默地閉上雙眼。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlG4YSwzf0
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三岐走下台。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEXFApgO6o
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「什麼？結束了喔？」坐在我身後的男同學很錯愕，「感覺你的故事才剛開始欸。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC86wwU7B5R
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「你就是因為這樣，所以就算連續出場三章作者還是連名字都沒給你。」三岐搖頭嘆氣。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV5MQFFt2K
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「原來這三章出現的男同學是同一個人啊！！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qfo4g4JMo
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「三岐同學，我在改的時候也很好奇，可以解釋你在這裡結束的理由嗎？」國文老師問道。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbuYSSDoxW
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「我想要留給你們這群凡夫俗子一個思考的空間。我這樣寫的用意，是藉由思考主角到最後是否被發現來呈現這篇短篇的韻味……看來這種開放性結局不是你們這群凡夫俗子可以體會的。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JcpQT4lEK
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「『你們這群凡夫俗子』是不是在同一句話用了兩次？」我問。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoPAI8Hyw8
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「汝是在質疑身為宇宙主宰的我嗎！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPVY4BdQRw
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「所以一加一到底等於多少？」賴妍問他。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabh6Ly5A7v
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「五十。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19O6wRBXqu
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「宇宙主宰的數學弱爆了啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHzvvZpdAD
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「三岐同學，」國文老師叫他，「你能不能告訴我們故事的大意？這樣子像男同學同學一樣的其他同學也能聽懂你的故事。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Uik4ks0yn
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「原來『男同學』是他的名字嗎！！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtouYXs91d0
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「大意嗎…我想一下喔……」三岐思考了一下，

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「在那個世界，主角加入了組織『克雷德』，因為看不慣他們邪惡的處事風格而決定與愛人逃──」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeNlEAXotu
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「咦？這一段沒有在文章中出現啊。」國文老師疑惑道。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsar562wiYf
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「因為這是背景設定。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8jV5um2Vq
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「背、背景…」國文老師揉揉額頭，「三岐同學，再縮短一點，從正文開始就好。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGZHeXA6Bc
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「正文喔……」三岐清清嗓子，再次開口，「在世界上，偷了組織裡頭重要的『信件』和大筆金錢的主角哈塔在街頭被組織派出的殺手『湯姆』和『傑利』追殺，在追逐時，哈塔的腳竟然被湯姆射中了！在情急之下，哈塔逃進了廢棄的大樓中，等待正義組織的救援───」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7aD0JmHGL
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「再縮短一點。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nZFYQpmZd
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「世界上，欠了邪惡組織債的主角哈塔，因為被組織派出的殺手雙人組追殺，在負傷之下不得已只好躲進附近的廢棄大樓之中等待救援。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJk3ABH9uW
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「再短一點。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerpwEhpZCr
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「世界上，欠錢的哈塔因為受傷所以逃進了廢棄大樓。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBAlcc71mB
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「突然之間變得很好懂啊！連原意都要被扭曲了啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrrgqSWcDZ
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「再短一點。」賴妍說。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtr21J299e
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「世債哈樓。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxUJO6PTsx
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「太精簡了！倒不如說是直接開嘴了啊！！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQiM0MWQt9
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「下一位……三十七號！」國文老師再次點名，是賴妍。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZMMZymFAz
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「唔喔…」賴妍搖搖晃晃的上台，手中還抓著一瓶約翰走路。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX78QO9RlbT
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「請把酒放回桌上。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MCpOesbnm
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「唔唔唔……」賴妍回位子放好瓶子，接過老師手中的作文，上台。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHEuY5ffDe
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「我今天上學時，在公園看到一隻貓。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nSiwe93iz
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沒想到，牠竟然攔住我，然後對我說：『你好，我是說了算你們的話說回來了我們的後宮城縣市長得像是在哈囉不是說了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了─────』」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLKtvM5Adn
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「等等！」國文老師打斷她，「為什麼貓說的話跟手機的自動選字一樣？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpUVr9dKYS
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「可能是作者懶得想劇情吧。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT65Ti3mffz
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「妳是不是偷喝酒？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBUK9mQWjB
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「她哪一天沒有偷喝酒！」我說。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2L5IzVicA
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「那妳那天喝醉了嗎？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2zLABTIW9
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「我沒醉啊，是那隻貓醉了。」賴妍一臉無辜的說。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHiRY42FYg
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「可是妳的題目是『喝醉的貓』……不對啊，就算是喝醉的貓也不會說話吧！」老師反駁。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8PJu4zQDU
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「可是那隻是貓公爵欸。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqg2fJll1R
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「貓公爵是什麼？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0W42eEy4x
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「老師，您沒看過貓公爵嗎？」賴妍驚訝的問。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC1XAH4FpA
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「沒看過啊，有什麼特徵嗎？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9J6pyK7NG
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「叫聲是『喵，喵，O哥』。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Zv6k4MekG
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「誰會看過這隻種族歧視的貓啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eMLQaXsBU
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「而且牠還寫過『舉杯邀明月，對影成八人』這句經典名句。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXfHDl0pDQ
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「不是三人嗎？」國文老師很困惑。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQ8FDlSpqo
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「三等於八。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcykPWZvlb
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「人家都已經被你弄到住院了還好意思說啊！」我吐槽。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA09dFMU8lS
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「我從以前就覺得這一句話很牽強…不過還算過得去，」國文老師說，「但是對影成八人又是怎麼回事？本來只有月亮、人物、影子而已。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgo462VK6u
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「對影成八人就是月亮、人物、影子、影子、影子、影子、影子跟影子。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6xkE2tD1X
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「你把其他人的影子也一起照出來了啊！是怎樣！靈異現場嗎！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LnpvMykr4
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「好吧，算了，當我沒問。」一陣子後，老師嘆口氣，「下一個，今天幾月幾號？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeANhU0JbmP
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「九月九號！」全班同學異口同聲回答，之後同時轉頭看我。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7DRMBiOZr
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你們這群小王八蛋。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob2oVlK1pf
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「九號是……」老師看了一下點名簿，「班長柳困同學。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWijVTTUcp
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「可是老師，我的故事真的有點…」我有點為難。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPKpMiXC5B
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「不用怕，賴妍寫那種東西都敢上來了。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cOucXrnaU
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「好吧……」我慢慢步上講台。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPgY8x7Mf0
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「人在愉悅的時候會釋放出『虛空分子』，在這些虛空分子達到一定的程度時，會強制開啟一道傳送門，將隨機的人傳送到一個遊戲之中。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ViwcTmzjT
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所以，我，幻天，現在站在一片血紅色的天空下。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0gTkCq9iq
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此刻，我只想搞清楚，出現在我眼前的是幻覺，還是現實。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDgUDM2NB4
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這時，有一個稚嫩的聲音叫住我。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dyQcEGHhu
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『喂！你是誰！叫什麼名字！』我回頭，看見一個紫色頭髮，穿著和服，手中拿著金色大弓的蘿莉……我是說小女孩─────」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBn1ttpkfpZ
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「我看錯你了，班長。」簡澄說。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS4xRUA8jd
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「閉、閉嘴！讓我說完！255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9hb4sYnwV
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「『你是誰？』她的箭指著我的頭，所以我只能戰戰兢兢地回答。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvbOlZFryo
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『我叫幻天……妳、妳叫什麼名字？』255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlEWBlnYHl
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『……我叫瑞希。』她說。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XOOOSGssq
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話說回來，她看起來真可愛───」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFcjJ9PpV4
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「好的，停止，我們謝謝班長！」國文老師說。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI7kMaWCOs
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「我還沒說完欸！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOdPYz4Ha2
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「沒關係，你這剛見面就發春的傢伙。我現在連你的標題是什麼都不感興趣。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f8ozQMTnY
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「為什麼要吐我槽！」我現在覺得超級受傷。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXAWypeEZw
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「因為時間不太夠，」老師不理我。她看了看錶，「所以我們再選最後一位！十六號！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNOlPVKWmg
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「是我！」簡澄舉手。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAVBbBCqrXm
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「上台吧，快下課了。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12J1mibUbF
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簡澄走上台，攤開作文。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWVTWJWShD
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「在一個下大雪的夜晚，一個快要凍死的小女孩，在街上販賣燃燒瓶。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFhi1yLPTV
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「為什麼是燃燒瓶！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtdIZry5li
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「『要不要買燃燒瓶啊……要不要買燃燒瓶啊……不買的話燒了你哦…』她賣力的嘶喊，但是經過的行人始終不看她一眼。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQJAXHb4zD
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「根本沒人敢看吧！一言不合就會被燒死啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdP4sgcIe1
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「漸漸的，時間越來越晚，人潮也越來越少。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7vQ22sawY
大街上很快就只剩下小女孩一人。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh6tCHVCmG
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「全都被嚇跑了啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrI0fDtYeoX
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「小女孩起身，在她身後的餐廳中，許多人正在用餐。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9pD5laamR
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在她正前方的窗戶裡，一對年輕夫婦正在享用烤雞。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhs2sCy8To
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又冷又餓的小女孩於是丟了一個燃燒瓶到餐廳裡面。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytC3sscMu4
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「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊啊！！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65TlUSKwmU
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「餐廳裡面的人們，包括那對夫妻，尖叫著離開了現場。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oMWbQcE43
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「廢話！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8j9uBouhY
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「小女孩因此撿到了那對夫妻還沒來得及享用的整隻烤雞。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeYSTKF80m
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「原來這就是目的嗎！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMm2a8ptHY
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「小女孩吃的正開心時，『就是那個傢伙嗎！想要暗殺老大的人！』一群身穿黑衣的人出現在燃燒的餐廳外圍。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPlQ8KRE17
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「惹到不該惹的人了啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuqXTq7ZZs
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「正所謂『五十人成虎』，」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6JfDNo0NT
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「不是三人成虎嗎！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVKmIWdToc
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「三等於八等於五十。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKyig4tv5L
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「不要再消費人家了啊啊啊啊啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3C00du160
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「這句話的意思是『五十個台北暴徒就跟老虎一樣可怕』。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB6fszKSdL
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「明顯是五十個台北暴徒比較可怕吧！！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4q5r2hMgo
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「那群黑衣人同時飛身向前！在後頭的黑衣人也掏出槍！255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVOvBsKmc4
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這時，其中一個黑衣人拿起電話聽了一會，然後大喊：『不好了！哈塔拿著信跟錢跑走了！』」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZDTc5SdwB
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「原來是同一個組織啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sqVkNSBbF
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「『老大很不高興啊！』拿著手機的人說，『他說有句話要我轉告給你們。』」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmuZDSrCbY
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「喔？老大想說什麼？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvycKxCZKc
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「『喵，喵，O哥。』」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5eF54GN2D
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「老大是貓公爵啊！難怪派出來的殺手叫湯姆跟傑利！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKqAtfXGgR
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「『六影眾也隨時準備出動了。』」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MR5xf0CfI
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「照出來的怪東西還有頭銜！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXSN8siXRe
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「這時，小女孩露出了笑容。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x9anDdrnc
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『有、有什麼好笑！』黑衣人問道。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxs3rSRwAE
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「百分之八百是因為『喵，喵，O哥』啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXUpMZ9E3m
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「『哈哈哈哈哈！』小女孩喝了一口紅酒，邊笑邊說，『台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了……』」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5IAIgR7f9
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「她也喝醉了嗎！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO60WJCEcMV
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「她朝著黑衣人們扔出了一個個燃燒瓶，所有的黑衣人西裝上都沾滿了火苗。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesoXZbBkpc
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黑衣人們開始尖叫，用各種餐廳裡面看得見的東西試圖滅火，但都止不住越來越大的火勢。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7uxHEQxZr
這時，小女孩───」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAKa09gvXa
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「她說了些什麼了嗎？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw7oLLI3Ub
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「沒說什麼，她也被燒死了。」簡澄鞠躬，下臺，鐘聲剛好響起。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVjqW9Gxct
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「等一下！那這個故事的意義咧！」我追問。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtviTdzEfC
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「不要亂丟燃燒瓶。」

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「你是最沒資格說這句話的人啊啊啊啊啊！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04LaIDudGK
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「好的，謝謝簡澄同學幫我們做的完美結尾──」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadYxnrPBUU
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「完美結尾！？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjWWwwvebU
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「如果各位同學喜歡這種上課模式的話，那我們以後也可以這樣子上喔，」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpbtuAQu7n

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「這樣叫完美結尾！？」

255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWJCaWMQMo

「那麼同學們，我們下堂國文課見。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGKiSias9c
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「結束的太草率了吧！！」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNNsFVseVm
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當日結果：255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7a4Uk47w1
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難得沒有事件發生。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpCHhL1Acj
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柳困依然單身。

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第三章 國文課！

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第三章國文課！