畢業已是五年前的事,成人後的時間流逝得真快。325Please respect copyright.PENANAZNTq48A47T
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當時為了實技試拼命鍛練、幾乎徹夜無眠。因此不出席開幕禮而選擇在會場補眠,想着趕得及考試便可以。然而會場常常有人經過,要找安眠之處並不太容易。325Please respect copyright.PENANAffhKAxdKbz
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「不好意思,可以一下嗎?我好像迷路了⋯」325Please respect copyright.PENANAeoRLnZsLHi
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我被一對手搖醒,是一臉困擾的她。325Please respect copyright.PENANAHq8a1yrcbY
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我正睡在飲水機旁,連何時睡著也不記得。325Please respect copyright.PENANA62LtcIsFwM
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既然醒來,便選擇伸出援手。325Please respect copyright.PENANAzotL4m38as
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「⋯是嗎,妳是想去哪一個會場?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAMUcBX9UAJs
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「我就是⋯那個⋯⋯不太清楚。」她臉色瞬間帶點尷尬,再小聲喃道:「因為那個孩子總不會說出自己的事⋯我也不懂如何開口詢問。」325Please respect copyright.PENANA7BHmw9FhQR
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那是一對異常寂寞的眼神。像快乾涸的池塘、水面一絲不動,我和她對上眼後不禁移開視線,普通地感到可怕。325Please respect copyright.PENANA62WbwpjxiU
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於是馬上借了她手上的指南為她指路。325Please respect copyright.PENANAbMwAQgvhQz
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「這裏是醫科生的會場來的,所以如果不是這裏……如果妳的女兒要不是考「筋力證明」的話,應該會「一般試」的會場⋯⋯這裏哦。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAcpe43GRbaM
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「謝謝你⋯要是我家女兒也像你般開朗就好了。」她接下指南後說道。325Please respect copyright.PENANAeYMrkxW0Dj
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她的笑容讓我感到意外,心想這個人原來也會笑的。325Please respect copyright.PENANAydZnlkOIaM
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與此同時,走廊的喇叭突然響起。正是我所參加的項目宣告最後召集。325Please respect copyright.PENANAV9CzoJfSGO
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「跨欄已最後召集!?不妙!那我要先走了!拜拜。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAu4VBIIqsrW
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要不是她喚醒我,恐怕已經失去資格。因此印象十分深刻。至於她能否記住得我,則無從可知。325Please respect copyright.PENANAYFQiuKbS0J
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「⋯我認識你的嗎?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAosTA7XbK45
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有時候對本人重要的大事,對他人而言只是微不足道的小事。325Please respect copyright.PENANATatXFHZuBH
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「算不上認識啦⋯只是以前間接被你幫助過而已⋯⋯」325Please respect copyright.PENANAA8oJ3XaFwv
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「是嗎?⋯那你要喝嗎?」她看似不在乎我的話,只從膠袋掏出一罐啤酒遞出,純粹想要酒伴。325Please respect copyright.PENANAeppgz5cRZ9
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「看你也沒事做,就一起喝吧。」325Please respect copyright.PENANA6A8Dsxs1PF
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跟陌生人喝酒是人生第一次,同時在鬱悶的氣氛喝酒亦是第一次。325Please respect copyright.PENANAnWmLpE3UBO
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大人痛苦時喝酒都是為了逃避,我並不想成為那樣的大人。然而這刻我連自己是否痛苦也不清楚,總感覺一切也不重要。325Please respect copyright.PENANArFHUD88lZZ
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不能隨心所欲的人只能隨波逐流。325Please respect copyright.PENANAqLcVSJBuI8
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手掌接下啤酒,啪咔一聲開罐,大口灌下。325Please respect copyright.PENANA5UwOaWHqgI
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「酒精味好濃…。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAC5p6PMFDjw
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酒精味太濃反而嚐不清楚味道,但真的會有人覺得這好喝嗎?325Please respect copyright.PENANA8w7iNlYCyH
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「這就是大人都喜歡啤酒的原因。」她答。味道不重要,反正醉了便不會在意。325Please respect copyright.PENANAMO7bfGJYn6
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「看你一個人坐在海邊,是失戀了嗎?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAZTPrKRBrKD
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「不是。只是,感覺因為自己的錯令身邊的一切不再熟悉,有點追不上……」325Please respect copyright.PENANAuUm3JFblqe
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「原來如此,也是呢⋯世界可是奇怪又奇妙的。即使以為多熟悉的東西,也有不斷轉變⋯或者離開的一日⋯⋯但是結果就結果,怎樣後悔也改變不了,我們只能接受現在。」325Please respect copyright.PENANAkyUnGRh2xD
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「所以千萬要記住,悶酒嚐過就好了,不要變成我這般只會喝悶酒的大人。」她握扁着手上的鋁罐,已喝光第一罐,正伸手打算喝第二罐。325Please respect copyright.PENANA3G8ZwidqVx
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的確,比起是喜歡,她更似是習慣,習慣去灌醉自己。325Please respect copyright.PENANAy8n5pnzBlh
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「那妳呢?遇到甚麼了嗎⋯?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAosD2CClCta
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既然同樣在喝悶酒,那代表她也有煩惱。325Please respect copyright.PENANA59skjiRkb5
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她背後肯定很辛苦的事,所以當時的我害怕去接觸她。而比起害怕會知道甚麼,更討厭自己會視而不見。325Please respect copyright.PENANAMmxtM40Ffl
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「⋯⋯」面對她的無語沉默,馬上使自己知道問了不該問的。325Please respect copyright.PENANAn6cq4pW9Rv
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她默默拉開酒罐的拉環,並像是灌水般一口氣灌入喉嚨。感覺到氣氛轉變,我趕緊包圓場的說:325Please respect copyright.PENANACaR6YA3vYr
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「對不起…不用說的也可以的!不用強迫自己⋯⋯!」325Please respect copyright.PENANAd5PLB2FYAX
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另一方面,內心覺得她這樣很狡猾。325Please respect copyright.PENANAcT2lk4NvhP
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明明找別人搭話,還要一上來就是敏感的話題,到現在卻不打算打開心扉。325Please respect copyright.PENANAaxwjo3mm5O
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下一秒,耳邊傳來一句:325Please respect copyright.PENANAwRS0O79pIX
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「我親手迫走了自己女兒⋯怎樣?你不想成為這樣的大人吧?」325Please respect copyright.PENANATfzesQUhed
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說後的當刻她露出一道苦笑。325Please respect copyright.PENANAPCCx0X3QJM
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大人主動揭露傷痛,相比勇氣,更需要的是麻醉。原因無他,就因為是大人。325Please respect copyright.PENANAZdSoxx3l1d
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「怎樣⋯這個話題很難接話吧?抱歉呢。」她小有尷尬的說着。325Please respect copyright.PENANANBzLOJA4eR
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「才沒有這回事,難得你願意說出口,我也想聽下去。可以嗎?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAlAC5r0GJwc
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世間總說不要管別人的家事。理由因為家事通常也沒有道理,只存在主觀。325Please respect copyright.PENANAyuoDQgFfY3
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外人管多也沒有意義,世上惟一有進展的只有世上多了腦細胞死去。只不過人的本性始終是八卦。325Please respect copyright.PENANAhEzY2bNgPK
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「⋯老實說那可不太有趣的,真的要聽大嬸說故事嗎?」325Please respect copyright.PENANAwbEqo6rjYP
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然而未待我回覆,她已經自行把話接下去。325Please respect copyright.PENANAMyl2XNSOoW
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她本來有丈夫,以及一個孩子。325Please respect copyright.PENANA77P6D4CazO
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在生下女兒之前,她和丈夫已為子女計劃未來。假使孩子繼承下自己的能力、或者丈夫的能力兩個可能性也早已打算好方針。325Please respect copyright.PENANATytPJ0BC8s
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她的特長是預測和訂下計劃,在投資銀行工作的同時也是工作狂,即使在產假期間也繼續為相熟的客人服務着,因此受着客人間的好評。325Please respect copyright.PENANAFkQUFZcOKE
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而丈夫,即孩子的爸爸,據她說是一個性格開朗的小學老師。四肢發達,頭腦簡單,是一個思想單純,亦是個十分寬容溫柔的人,與嚴謹的她可謂正正相反。325Please respect copyright.PENANA7jQqq4pIc0
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也就因對方身上有着互相缺欠的部分,因此也像拼圖一樣,補上互相的缺陷,拼合成一幅幸福的理想象。325Please respect copyright.PENANAHtYLUIhuvd
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直至生下孩子,拼圖突然多出突兀的一塊。生下稀有種的小孩所懷有的不安,可不是未當上父母的小鬼那能想像的東西。325Please respect copyright.PENANAERcPjdRC8t
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為了她的未來,要定下一個舒適、可以在社會活下去的未來,長憂和思慮使她不斷在床上打轉,然而睡眠不足的她也要在深夜抱著女兒,餵她讓她安睡。325Please respect copyright.PENANAW7M6pN079G
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一百分的痛苦,這值九十九分。325Please respect copyright.PENANAToJ76SVCRz
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再加上工作方面累積下的壓力,產假後要追上工作的進度,沒有休息;亦同時要思考着看護的事,腦袋快要轉不過來也要作出各種決定,即使不如心意也要被強迫選擇。325Please respect copyright.PENANAR5g8KBzvii
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作為完美主義者,得過且得是她最討厭的事,於是腦內同時展開各個計劃,卻一混亂下則開始交織,必需重新構想,令工作效率下降不少,失誤接連發生。325Please respect copyright.PENANAFoG5Hu4wP6
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這樣下去自己累積下的東西會一一失去,信念也好、計劃也好⋯⋯325Please respect copyright.PENANAgGqmRSKr1v
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最後心態使心理崩潰了,正確來說患上產後抑鬱症。325Please respect copyright.PENANAyTOiCRUK69
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過去、現在、未來的壓力,使她越來越少容餘,也容易變得對人躁動,不只身邊,連對女兒也開始失去耐性,變得經常怒吼。幸好丈夫及時看透一切,主動提出自己負責照顧女兒和主理家務,也因此辭去教師的工作。325Please respect copyright.PENANAI2Zfjqa5n5
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她本來的收入已有教師的約兩倍多,要是更努力進昇,家計不是問題,遠看未來也是十分合理的決定。325Please respect copyright.PENANA05c68tVb60
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她對丈夫的決定十分感激,但也同時很內疚。因為知道丈夫喜歡與小孩互動,他亦為自己的工作花了不少心機,這點她最為清楚,亦是她不能想像欠缺的一件事。325Please respect copyright.PENANAesNc8eW6Rd
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心中的拼圖不斷變形,當一塊改變,周圍便會接連脫落。假使打算趕去補救也不知所措。可取的手段到底有甚麼?應做的有甚麼?必需達成的有甚麼?325Please respect copyright.PENANAdYE2nqiNWo
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視界越遠更容易發現問題,但亦代表需要同時面對更多事議。325Please respect copyright.PENANAwLB9RszhYE
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對女兒的成長變得嚴格,是因為她清楚只有壓倒的實力才可適應任何環境,不被他人拋下的同時,即使是怪胎,別人也只有接受自己的存在。即使不如理想,各方面也漸入佳境,總算重上軌道,她在心裏想道。325Please respect copyright.PENANADnEwuxXnuL
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而了解到人生總不能如預期的,正是意外。325Please respect copyright.PENANAWQ7fzvOQhF