如果有人告訴你，你已再不會感到痛楚，你會怎麼辦？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLYwyY3a3L
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZL0ezRZVH
拉扯皮膚、用拳頭錘向手臂，測試方法隨便你。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2UtydtXhd
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLmY3QRq24
若果真的不再痛，你接下的一步是甚麼？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0slBKxwlR
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBuGnQJeLc
你會繼續嘗試傷害自己嗎？恐怕不會，我們對痛楚的恐懼早已刻進腦袋。進化論提倡人因擁有恐懼才能避開危險，我們也正完好無缺的生活着。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGj4PG5Xckq
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMicCyZqzH
以下是最後的問題。要是一起初已不認識痛楚，你會去尋找痛楚的知覺嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlzcvYU7Zg
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtsQcAjALj
無痛症，指的是失去痛覺神經的病症。世上存在着其先天患者，一生中未曾感受過出於神經反應的痛楚；換作同一立場，你能頂受嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16MeU1UsZw
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEytmOOWOz
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLrdkQxFur
十二月二十六日，是節禮日。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9t6tAbrue
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaP1c14Zuq
我和阿雨算是有互送聖誕禮物，當然是正常的東西，我有吸收教訓乖乖的送他一對鞋子，尺寸是趁他睡著時所量的。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNt5GY9uzS
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkckK9b3YPZ
阿雨在同一個時段只有一對鞋子，到壞掉才會去買新的。送新鞋子是對他舊鞋、以及偶爾會順便替他洗鞋子的自己的體諒。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDQs5o6zbv
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdt62fbXt1
我喜歡他的味道，不代表我也喜歡他的腳臭。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgKVBG4Dmf
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvIWKp7bbA
至於我收到的是……咖啡機，可以手動磨豆那款。說實我十分喜歡。真的十分喜歡，但另一方面……作為送給妻子的禮物，真的可以接受嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6FBsFvu9z
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASJBpHfNnS
我曾嘗試反思，不過還是放棄了，開心便好。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hhxvSA4R2
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmea8Qju3Ir
而今天早上，阿雨收到來自教會神父的訊息，說希望他能幫助某件事。當他準備出門，沒有打算穿昨晚送的新鞋始終使我有點忐忑。難道他不喜歡嗎？336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gjFgcqKii
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16TGeRGHUH
教會要找得上阿雨的當然不會是好事。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADNmY2JKzS
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AJhqJDWaV
不麻煩的都不會找上他，所以我在心底的某處有點討厭那位神父。但事實上亦是他允許了避雨亭的運作。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡop0r4MkmSx
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9mqkbhryP
本來神職人員不能兼職，教會內部對此十分嚴格，被發現基本上必然革職。而阿雨是例外有着原因，只因為他的存在可讓教會處理有點「灰色」的請求。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyZDqNusDS
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd43VaDz8ID
教會的形象必須純潔無垢，為了不沾上一絲污跡，有違形象的委託都不能接下，即使私下亦不被允許。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD2Jqf2zff
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiYF1EGoeC
阿雨另起爐灶的行為之所被允許，就他可撇除教會之名和的形象來處理麻煩。反正長期坐告解室的他面孔不為人知、聲線亦不同，即使同行亦很難以被人發現。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne8fdBlCIE
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtr4vSH1jUF
有關今次的工作，那處是昨天新聞上所報的自殺案現場，他要替某位信徒收拾她兒子的遺物。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRs6ZvxejNy
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Uon9bBD14
「這也算「灰色」嗎？」我問向阿雨。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYunl88YZY
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsccbVKrie3
「有關自殺的教會都不能碰。」他是如此答道。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAioUU4cGNb
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblB6IstPpt
事發家庭是一個單親家庭，兒子是母親唯一的親人，不願面對也情有可願。而地點則是廢棄區附近的公共屋邨，由於廢棄區令車輛不通，要到那處可相當費時。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMXcw183W5
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYM2Plq4XSx
要不是帶上我，阿雨可能直接橫跨廢棄區。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAVqPrZn1G
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVE4NFx5Ie
該區域不富裕，反而說是正正相反。要是說我們居住地區是混雜，這邊是香港最黑暗的地方。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OG8Q4WXVT
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NDFenkIKd
地區的色調是鉛色一片，給人沉重的氛圍。現場異常的寧靜，但沿途的行人路上，一旁有大量發臭的垃圾，這般詭異的垃圾量和靜寂使我放不下心神。甚至一個空罐滾過，也能使我進入備擊狀態。所以未雖上樓，我已筋皮力盡。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxkveDvRIA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oDJIHhztT
「不要勉強，你在屋外等吧。」上到樓後，阿雨見狀說道。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7KFFpJpIY
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWGqntsvmo
「…好吧。」我只好默默點頭。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnVBPUH2Gj
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNvAMWHJTv
才下午一時左右，走廊已像是黑夜一片。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIZXa674jF
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoad2Nl2mQB
使用夜視能力下，發現鄰居們也避之則吉。每户在門口掛上一些驅邪物品，各門各派，宗教五花八門，中西融合的也有。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVx0zrdUNB
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIivBRadMi
話雖是近鄰，血案始終使人不寒而憟。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OaNVJJBhu
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmZryj0jyg
而時值冬天，我正站在通風的走廊，冷風不斷吹過，可謂又寒又慄……336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh6fNWNZne
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5D1RVEr2wc
「拿着。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZmFgdSd3O
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnNznXGurS
突然，一個重物落在自己頭上，頓時心臟彷彿消失，腦機能就如完全停止活動，淨下身體的擅自反應。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqkJKF5U9P
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXgr1zLBFk
「呀！！！……別故意嚇我。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5RTkbEYeL
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKdmVo7l2I
轉身一看，是阿雨。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6NrwB2z3h
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfdH21b8DO
「所以一開始便說了不要跟來吧。」嚴格來說，這不是避雨亭的工作範圍，算是阿雨的私事。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoaTCjLisI
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3TWhhVMBQ
「…我才沒在怕。」我喃道。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dWzIryZmm
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPCJkTsEgc
「那進來坐着吧，客廳沒有異樣。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHxJ8nxv3e
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzd8IrGWih
然而一進家門，這家的客廳明明沒有開着窗戶，氣氛卻異常的冰冷，空氣也尤其乾燥，毫不舒適。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkDXmSUEpB
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMo5xIf6Wla
白牆配上白燈，這裏只有一張長木椅直向電視機。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSc6NfV9bMB
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFQ3Dk0aP4
「這本是甚麼？」我拿著阿雨剛放到我頭上的厚本問道。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkcB76gmXq
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4RxwS1Eiq
「死者的日記，要當作遺物拿走的。」336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHv7Y2Z9RCr
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ovhctD8vn
他說完這句便繼續走向那昏暗的走廊，走進死者的房間。另一方面，我則把日記輕輕的放回在桌上，假裝無事發生。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrRcYcEmva
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvKXT1FJOq
混蛋，剛才竟敢還用這本書敲我的頭頂……336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCy4W9jHuZZ
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5mYDaq4xH
很想洗頭。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZE823wEcz
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rrdbyAuYL
與此同時，日記的內容正吸引着我。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxfBsaZMoU
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLAGDXn91C
有關這案件，新聞上是以「自殺」一詞來含蓋整個事件。實際上他的確是在自殺，是毫無疑問的自殺，因為死者他在「自喰」而死。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Vod8kejRf
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhL917Ti4fI
故名思義，就是自己咬掉自己身體的肉再吞掉，因此遺體兩臂的滿佈着撕咬痕，屈膝於在房間的地板上，死因為失血過多。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz4RLzG7fw
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhK895T2UL
出於其獵奇性，昨天在網上討論區引起議論。死者是蜥蜴的能力者，有蜥蜴會自斷尾巴並且吃掉，所以有人指他的死因會否與蜥蜴習性有關。動物習性會影響人本身的行為，雖然科學上尚未有實證，的確有說服力。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Gzwzs9LGf
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh7Vpl2UJw
此時有自稱同為蜥蜴能力者對此反論，「這跟脫牙時不小心吞下牙齒的不是等級，這是病態行為」並請其他討論者不要加深對他們的歧視。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVTM2LbsdM
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9qplwQCmb
兩者最後當然沒有共識，各自接受自身認同的說法，不了了之。至於一切的真相就在我面前，好奇心也不斷在推崇去窺探其內容。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XwoRwqYbH
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHaJQnjbtA
我始終還是翻開了第一頁。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkn1F3aEcaB
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ep1WfzZQi
由於日記中不含他本人的名字，所以以下「P」代稱。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyAd4dEOB8
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjR0UTqBER
日記中最舊的記錄是在十三年前，最初記下的事是與親戚到茶樓的時候，他的感受。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBILhWhiACr
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5SafazMZw
「P」的鄰桌有一位嬰兒，抱有好奇心的他看見眼前的白瓷茶壼，不禁伸出小手嘗試探索。及時被阻止後，嬰兒便大哭了起來。然而哭聲不止，漸漸引起旁人目光聚集。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxLIa1dO2F
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuptsYDe9H
「讓他試一試，他知道燙後便沒有下次了。」這句是從業員大嬸的原話，他記下了這句話。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5RhGsom9W
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLzfLA2XiW
「P」理解不了嬰兒哭泣的理由、亦不解負責注熱水到茶壺大嬸的話。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXLtNwiW9O
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡial2negiTN
「P」記憶中甚少哭泣，普通的小孩會因為受傷、或者不如意而哭泣。然而他即使擦破膝蓋，在咀嚼東西時咬破舌頭，由於他感覺不到痛楚，即使連受傷後也不能即時察覺，所以也不會哭、亦不懂哭。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GBQ2qNGro
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaIxI0nRFo
聽到大嬸那番話後被謎之魔力吸引着，萌生人生首次、並影響他一生的念頭，他想知道「痛」是甚麼。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgare2wLY5
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHB9gEJPa0
襯周圍人目光亦不耐煩的瞄向鄰桌，他找緊時機，悄悄地把食指拍在剛補充沸水的茶壺上。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWWLYNT0Nz
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MwUInem6J
現實如常，反而背叛了期待。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj76KzXCwA
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcUscKEYeF
他，果然甚麼也感覺不到。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWPWEwexOW
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8pfJS6w1d
接著手上長出水泡一事則由母親與親戚道別，一同離開時拖上手時才有所察覺。被母親反問當刻，他生起了淚意，在大街上啕哭。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOYjSwzOaH
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdZ5ZFFHhc
在外人看來似乎是母親叱責兒子而哭泣，但實際上完全不同。母親因為疏忽而內疚、兒子因疏離感而痛哭。他在這天感受到內心確實的變化。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3UQ09FiD3
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ324R9KbO
他想追求某些東西。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllVYjwgq2M
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlP5Wjcezka
「P」踏上尋找痛楚的旅途。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrWUExAp4B
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzgJoqOhlf
要理解痛楚，便有一個重要課題等着他，正是情感。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6OpvufRWb
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTS9AUhQSW
他對基本的情感障礙。氣氛他倒是能分別，大家一起笑的場面、大家肅靜起來的畫面、依靠觀察他才能知道現場該做甚麼。只有他一人在的話，基本上不會出現任何表情。喜怒哀樂、高漲低伏的波動，對他而言為極奢侈的東西。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHyvSf8Krr
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVv8NMiaIa
他喜歡午飯時間，與大家一起吃飯。因為惟有「食」一事可令他感到安心。味覺能給予他有跟他人一樣的感覺。無痛症所伴隨的汗腺麻木會使身體保持高溫，因此吸取的熱量會自行流失，也使他不會肥胖。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxvETmDWZu
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSM0g1UQ23
但據「P」的說法，他曾因長期高體溫而被其他同學都說他有股煙燻肉的氣味，而被人避開。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa38HQGZdRo
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuQUqZeXbV
「人喜歡食物，但不會喜歡嗅起來像食物的人」。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGraGgJ81nd
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrkO1RTpKu
多虧這事，他學會「傷心」。是種莫名的感覺，莫名地身體像被掏空，莫名地使不出力氣。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ0LsHPUvg
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mUNLJqPUp
莫名地冷。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5tpI91xUk
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63K0ku2VLq
本因無痛而缺乏同理心、本因溫度冷感而不知人情冷暖、因為無汗水而不懂抒發的他，流下了淚水。這是他感到最接近「痛楚」的一步。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiB9tMPj4Mn
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZbCD5h0B4
隨著成長，他在踏入中學的途上的課題則不斷增加。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6kDnyRazM
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO96BdBxXPS
世上最讓人感到痛楚的是「現實」。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XCfsPd3Px
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8s3xx46OEq
他出生於單親家庭，只有母親一位至親，父親早已在得悉母親懷孕時逃亡了。跟他的病沒有關係，只是個純粹的人渣。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Bk32yKQnl
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L93DPzFWE
但說實，他對這一切不在意。即使他自行受多少傷，母親早已習以為作，最近已不太上心。失去關心獲得的「傷心」就是他最好的禮物。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENFzMt4gVz
336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSyCFfxbdoC
但他漸漸發現在經濟環境不富裕的家庭裏，他所需每兩週一次的檢查費用對家計而言亦是重擔。336Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWI2f0X5LzM
Penana
search
Loginarrow_drop_down
Registerarrow_drop_down
