如果有人告訴你,你已再不會感到痛楚,你會怎麼辦?349Please respect copyright.PENANAvkR4ElgB2h
349Please respect copyright.PENANAu8VN92DjYr
拉扯皮膚、用拳頭錘向手臂,測試方法隨便你。349Please respect copyright.PENANADRpLLcR9ED
349Please respect copyright.PENANA52jWSP7uSl
若果真的不再痛,你接下的一步是甚麼?349Please respect copyright.PENANA3Bt31FAxVl
349Please respect copyright.PENANAUainrsWZ45
你會繼續嘗試傷害自己嗎?恐怕不會,我們對痛楚的恐懼早已刻進腦袋。進化論提倡人因擁有恐懼才能避開危險,我們也正完好無缺的生活着。349Please respect copyright.PENANA4M87rfeyze
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以下是最後的問題。要是一起初已不認識痛楚,你會去尋找痛楚的知覺嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANA6KkumECdxs
349Please respect copyright.PENANAAtPH92Ol2R
無痛症,指的是失去痛覺神經的病症。世上存在着其先天患者,一生中未曾感受過出於神經反應的痛楚;換作同一立場,你能頂受嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANAYOWKlLiiDn
349Please respect copyright.PENANAnsWSED4U6d
349Please respect copyright.PENANAXch7Vs5q0y
十二月二十六日,是節禮日。349Please respect copyright.PENANAKhZXOCbpHj
349Please respect copyright.PENANAnf7hGbcbX3
我和阿雨算是有互送聖誕禮物,當然是正常的東西,我有吸收教訓乖乖的送他一對鞋子,尺寸是趁他睡著時所量的。349Please respect copyright.PENANAgLtqCmSj8V
349Please respect copyright.PENANAY3WV7QookZ
阿雨在同一個時段只有一對鞋子,到壞掉才會去買新的。送新鞋子是對他舊鞋、以及偶爾會順便替他洗鞋子的自己的體諒。349Please respect copyright.PENANAKUJk5e0QVg
349Please respect copyright.PENANAdgv7CK4Zym
我喜歡他的味道,不代表我也喜歡他的腳臭。349Please respect copyright.PENANAWndoyL6tPY
349Please respect copyright.PENANAX6TweYjh5Y
至於我收到的是……咖啡機,可以手動磨豆那款。說實我十分喜歡。真的十分喜歡,但另一方面……作為送給妻子的禮物,真的可以接受嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANAHk9jdB8rbZ
349Please respect copyright.PENANAemyvKYRNem
我曾嘗試反思,不過還是放棄了,開心便好。349Please respect copyright.PENANAsiupzSWUzu
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而今天早上,阿雨收到來自教會神父的訊息,說希望他能幫助某件事。當他準備出門,沒有打算穿昨晚送的新鞋始終使我有點忐忑。難道他不喜歡嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANAQxM4B8MV4U
349Please respect copyright.PENANAwaQ51EeO0F
教會要找得上阿雨的當然不會是好事。349Please respect copyright.PENANAd0oWzgF1WS
349Please respect copyright.PENANAXN3jBYjZ1d
不麻煩的都不會找上他,所以我在心底的某處有點討厭那位神父。但事實上亦是他允許了避雨亭的運作。349Please respect copyright.PENANALH58fOEF4l
349Please respect copyright.PENANANtNeAA5WH5
本來神職人員不能兼職,教會內部對此十分嚴格,被發現基本上必然革職。而阿雨是例外有着原因,只因為他的存在可讓教會處理有點「灰色」的請求。349Please respect copyright.PENANA4v1nmfj2Ai
349Please respect copyright.PENANAcAjS1ouqNV
教會的形象必須純潔無垢,為了不沾上一絲污跡,有違形象的委託都不能接下,即使私下亦不被允許。349Please respect copyright.PENANA6xxoEb8dHt
349Please respect copyright.PENANA02pCaU3XFv
阿雨另起爐灶的行為之所被允許,就他可撇除教會之名和的形象來處理麻煩。反正長期坐告解室的他面孔不為人知、聲線亦不同,即使同行亦很難以被人發現。349Please respect copyright.PENANAUCd8lQIREA
349Please respect copyright.PENANAOnwQr6LfT0
有關今次的工作,那處是昨天新聞上所報的自殺案現場,他要替某位信徒收拾她兒子的遺物。349Please respect copyright.PENANArw9dzDhY5s
349Please respect copyright.PENANA8JVdCTX7wZ
「這也算「灰色」嗎?」我問向阿雨。349Please respect copyright.PENANAaRuro9AbCE
349Please respect copyright.PENANAOxmR4JC8Rs
「有關自殺的教會都不能碰。」他是如此答道。349Please respect copyright.PENANAkTVXIJswSj
349Please respect copyright.PENANAk2OkmMUsMe
事發家庭是一個單親家庭,兒子是母親唯一的親人,不願面對也情有可願。而地點則是廢棄區附近的公共屋邨,由於廢棄區令車輛不通,要到那處可相當費時。349Please respect copyright.PENANAKQp3F7suy7
349Please respect copyright.PENANAQoRePGUutk
要不是帶上我,阿雨可能直接橫跨廢棄區。349Please respect copyright.PENANAMXLkdl7jhc
349Please respect copyright.PENANAYtmC2unwn3
該區域不富裕,反而說是正正相反。要是說我們居住地區是混雜,這邊是香港最黑暗的地方。349Please respect copyright.PENANAsoHdsJLMvl
349Please respect copyright.PENANAgPBudEC8MJ
地區的色調是鉛色一片,給人沉重的氛圍。現場異常的寧靜,但沿途的行人路上,一旁有大量發臭的垃圾,這般詭異的垃圾量和靜寂使我放不下心神。甚至一個空罐滾過,也能使我進入備擊狀態。所以未雖上樓,我已筋皮力盡。349Please respect copyright.PENANAK8jsJwQsR4
349Please respect copyright.PENANAFTSV3PCj6F
「不要勉強,你在屋外等吧。」上到樓後,阿雨見狀說道。349Please respect copyright.PENANANQCsz8TaxA
349Please respect copyright.PENANA9j4hk3AXPG
「…好吧。」我只好默默點頭。349Please respect copyright.PENANAU7FRXOkO7I
349Please respect copyright.PENANA407lXjUO4P
才下午一時左右,走廊已像是黑夜一片。349Please respect copyright.PENANAC353IRKbeR
349Please respect copyright.PENANA9R5hD8F7kV
使用夜視能力下,發現鄰居們也避之則吉。每户在門口掛上一些驅邪物品,各門各派,宗教五花八門,中西融合的也有。349Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8253wNrb7
349Please respect copyright.PENANAFRQ1bIHo0W
話雖是近鄰,血案始終使人不寒而憟。349Please respect copyright.PENANAKJvMpiZ259
349Please respect copyright.PENANAiB7xzgkmAf
而時值冬天,我正站在通風的走廊,冷風不斷吹過,可謂又寒又慄……349Please respect copyright.PENANAiuLtbhuhU4
349Please respect copyright.PENANAH23nkAFc4h
「拿着。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAhlkFGaadvE
349Please respect copyright.PENANAwWEKg0tU1X
突然,一個重物落在自己頭上,頓時心臟彷彿消失,腦機能就如完全停止活動,淨下身體的擅自反應。349Please respect copyright.PENANACoMXzzxwyZ
349Please respect copyright.PENANA89HMwS4587
「呀!!!……別故意嚇我。」349Please respect copyright.PENANA2bjO60vID5
349Please respect copyright.PENANAi2WdWzY0ks
轉身一看,是阿雨。349Please respect copyright.PENANAehw3CBV1qX
349Please respect copyright.PENANAsv0e7hFghE
「所以一開始便說了不要跟來吧。」嚴格來說,這不是避雨亭的工作範圍,算是阿雨的私事。349Please respect copyright.PENANAaRNsne927N
349Please respect copyright.PENANAArl1RVrRIC
「…我才沒在怕。」我喃道。349Please respect copyright.PENANAwmVeE6WqZZ
349Please respect copyright.PENANAJENW0aYSC3
「那進來坐着吧,客廳沒有異樣。」349Please respect copyright.PENANABLva2cMRRg
349Please respect copyright.PENANAzAaIqZn9xJ
然而一進家門,這家的客廳明明沒有開着窗戶,氣氛卻異常的冰冷,空氣也尤其乾燥,毫不舒適。349Please respect copyright.PENANANcErVerobQ
349Please respect copyright.PENANAFWLebB6yBo
白牆配上白燈,這裏只有一張長木椅直向電視機。349Please respect copyright.PENANA63dU1ULrmv
349Please respect copyright.PENANAKyzbVzLx5D
「這本是甚麼?」我拿著阿雨剛放到我頭上的厚本問道。349Please respect copyright.PENANALY4w0uHlH3
349Please respect copyright.PENANAsREkcAZdst
「死者的日記,要當作遺物拿走的。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAnk0akkNwqO
349Please respect copyright.PENANABvw7rcB3fW
他說完這句便繼續走向那昏暗的走廊,走進死者的房間。另一方面,我則把日記輕輕的放回在桌上,假裝無事發生。349Please respect copyright.PENANAVyzyHoD61H
349Please respect copyright.PENANAz8YT6d9ecY
混蛋,剛才竟敢還用這本書敲我的頭頂……349Please respect copyright.PENANAw9Y0Q0Cmk0
349Please respect copyright.PENANAsNnOYyMBIN
很想洗頭。349Please respect copyright.PENANA4gBmxYYcsi
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與此同時,日記的內容正吸引着我。349Please respect copyright.PENANAY4XNJNKZnM
349Please respect copyright.PENANAUF87TBmVzr
有關這案件,新聞上是以「自殺」一詞來含蓋整個事件。實際上他的確是在自殺,是毫無疑問的自殺,因為死者他在「自喰」而死。349Please respect copyright.PENANAgxeKof7ruH
349Please respect copyright.PENANAH28X3FJgZg
故名思義,就是自己咬掉自己身體的肉再吞掉,因此遺體兩臂的滿佈着撕咬痕,屈膝於在房間的地板上,死因為失血過多。349Please respect copyright.PENANAPQ02rin03g
349Please respect copyright.PENANAdKjHbIDTeX
出於其獵奇性,昨天在網上討論區引起議論。死者是蜥蜴的能力者,有蜥蜴會自斷尾巴並且吃掉,所以有人指他的死因會否與蜥蜴習性有關。動物習性會影響人本身的行為,雖然科學上尚未有實證,的確有說服力。349Please respect copyright.PENANAJRnYEyhEoG
349Please respect copyright.PENANA5x0vOsUV6A
此時有自稱同為蜥蜴能力者對此反論,「這跟脫牙時不小心吞下牙齒的不是等級,這是病態行為」並請其他討論者不要加深對他們的歧視。349Please respect copyright.PENANA36tjRitlaP
349Please respect copyright.PENANAsTeHcotJwf
兩者最後當然沒有共識,各自接受自身認同的說法,不了了之。至於一切的真相就在我面前,好奇心也不斷在推崇去窺探其內容。349Please respect copyright.PENANAH8P3uxw9fU
349Please respect copyright.PENANAZwQq7xFrNd
我始終還是翻開了第一頁。349Please respect copyright.PENANAFpTyPJv78e
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由於日記中不含他本人的名字,所以以下「P」代稱。349Please respect copyright.PENANAS6k83mZvf2
349Please respect copyright.PENANAjPm75NMMou
日記中最舊的記錄是在十三年前,最初記下的事是與親戚到茶樓的時候,他的感受。349Please respect copyright.PENANAmsu2aa2dv2
349Please respect copyright.PENANAwuLfZEmiUn
「P」的鄰桌有一位嬰兒,抱有好奇心的他看見眼前的白瓷茶壼,不禁伸出小手嘗試探索。及時被阻止後,嬰兒便大哭了起來。然而哭聲不止,漸漸引起旁人目光聚集。349Please respect copyright.PENANASXgvAEx849
349Please respect copyright.PENANAAwQQcN0n5X
「讓他試一試,他知道燙後便沒有下次了。」這句是從業員大嬸的原話,他記下了這句話。349Please respect copyright.PENANA61I0wCuMnc
349Please respect copyright.PENANAk73Rq8Dy8Y
「P」理解不了嬰兒哭泣的理由、亦不解負責注熱水到茶壺大嬸的話。349Please respect copyright.PENANAwblDItFlWO
349Please respect copyright.PENANAYzBD7owvTB
「P」記憶中甚少哭泣,普通的小孩會因為受傷、或者不如意而哭泣。然而他即使擦破膝蓋,在咀嚼東西時咬破舌頭,由於他感覺不到痛楚,即使連受傷後也不能即時察覺,所以也不會哭、亦不懂哭。349Please respect copyright.PENANAwZexJQ61Wq
349Please respect copyright.PENANAawpzmy9DQQ
聽到大嬸那番話後被謎之魔力吸引着,萌生人生首次、並影響他一生的念頭,他想知道「痛」是甚麼。349Please respect copyright.PENANA6MMMyZVMvG
349Please respect copyright.PENANAE42ei7SiZV
襯周圍人目光亦不耐煩的瞄向鄰桌,他找緊時機,悄悄地把食指拍在剛補充沸水的茶壺上。349Please respect copyright.PENANAg19tWjMhV1
349Please respect copyright.PENANARxEdnAqGXP
現實如常,反而背叛了期待。349Please respect copyright.PENANA0kDnXlwsA0
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他,果然甚麼也感覺不到。349Please respect copyright.PENANAdEi7WyS3BC
349Please respect copyright.PENANAn30xSsufC2
接著手上長出水泡一事則由母親與親戚道別,一同離開時拖上手時才有所察覺。被母親反問當刻,他生起了淚意,在大街上啕哭。349Please respect copyright.PENANAHmmQbzA90e
349Please respect copyright.PENANA9sDion1Xga
在外人看來似乎是母親叱責兒子而哭泣,但實際上完全不同。母親因為疏忽而內疚、兒子因疏離感而痛哭。他在這天感受到內心確實的變化。349Please respect copyright.PENANAPugwUGRYKC
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他想追求某些東西。349Please respect copyright.PENANAKB3lVYAk06
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「P」踏上尋找痛楚的旅途。349Please respect copyright.PENANAq6x8sJBvCP
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要理解痛楚,便有一個重要課題等着他,正是情感。349Please respect copyright.PENANAhoPOtR9qOS
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他對基本的情感障礙。氣氛他倒是能分別,大家一起笑的場面、大家肅靜起來的畫面、依靠觀察他才能知道現場該做甚麼。只有他一人在的話,基本上不會出現任何表情。喜怒哀樂、高漲低伏的波動,對他而言為極奢侈的東西。349Please respect copyright.PENANATHahhw4e2U
349Please respect copyright.PENANAlJC4U8cDGX
他喜歡午飯時間,與大家一起吃飯。因為惟有「食」一事可令他感到安心。味覺能給予他有跟他人一樣的感覺。無痛症所伴隨的汗腺麻木會使身體保持高溫,因此吸取的熱量會自行流失,也使他不會肥胖。349Please respect copyright.PENANAf9GFk0s0Pe
349Please respect copyright.PENANAkP8X79rNid
但據「P」的說法,他曾因長期高體溫而被其他同學都說他有股煙燻肉的氣味,而被人避開。349Please respect copyright.PENANA07QrSOSekR
349Please respect copyright.PENANAVGxJuQqy5x
「人喜歡食物,但不會喜歡嗅起來像食物的人」。349Please respect copyright.PENANADS5P02wqw3
349Please respect copyright.PENANA6qEPFPrbJu
多虧這事,他學會「傷心」。是種莫名的感覺,莫名地身體像被掏空,莫名地使不出力氣。349Please respect copyright.PENANA7crlbJTKtv
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莫名地冷。349Please respect copyright.PENANABu79Ft5jOd
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本因無痛而缺乏同理心、本因溫度冷感而不知人情冷暖、因為無汗水而不懂抒發的他,流下了淚水。這是他感到最接近「痛楚」的一步。349Please respect copyright.PENANAyEfVFdZMKS
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隨著成長,他在踏入中學的途上的課題則不斷增加。349Please respect copyright.PENANAtEdMFhKQc6
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世上最讓人感到痛楚的是「現實」。349Please respect copyright.PENANAvCAR9ytuVm
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他出生於單親家庭,只有母親一位至親,父親早已在得悉母親懷孕時逃亡了。跟他的病沒有關係,只是個純粹的人渣。349Please respect copyright.PENANA7Vw69pyPeN
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但說實,他對這一切不在意。即使他自行受多少傷,母親早已習以為作,最近已不太上心。失去關心獲得的「傷心」就是他最好的禮物。349Please respect copyright.PENANAx4HinbPZgl
349Please respect copyright.PENANAAQBGw1YJoz
但他漸漸發現在經濟環境不富裕的家庭裏,他所需每兩週一次的檢查費用對家計而言亦是重擔。349Please respect copyright.PENANA16hI8RLDRa