如果有人告訴你,你已再不會感到痛楚,你會怎麼辦?339Please respect copyright.PENANAEC3dNBpPqH
339Please respect copyright.PENANATSI9GbD4Tj
拉扯皮膚、用拳頭錘向手臂,測試方法隨便你。339Please respect copyright.PENANAMtKIGePunT
339Please respect copyright.PENANAJ65jLJKf4V
若果真的不再痛,你接下的一步是甚麼?339Please respect copyright.PENANAhpqxuCJ0gA
339Please respect copyright.PENANAdR3fqTLrou
你會繼續嘗試傷害自己嗎?恐怕不會,我們對痛楚的恐懼早已刻進腦袋。進化論提倡人因擁有恐懼才能避開危險,我們也正完好無缺的生活着。339Please respect copyright.PENANA9MIYebJyOz
339Please respect copyright.PENANAV35tjDvq0c
以下是最後的問題。要是一起初已不認識痛楚,你會去尋找痛楚的知覺嗎?339Please respect copyright.PENANASj9RSWrGBU
339Please respect copyright.PENANAzVYmhx4yN5
無痛症,指的是失去痛覺神經的病症。世上存在着其先天患者,一生中未曾感受過出於神經反應的痛楚;換作同一立場,你能頂受嗎?339Please respect copyright.PENANAUKsIMzZ10F
339Please respect copyright.PENANAQlEVZRtl9h
339Please respect copyright.PENANAfHkZvLPZqS
十二月二十六日,是節禮日。339Please respect copyright.PENANAegtxWqSo8r
339Please respect copyright.PENANASCR3lZS7Ma
我和阿雨算是有互送聖誕禮物,當然是正常的東西,我有吸收教訓乖乖的送他一對鞋子,尺寸是趁他睡著時所量的。339Please respect copyright.PENANA1A2CbvNKVZ
339Please respect copyright.PENANAzfVoczt8nv
阿雨在同一個時段只有一對鞋子,到壞掉才會去買新的。送新鞋子是對他舊鞋、以及偶爾會順便替他洗鞋子的自己的體諒。339Please respect copyright.PENANAKJSCEzYc1k
339Please respect copyright.PENANAHscEjL8VoM
我喜歡他的味道,不代表我也喜歡他的腳臭。339Please respect copyright.PENANAJTAowVScuC
339Please respect copyright.PENANATyKXpIjB3W
至於我收到的是……咖啡機,可以手動磨豆那款。說實我十分喜歡。真的十分喜歡,但另一方面……作為送給妻子的禮物,真的可以接受嗎?339Please respect copyright.PENANA1r3n5cxcQx
339Please respect copyright.PENANAASB8A7eSAH
我曾嘗試反思,不過還是放棄了,開心便好。339Please respect copyright.PENANAgQ6TIPlLhz
339Please respect copyright.PENANAqyOZnhYy6D
而今天早上,阿雨收到來自教會神父的訊息,說希望他能幫助某件事。當他準備出門,沒有打算穿昨晚送的新鞋始終使我有點忐忑。難道他不喜歡嗎?339Please respect copyright.PENANAO8FBFgVFfv
339Please respect copyright.PENANArr30aEp4eh
教會要找得上阿雨的當然不會是好事。339Please respect copyright.PENANAaxSQlrjS0h
339Please respect copyright.PENANAfsaev05TLW
不麻煩的都不會找上他,所以我在心底的某處有點討厭那位神父。但事實上亦是他允許了避雨亭的運作。339Please respect copyright.PENANA9s20yXyguD
339Please respect copyright.PENANAngVrdFr0HF
本來神職人員不能兼職,教會內部對此十分嚴格,被發現基本上必然革職。而阿雨是例外有着原因,只因為他的存在可讓教會處理有點「灰色」的請求。339Please respect copyright.PENANAoxxk3p9Pw6
339Please respect copyright.PENANAFOG9njWvCm
教會的形象必須純潔無垢,為了不沾上一絲污跡,有違形象的委託都不能接下,即使私下亦不被允許。339Please respect copyright.PENANAK5VVVy4nqi
339Please respect copyright.PENANAmhdgVbGUlN
阿雨另起爐灶的行為之所被允許,就他可撇除教會之名和的形象來處理麻煩。反正長期坐告解室的他面孔不為人知、聲線亦不同,即使同行亦很難以被人發現。339Please respect copyright.PENANAaQui8wjUhR
339Please respect copyright.PENANAgyr2IJRT7m
有關今次的工作,那處是昨天新聞上所報的自殺案現場,他要替某位信徒收拾她兒子的遺物。339Please respect copyright.PENANAvQgcEWWxeP
339Please respect copyright.PENANA8EnKq6QJ4Q
「這也算「灰色」嗎?」我問向阿雨。339Please respect copyright.PENANAhLlDXdG4Sk
339Please respect copyright.PENANAeNGvOySh52
「有關自殺的教會都不能碰。」他是如此答道。339Please respect copyright.PENANAGAoeKhs8L8
339Please respect copyright.PENANAcEjkHz1XKN
事發家庭是一個單親家庭,兒子是母親唯一的親人,不願面對也情有可願。而地點則是廢棄區附近的公共屋邨,由於廢棄區令車輛不通,要到那處可相當費時。339Please respect copyright.PENANAqSu6rYhl5p
339Please respect copyright.PENANAR35Lcuddhh
要不是帶上我,阿雨可能直接橫跨廢棄區。339Please respect copyright.PENANA9B8Lhj4HNI
339Please respect copyright.PENANA6BfGlZhfPk
該區域不富裕,反而說是正正相反。要是說我們居住地區是混雜,這邊是香港最黑暗的地方。339Please respect copyright.PENANATcVR2Um1fO
339Please respect copyright.PENANAnPBKLQfws4
地區的色調是鉛色一片,給人沉重的氛圍。現場異常的寧靜,但沿途的行人路上,一旁有大量發臭的垃圾,這般詭異的垃圾量和靜寂使我放不下心神。甚至一個空罐滾過,也能使我進入備擊狀態。所以未雖上樓,我已筋皮力盡。339Please respect copyright.PENANAXOmEEFHe9G
339Please respect copyright.PENANAvAhVXjPTgE
「不要勉強,你在屋外等吧。」上到樓後,阿雨見狀說道。339Please respect copyright.PENANAaRoa27rqhM
339Please respect copyright.PENANAP140v6MHMD
「…好吧。」我只好默默點頭。339Please respect copyright.PENANAxhJWa7vYHv
339Please respect copyright.PENANALU5AnqUOGp
才下午一時左右,走廊已像是黑夜一片。339Please respect copyright.PENANA1GU7CGJin8
339Please respect copyright.PENANA01ttYSQqNP
使用夜視能力下,發現鄰居們也避之則吉。每户在門口掛上一些驅邪物品,各門各派,宗教五花八門,中西融合的也有。339Please respect copyright.PENANAx4p8tZAVyS
339Please respect copyright.PENANALfMZy05vue
話雖是近鄰,血案始終使人不寒而憟。339Please respect copyright.PENANAawhCeSWXwQ
339Please respect copyright.PENANAPnWoLEO94n
而時值冬天,我正站在通風的走廊,冷風不斷吹過,可謂又寒又慄……339Please respect copyright.PENANASbZLddy9Zg
339Please respect copyright.PENANAxmFF28wCxO
「拿着。」339Please respect copyright.PENANAUa8JsaNayk
339Please respect copyright.PENANADlYdPFzO5y
突然,一個重物落在自己頭上,頓時心臟彷彿消失,腦機能就如完全停止活動,淨下身體的擅自反應。339Please respect copyright.PENANATlj9Ea29oM
339Please respect copyright.PENANAzDmjPY3eLf
「呀!!!……別故意嚇我。」339Please respect copyright.PENANAc1oFDg1nBJ
339Please respect copyright.PENANAWimiVbSMiA
轉身一看,是阿雨。339Please respect copyright.PENANAsSw7w0vzQI
339Please respect copyright.PENANAfk9map2pKP
「所以一開始便說了不要跟來吧。」嚴格來說,這不是避雨亭的工作範圍,算是阿雨的私事。339Please respect copyright.PENANAM79dtMrRdw
339Please respect copyright.PENANAZR4dIGbdrM
「…我才沒在怕。」我喃道。339Please respect copyright.PENANArhC6y6imX4
339Please respect copyright.PENANAHNeoRLYVtp
「那進來坐着吧,客廳沒有異樣。」339Please respect copyright.PENANAyVj9nbXGoy
339Please respect copyright.PENANA2cv0R7PLMs
然而一進家門,這家的客廳明明沒有開着窗戶,氣氛卻異常的冰冷,空氣也尤其乾燥,毫不舒適。339Please respect copyright.PENANA47Wdiphr7o
339Please respect copyright.PENANA6y6tkBO9pq
白牆配上白燈,這裏只有一張長木椅直向電視機。339Please respect copyright.PENANAl3xZo02Suz
339Please respect copyright.PENANAIrQyp8YTE3
「這本是甚麼?」我拿著阿雨剛放到我頭上的厚本問道。339Please respect copyright.PENANAi8Wa7qUgZM
339Please respect copyright.PENANAIuR9U5AQAq
「死者的日記,要當作遺物拿走的。」339Please respect copyright.PENANAmceNEfdhjm
339Please respect copyright.PENANAozzMknFqad
他說完這句便繼續走向那昏暗的走廊,走進死者的房間。另一方面,我則把日記輕輕的放回在桌上,假裝無事發生。339Please respect copyright.PENANALAFD1taAou
339Please respect copyright.PENANAHvKPKsT8lb
混蛋,剛才竟敢還用這本書敲我的頭頂……339Please respect copyright.PENANAxfDjY2uD0i
339Please respect copyright.PENANAeaGIEH6ckw
很想洗頭。339Please respect copyright.PENANA9KTRjwUwiY
339Please respect copyright.PENANAvxCuo8dtZM
與此同時,日記的內容正吸引着我。339Please respect copyright.PENANAgsPLC7Co3b
339Please respect copyright.PENANASOAVG8YPY6
有關這案件,新聞上是以「自殺」一詞來含蓋整個事件。實際上他的確是在自殺,是毫無疑問的自殺,因為死者他在「自喰」而死。339Please respect copyright.PENANA0NLkORfsAj
339Please respect copyright.PENANAJiqTSBzGYK
故名思義,就是自己咬掉自己身體的肉再吞掉,因此遺體兩臂的滿佈着撕咬痕,屈膝於在房間的地板上,死因為失血過多。339Please respect copyright.PENANAeFLfJGhvXl
339Please respect copyright.PENANAGill7azPqU
出於其獵奇性,昨天在網上討論區引起議論。死者是蜥蜴的能力者,有蜥蜴會自斷尾巴並且吃掉,所以有人指他的死因會否與蜥蜴習性有關。動物習性會影響人本身的行為,雖然科學上尚未有實證,的確有說服力。339Please respect copyright.PENANAxKzVRZQo5n
339Please respect copyright.PENANABMJdrLk9RH
此時有自稱同為蜥蜴能力者對此反論,「這跟脫牙時不小心吞下牙齒的不是等級,這是病態行為」並請其他討論者不要加深對他們的歧視。339Please respect copyright.PENANAHM1l36EHtL
339Please respect copyright.PENANAiMVhNODFhL
兩者最後當然沒有共識,各自接受自身認同的說法,不了了之。至於一切的真相就在我面前,好奇心也不斷在推崇去窺探其內容。339Please respect copyright.PENANAWsI7026Edc
339Please respect copyright.PENANA4JHceF9gJU
我始終還是翻開了第一頁。339Please respect copyright.PENANArUnSdiICbc
339Please respect copyright.PENANAGAVs11pl5r
由於日記中不含他本人的名字,所以以下「P」代稱。339Please respect copyright.PENANADqlpJvICXd
339Please respect copyright.PENANAfgyjorHoIA
日記中最舊的記錄是在十三年前,最初記下的事是與親戚到茶樓的時候,他的感受。339Please respect copyright.PENANANUYzuCRGvX
339Please respect copyright.PENANAD8XcqfeWJ3
「P」的鄰桌有一位嬰兒,抱有好奇心的他看見眼前的白瓷茶壼,不禁伸出小手嘗試探索。及時被阻止後,嬰兒便大哭了起來。然而哭聲不止,漸漸引起旁人目光聚集。339Please respect copyright.PENANAfUxtK0x3JK
339Please respect copyright.PENANAoO62wNvf32
「讓他試一試,他知道燙後便沒有下次了。」這句是從業員大嬸的原話,他記下了這句話。339Please respect copyright.PENANASpyP7cBzvf
339Please respect copyright.PENANAddfpB3NwVe
「P」理解不了嬰兒哭泣的理由、亦不解負責注熱水到茶壺大嬸的話。339Please respect copyright.PENANAcHagyCePz2
339Please respect copyright.PENANAUSMqeJFDSX
「P」記憶中甚少哭泣,普通的小孩會因為受傷、或者不如意而哭泣。然而他即使擦破膝蓋,在咀嚼東西時咬破舌頭,由於他感覺不到痛楚,即使連受傷後也不能即時察覺,所以也不會哭、亦不懂哭。339Please respect copyright.PENANAarJiBhmMtI
339Please respect copyright.PENANAo78yapqVth
聽到大嬸那番話後被謎之魔力吸引着,萌生人生首次、並影響他一生的念頭,他想知道「痛」是甚麼。339Please respect copyright.PENANAKDWCl1GGyU
339Please respect copyright.PENANATJOJOepJxK
襯周圍人目光亦不耐煩的瞄向鄰桌,他找緊時機,悄悄地把食指拍在剛補充沸水的茶壺上。339Please respect copyright.PENANAWK6iTCWFun
339Please respect copyright.PENANAmWfvkivhBX
現實如常,反而背叛了期待。339Please respect copyright.PENANArPgxB8vrri
339Please respect copyright.PENANAPAzDvIkUhi
他,果然甚麼也感覺不到。339Please respect copyright.PENANAH2yEJoXVwQ
339Please respect copyright.PENANAFrsD0vikNm
接著手上長出水泡一事則由母親與親戚道別,一同離開時拖上手時才有所察覺。被母親反問當刻,他生起了淚意,在大街上啕哭。339Please respect copyright.PENANAGo5fr0tnM2
339Please respect copyright.PENANA992naZa63n
在外人看來似乎是母親叱責兒子而哭泣,但實際上完全不同。母親因為疏忽而內疚、兒子因疏離感而痛哭。他在這天感受到內心確實的變化。339Please respect copyright.PENANAoXVdvxi9rL
339Please respect copyright.PENANAXQvsfWTDrZ
他想追求某些東西。339Please respect copyright.PENANAGB0j88fTuy
339Please respect copyright.PENANA8LmfRoxJcL
「P」踏上尋找痛楚的旅途。339Please respect copyright.PENANA30Cp14KdIB
339Please respect copyright.PENANALzEPqCJ1hd
要理解痛楚,便有一個重要課題等着他,正是情感。339Please respect copyright.PENANAVTYa4uJ0lu
339Please respect copyright.PENANAvZ814nG4Er
他對基本的情感障礙。氣氛他倒是能分別,大家一起笑的場面、大家肅靜起來的畫面、依靠觀察他才能知道現場該做甚麼。只有他一人在的話,基本上不會出現任何表情。喜怒哀樂、高漲低伏的波動,對他而言為極奢侈的東西。339Please respect copyright.PENANA5KBbO5cInF
339Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6bS81xZIC
他喜歡午飯時間,與大家一起吃飯。因為惟有「食」一事可令他感到安心。味覺能給予他有跟他人一樣的感覺。無痛症所伴隨的汗腺麻木會使身體保持高溫,因此吸取的熱量會自行流失,也使他不會肥胖。339Please respect copyright.PENANAgKBWWRjeNX
339Please respect copyright.PENANARawHAdhCo1
但據「P」的說法,他曾因長期高體溫而被其他同學都說他有股煙燻肉的氣味,而被人避開。339Please respect copyright.PENANADTg9PhTR6I
339Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8Ion0sNpI
「人喜歡食物,但不會喜歡嗅起來像食物的人」。339Please respect copyright.PENANADpBJv8YUXH
339Please respect copyright.PENANA6rzuuqg17H
多虧這事,他學會「傷心」。是種莫名的感覺,莫名地身體像被掏空,莫名地使不出力氣。339Please respect copyright.PENANAo9yOQczusD
339Please respect copyright.PENANAmkinBfSEVv
莫名地冷。339Please respect copyright.PENANAQrlUZu1jxI
339Please respect copyright.PENANAA2wILOt4yM
本因無痛而缺乏同理心、本因溫度冷感而不知人情冷暖、因為無汗水而不懂抒發的他,流下了淚水。這是他感到最接近「痛楚」的一步。339Please respect copyright.PENANAnjaUK5Oj4a
339Please respect copyright.PENANA1sYJ5d4Jfz
隨著成長,他在踏入中學的途上的課題則不斷增加。339Please respect copyright.PENANALR852lMtPL
339Please respect copyright.PENANARbgtaRbrPX
世上最讓人感到痛楚的是「現實」。339Please respect copyright.PENANAmXeR4ch8x1
339Please respect copyright.PENANAnpMdUMYhVy
他出生於單親家庭,只有母親一位至親,父親早已在得悉母親懷孕時逃亡了。跟他的病沒有關係,只是個純粹的人渣。339Please respect copyright.PENANAL1bJjyI7k0
339Please respect copyright.PENANAV4fslHKzrC
但說實,他對這一切不在意。即使他自行受多少傷,母親早已習以為作,最近已不太上心。失去關心獲得的「傷心」就是他最好的禮物。339Please respect copyright.PENANAs4Q62O1TMM
339Please respect copyright.PENANAOIlo2p00cB
但他漸漸發現在經濟環境不富裕的家庭裏,他所需每兩週一次的檢查費用對家計而言亦是重擔。339Please respect copyright.PENANAUQilWhkJJ4