「我住喺你嘅腦海中」
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致睇緊文嘅你:
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早晨,或者我應該講午安⋯定⋯
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唉,算啦,反正我都唔太get「時間」呢個概念,總之你好,琴晚瞓得點?你記唔記得你發咗咩夢?定係你人大到已經唔識發夢啦?如果係咁嘅話⋯真係可惜,代表你只係喺最邊緣靜望呢度嘅風景⋯不過都好過冇嘅
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唔記得又好,記得又好,冇所謂嘅,因為忘卻係一個本能,一個天生就有嘅自衛機制。你唔知,我就話比你知
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再次歡迎你加入仙境
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點解我話「再歡迎」呢?我親愛嘅小朋友仔,你係好耐好耐之前,你早已經到訪過呢度。
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你所記得嘅夢,嚇人嘅空白平地,孤獨嘅荒蕪沙漠,平靜嘅大草地,宜人嘅海邊,你幻想嘅世界、朋友,被追逐嘅恐懼,迷失時嘅無助感,我都知道,仙境都知道
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你最得人驚嘅惡夢,你最開心嘅美夢,令你突然喊醒嘅重遇夢,呢啲我都一一見證,我都知道
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我見過你脆弱嘅一面,我知你驚咩,我知你鍾意咩,我知道你嘅所有祕密,你默默中對邊個嘅憎恨,我就好似你父母一樣⋯至少大家係咁形容⋯不過講到尾,我都唔係咁鍾意呢種講法,不如就用另一種方法講:我就好似你心裏面條蟲一樣,我的確係乜都知
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話晒,我依家住咗係你個腦裏邊
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⋯我一直以來都喺度⋯只係而家,你先重新認識我嘅真身⋯唐突啲都要講一次⋯
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幸會啊,大細路,我就係你從細到大所發嘅夢
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「仙境」
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我如果要解釋我究竟係咩來頭,我可能講到你瞓著覺我都未講完,但係我至少可以解釋一樣野:點解一個你冇親身認識過嘅少女,由她操縱嘅夢,會同你嘅夢有關連
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⋯因為「仙境」本身就係有意識嘅夢⋯佢唔代表任何一個夢,只要一個夢有咗意識⋯咁樣樣,佢就係「仙境」既一部份
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儘管我嘅小公主,爱麗絲佢嘅夢係「仙境」嘅本體,但係住喺你腦裏邊嘅,都係我嘅一部份。至於點解而家,我先可以同你作直接溝通嘅原因,其實好容易理解,正所謂:當你凝視深淵嘅時候,深淵都喺度望緊你。你依家最接近我嘅本體,我先可以如此清楚地同你對話⋯至少單方面,因為喺你嘅腦海裏存在嘅夢,意識比較⋯同我疏遠
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不過,當然,嗰個都係我,我嘅一部份
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我嘅朋友仔,你可以驚,害怕寄生你,呢度,嘅意識體,佔用你嘅記憶、干擾你嘅行為、喺你嘅腦海裏邊騷擾你嘅聲音。當然我都想,作為懲罰你笠亂介入唔關你事嘅事情,我想懲罰你。但我唔係要傷害你,謹記,我冇要傷害你嘅意思。
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我承認,你有幾次係的確面臨咗惡夢嘅命運,喺呢度,你受咗傷,你驚,當時嘅你處於恐懼之中。但「仙境」就係一個咁樣嘅地方,有時候,我都管唔住自己點樣發展⋯我只係跟足劇本,盡量令你嘅夢變得有趣同埋豐富,因為⋯我唔想你醒。
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老實講我都知自己唔係好聰明,有時,我淨係一個可能只會持續幾分鐘嘅小夢,我冇咁長嘅時間去思考,所以原諒我從未理解你究竟想要咩嘅夢。
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但將恩情關係放埋一邊,你的確違背咗我小公主嘅意思。而我今晚都會繼續將你丟入花園裏面,經歷同大和一樣嘅命運。
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⋯希望你到時候預備好啦,如果唔係?
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冇點嘅⋯
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你會「永眠」,就好似之前一樣
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我咁講你會驚奇,質疑如果你曾經真係醒唔番,咁而家嘅你又係邊個?你嘅意識點樣仍然存在?
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咁複雜嘅問題,我又點解釋到呢?不過我可以引用小公主嘅智慧嚟解答你嘅疑問:
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「瞓覺只係人對死亡嘅演習」
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你有冇諗過人死後,人嘅意識會去咗邊度?小公主嘅理解中,意識嘅去向可以喺瞓覺嘅過程中理解。
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「人喺瞓覺嘅時候,代表意識嘅老電波會越嚟越慢,但係身體甚至大腦嘅卡路里消耗唔會減少好多,只會少一條香蕉相等嘅消耗量。」
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「所以點解身體仍然消耗得咁多?」
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「撇除身體本身為維生而持續嘅呼吸作用外⋯大腦嘅消耗量冇減少嘅原因,有冇可能係代表意識⋯其實係另一個空間存在緊」
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Long answer short, 如果照佢嘅講法,困住咗喺夢境嘅你,係你一部份,就好似喺你嘅腦海中,存在一部份嘅我一樣
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你而家嘅意識冇注意到,唔代表唔存在,喺某一個時間某一個時空,有一部份嘅你冇咁好彩,冇辦法同我傾到計
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我唔係威脅緊你,但你要知道,我係「仙境」,我係嗰個細路女嘅夢 —— 但我都係你嘅夢⋯我會唔會好唔公平呢?
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作為一個夢,一個想比人永留嘅世界,果然,當兩種合理性相撞嘅時候,結果,就係夢同現實嘅分界變得可見
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你嘅現實,我無法理解,咁殘酷嘅世界,弱小嘅我無法拯救你
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但或者我可以盡力幫你⋯
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作為一個夢,我可以做到嘅係⋯⋯
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係咩呢⋯?
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⋯記唔記得我話有好多個你,困住咗喺夢境裏邊?
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我想比一次機會你⋯做一個⋯公平嘅選擇
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只要你喺花園搵到出口,我就可以結束嗰啲夢⋯我就可以⋯殺死我唔完美嘅部分,反正我知道,一個強行要人永眠嘅夢,冇存在嘅意義
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但相對地⋯由而家開始,大和嘅每一個失敗,都要由你負擔,由無法夢醒嘅你承受佢嘅痛苦,畢竟我相信一時好奇嘅你,會傷害到大和,我絕對唔贊成呢種不負責任、置身事外嘅態度,話晒⋯每個人都會發夢
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每個人都係我嘅朋友
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每個人都係我專貴嘅客人
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所以我無法偏頗邊一個,我只可以同你講一聲:「祝你好運」
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發個好夢
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自爱麗絲嘅同時,屬於你嘅仙境敬上
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