十一、21Please respect copyright.PENANAvQf35UEyF5
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──人心總是不足,我也不例外。21Please respect copyright.PENANAnIlYTv04Zf
21Please respect copyright.PENANAaoOqO06lZQ
言曇岫說過的話,宛如拍打上湖畔的漣漪,一陣陣不歇。21Please respect copyright.PENANAm89HuHnPZB
21Please respect copyright.PENANAYa6xdzp4f1
黎絳洵只覺得眼睛酸澀,水氣氤氳上了眼,他卻仍捨不得閉眼,想看著言曇岫更長的時間。21Please respect copyright.PENANAFrHnqKKBGz
21Please respect copyright.PENANAHlWW8bio3R
偏偏是現在。21Please respect copyright.PENANA3XJ6YPplmw
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果真報應。21Please respect copyright.PENANAvJc2KI3LLO
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「你,希望我離開嗎?」21Please respect copyright.PENANAregwATArPv
21Please respect copyright.PENANA35mEei8eFD
「你先前一直,一直去花街,應該也是有了、喜歡的姑娘,你不用再顧慮,很多事情,我的事情也好……我不攔你。」21Please respect copyright.PENANATiRw2saeae
21Please respect copyright.PENANAj5XL92zU5M
「絳洵?」21Please respect copyright.PENANAH7XxRdZ0bB
21Please respect copyright.PENANA8P87IYhLn1
黎絳洵用力按住言曇岫的肩膀,不讓他回頭,「別看我。」21Please respect copyright.PENANARLBu41BmZM
21Please respect copyright.PENANApzzkrwCxej
「你還好嗎?」21Please respect copyright.PENANAjFXOJxvk30
21Please respect copyright.PENANA7dGoR05pQP
黎絳洵低頭任額心貼著言曇岫後頸,「我只是靠一下。」21Please respect copyright.PENANAY2FFczXut8
21Please respect copyright.PENANAOSMXhtAiqa
言曇岫遲疑地問:「你在哭嗎?從剛才開始,你的聲音和手一直都在抖。」21Please respect copyright.PENANAWH7REFGoJO
21Please respect copyright.PENANAm5PanM98OI
黎絳洵一閉上眼,妻子的聲音與容貌和言曇岫的疊在一起,分不出區別。21Please respect copyright.PENANAOoyLmAH2Wm
21Please respect copyright.PENANAHdLaoIln8c
前世那次,妻子似乎是聽了太多次旁人問起久未有孕的事情,夜裡,妻子低頭靠在他背上,悶聲道歉,黎絳洵說什麼都安慰不了她,那時他們都已知道,成親不是蓋一塊紅布在新娘子頭上就算禮成,孩子也不是時候到了就自然會有的。21Please respect copyright.PENANA22q3EpvYl7
21Please respect copyright.PENANADsTUJa8TbG
雖然不是真的清心寡慾到完全不為所動,黎絳洵也不覺得有任何逼妻子的必要,只能在最後說:「你不用勉強自己,即便爹娘仍在世,他們也不會逼你,和孩子相比,我更想要你在我身邊,很久、很久……妊娠要受很多苦,生產更是生死關,我捨不得你。」21Please respect copyright.PENANAwaTUk6f37Y
21Please respect copyright.PENANAr9bSNg5iW2
身後的妻子不知為何,忽然提起了這件事:「我背部靠近腰的位置,有一塊胎記,附近應該有一個像是言家家徽的疤。小時候,我偷拿了家主的印信玩,把印信過了火,從此留了疤痕。」21Please respect copyright.PENANAengpzjmlAs
21Please respect copyright.PENANAjonAD1kwvL
「還痛嗎?」21Please respect copyright.PENANAcgS8W8rPIl
21Please respect copyright.PENANAFaLKsHFhkt
妻子搖頭說:「要是我騙了你,你仍會捨不得我嗎?」21Please respect copyright.PENANA3WSyqrcXRS
21Please respect copyright.PENANABWgVtLmfTG
黎絳洵伸手將妻子的雙臂攬在自己腰上回答:「要是我身上還有什麼你想要的,讓你必須騙我……那就一輩子都不要說破,因為除去替爹娘平反的事情以外,如今這世上,我想要的只有你。」21Please respect copyright.PENANAcIMjiJjvZW
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──原來是這樣啊。21Please respect copyright.PENANAELBLUQIlQn
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答案曾經離自己那麼近,他卻沒有多想,甚至因為忽略了重要性,一直都沒有想起來。21Please respect copyright.PENANA7TvPnpp65f
21Please respect copyright.PENANA7Q7gcW7m3x
──黎絳洵,你眼中到底剩下什麼?21Please respect copyright.PENANAJjsavt3HbN
21Please respect copyright.PENANAQoRAFv43A9
「對不起、對不起……」21Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8Eg1kfWD8
21Please respect copyright.PENANAvAbAF9Buqc
言曇岫閉了閉眼睛,拉開黎絳洵的手,並將逐漸無法支撐自己的黎絳洵拉到床邊,儘管已經伸出手,仍是在碰到黎絳洵的肩膀以前,收回來了,言曇岫將仍舊用頭撞著他的貓抱起來,放在黎絳洵大腿上,重新穿好衣服後,便推門出去了。21Please respect copyright.PENANAryCE1PMDje
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明明就在自己眼前,他卻忽略了所有提示,只顧著讓自己不要把兩人混為一談。21Please respect copyright.PENANAuNZ0yWuJRE
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妻子無可取代,言曇岫也不是任何人的替代品。21Please respect copyright.PENANAysp47pKgOT
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就是因為這樣想,所以無論如何都無法回應言曇岫,即便早就知道,自己不是完全沒有動心,可是一顆心怎麼可以裝兩個人?若然搖擺不定,取捨、偏重,只會讓所有人都受傷,不如讓言曇岫自己平復,只要他們不再相見,就有機會、至少讓言曇岫不被一生相思痛苦灼燒。21Please respect copyright.PENANAzR7OFUNv2P
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是他無法全然捨下,仍舊在意言曇岫的蹤跡,因此才會在已經來不及的情況下察覺真相。21Please respect copyright.PENANAXpkoTj1geG
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──原就是我貪求。21Please respect copyright.PENANA2Nqciwk49i
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黎絳洵摟緊不斷掙扎的貓。21Please respect copyright.PENANAKHpto3VZGo
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這樣的命數,或許就是他自找的代價。21Please respect copyright.PENANATFF1tJihPR
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無論兩情相悅何其難得,是他辜負。21Please respect copyright.PENANA4bQOcH7Mv7
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冷風吹開了門板,黎絳洵鬆手讓貓離開。21Please respect copyright.PENANAatOWnCbWVY
21Please respect copyright.PENANAcBmRVyVcTj
唯有一味暖香越發濃烈,直到視線裡出現了站在自己面前的人,黎絳洵才抬頭,言曇岫皺著眉將手中捧的香爐放在床頭。21Please respect copyright.PENANABh4bWjGW1f
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「是我忽略了,因為很多事情擠在一起,沒來得及問你是不是受傷了。香料是我平常睡前用的,可以安神,你先等等,我去請大夫。」言曇岫始終沒敢看黎絳洵,因為他不覺得自己能做好,自然也沒有察覺黎絳洵一直凝視著他。21Please respect copyright.PENANAogG2bl3slT
21Please respect copyright.PENANAGpvSJD87hG
言曇岫正要離開,黎絳洵卻摟住他的腰,他走不了,也說不動黎絳洵放手,思索對策時,沒留意到黎絳洵雙手緩慢移動著,直到將言曇岫上半身攏近。21Please respect copyright.PENANA0TG2ZhW0QE
21Please respect copyright.PENANAoapHVaBD3r
被碰到唇角時,言曇岫頓了一下,才望向黎絳洵,黎絳洵順勢將雙脣完全貼在言曇岫唇上。21Please respect copyright.PENANA03sV3veLeQ
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──什麼?21Please respect copyright.PENANAf31XGHgWgP
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言曇岫能感受到自己的嘴唇正在被摩娑、輕咬、舔拭,彷彿雨落在身上的力道,逐漸加重的癢,顫成了陣陣的麻。21Please respect copyright.PENANAASilH8Ha6K
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被頂開的口中,柔軟的舌頭滑過了屬於自己的濕熱,分明觸碰的地方不多,言曇岫卻感覺全身都微微發麻,比普通的搔癢還細緻,密密麻麻地爬過每一寸肌理,似乎不被黎絳洵的體溫撫摸,便無法緩解。21Please respect copyright.PENANAgVhGnHmmeE
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由於過於渴望,當黎絳洵想退開時,言曇岫反而伸手按住他的後腦杓,含住黎絳洵的嘴唇輕咬,黎絳洵繃直的腰逐漸軟下來,很快被言曇岫的手撐住。21Please respect copyright.PENANAWQkJzyu1CS
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──這種熟悉的感覺,原以為不會再經歷。如同被黎絳洵找到的那一瞬,如同第一次被他渴求擁抱,又彷彿更多。21Please respect copyright.PENANAwU1AofUXWX
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壓抑過的慾望散開成無邊無際,即便海天相連,也鎖不回被打開的心,胸口暖而微微脹痛,奇異地並不讓人難受,言曇岫初次對痛楚不感排斥,陌生的情感順著他們相連的唇舌綻放成煙花。21Please respect copyright.PENANAbKEeQr8HsP
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若不是黎絳洵難以承受地開始推拒,言曇岫幾乎以為永不會停下的親吻,會讓自己窒息。21Please respect copyright.PENANAE1Z7cpzLDr
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才剛溢出來的滿足感,很快反噬成深濃的渴求。21Please respect copyright.PENANA8ymwbespKa
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原來自己對黎絳洵的慾望這樣深切,令人發毛。21Please respect copyright.PENANAZUBkn2lJ16
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言曇岫朝門口看,始終無法望回黎絳洵,而黎絳洵一察覺他想離開,即便還未能停止喘息,黎絳洵仍舊輕扯著言曇岫的手腕,低頭將額頭靠上言曇岫的手背。21Please respect copyright.PENANAG2LOM03AGd
21Please respect copyright.PENANAyixzW4GZi4
「對不起,你能不能,再留一下子?我知道是我食言,可是……我原來還沒準備好。」21Please respect copyright.PENANAuFJIjMVbAw
21Please respect copyright.PENANA7V2tx2qye4
言曇岫憋著氣,好不容易才呼出來,一度遲疑,仍是將手放在黎絳洵的頭上。21Please respect copyright.PENANAcMHYPArmFW
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「不管怎麼樣,你先休息,其他事情等你好起來再說。畢竟你現在這樣說,我不太……我怕我誤會你的意思,我等你慢慢說,那之前,我不走,好嗎?」21Please respect copyright.PENANABtOXuBcNK1
21Please respect copyright.PENANAF9FDOBfdF6
也不曉得黎絳洵聽明白沒有,言曇岫只能先引著沉默的黎絳洵在床上躺好,伸手掩住黎絳洵眼上。21Please respect copyright.PENANAyiLW0tmwnO
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他維持著同一個姿勢許久,才終於鬆手。21Please respect copyright.PENANANcGOkRj1O0
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自己並沒有看起來這般有餘裕。21Please respect copyright.PENANAsDwLseyCXQ
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很多的問題混在一起,都需要黎絳洵才能解答。21Please respect copyright.PENANAIHzy9b65Xa
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以前從未奢望過成為對黎絳洵而言特別的那個,最開始是因為有言曇橋的婚約,後來是那些畫上的女子,還有綉綉,他沒問過黎絳洵關於這些人的事情,如果是旁人,言曇岫只會以為是男子花心薄倖,可是黎絳洵,他的愛很少,要分給那麼多人,本就有違黎絳洵的疏離感,更何況,言曇岫這些年根本不曾見過黎絳洵跟任何女子親近過。21Please respect copyright.PENANAg2swFVQjnN
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現在會是單純把自己當成誰的替身嗎?21Please respect copyright.PENANAv7VSWpVZBl
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曾以為已經好好壓抑下來的情潮洶湧,在黎絳洵親密的話語以及纏綿的吻中,餵養慾望的深壑,膨脹的虛妄時不時就從表皮的裂縫裡逸散出來。21Please respect copyright.PENANA4Ig2lJVfTs
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痛與慾念共生,拉扯著碰與不碰,看似堅固的表殼,在黎絳洵那裡,不比蛋殼堅實。21Please respect copyright.PENANAr5QB1u0o8o
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言曇岫不信兩情相悅的錯覺,黎絳洵必然不是在回應他的情感,那個吻的意思,和自己吻他的狀況必然不同。21Please respect copyright.PENANAFI3Pt3ewx5
21Please respect copyright.PENANARdG8PYKwc5
可是那樣強烈的渴求……他從來沒有被任何人需要過,很多人的人生會因為少了自己而更好,於是陌生的索要令他棄守淪陷,再難築起城牆。21Please respect copyright.PENANAR0Rz9Oh2Jw
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之後會如何呢?21Please respect copyright.PENANAD2ioPIH7Cz
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他與黎絳洵,會成為什麼樣的關係?21Please respect copyright.PENANA6lytfhXyU3
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如果是成了他人的替身,當本人出現時,自己又該怎麼做?21Please respect copyright.PENANAlkUBA9Hdma
21Please respect copyright.PENANAPL4juL3JDg
人心總是不足,幾分顏色便可開成染坊,言曇岫不是不想要黎絳洵,而是要不起,貪心是饕餮,吞天噬地,一旦有了盼頭,只有越來越深切的想要,沒有上限。21Please respect copyright.PENANAlNzjOfMG83
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要是,黎絳洵要他留下,他自然不會離開。21Please respect copyright.PENANAz26Q6UXe05
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可是被那樣吻過以後,他已經無法肯定自己能不能持守住不傷害黎絳洵的底線。21Please respect copyright.PENANA9DG97nNzAV
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言曇岫不曉得自己能問誰。21Please respect copyright.PENANA6OGwm02GXK
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可能沒有人能給他解答。21Please respect copyright.PENANAMCnMSCPUfi
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他既已向上蒼祈願黎絳洵得到他所想要的一切,他便不能再求神給他答案。21Please respect copyright.PENANAhVqfFBKBmc
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過多的願望,願力會降低,也會讓自己越想越不知足。21Please respect copyright.PENANA81pWu3Bc1a
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言曇岫想起年幼時,生母總和他說福禍相倚,可是等到理解這句話的意思時,他已經知道這些都是騙人的俚語,甚至會想,會不會是讓無法獲得貴族庇蔭的人認分,安於被奴役或者不公的現實,才向人們宣揚知足的觀念。21Please respect copyright.PENANAQEZ7osdSSU
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從來就沒有好壞同量的人生。21Please respect copyright.PENANAbPfwRjrneE
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有的人,從出生就註定要不幸,比如生母,比如自己。21Please respect copyright.PENANAbikkkDHmRS
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有的人想爭,成敗論英雄,成功是天命所歸,失敗是亂臣賊子,被攪得一團亂的平頭百姓,命如螻蟻,都是為上位者鋪墊富麗堂皇的階梯。21Please respect copyright.PENANAOPgWN7Ffkn
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皇子奪嫡那段日子,即便無官位累贅,只要不離皇城太遠,都逃不過被捲入的命數。21Please respect copyright.PENANA4wme4rlUYe
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黎絳洵常說,他是個薄情的人,他只想守著重要的人,其他一概不論。21Please respect copyright.PENANAxi981QNRQl
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儘管不曾提及,實際上言曇岫卻覺得,也許是黎絳洵這樣的人,才能有餘裕為普通人做事,才能活到最後。21Please respect copyright.PENANA0QAPfH8OEH
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這樣的黎絳洵,臨時反悔說沒有準備好面對分離,想必也只是有不能明說的苦衷而已。21Please respect copyright.PENANAqhz1E8v21N
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