[bgm music to read to]
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFdqCMlDjY
"I don't remember myself being this pathetic before...582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKspsxGNCaO
I have no motivation left to try, I don't have any patience left in me...582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uygAi1HbI
I feel like I'm becoming more and more useless each day.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0Ta3LKtiv
And I know that i don't even try, but I get so anxious when I think about exams..."582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTtqRt8WoH
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12KMgyNSnz
"I'm scared of being left behind... forever."582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWWLYZliEo
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8Rf5i3Czu
"I'm scared that I might give up on myself."
Have I already given up on myself?
"It's rough, it's lonely... and I don't see a way out."
"Time waits for no one."
"I don't have the willpower to change, and I'm a master at justifying myself." 582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZq7QqvPtb
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQdtO7CWSX
But...582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CPUII3zRh
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUQzWhmTYE
"We all have our ups and downs. We're human. It's incredibly hard to be consistent, since we're not machines (ISTJs go brrrr though). As long as we think, we'll keep on making excuses for ourselves... and that's normal. Everyone does it. 582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF26H0KBPzc
At the end of the day, you're worrying and thinking about your own future. 582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvR8IQG57nA
A person who thinks about changes, and is willing to change...582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMIpujtDFw
Is absolutely not pathetic.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAldDvjqh3z
You're not garbage."582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAbEH3KyKE
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1igmcUOJOP
"Being strong enough to get up and fight every day is a special talent. You never know, there might be someone very close to you doing it... just for you."
I know I don't work very hard, but I hate being told that more than almost everything. I hate it when my parents remind me that I've done nothing. I hate it when they tell me to do work. Stupid, isn't it?
I once told my parents that I would continue to feel inferior, worthless and unsuccessful if I don't make a decent salary in a few years. You know what they said?582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHu3av73GA
"It's okay. You don't need to make money. You can live under our our roof forever."582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf2hM6rcwz
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPTy2tfHKS
I don't want that though. Despite everything, I want to live by my own efforts. I'm a mess, yet I don't want anyone's help. I mean, I can ask for help when I need it, but...582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbm4tdRZYA5
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DetH0hO86
Sorry, mum. Nothing's working out for you huh?582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GEDajOhJW
You wasted all your money on all the sports, instruments, tutoring lessons on your son. 582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmA7owDiX3
Your son didn’t meet all your expectations.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uRyPjRLMB
Your son doesn't want to get married.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNIbjKAXhP
Your son might just end up a broke loser on the street.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTg9XkZsZ4E
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhKiJeMpvW
You know, you paid thousands of dollars for my overnight contact lenses, only for me to be too lazy to wear it.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoQjR6X6cf
You paid another thousand for me to do that Duke of Edinburgh challenge, though I never submitted my report and ended up never getting the certification. I still never told you... to this day.
Sorry, dad. 582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrwF38eaqv
I know I said I'd pay you back for everything you've given to me, but I don't know if I can.
I might just be the worthless child you tried so hard to prevent me being.
Hahaha.
I'm sorry, I'm just a coward, so I just want to run away. Take the easy way out.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXpKvdAqmL
I'm scared of failing, so.
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijhdlzbhDf
But today, too, I'm still alive. So even though I've accomplished nothing, even when it looks like there's no escape, I'll keep going. I have to keep going. I'll finish my degree. If I get a full-time job, so be it. If I don't, then that's fine. I might regret it. But at the end of the day, I'm alive. No matter how afraid I am for tomorrow, I'll have to face it. The main thing keeping me unhappy... is me.
Thanks for loving me. I'm sorry I can't love you back as of now, or maybe for a long time to come. But maybe one day, I will.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvPcCroQUX
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYcdS3LZwi
Sincerely,582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGW74F3HjI
Your son Charlie.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGkfafHs9H
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfGtwdpnHx
P.S. Screw you sis /j.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQilvXOGjoE
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa285zqlvDA
[I remembered the existence of this song midway through writing this]582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1EaCNmP0I
... And on a whim, I sent a voice message containing all of this to my parents (it's 3am right now, but my parents are on vacation elsewhere). Saying it out loud is really something, huh.582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaT8mpTTwZA
582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG0S6vrHs1
My mother just sent me back a hug emoji and "goodnight" as it was the last word of my voice message as well. Not going to lie, I think that's the best thing she's ever said or texted. I wonder if she'll write a long paragraph or send a long voice message back later.
