Chapter Theme Music: Valhalla ~ Bryan El150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwyP3BeZGn
<03/15/2011 - 07:57 | Saffrin Middle School (Enterance), Austell, GA, USA>
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Standing here, right outside the school entrance where others were pouring into, I stood with my back leaned against a brick pillar. My eyes were shut, my head tilted forward a little, and I kept my concentration aura as high as it could go. Ever since I met Lumina, I've gotten much better at hiding my attempts to contact her, though it's not entirely subtle.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vL8UCXe92
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Given what I've been through, I don't really care if I look weird to anybody right now. All I wanted, all I continued to focus on was establishing a connection with Lumina, despite knowing that it was above sixty-four degrees Fahrenheit. Sadly, my desperation didn't give me any real strength. My wishful desire went unanswered by any other cosmic boundary of the universe. I gave the attempt all that I could, and got nothing I wanted in return.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCz5i6GGKS
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Stepping off the stone support, I just stood here aiming my eyes at the ground, blocking out my focus to the world around me. I haven't felt this upset in such a long time. All I wanted today was to hang out or talk to Lumina, even if it's just for a little while. But this chance has been denied me once again, not only for today, but for the past three days in a row.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgb2fsSHsRO
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It's gradually warming up in Georgia, with the temperatures exceeding the requirements for me to make contact with Lumina. I didn't want to care about the specifics, but this one stupid rule against telepathy in heat was finally drilling its attention into my skull. I'm so sick and tired of not being able to contact Lumina when I want to.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2Jb9QdVfq
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With my thoughts still stuck on her, I carried my things off the ground, preparing to head to my first period class, but I made it obvious even to myself that I wasn't thrilled about the way things were going. "Another day at Saffrin Middle School, and now it's going to suck!" The frustration built up inside of me quicker than anything else I was used to. Had this only been for a day, I could manage, but three days in a row where the only thing stopping me from being with Lumina is heat; it's just too sickening to me to bear now. Yet I have no choice but to endure it.
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<03/15/2011 - 08:25 | Saffrin Middle School (Social Studies), Austell, GA, USA>150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J8pA2A2il
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With the usual class recollection notes and attendance out of the way, the teacher began the next new unit with pride. "Today, we're going to cover the social behaviors of King James the Third."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvrgK3vQgp
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All at once, the entire class erupted in woeful groans of displeasure and boredom, but in my own safe space of my mind, I complained the loudest. Ugh! I'm going to die of boredom and disgust!150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhuMAqE4bg
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My eyes wandered around the room, still taking into account how different things were without that girl in my mind. I really didn't think too much about how specific and precise telepathy was, but if Lumina and I were connected right now, she would see everything my eyes follow exactly. Normally, I would just have a conversation with Lumina at a time like this. We could talk about the entire world, and nobody else would ever know. I'm sure there is plenty more stories she can remember about observing human history. But we could talk about something else too if that got boring.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRa21JHGZ0a
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As I sat waiting, the words coming from the teacher's mouth might as well sounded like unintelligible mumble. Instead of focusing on the class, my thoughts kept bringing Lumina in the forefront of everything else. This sucks so much! I can't even pay attention to this stupid lecture anymore. I just want Lumina back in my head like old times. Why did the weather all the sudden shift to this warm front?150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEoW8Rz8ds
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I tried not to think about it, but that was hard when the dozens of thoughts denied my will to change the subject. Instead, I found myself looking all around the room again, this time focusing on the students. All of the people in this room probably wouldn't have anything interesting to talk about. For them, it's all about cheerleading, talking about cute guys, or the homework they did last night, or some other useless gossip. Why can't any of those humans be more interesting? They could at least want to talk about something other than school clichés!150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUyfbiWmia
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But I'm only worsening my own mood complaining about something I already know. I don't really know how I'm supposed to be in a good mood today. I read the weather forecast earlier, and it mentioned that this heat will persist throughout the entire night. That means, I can't call Lumina at any point today, even if I stayed up later to try.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzjaOepxhK
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Lumina... Though I wasn't aware of it, the facial expression I was making now reflected how dreamy I got thinking about her like this. She really is dominating all of my thoughts. I just want to be connected to her again. You and your Altiri society, the Unity and their cyan colored marking, all of it... I get to talk to a distant alien while everyone else lives these seemingly normal lives. Still, I can't help but wonder if this is was it was like for her, watching and observing my entire world through my own eyes...150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBPCJPml4d
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All I really want to do right now is talk to somebody, anybody! The reminder of Lumina's secret combined with this moment only aggravated me to no end. Mmmmmnnnn! There has to be somebody in this school that would believe me if I told them everything about Lumina. I just want to talk about her so much. She means so much to me these days; it's hard to imagine my life without her constantly linked to me. I could have ended up as some normal boy, or perhaps a heathen if it were not for her purge that day... But I didn't end up that way, and that has to count for something.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbWxH9thZg
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However, no matter which tangent I went through in my own silent thoughts, nothing ever got better because of it. The harsh reality is that there is nothing I can do about the situation. I had no choice but to endure this sadness. My only hope now is that my next class could somehow be better.
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<03/15/2011 - 09:20 | Saffrin Middle School (Math), Austell, GA, USA>150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzhvD3915b
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Nope, it's not better in this class either. I sat with the usual group despite what I told myself about them before. I think some part of me was desperately hoping, hoping that one of them would care about my state of mind or my affairs, that they might beg and beg me to tell me what's been going on to the point where I would want to share. I wanted them to care about me and Lumina. I wanted them to prove to me that they were mindful of my feelings as friends, even though I never openly shared how I felt, nor did I refer to them as friends like I used to.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTGWvmx5qi
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But in return, I got nothing. Banarus barely looked my way before chatting with Maddison and Malica about something I could care less about. So, I just sat there, resting the bottom of my chin into my arms with my eyes mostly shut. I'm not tired or exhausted. I just don't really care about anything anymore. Life really sucks sometimes.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lYLpyWVJT
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"You okay Reed? Did you have another nightmare?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt5ze11A1I
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I took much more time than normal to acknowledge she was even talking to me. My expression must have been obvious that I was depressed to all hell. The fact that Banarus took this long to notice didn't really motivate me to feed her curiosity. I told her earlier about the crazy chain of nightmares I was having about someone who looked just like her. I hoped to use that as a topic starter, but as usual, things never go my way in social situations. "No, I didn't have another nightmare. I'm just bummed out is all." I know they were about to ask me why, but my motivation to tell them has already been tossed out the door. They wouldn't really care or believe me.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7pBO2UHBo
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"What happened?" Banarus seemed to finally focus a little more on me, though it didn't change my expression or demeanor.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0vJwzZ3q5
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Oh nothing. Just a couple of life changing events and involvement with real aliens. Nothing to worry about over here, Banarus. Even my thoughts were becoming sarcastic and cynical, but there was a reason I got so annoyed hearing her be the one to ask me that. Of all the people in school I might tell what is going on with me, Banarus is my last choice of people to tell. It's just not worth it to me.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mTDA5qwfG
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I don't even understand why I'm so upset anymore. I've had days like this in the past where I couldn't contact Lumina, but for some reason, my thoughts are more chaotic today than they've ever been. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. This heat is messing with me more than it ever has in the past. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what I can do to fix this, but if there is anything I won't do, it's telling Banarus my secret. "Nothing happened," I lied. "I just want it to be cold outside again. It's warm... I can't stand when it warms up like this outside." My words and my emotions didn't match the same energy. The way I really felt inside made me worry that I might meltdown and do something crazy. My mind is more alert than ever, more focused on the Altiri than ever, and more bothered by the outdoor heat than I've ever let it hit me before. The mere thought of that sensation around me, the warm air, the scent of summer, the sound of those gross hidden bugs that only make noise in this heat, all of it started to give me this feeling of painful butterflies in my stomach.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpNCVS3ieG
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"They could run the air conditioning better, I guess." Having chimed in at random to my woes, Malica still appeared mostly disinterested.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTTuNOy4qf
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Ah, Malica... You're as useless as ever. Even if the entire school interior and near exterior were to freeze over, I wouldn't be able to call Lumina. No, the area of effect has to be a full mile radius, which includes the upper atmosphere as well. If the temperature outdoors within this radius is too high, I can't talk to Lumina anymore... What kind of fucked up rule is that anyway?150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT52nHu65Z
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Failing to find any comfort in bringing it up, I let out deep loud sigh of annoyance before I rested my head back down into my arms. "Just don't worry about it. I don't really feel like talking anymore, so just leave me alone."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgX4NsBnMX
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"If you say so."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjabJdQbeAM
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I could tell Banarus didn't exactly understand my pain based on her response, but I sure as hell didn't feel bad about it. I want to sit with people who want an interesting conversation, but even these girls cannot provide that. It's been worse lately. I'm not exactly fitting in with them like I used to before, probably because of my desire to have more meaningful discussion about the world at random, and failing to get them interested in it. As a result, they've been excluding me from a few miscellaneous activities, such as partnering up in gym class or with other assignments, at least 60% of the time. Even Banarus isn't doing that thing she usually does to me anymore. I can tell that even she is losing interest in making sure I'm not left out or bored.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyNdEAxsNZ
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Just as well, I concluded while turning my body aside to ensure I don't have to face them. I did my best to try and make Banarus and Malica my friends even after all that happened... But they really don't care about me at all. They've not shown me five percent of the care that Lumina has given to me. Most recently, if I try and force my way into their conversation, they get all weird about it, change the subject entirely, and then try to leave me out of it. The rope has been stretched as far as it possibly can, and I don't want to try being with them anymore.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSIzpjKacc
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Of course, it's not like anybody else in this entire room is any better. There are only so many girls I could try to talk to, most of which I already have, or at least observed. The rest are all males. By my quick analysis, all of them are heathens too, most of them interested in football and cheerleaders; what a winning combo. School sure is different when Lumina isn't around anymore. I somehow forgot how brutal it can be.
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<03/15/2011 - 11:00 | Saffrin Middle School (Science), Austell, GA, USA>150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj0pJIfeH9
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"And that is why sound waves do not travel in space." Ms. Ray Ray, our honors science teacher was already many minutes into one of our lessons.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LxytZLVqe
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Given the state of my own unhappiness, it was hard for me to focus on any of it. However, that changed the moment she started talking about outer space for the sake of the properties of sound and light waves. Outer space to me was one of a more interesting topic for the obvious reasons. Anything and everything to do with outer space has to do with Lumina as well. Somehow, I got myself a little more excited and into the lesson because of this.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttU3iymyZG
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"So that's why? Energy waves can't travel if there is nothing for them to travel through?" Maddison was the one asking the question, which reminded me that she, Zero, and Ashly were also in this class, though we sat separately from each other.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwSJuzuz8k
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There was something about the wording of her question that made me react, replying on my own without asking for permission. "Actually, that's not entirely true." I had to speak louder since she was across the entire room, but upon getting myself started in this, I decided to keep going, ignoring any visual warning from my science teacher that I felt sorry for answering Maddison's question for her. "You see, it's true that sound needs a physical medium to travel through; since it's based on vibrations. Sound waves bounce off other objects to emit noise, even if there are only air particles. But not all energy waves behave the same way. That being said, when in outer space, even though it's one massive vacuum, space itself is not nothing."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK19WO1Lygt
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Nobody seemed to question me turning this lesson into an open debate, and Ashly was the next person to toss her opinion out in the open. "But, I thought space was just empty space."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXUl9PtjKf
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"Sure, it contains no physical matter, but the emptiness of space itself is this vast infinite source of dark matter. The presence of such energy proves that the presence of nothing is actually the presence of something. And if you play your cards right, you could in theory harness that energy and generate a massive amount of power from it." Once I got going, I couldn't stop. Random facts about space intrigued me so much, that I had Lumina teach me as many as she could. It's a difficult concept to understand. A vacuum implies that there is nothing there, but within such a void, the vacuum of that space may still contain energy, externally, or by being a vacuum altogether. I may not understand the total mechanics of dark matter, but the Altiri sure do. They've mastered generating unlimited fuel because of it, all from the depth of outer space itself. So it's not nothing.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1aWhCnpzf
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"Where are you getting this from? I don't remember this being in our chapter." I wasn't sure if Maddison was genuinely surprised, or if she was being facetious.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aIIRHdaVs
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But it quickly reminded me about the fact that this science class certainly does not specialize in astronomy. Of course it's nowhere in our textbooks. I didn't need to have a class on this; I had a first front row seat to such incredible knowledge. It's more than that. I forgot that Lumina's mere presence has inadvertently made me smarter than I was before. I really didn't even notice until right now in this moment. Still, stuff like this should be in our science books.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3F8E8ec52y
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Finally, Ms. Ray Ray got involved, shutting me down before I veered the entire lesson off course into some far-off abyss. "Well, learning about that isn't in our assignment. We don't teach astronomy Reed."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYivV39AFUa
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I want to argue that we should be learning about it, but I held my tongue. As something I learned from Lumina, I knew I was right, because Ms. Ray Ray didn't try to correct my claims, something she would have done if I were wrong about it somehow. Ray Ray is right about one thing. I got a little too excited there.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdKbWMCZJ3
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"But let's move on to light waves. EM waves do travel through space, as well as other mediums. When unimpeded by those mediums, these waves travel at a constant speed of light."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISd4VL2pfO
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Right. I heard about this too. The speed of light is said to be constant, but also slow in comparison to the rest of the universe. If the light from Lumina's star has yet to even reach our Milky Way galaxy, then it has to be too far away to see in a telescope. And yet...150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHpH9DYAJf
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"When light travels through physical mediums such as air or water, the speed of these waves will slow down accordingly. This is why so little light exists at the bottom of our oceans."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNi5IiDadoR
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Still curious about something else, I raised my hand, this time waiting until I was called upon to make a brief inquiry about something. "Level with me. The speed of light is said to not be exceeded by anything else. But is there anything else in the world faster than the speed of light?" I already know the answer. I just want to see if she knows it.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1363LiSEQm
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"Of course not." Ms. Ray Ray was rather confident to reply this way. "Light speed is the fastest speed at which any object can travel, no matter what."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin92Do5Q0G
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And they say astronomy isn't important... I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule. With physical objects, it kind of makes sense, if you exclude the properties of a black hole beyond its event horizon and separate velocity from spacial warping. But the bigger takeaway from this are the energy waves Lumina calls psionic waves. I can't fault my teacher for not knowing about this, but she is still wrong to make that claim. Psionic energy waves are what allows me and Lumina to communicate directly with each other. According to Lumina, these psionic waves can reach one end of the universe to another instantly. I've done my own tests to determine how much latency exists between our telepathic connections. The truth is, there isn't any latency. Psionic energy waves do travel faster than the speed of light; much faster by my count...150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiVVUakAn5
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Then again, maybe that's because psionic energy waves don't even travel through this physical dimension at all. If it crosses over into another dimension with different laws of physics, that could also explain why it's so immediate and boundless.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14ofHIqFAU
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"When did you get so smart? You went nerd mode on us just now." Ashly, who was sitting much closer to me had to wait on me to realize I was being spoken to, and her question got Zero's attention too. Both of them sat next to each other, two seats away from me.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1FfX2B1D4
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"That's not a very nice thing to say." Criticizing Ashly's words, Zero stood up for the way I went full nerd mode.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZtQLD3fxg
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But even if I sounded like a nerd, this was all stuff Lumina taught me anyway. There's no shame in being this knowledgeable in the matter. "No, it's a fair question. I've been learning a lot about astronomy and space, outside of class." But I'm no genius. Even if Lumina somehow taught me to be as smart as Stephan Hawking, nobody would believe the two of us anyway. Still, I happen to know a lot more about these things than anybody else in the class. I hope I don't start to sound arrogant because of it.
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<03/15/2011 - 12:15 | Saffrin Middle School (Gym), Austell, GA, USA>150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZbaFhaCAA
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Man, I hate gym class. I dared to let all my thoughts loose on my opinions of gym during our exercise period, but all with good reason.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhJFsuXdKD
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It's the one place where I can't relax in the way that I want to. Normally in class, I'll work on school assignments, and daze off in my chain of thoughts at the same time. Or, I'll put more of those thoughts to work on a specific project if I'm ahead of schoolwork. Having all of these thoughts simultaneously would cause problems for most people when it comes to focus. However, I've since learned to control almost all of these thoughts on demand, which gives me an edge when I'm trying to concentrate on something. Or, in the case of a headache, all those thoughts will attack me all at once. There's no worse way to think about pain than having over a hundred simultaneous thoughts of the very same alert signals.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31oUKlSuGr
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Here in gym class, it's just not the same. Multi-tasking is where I struggle the most. I can't even hold a conversation and move my body half the time. That's right. If I try to talk or think heavily about something while I'm walking, I'm likely to walk straight into a wall without realizing it. If I dodge such a crash, I'll forget what I was thinking about. It's a pain that I can't multi-task worth to save my life. But to be fair, I don't really desire that ability either.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh89RRQT4lm
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And that's why I hate gym class. When I'm working on my body, I can't use my mind for much of anything. If I can't or won't do that, I get annoyed easily, usually because of the UAD. I guess exercises aren't so bad, but the coaches take things a little too far sometimes. It's not as if I'm training to be in sports or to become a professional athlete, but anytime the coaches involve me in their silly games, the experience is automatically ruined because I'm always below an average athletic level. I've been this way ever since I developed asthma in the fifth grade. Prior to that, I was the fastest sprinter in my grade level.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhm3RMsR7k
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But right now, everything I'm doing is messing with my ability to process basic thoughts, other than the ones you're reading now. The only way I'm managing this much is because I'm botching my own exercises, intentionally giving it less energy while letting my mind focus on background montrums or my own feelings. Right now, I would rather keep my thoughts glued to Lumina, even if they are causing me to be depressed.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXAMZrdwbU
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Anyway, when are we going to get free-period?150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSl93x9uY5F
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"Okay! Time for Free-Period."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL88KXLw1q
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Right on cue. I disembarked on my half-attempt of a warm-up and started walking in squares around the gym. Walking in a basic manner didn't disrupt my thoughts, so I went with that for now. I like free periods the most, because nobody is forced into any specific sport or event. The only rule the coaches have about it is that we aren't allowed to stand motionless or talk on our cell phones, but we can walk around the gym, which is why I now prefer free-periods the most. I know I said walking doesn't disrupt my thoughts, but it would if I suddenly had to critically think or ponder something heavy. Besides, it's also much easier to telepathically talk to Lumina than to vocally talk to other humans while moving.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbgEwVxDSV
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I'm sure the reason for that is simple. Telepathy is more efficient, because I don't have to open my mouth and talk in order to communicate using that method. I never thought talking out loud to another person would elicit more brain power out of me than actual telepathy.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9fVdoCuBc
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But I'm not complaining. Right now, I would rather be alone with my thoughts of Lumina.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBC35YLz83
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"Hey Reed?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq16R4BOMNJ
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I said I would rather be alone!150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFeITgcxx7
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I had to address whoever was coming at me; and it was only Ashly. "Were you able to complete last night's homework? I tried, but I had too much trouble with it."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnlzGfsl0P
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First, I should explain that helping people with homework during gym is frowned upon by the coaches, but occasionally, some students get away with it somehow, likely by being the favorite of others, or by trying to do it while walking around.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiEGW6wKKn
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Oh-hohoho! So first, you want to try and pretend like I don't even exist, all because I might spoil your precious reputation, and now you're asking me for help? I wanted to say this aloud so badly, but it was most cynical even for me.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnZrzGQ0i8
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Still, considering how rude I was to her earlier, I'm amazed she will even talk to me again... No, she just wants somebody to do her work for her. Yeah, that's more likely. After the mess I made in science class, Ashly probably thinks I'm good enough to understand today's homework, but that doesn't entitle her to ask me for homework advice. She didn't even specify the subject; I might be rusty depending on which class it's for.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ED5lTIPgS
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"All of that math about the process of energy conversion has me confused." So now, she specified it was for math.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1nEyGcS5s
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... I don't think the subject matter will be an issue. Seriously? This is like fifth grade difficulty! I guess this is why I belong in honors classes after all. Should I even agree, or should I say no?150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXiQNp9NQd
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I should be upset enough to turn her down outright. After all, she's asking me to do her homework for her, all with nothing in return. I know she doesn't really want to talk to me; tis but a gesture. However, I'm already feeling anxious about the way today has gone... My mind just won't slow down today. I've had Lumina on my mind for the most part, and now that I'm in gym, I have nothing at all to distract my own thoughts from her. It's getting bad enough that I'm beginning to feel the starting stages of UAD trickle at my brain.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Gh6xR2Ppf
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Oh, to hell with it. "Sure. Why not?" I might as well throw some numbers at my brain, to do anything to give myself enough mental stimulation to prevent a possible UAD onset. If the situation were different, I would have told Ashly she could go to hell. But in this situation, I'll be using her to take a load off my mind.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn029oxge81
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"Great! Now show me what you got." She was referring to my notebook, which was literally put up in the locker room. She'll have to wait patiently for me to go and get them, but I wasn't going to duck out of it.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9O8S8KmbS
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I really shouldn't let other people copy my homework. But the joke is on her, since I have a weird way of doing math. Even Lumina struggles when she sees how I perform basic subtraction; it stumped the CRCT staff when I explained my convoluted subtraction method, which differed from literally everyone's process, but yielded the correct answer. She'll have the pleasure of hearing those explanations again for herself, if she can even understand them... Still, even this tiny relationship should not be happening right now. I have to stop being so nice to everybody I see.
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<03/15/2011 - 14:55 | Saffrin Middle School (Music), Austell, GA, USA>150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdfo3OZbvY
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Even with all the time that's gone by today, I still can't feel relaxed or whole again. Lumina... How are you doing way out there? What are you up to right now? What are you talking about? What are you thinking about? My priorities were obviously not going to change anytime soon. Lumina is all that matters to me right now. And I can't talk to her, even though it's all I've wanted all day long.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXbkUcNlCN
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"Why do you always look so sad?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdnQjDSR4d
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If Laura spoke any louder when asking me that, I would have jumped from her surprising me... Wait! "Maddison? What's she doing here? And what happened to Malica?" I was still speaking to Laura, but there were details I noticed right behind her. Maddison isn't in this music class with me, and Malica, who I know I've seen today is absent now.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPhoPo1gzj
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"Oh her? She's here because Frasier let her leave the class. I think Malica had the same idea with the opposite direction."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEISBox4gc
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So they just got to dip with permission? Why can't I be in Fraiser's class? The others must have left with the same idea, and that means Malica lied her way out of here, since Ms. Patterna would never just let someone skip with permission. Is today just one massive screw learning free-for-all day? If so, I'm going home.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BKbzccTdx
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"But seriously, you should be happy!" Laura displayed so much enthusiasm about the advice that she started doing some weird happy dance after speaking.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7Rcohojji
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I had to hold in my own laughter, refusing to be caught off guard by something that cringy. But I still admired how carefree Laura could be sometimes, to flap her arms around that way in class. She's such as spaz sometimes. "I just want the weather to be colder. If it gets colder outside, then I'll be happy."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf6l0xTD9x
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"You really like the cold weather that much?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHG0bkmmZSn
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"To be more precise, I hate the heat more than anything." Even I struggle sometimes when the chill is too intense. Trying to stay warm when it's cold is not a comfortable feeling. The upper forties are most manageable, but the heat will ruin just about anything.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UgsxwuaW8
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"That just sounds like an excuse to hide the real problem." With my sudden attention and interest in those words, Laura delivered me her clueless opinion. "You're having UAD again, aren't you?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoK1XVmUVvd
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It wasn't a terrible guess. Laura is the only other person who knows about my UAD condition enough to understand what acronym I use it for. Under all circumstances, I very well could end up with a UAD attack today if I'm not careful. However, that isn't my real concern right now. "Luckily, no. I haven't had that problem in over a month now." I shouldn't speak too soon. The first phase of UAD can always come up and surprise me. All I want to do right now is talk about Lumina, and yet I can't.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfAJhiZKBl
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"I guess that makes sense. It would be more obvious if you were..."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8qAzCmGL7
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While Laura is occupied thinking about my problems, I just want them to end altogether. What is it going to take to cool this weather down and bring Lumina back? Should I just go outside and shout to God? Do I have to perform some miracle of a ritual? Sacrifice a goat maybe? There must be something I can do about this.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUL7G1seymw
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"Hah! Then it must be girl trouble!" Because of the free-period state of the classroom and music practice, Laura's vocal outburst didn't get either of us into trouble. But understandably, I wasn't too thrilled to have her share that about me to the entire class now staring in our direction.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDmedgxKDk
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Not this again! I don't have any romantic girl problems. My feelings for Lumina are not romantic, even if our friendship is powerful enough for me to love her that way. But she's my best friend of all time, and I'm hurting because she isn't here with me. "It's not girl trouble."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk4tvMU4fL
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That won't do, I told myself. The gleeful glare Laura was giving me didn't relent when I tried to tell her off. In her eyes, every boy has girl troubles. If I lead only with that, I'll look more suspicious. "It's friend trouble." There. At least that should be believable enough to send Laura away.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDdKkRbfFe
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"Did you get into an argument with someone again?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4Kn46oNhn
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"It's not an argument. But it's been three days already, and I just want to talk to her." That's all I've wanted all day. I want to hear Lumina's voice echo alongside mine again. I want to see into those amazing eyes of hers. I want to listen to everything she has to say, to feel everything she has to feel. And most of all, I want to understand her better.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGR3C3CD4t1
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"Her?" Laura stretched her question long, making a sharp smirking grin with strong implications. She was certain to take it that way with the face I was unknowingly making just now. The look in her eyes filled with excitement for the very reasons I contradicted earlier.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejNWLecTwd
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"Stop it already." Must I really beg for Laura to quit messing around just this once? She's the one who asked me about it in the first place.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zbqd2wvTn
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"Well, what's stopping you?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz8jPxttJO
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"I just told you. The warm weather is—" Hold on a second! I almost just messed that up.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJsB1hPkd3
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"Warm weather? What does that have to do with anything?" At least Laura dropped her smile, since she was truly confused by my implications.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywg6ky3y9I
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To normal people, it has nothing to do with anything, which is why I shouldn't mention it. If I say the wrong thing here, one question will lead to another. "She's just too busy is all. Lumina is my best friend. Having no communications with her for this long is just making me worried." A stretch of the truth maybe. I'm not worried about her, I just miss her really bad.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz56sQHrDQ5
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"Oh, so Lumina is her name? Does she go to this school? How old is she? And what's her full name?" The crazy look in her eyes returned once more, Laura insinuating that I was more crazy about Lumina than I let on.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Am2hFfzKt
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Yes, no, and no. Sorry Laura, but you can't know anything about her. I can't even believe I said her name out loud. If you really knew where she lived and how old she was, you would sink to the ground and make the most disturbing expression the world has ever seen. So, I'm not explaining that much to anybody today. "Her name is Lumina. Just Lumina." It might be a bit weird not having a last name, but surely there are other people like that even in this world.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHcH0qBhpK
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"What? Who doesn't have a last name? That can't make any sense."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWSGXc0XTH
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What world do you live in? Not everyone has to have a last name. It can't be that rare! "I'm sorry Laura. But do you think you can just lay off for now?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lOLYw1K21
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"Oh... Well then, sorry to bother you." Laura turned in her seat, but she didn't leave just yet.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChxEoehO4Y
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Now she makes it sound like I'm plain evil. "Look, I just want to talk to my friend today, and she isn't here. Meanwhile, I've got nobody else to talk to about anything." I didn't have to be theatrical to tell her that. It really is the most frustrating thing I've felt in all my life. When Lumina and I first met, I didn't want to share her with anybody, since I couldn't believe the news myself. But now that I do believe in her, talking about Lumina is the only thing I want to say to other humans. I do have this one friend, but when it comes to humans, I have zero friends; not a single one!150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt70vWjd0C
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"But what about me, and Banarus, and Ashly?"150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf419mVLRYe
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Laura put me on the spot just then, forcing me to answer to why I did not consider the others real friends to me. I liked Laura the most out of the three, so I had to pick my words carefully now... But now that I really think about it, I don't want to confuse a single one of them with what they really are... Are they really my friends? Of course they're not. If they were, I wouldn't fear telling them about Lumina, even given the fear that I might lose them in the process. I just don't trust anybody enough for this. If they couldn't handle listening to me about Lumina, then they never were my friends to begin with even if I claimed otherwise. But as messed up as that is, not one of them register in my mind as a remote priority to me anymore, not even Laura. She's nice, but she still doesn't care about me enough. "I'm sorry, but I can't talk about it right now." I rubbed my arms from the chill inside me. Just saying that felt wrong.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxi5dwr6Il
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"Can't you at least tell me about your friend Lumina? I've never met her before."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX32ggeEf11
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And you never will... That's really the biggest problem. Nobody on earth will ever get the chance to meet her. She can't purge somebody after purging me, and so there is absolutely zero possibility that I can prove her existence to anybody other than myself. That right there is the problem. "No. I can't talk about Lumina with anyone. It's a secret that I can't reveal to anybody."150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62lesaIEYP
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"If you say so. In that case, I'll be over there talking to Terry." With that, Laura started to get out of her seat and return to where she was before.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHz1R84bny
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Who? Oh, just do whatever. I must have ticked her off a little. Laura won't talk to me now, since she knows I'm hiding something I'm unwilling to share. But that's on her. I asked her to leave me alone earlier, and she didn't.150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ymsIruCye
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No. Instead of being here at school today, I would rather be in a snowy field, somewhere like Antarctica. There's nothing that way but howling winds of sheer cold, powder snow whisking everywhere, crunching ice under my shoes, and Lumina with her sisters all by my side. If only I were standing in a frozen zone like her world appears...150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S6wqH8uMS
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To what I will do when I stare up at the stars again, it isn't like before. This time, I know exactly what's out there. I know who is out there. I now understand just how massive our universe really is. All of this, this entire school, this entire earth with all the inhabitants on it, it's all so insignificant compared to the universe and all its mysteries. Even so, there is nothing more I want to do right now than to telepathically connect to Lumina, to hang out with her, to be with her. It makes me so happy just spending that kind of time with her. All I can do, is wish that tomorrow will be a colder day.
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