Chapter Theme Music: Eclipse ~ FFXIII-2 OST162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7yaBAZJfs
<02/23/2012 - 10:22 | Saffrin Middle School (Gym), Austell, GA, USA>
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Despite the burden I've been through thanks to my never-ending headache condition, I've recently been able to thwart these tension headaches and feel absolutely amazing all at the same time, all for the past several months. I never discovered the causes and triggers for these headaches, but thanks to modern medicine, I never really needed to worry about that anymore. All is thanks to this; these powerful white pills known on the open market as Excedrin Migraine.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKZksBIuM9
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The medicine is simply an OTC painkiller, but it has a few extra effects I get from taking the pills, mainly boosted by the caffeine that lies inside. At first, I only cared about their effectiveness in killing my headaches off each time I had to take them.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqiJ9M12iH
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But lately, I've been enjoying much more to their side effects than any other medication I've been forced to take before. Excedrin is different than all the other painkillers. Not only does it work for me, the mixture gives me a kind of focus and energy like nothing else before. Mental clarity, twice my normal speed of thoughts, a jittery sensation that I now crave, and less time spent asleep or in the grips of exhaustion are all the benefits I've reaped from this discovery.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa65jkXb6P6
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Because of the changes I've been going through with this, I've become much more of a night person than I used to be. I've had such a longing affinity towards the night that the mere concept of it has become a bit of a montrum on its own. Of course, the amazing sensation and unparalleled confidence boost I get from thus stuff is its own gift to me.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsncP9y4Zhv
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There's just one small problem; the tolerance! It's been working for months, but I've also been taking this medicine more often than before, practically every other day now. Because of the principle of medical tolerance to medication, Excedrin has become much less effective on me lately. For now, I was fine, but I knew I was running out of days to keep this drug inside me. I figured my best course of action was to ask the most intelligent person I know to come up with a solution for me, but that didn't go exactly as I imagined it would either.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnFzFsQEdO
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"You wanted the solution, and I gave it to you," Lumina rephrased to my dismay.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZU0gA6GKO
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"Come on! There must be a better way than that."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPj5fKABZ69
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"If the painkillers aren't actually doing their one job, then it's time to trash the bottle and move on."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAy9f5Nj5V
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"I agree with you, but I still want all the other amazing effects I get from it as well. I can't just trash the medicine like that."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXLmcREpFI
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"Sounds to me like you have a serious addiction."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNSH4UoirJ
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"Ugh..." I knew I couldn't win any kind of debate against Lumina. I wasn't going to pretend like she was wrong either. Of course I'm addicted to the Excedrin, even I know that much. But so what? Is the addiction to something so amazing really a bad thing? "Look, even if I dump the stuff, I'm going to need something else to replace it. The whole reason I started with that medicine was because it turned out to be the only recent thing that worked."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPPC488TQp
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"Be honest with me Reed. Are you taking the medicine now because you are having headaches, or because you don't want to be without the sensations and the rush those pills give you?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxrvYPvypc
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I couldn't speak to her sharp question. The only thing I could think of right now was exactly how wonderful Excedrin made me feel. Maybe it was more of the caffeine than anything else, but my mind just felt amazing and complete with every single dosage, like some kind of fog had lifted. I felt happier too, in a confident kind of way; I wasn't willing to just give that up. "Either or."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzFO0u48eO
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"Then it's official. You have an addiction, and the medication doesn't even work as well as it used to, for headaches that is. The answer is simple. It's time to detox and move on."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡve68N9507l
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"I can't just junk it away without a replacement though."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfhuKev8ku
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"I don't care. You're going to take all of that medicine and dump it by the end of tonight!" I backed away somewhat, even though I wasn't physically standing in front of anybody.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZ3qTH3oYs
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I've never seen Lumina so determined and focused on getting rid of my personal choice of medicine, and she was obviously not happy to my resistance. What's her deal anyway? "Hold on just a second Lumina. I get that the situation isn't perfect, but my medication is my choice. I'll dump it when I'm ready to."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdFKjhuAl8
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"You'll dump it tonight, or else."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YhlG3i6iy
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"Why does it matter so much to you all the sudden?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1TekhDUIS
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"Nothing about this was sudden Reed. I've been wary of your pill popping ever since it started." I had to give props to Lumina, at the idea that she really paid this much attention to what I've been through on medication. Not long after Wahsega, my tolerance to Aspirin had reached 98%, so I jumped to other medications, on and off. I never once worried about the possibility of drug addictions, since I'd rather have something that works and addict me, than nothing at all and suffer the insane levels of pain I would randomly wander into. "I know you don't want to have headaches anymore, I get that."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpv5yqZp2fg
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"Then just let me handle this on my own. I'll be fine."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EU9Y5viZS
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Lumina argued back however, her telepathic voice growing more stern and louder. "I don't want you addicted to a substance that's doing you more harm than good!"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fiYYZeGYq
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"It's not doing me any harm!"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfC186DBUNt
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"Oh yeah? Compared to when you first started taking it, what's been the success rate of treating headaches for the past two weeks?" Lumina's question wasn't based on any known facts, merely her personal guess.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DfSLakl1A
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On the other hand, I knew the truth too. I always mentally track how many headaches I have in the background of each month, and how well my medicine handles it. I don't have a problem remembering such details, since I have more than enough to load my mind without the need for charts and paper. "Only two out of eight." I couldn't hide the shame in my response as I repeated the metrics to us both.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYSGgw3NLk
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"All of this addiction, and for what? A twenty-five percent success rate that continues to fall each time you take more? You have to believe me Reed. You're better off without that medication."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3EP8v0Elb
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Despite her words, despite everything I knew deep down, other sensations took over in priority to it all. It was only yesterday that I had another medium level headache. I know what they feel like; I know how much torture they can be. If I had to choose between any form of torture and headaches, I'd pick anything else at all, because nothing can possibly be worse than this condition. So I couldn't agree with her right now. The very fear of having another one without medication to treat it, without this feeling of stimulation and alertness I have now - had my arms shaking, my legs too stiff to move. "I'm sorry Lumina, but I'm going to have to disagree with you. I'll figure some other way out of making these pills last longer, so that—"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtk2z6UR6j
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"I'm amazed you don't seem to understand what 'no' means. You need to detox, end of discussion. The only reason you're trying to keep on this stuff is your own personal addiction."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJl6fzMU1WU
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"That's not all true, Lumina. You know as well as I do that I'm still taking it more importantly to prevent headaches."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBddCkDdlS
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"Prevent headaches? I thought they were supposed to treat existing ones." Lumina was sarcastic only for a moment, and I could feel something within her unraveling all at once. "Don't you get it yet? They're not doing the job anymore, so addiction or not, it's time to cut this stuff loose."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPz2NGQoRd
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"If there's even a slim chance they work, I'm keeping with it Lumina. Whether I cut this stuff out of my life or not is my choice to make."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIRxMZSNQ7
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"Oh, it's all your choice now, is that right?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPCkQay62N
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"Yes! That's exactly right!" I couldn't help but get loud in return, and it was hard to hide my facial expressions while walking around the gym, so I tried to slow down and lean against the corner while dealing with this. "See, in this world, people have something called personal freedom of choice. I get to do whatever the hell I want."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpM8xWBCKZd
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"I'm telling you this for your own good. I wouldn't ask you to do anything if I thought it would be harmful to you in any way."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52D7BkPPnG
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"You say that now, yet you want me to drop the only thing keeping me together."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uq3wNCNWM
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"You don't need that medicine to live."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmzZijzR01
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"I do when it's the only defense I have against level ten headaches making me scream in agony."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsw2qJnlpi
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"It's not the only defense; you and I know that both."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuklw6ZHTxH
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"Oh, and do you have to deal with these headaches Lumina? Do you understand how it feels to be me on a weekly basis?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1Q7Rq5lAe
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"Don't even go there Reed! You know that's not a fair argument to make."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPqiNwF6sv
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"How so? Hm?" Ticked off as I was, I knew I was still right in my own way, so I had to put her on the spot. "You're an Altiri! You don't get to experience the sensations of pain I have to put up with. On top of that, headaches don't even partially transfer over through telepathy, and they ruin any connection I can have with you in the process. So you don't know how I feel. You don't have any idea just how bad these things get or what they do to me." I shuttered even as I mentioned this, the reminder of my last level ten headache giving me near panic levels of anxiety. The PTSD from just one of them was enough reason for me to do everything I could to stop feeling pain altogether.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8lqoxgea7
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"Oh, I'm so sorry that I never got to pick and choose whether you were human or not. You want me to light some candles for you and chant my wish over the stars? No, how about you just take worse medications instead? What will be next huh? Crack cocaine? Heroine? How about a little Methadone to ease the pain while we're at it?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkCziEPJN4
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"Huh. Maybe I was right the first time. Maybe I should just go kill myself and get it over with. You're the one always saying how wonderful it will be when I'm in an Altiri body post-transperation. Not sure why you wanted me to stay on Earth with all the wonders it has to offer."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDrYGHb2ac
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"Screw you! You ask for my advice and now you want to mock me, act like this is somehow my fault?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNL4l9ItrA
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"It doesn't matter," I restated. "At the end of the day, I decide what I do with this medicine. If I want to keep taking it, despite an addiction problem, that's my choice to make."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpkXtBgxh4
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"And I suppose if I have to choose between enabling such behavior or waiting for you to come to your senses, I'll have to wake you up the hard way."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsTrCMRtHG
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"The hell is that supposed to mean?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwhtYlCk65
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"It's simple actually. Since you want to make the choice so badly, I'll give you the choice. It's either me, or the medicine. You won't get to have both."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5POCa9TNGP
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"You can't be serious."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAwoCQjosr
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"I'm dead serious. I don't date addicts. You knew already how much I was against the idea of you getting yourself involved in all of that addictive and dangerous crap."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbysKvr0IS
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"It's over the counter, Lumina."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXOLxZPyu3
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"If a poison pill were over the counter, would you take that too?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYVPSLvooH
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"Give me a break!"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9I8giqKQV
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"I will. The choice is yours now; me, or the Excedrin. Don't call me back unless you understand what the right thing to do is."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZgOWSYTgm
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"W— what do you mean?" I didn't want to take any guesses on how Lumina was going to enforce such a stupid ultimatum, but she did.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclURknwYD3
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Instead of responding to me, Lumina shut down our connection all on her own, something she never does. I felt the subtle changes in our shared energy no longer transmitting, the buzzing sensation going away entirely. I was too stunned for words, stunned that she would go as far as to cut off the connection just over this stupid subject. "Yeah, just leave! Like that will solve anything!"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3ikG7YTgj
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At this point, I would only be talking to myself, but I don't think I've ever been this mad at her until now. What business is it of hers whether or not I take specific medications? It's all the same; everyone knows what's best for Reed!162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzNWFzsYK2
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Of course, I just stood there with my arms crossed through most of the remaining gym period, unwilling to concede to her immature argument... Was that even an argument? No. This is different. This is a full on fight, our first real fight between each other. And of all things, it has to be over some stupid medicine?162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCHXAi0zqR
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I wanted more than ever to show Lumina how wrong she was, but the more time I spent by myself, the more time I had to reflect on everything we said. The only thing I couldn't understand was why she cared so much about this one thing. Whenever Lumina thinks I should do something, she never forced me to make the decision. So why this one subject?162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHD7N8EqtC
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I don't believe her when she said she doesn't date addicts. It's just too small a thing to leave somebody over. For whatever reason I couldn't see, Lumina refuses to be with me so long as I keep taking this stuff. I only realized the magnitude of her ultimatum long after it was spoken, and the gesture forced me to revisit all my thoughts again and again.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1RVoNAPsW
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Maybe the addiction itself is the only thing Lumina hates so much. But why? What's the worst that could possibly happen by developing one? So long as there is a reason to keep taking the stuff... I cut my chain of thoughts off at the reminder. The facts were already known, but they hid behind the powerful curtain of my favorite sensation, the sensation of this amplifying mental juice I was getting used to. Without the drug, I felt like less of a person, less like myself, less functional in every possible sense of the meaning. Of course, all of that sensation and energy means nothing at all if headaches can still get through. In fact, if I have more mental energy and alertness to work with when a headache does start, it's often twice as agonizing as before.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAKf5RUm2J
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So then, what am I really getting from all of this? I took the pills yesterday and still had a level nine... If they aren't working anymore, what am I gaining from them? What am I paying to keep these effects? In all, one core of the issue I found was that the amazing sensations I was getting used to would never be worth anything when the headaches poured in. Yesterday, I was only able to enjoy such an effect for one single hour before all hell came in. With such a low success rate these days, I'm going to end up taking these pills and getting no effect from them at all, similar enough to swallowing a few rocks.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS8V0jUFWn
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The revelation was small by comparison to everything else though. After all I was dealing with, I brought Lumina into the subject with me so that she could find some unique solution. Instead, all we did was fight. I said some horrible things to her back there, but why did I say it? My addiction can't be so powerful that I'd actually chose the medication over Lumina... Time to wake up, cause that's exactly what this was about.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AzYsYYDwF
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The panic surged through me when I realized the future consequences of my own choices. Maybe Lumina wasn't serious about leaving me forever over a bottle of pills, but if there is even the slightest chance that she would, if there is even a chance that she would love me less just because I wanted to keep taking Excedrin, then I have to listen to her! There is no choice at all. I could never tell Lumina to get lost over something else, not in a million years!162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXf3hWFua7
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In all the minutes that passed, I refused to consider that Lumina was right, even when statistics showed that she was almost always right about everything. It's because I didn't want to hear her answer. I didn't want her to be correct, to hear that my only current recourse would be to dump the broken medicine and endure the pain that will come afterwards. It fairly translates to telling me that I'm screwed no matter what. I wish she would have offered me a better solution, but maybe there was no solution.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgRtYcgEsS
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Even though it felt like I made up my mind in several minutes, the entire class was just about over; more than half an hour went by. I cared not about the risk of running late to class though. Instead, I stood aside and concentrated again on reconnecting to Lumina. With the coldness outside and my current level of energy, it wasn't hard.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqehBzbVhxJ
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"And now you're calling me back... I take this to mean you're going to dispose of that pharmaceutical trash?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVXqVeEVgv
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"You don't have to phrase it that way, but I've decided that today will be my last day on Excedrin."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYJf9f4w2c
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"You mean it?" Lumina suddenly sounded excited and hopeful, as if I were asking her to visit an amusement park.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnnIGZIBss
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"I know it's not going to be easy since I am addicted to this stuff after all, and I'm only doing this because I've built a full tolerance to it. But don't ever tell me to choose between you and pills again."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2KM7edYVc
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"Hey, I had to snap you out of it somehow."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMkZGRUrQv
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"Why Lumina? Why go this far over pain killers?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRR173G9KA
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"You really thought it was for no reason? Have you forgotten all that I've seen and observed in your world? I may not have the entire picture, but I've seen people suffer in addictions before. Granted, it's always been with the heavy and illegal stuff, but I can't bear the thought of seeing you go through anything similar."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7Fk29k4LB
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So then, this is more about the fact that she can't stand to see me suffer... "You realize I'm still in trouble, right? All this really means is, Excedrin, the only drug that was working on me no longer does. And that means, when the next headache comes on, I have nothing to treat it with, which means the pain levels will be much higher, probably more frequent, and definitely more tortuous than anything you've imagined."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGlsphKlsa
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"I believe there is a solution, just not through medicine. The thing is, I don't yet know what that something is."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfZaYWqJQe
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"Well, don't expect things to go well for a while, because they won't."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUcCj4mAiM
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"Are you going to be okay detoxing on your own?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Mw5z2mCxF
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Like I even have a choice. Lumina knows by now that any pain level above the threshold of five makes her presence with me impossible. It's not like my family would be of any help either. All they would do if they found out how much Excedrin I've been taking is scolding me non-stop, as if they actually care about how much I've suffered already. "You know I will. All I have to do is dunk it into the trash bin and get it out of my own reach."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwBneKa1ee
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"Okay, that's good."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmQgE0bOiH
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"Sure..."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94AbcNytgY
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Though I wasn't one to enjoy them, another awkward silence came between us, one full of sorrow and regret. "Reed?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAjMZIqHQQ
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"What?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnX0zQ8kvCu
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"... You weren't serious about killing yourself, were you?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvK9IlxGWGg
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That's what she's worried about? She needs a better sarcasm detector. "Not really..." Although, it's not like I said it for nothing either. Not long after I was married to Lumina, she and I had the discussion about our plans for transperation. When I die in this world, within a ten day period, my soul will be transperated into a new, undamaged, modified Altiri body, which will reside in Lumina's world, so that I can be reborn with her family directly. In other words, I get another shot of life. So the thought has already come up once. If I were to cut my Earth life short, I could be with Lumina a lot faster, instantly on my own choice.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbnxGVDBCd
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CV3lzgdBq
But I've been convinced to make the most of the life I have here, since unlike in their world, there are no redo's or resurrections. Even if my future on Earth sucks, it's better than no life at all, so I keep telling myself. With that promise I made to Lumina however, I added a few constraints to the deal. In general, if something ever happens where I can no longer contact Lumina for a long enough period of time, then keeping myself alive will be out of the question. If I'm going to have a future here, it has to involve Lumina, at least by telepathy. The headaches are a big part of this deal breaker too. If my life becomes so unbearable by these blasted moments of pain that I can't contact Lumina simply due to the overwhelming frequency of the headaches, then there would also be no reason to keep myself alive. Lumina knows this already. I talked to her about it before, about the principles of life and death. Even if everything in my entire life goes exactly the way I want it to, like a dream, no human lives for very long. One day, it will be my turn to pass through death's door. The sooner we can both accept that, the better. "So long as it's possible to keep hanging out with you, and so long as we can map out our own future together by me moving up North, I have no reason to jump off this world."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBbuqc4cxZ
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"I'm glad to hear that... But I'm still sorry."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASEOd1tN1K
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"About what?" She got what she wanted in the end, so I don't understand how she can sound so sad now.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFzS3HppGl
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"You were right about us Reed. I'm an Altiri, proud to be one... But I don't know what a headache feels like. I don't know what it feels like to sleep, to lose out on time as you worry about. I have no idea what your suffering is like, no matter how many times you describe it to me. So I have no right to pretend understanding how you feel."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1v9kdgzung
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKByFA0f5gJ
"Ah, knock that off already. Even if that is true, it wasn't right for me to tell you that."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPP54dHysB
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"But it's still the truth, is it not?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopfrXfSAwc
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I didn't answer her right away, because I had to spend some time simulating that which I already knew. Lumina might not live in the most beautiful world by comparison, but every single aspect about the Altiri anatomy is vastly superior to my anatomy. "Lumina? I'm absolutely jealous of you, every single day that goes by. I wish that I had the ability to duck out of sleeping and eating, gaining all that time back in reserve. I wish I had a better life span, at least a slightly longer one as a human. I wish I had no concept at all about what a headache is or how it feels. But I'm not an Altiri, so I don't have that kind of context either. And as much as I can't help it, being jealous of those benefits won't do me any good right now. So just drop it."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhDcGi4eWa
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"But—"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclBPeFeZXI
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"I said drop it." There's no reason for her to feel bad about me in this situation. It's true how I feel, that so many things could make my situation a lot better, factors that are not in my control, but instead in God's control for reasons I'll never understand. "There's a lot of things that could make this easier for me, but wishing for more miracles just isn't going to get me anywhere. Besides, it's not like all of this is somehow your fault. You weren't the one who put me on Earth instead of Karnak. You weren't the one who put me inside of this imperfect, defective body. You weren't the one responsible for all of the suffering I've been through. Even I'm free of blame in that regard. The situation simply sucks; that's all. There's nothing either of us can do about it."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDaGBohOiY
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"That doesn't mean I don't want to help you though. I still worry about you, even when there's nothing I can do. I feel that way, because I love you."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoA6Wbbfyb
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"I know you do... You want to watch a movie after school? I think I could use a friend right now."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcHoW4UXys
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"You know I would never say no to that."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPByyXVf9L2
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I nodded slightly, calm in my resounding wisdom that I would have to accept the rising difficulty of my remaining life, even where I could not understand it.162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhewJE0aTm
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"Say Reed?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWrBV8D8ei
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"Yes?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9jRihgT4U
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"... About what you said, why do you think you were born on Earth instead of here with me?"162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmINuvMTMU
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"I'm sure there must be some reason. I always say, everything happens for a reason." Is that really true though? I may never fully understand why things happen in our universe, but when I think about all the suffering people endure around me, in places I don't see, I have to wonder what reason there could ever be for that. "Of course, I don't know what that reason would be."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWH3F1vnvm
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"I just don't get why you had to develop a headache condition this bad. It's not a common thing to have to put up with, yet you were picked on for it anyway, like some cruel joke."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshcn5EiaGm
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Did God put us all here just to play cruel pranks on us? I can't be sure. I'm instead reminded about all the horrible shadows of this world. Lumina's world doesn't have it bad enough to consider the thought, but I'm not naive enough to believe I'm the only one with problems. After all I've heard about divine miracles and the healing power of Jesus, why do so many innocent people still suffer? What beneficial reason could there possibly be for a family of four to die in a horrible car crash, or for children to be abused until killed? I may not know of any such circumstances personally, but I know they exist and happen in random parts of this world frequently. Lumina has seen some share of that using her own eyes, proof to the testimony, from her and the victims of circumstance we don't know about. What reason or purpose does their suffering have? It's not something stupid like, testing their faith through hardship. Some of these people don't make it out alive, and the way their lives end puts into question what purpose they served on this planet, other than being loved by family or friends at some point in time. "When I someday make it into heaven, and I'm sitting there one on one with God, I'll be sure to ask him."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoKm4Fj7Il
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"I just hope you can find a solution to your headache problem, one that doesn't involve you getting addicted to more medication."162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFL3nMDpyY
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"I guess only time will tell."
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