Chapter Theme Music: Eclipse ~ FFXIII-2 OST171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXvOqpHAkm
<02/23/2012 - 10:22 | Saffrin Middle School (Gym), Austell, GA, USA>
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Despite the burden I've been through thanks to my never-ending headache condition, I've recently been able to thwart these tension headaches and feel absolutely amazing all at the same time, all for the past several months. I never discovered the causes and triggers for these headaches, but thanks to modern medicine, I never really needed to worry about that anymore. All is thanks to this; these powerful white pills known on the open market as Excedrin Migraine.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xijnzhP5h
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The medicine is simply an OTC painkiller, but it has a few extra effects I get from taking the pills, mainly boosted by the caffeine that lies inside. At first, I only cared about their effectiveness in killing my headaches off each time I had to take them.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuFR04hx5s
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But lately, I've been enjoying much more to their side effects than any other medication I've been forced to take before. Excedrin is different than all the other painkillers. Not only does it work for me, the mixture gives me a kind of focus and energy like nothing else before. Mental clarity, twice my normal speed of thoughts, a jittery sensation that I now crave, and less time spent asleep or in the grips of exhaustion are all the benefits I've reaped from this discovery.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVNEBZo7bJ
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Because of the changes I've been going through with this, I've become much more of a night person than I used to be. I've had such a longing affinity towards the night that the mere concept of it has become a bit of a montrum on its own. Of course, the amazing sensation and unparalleled confidence boost I get from thus stuff is its own gift to me.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz0s58Jnql
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There's just one small problem; the tolerance! It's been working for months, but I've also been taking this medicine more often than before, practically every other day now. Because of the principle of medical tolerance to medication, Excedrin has become much less effective on me lately. For now, I was fine, but I knew I was running out of days to keep this drug inside me. I figured my best course of action was to ask the most intelligent person I know to come up with a solution for me, but that didn't go exactly as I imagined it would either.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNUkiqaZop
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"You wanted the solution, and I gave it to you," Lumina rephrased to my dismay.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjx1of7F5hi
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"Come on! There must be a better way than that."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QEUSMrMNz
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"If the painkillers aren't actually doing their one job, then it's time to trash the bottle and move on."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGyILhTW6w
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"I agree with you, but I still want all the other amazing effects I get from it as well. I can't just trash the medicine like that."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfqh5RYaeW
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"Sounds to me like you have a serious addiction."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUVM9SpPuS
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"Ugh..." I knew I couldn't win any kind of debate against Lumina. I wasn't going to pretend like she was wrong either. Of course I'm addicted to the Excedrin, even I know that much. But so what? Is the addiction to something so amazing really a bad thing? "Look, even if I dump the stuff, I'm going to need something else to replace it. The whole reason I started with that medicine was because it turned out to be the only recent thing that worked."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXlDOclOiv
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"Be honest with me Reed. Are you taking the medicine now because you are having headaches, or because you don't want to be without the sensations and the rush those pills give you?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDAZLOr9VD
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I couldn't speak to her sharp question. The only thing I could think of right now was exactly how wonderful Excedrin made me feel. Maybe it was more of the caffeine than anything else, but my mind just felt amazing and complete with every single dosage, like some kind of fog had lifted. I felt happier too, in a confident kind of way; I wasn't willing to just give that up. "Either or."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUBJKdXCrk
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"Then it's official. You have an addiction, and the medication doesn't even work as well as it used to, for headaches that is. The answer is simple. It's time to detox and move on."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECAr5ljiIy
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"I can't just junk it away without a replacement though."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvicuokeFoO
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"I don't care. You're going to take all of that medicine and dump it by the end of tonight!" I backed away somewhat, even though I wasn't physically standing in front of anybody.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVMbek3vSi
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I've never seen Lumina so determined and focused on getting rid of my personal choice of medicine, and she was obviously not happy to my resistance. What's her deal anyway? "Hold on just a second Lumina. I get that the situation isn't perfect, but my medication is my choice. I'll dump it when I'm ready to."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9JtkgMa96
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"You'll dump it tonight, or else."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfO3sN60Dw
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"Why does it matter so much to you all the sudden?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsQHc7OioP
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"Nothing about this was sudden Reed. I've been wary of your pill popping ever since it started." I had to give props to Lumina, at the idea that she really paid this much attention to what I've been through on medication. Not long after Wahsega, my tolerance to Aspirin had reached 98%, so I jumped to other medications, on and off. I never once worried about the possibility of drug addictions, since I'd rather have something that works and addict me, than nothing at all and suffer the insane levels of pain I would randomly wander into. "I know you don't want to have headaches anymore, I get that."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPAfR7lsGN
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"Then just let me handle this on my own. I'll be fine."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpZInu1vCc
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Lumina argued back however, her telepathic voice growing more stern and louder. "I don't want you addicted to a substance that's doing you more harm than good!"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgx11zKS5hp
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"It's not doing me any harm!"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLpvI6rIKs
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"Oh yeah? Compared to when you first started taking it, what's been the success rate of treating headaches for the past two weeks?" Lumina's question wasn't based on any known facts, merely her personal guess.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgv4Z5GTedu
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On the other hand, I knew the truth too. I always mentally track how many headaches I have in the background of each month, and how well my medicine handles it. I don't have a problem remembering such details, since I have more than enough to load my mind without the need for charts and paper. "Only two out of eight." I couldn't hide the shame in my response as I repeated the metrics to us both.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8xwPUd8R9
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"All of this addiction, and for what? A twenty-five percent success rate that continues to fall each time you take more? You have to believe me Reed. You're better off without that medication."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJ14GuJ3yU
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Despite her words, despite everything I knew deep down, other sensations took over in priority to it all. It was only yesterday that I had another medium level headache. I know what they feel like; I know how much torture they can be. If I had to choose between any form of torture and headaches, I'd pick anything else at all, because nothing can possibly be worse than this condition. So I couldn't agree with her right now. The very fear of having another one without medication to treat it, without this feeling of stimulation and alertness I have now - had my arms shaking, my legs too stiff to move. "I'm sorry Lumina, but I'm going to have to disagree with you. I'll figure some other way out of making these pills last longer, so that—"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OmHMZWua8
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"I'm amazed you don't seem to understand what 'no' means. You need to detox, end of discussion. The only reason you're trying to keep on this stuff is your own personal addiction."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5C359Cq1g9
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"That's not all true, Lumina. You know as well as I do that I'm still taking it more importantly to prevent headaches."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRWYpUXqif
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"Prevent headaches? I thought they were supposed to treat existing ones." Lumina was sarcastic only for a moment, and I could feel something within her unraveling all at once. "Don't you get it yet? They're not doing the job anymore, so addiction or not, it's time to cut this stuff loose."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaWVzRD0Bq
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"If there's even a slim chance they work, I'm keeping with it Lumina. Whether I cut this stuff out of my life or not is my choice to make."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmjhSK11DL
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"Oh, it's all your choice now, is that right?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJbe8Vf1CD
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"Yes! That's exactly right!" I couldn't help but get loud in return, and it was hard to hide my facial expressions while walking around the gym, so I tried to slow down and lean against the corner while dealing with this. "See, in this world, people have something called personal freedom of choice. I get to do whatever the hell I want."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4MXjj3E5z
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"I'm telling you this for your own good. I wouldn't ask you to do anything if I thought it would be harmful to you in any way."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ56koDTNc
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"You say that now, yet you want me to drop the only thing keeping me together."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uhQwW8knv
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"You don't need that medicine to live."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjmm4gCRuf
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"I do when it's the only defense I have against level ten headaches making me scream in agony."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqk7trgpeX
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"It's not the only defense; you and I know that both."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsR0RTbBruu
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"Oh, and do you have to deal with these headaches Lumina? Do you understand how it feels to be me on a weekly basis?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOcEqvIU8U
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"Don't even go there Reed! You know that's not a fair argument to make."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoAWFfNMDq
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"How so? Hm?" Ticked off as I was, I knew I was still right in my own way, so I had to put her on the spot. "You're an Altiri! You don't get to experience the sensations of pain I have to put up with. On top of that, headaches don't even partially transfer over through telepathy, and they ruin any connection I can have with you in the process. So you don't know how I feel. You don't have any idea just how bad these things get or what they do to me." I shuttered even as I mentioned this, the reminder of my last level ten headache giving me near panic levels of anxiety. The PTSD from just one of them was enough reason for me to do everything I could to stop feeling pain altogether.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzA21kjmJPi
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"Oh, I'm so sorry that I never got to pick and choose whether you were human or not. You want me to light some candles for you and chant my wish over the stars? No, how about you just take worse medications instead? What will be next huh? Crack cocaine? Heroine? How about a little Methadone to ease the pain while we're at it?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgN227BiNoi
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"Huh. Maybe I was right the first time. Maybe I should just go kill myself and get it over with. You're the one always saying how wonderful it will be when I'm in an Altiri body post-transperation. Not sure why you wanted me to stay on Earth with all the wonders it has to offer."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAuB8RePGU
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"Screw you! You ask for my advice and now you want to mock me, act like this is somehow my fault?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUYUg12dE7
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"It doesn't matter," I restated. "At the end of the day, I decide what I do with this medicine. If I want to keep taking it, despite an addiction problem, that's my choice to make."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2gpEbdS9C
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"And I suppose if I have to choose between enabling such behavior or waiting for you to come to your senses, I'll have to wake you up the hard way."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CKyKfd8Ip
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"The hell is that supposed to mean?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRbSp9iVpr
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"It's simple actually. Since you want to make the choice so badly, I'll give you the choice. It's either me, or the medicine. You won't get to have both."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWWe5A7EJC
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"You can't be serious."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFkDcyGMdv
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"I'm dead serious. I don't date addicts. You knew already how much I was against the idea of you getting yourself involved in all of that addictive and dangerous crap."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6ScGFPXAc
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"It's over the counter, Lumina."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7uzv3EIbZ
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"If a poison pill were over the counter, would you take that too?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGyUsLjqQV
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"Give me a break!"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGkoaivTLr
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"I will. The choice is yours now; me, or the Excedrin. Don't call me back unless you understand what the right thing to do is."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpG7AJSpbR
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"W— what do you mean?" I didn't want to take any guesses on how Lumina was going to enforce such a stupid ultimatum, but she did.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5FECxLrvt
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Instead of responding to me, Lumina shut down our connection all on her own, something she never does. I felt the subtle changes in our shared energy no longer transmitting, the buzzing sensation going away entirely. I was too stunned for words, stunned that she would go as far as to cut off the connection just over this stupid subject. "Yeah, just leave! Like that will solve anything!"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7PspWwhgj
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At this point, I would only be talking to myself, but I don't think I've ever been this mad at her until now. What business is it of hers whether or not I take specific medications? It's all the same; everyone knows what's best for Reed!171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2goeKBzZdq
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Of course, I just stood there with my arms crossed through most of the remaining gym period, unwilling to concede to her immature argument... Was that even an argument? No. This is different. This is a full on fight, our first real fight between each other. And of all things, it has to be over some stupid medicine?171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMqwmlnSiV
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I wanted more than ever to show Lumina how wrong she was, but the more time I spent by myself, the more time I had to reflect on everything we said. The only thing I couldn't understand was why she cared so much about this one thing. Whenever Lumina thinks I should do something, she never forced me to make the decision. So why this one subject?171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7VF9Y7Bm8
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I don't believe her when she said she doesn't date addicts. It's just too small a thing to leave somebody over. For whatever reason I couldn't see, Lumina refuses to be with me so long as I keep taking this stuff. I only realized the magnitude of her ultimatum long after it was spoken, and the gesture forced me to revisit all my thoughts again and again.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp3X7OTJiG
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Maybe the addiction itself is the only thing Lumina hates so much. But why? What's the worst that could possibly happen by developing one? So long as there is a reason to keep taking the stuff... I cut my chain of thoughts off at the reminder. The facts were already known, but they hid behind the powerful curtain of my favorite sensation, the sensation of this amplifying mental juice I was getting used to. Without the drug, I felt like less of a person, less like myself, less functional in every possible sense of the meaning. Of course, all of that sensation and energy means nothing at all if headaches can still get through. In fact, if I have more mental energy and alertness to work with when a headache does start, it's often twice as agonizing as before.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFDvqTAI6t
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So then, what am I really getting from all of this? I took the pills yesterday and still had a level nine... If they aren't working anymore, what am I gaining from them? What am I paying to keep these effects? In all, one core of the issue I found was that the amazing sensations I was getting used to would never be worth anything when the headaches poured in. Yesterday, I was only able to enjoy such an effect for one single hour before all hell came in. With such a low success rate these days, I'm going to end up taking these pills and getting no effect from them at all, similar enough to swallowing a few rocks.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQypRkHczD
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The revelation was small by comparison to everything else though. After all I was dealing with, I brought Lumina into the subject with me so that she could find some unique solution. Instead, all we did was fight. I said some horrible things to her back there, but why did I say it? My addiction can't be so powerful that I'd actually chose the medication over Lumina... Time to wake up, cause that's exactly what this was about.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttlgvD35kz
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The panic surged through me when I realized the future consequences of my own choices. Maybe Lumina wasn't serious about leaving me forever over a bottle of pills, but if there is even the slightest chance that she would, if there is even a chance that she would love me less just because I wanted to keep taking Excedrin, then I have to listen to her! There is no choice at all. I could never tell Lumina to get lost over something else, not in a million years!171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkz4Jb3hkM
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In all the minutes that passed, I refused to consider that Lumina was right, even when statistics showed that she was almost always right about everything. It's because I didn't want to hear her answer. I didn't want her to be correct, to hear that my only current recourse would be to dump the broken medicine and endure the pain that will come afterwards. It fairly translates to telling me that I'm screwed no matter what. I wish she would have offered me a better solution, but maybe there was no solution.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3s4dtCaNh
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Even though it felt like I made up my mind in several minutes, the entire class was just about over; more than half an hour went by. I cared not about the risk of running late to class though. Instead, I stood aside and concentrated again on reconnecting to Lumina. With the coldness outside and my current level of energy, it wasn't hard.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UJcbwe8QE
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"And now you're calling me back... I take this to mean you're going to dispose of that pharmaceutical trash?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzW85CdYtMi
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"You don't have to phrase it that way, but I've decided that today will be my last day on Excedrin."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUxxcheeVj
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"You mean it?" Lumina suddenly sounded excited and hopeful, as if I were asking her to visit an amusement park.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTTLP4mst8
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"I know it's not going to be easy since I am addicted to this stuff after all, and I'm only doing this because I've built a full tolerance to it. But don't ever tell me to choose between you and pills again."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkdj19XYL4
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"Hey, I had to snap you out of it somehow."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttKamAevfp
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"Why Lumina? Why go this far over pain killers?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVim1y8B6C5
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"You really thought it was for no reason? Have you forgotten all that I've seen and observed in your world? I may not have the entire picture, but I've seen people suffer in addictions before. Granted, it's always been with the heavy and illegal stuff, but I can't bear the thought of seeing you go through anything similar."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHb3SQh4HSx
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So then, this is more about the fact that she can't stand to see me suffer... "You realize I'm still in trouble, right? All this really means is, Excedrin, the only drug that was working on me no longer does. And that means, when the next headache comes on, I have nothing to treat it with, which means the pain levels will be much higher, probably more frequent, and definitely more tortuous than anything you've imagined."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zjnJQOBNb
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"I believe there is a solution, just not through medicine. The thing is, I don't yet know what that something is."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTRLKOGYVn
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"Well, don't expect things to go well for a while, because they won't."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxTzvQAi0C
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"Are you going to be okay detoxing on your own?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCLZoDIXmq
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Like I even have a choice. Lumina knows by now that any pain level above the threshold of five makes her presence with me impossible. It's not like my family would be of any help either. All they would do if they found out how much Excedrin I've been taking is scolding me non-stop, as if they actually care about how much I've suffered already. "You know I will. All I have to do is dunk it into the trash bin and get it out of my own reach."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4DcepD6nP
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"Okay, that's good."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhvnA6koTi
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"Sure..."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsK5ZzLiujw
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Though I wasn't one to enjoy them, another awkward silence came between us, one full of sorrow and regret. "Reed?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJtrT1PV8v
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"What?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahTifkiHVh
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"... You weren't serious about killing yourself, were you?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXIiGfjQSk
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That's what she's worried about? She needs a better sarcasm detector. "Not really..." Although, it's not like I said it for nothing either. Not long after I was married to Lumina, she and I had the discussion about our plans for transperation. When I die in this world, within a ten day period, my soul will be transperated into a new, undamaged, modified Altiri body, which will reside in Lumina's world, so that I can be reborn with her family directly. In other words, I get another shot of life. So the thought has already come up once. If I were to cut my Earth life short, I could be with Lumina a lot faster, instantly on my own choice.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7nR3X2uHg
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But I've been convinced to make the most of the life I have here, since unlike in their world, there are no redo's or resurrections. Even if my future on Earth sucks, it's better than no life at all, so I keep telling myself. With that promise I made to Lumina however, I added a few constraints to the deal. In general, if something ever happens where I can no longer contact Lumina for a long enough period of time, then keeping myself alive will be out of the question. If I'm going to have a future here, it has to involve Lumina, at least by telepathy. The headaches are a big part of this deal breaker too. If my life becomes so unbearable by these blasted moments of pain that I can't contact Lumina simply due to the overwhelming frequency of the headaches, then there would also be no reason to keep myself alive. Lumina knows this already. I talked to her about it before, about the principles of life and death. Even if everything in my entire life goes exactly the way I want it to, like a dream, no human lives for very long. One day, it will be my turn to pass through death's door. The sooner we can both accept that, the better. "So long as it's possible to keep hanging out with you, and so long as we can map out our own future together by me moving up North, I have no reason to jump off this world."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTTZJqA7JL
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"I'm glad to hear that... But I'm still sorry."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TcUltimG3
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"About what?" She got what she wanted in the end, so I don't understand how she can sound so sad now.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgzmWFEYr0
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"You were right about us Reed. I'm an Altiri, proud to be one... But I don't know what a headache feels like. I don't know what it feels like to sleep, to lose out on time as you worry about. I have no idea what your suffering is like, no matter how many times you describe it to me. So I have no right to pretend understanding how you feel."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5BvOBD8Hx
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"Ah, knock that off already. Even if that is true, it wasn't right for me to tell you that."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2EFFZJxPA
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"But it's still the truth, is it not?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPmfWkhJfO
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I didn't answer her right away, because I had to spend some time simulating that which I already knew. Lumina might not live in the most beautiful world by comparison, but every single aspect about the Altiri anatomy is vastly superior to my anatomy. "Lumina? I'm absolutely jealous of you, every single day that goes by. I wish that I had the ability to duck out of sleeping and eating, gaining all that time back in reserve. I wish I had a better life span, at least a slightly longer one as a human. I wish I had no concept at all about what a headache is or how it feels. But I'm not an Altiri, so I don't have that kind of context either. And as much as I can't help it, being jealous of those benefits won't do me any good right now. So just drop it."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuSYRBErkB
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"But—"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25SQV109cD
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"I said drop it." There's no reason for her to feel bad about me in this situation. It's true how I feel, that so many things could make my situation a lot better, factors that are not in my control, but instead in God's control for reasons I'll never understand. "There's a lot of things that could make this easier for me, but wishing for more miracles just isn't going to get me anywhere. Besides, it's not like all of this is somehow your fault. You weren't the one who put me on Earth instead of Karnak. You weren't the one who put me inside of this imperfect, defective body. You weren't the one responsible for all of the suffering I've been through. Even I'm free of blame in that regard. The situation simply sucks; that's all. There's nothing either of us can do about it."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6lYnrtLKr
171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZC3dv0TTGi
"That doesn't mean I don't want to help you though. I still worry about you, even when there's nothing I can do. I feel that way, because I love you."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4N9iwB8iJu
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"I know you do... You want to watch a movie after school? I think I could use a friend right now."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY50gb2qrp
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"You know I would never say no to that."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFEVbXWGXL
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I nodded slightly, calm in my resounding wisdom that I would have to accept the rising difficulty of my remaining life, even where I could not understand it.171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOrEgE5tci
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"Say Reed?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJAgXmVnJe
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"Yes?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK5qodr18A
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"... About what you said, why do you think you were born on Earth instead of here with me?"171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd50k5moR9d
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"I'm sure there must be some reason. I always say, everything happens for a reason." Is that really true though? I may never fully understand why things happen in our universe, but when I think about all the suffering people endure around me, in places I don't see, I have to wonder what reason there could ever be for that. "Of course, I don't know what that reason would be."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZbfwH9SUT
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"I just don't get why you had to develop a headache condition this bad. It's not a common thing to have to put up with, yet you were picked on for it anyway, like some cruel joke."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWFMgJcHCT
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Did God put us all here just to play cruel pranks on us? I can't be sure. I'm instead reminded about all the horrible shadows of this world. Lumina's world doesn't have it bad enough to consider the thought, but I'm not naive enough to believe I'm the only one with problems. After all I've heard about divine miracles and the healing power of Jesus, why do so many innocent people still suffer? What beneficial reason could there possibly be for a family of four to die in a horrible car crash, or for children to be abused until killed? I may not know of any such circumstances personally, but I know they exist and happen in random parts of this world frequently. Lumina has seen some share of that using her own eyes, proof to the testimony, from her and the victims of circumstance we don't know about. What reason or purpose does their suffering have? It's not something stupid like, testing their faith through hardship. Some of these people don't make it out alive, and the way their lives end puts into question what purpose they served on this planet, other than being loved by family or friends at some point in time. "When I someday make it into heaven, and I'm sitting there one on one with God, I'll be sure to ask him."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIj4RUrZPE
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"I just hope you can find a solution to your headache problem, one that doesn't involve you getting addicted to more medication."171Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBMR9iBpNK
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"I guess only time will tell."
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