Chapter Theme Music: Don't Want to Sleep ~ Easily Embarrassed148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrzZGerbVc
<04/24/2013 - 11:30 | Cage High School (Library), Austell, GA, USA>
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"I don't care anymore about the stupid practice routine Lumina! You can't just expect me to spoil the future of everybody every single day."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnQQ27GpKP
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"Nobody is expecting you to. All I'm saying is—"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2yPAiRxr3
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"Dear God, Lumina. I know what you're saying. I just want a break; that's all I want right now." I knew Lumina wasn't excited to hear me say this, but it had to be declared, for the sake of my own sanity.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOLZi3TmVt
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"... What happened?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92xpwHIzQl
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What does she mean, 'what happened'? "What always happens Lumina. Every day it's the same damn thing. I go to use clairvoyance, and I spoil any possible fun or surprise I might have had in the day prior to using it." It was still clear that I was mainly talking about the clairvoyance practices. However, enough has happened on repeat to the point where I've become fed up with this ability altogether. I don't live an interesting or important life, which makes the visions I do see of myself pretty boring. Still, it's full insight of my own future before I get to live it, every, single, time. I have nothing to keep me on my toes and nothing to be excited about, because every single morning, I ruin every tiny possibility of the unknown with my powers. I'll always know what I'm having for dinner. I'll always know in advance if the night will be cold enough for Lumina and I to keep hanging out. I'll always know how much homework I have to work on in the night. I know everything about my day, forward in time, all the time, and I'm sick of it!148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyD8Kvo63Y
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"If this is how you felt, why didn't you say anything earlier?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nHD9qDjM6
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"I did, but you just told me that I have to keep practicing, or to find other targets so that I don't spoil my own life."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDxkRJQdHR
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"Okay, so what about these other targets?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8nO4ciqwf
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"... I don't want to talk about it." I can't be sure if Lumina will accept such a secret I'm keeping, but after what I saw days ago, I don't think it's safe or right to use clairvoyance on other people without them knowing about it in advance. The invasion of their privacy is way too deep and unpredictable.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsejWLjacx
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"Well I'm not giving you that choice. It makes no sense to me why you would suddenly refrain from practicing your abilities on other people."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEsC5lJqJk
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"Because it's an invasion of their privacy! For the fifth time Lumina!"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBysnuKLOag
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"It never bothered you this much before."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaMo9X8t6V
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"Well it should have." I sat in my seat quietly in the library, but my arms crossed over each other in my obvious pout. I've always been bothered by the possibility that other Altiri are watching me with clairvoyance, even if it's just the royal Scryers. How would everyone else feel if they knew I could see random private aspects of their day?148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOx32OsBR5s
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I don't even have to ask the question. I've already partially demonstrated this much earlier, and nearly made a fool of myself in the process. After every successful invocation of clairvoyance, I find it important to test the validity of each future that I see. Though rare, sometimes I see only what my imagination wants me to see, and I get the two confused. So, I try to follow up on my targets, asking them specific questions about something they might be personally involved in somehow. In some instances, I follow up on family affairs, knowing nothing about their home life, but rather sensing their emotions through the occasional clairsentience that slips in. Other times, I asked about their stay in a specific part of the school at a very specific time while making it clear I should not have known by any means.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpF0gLWwsf
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The results? I've been called a creep, become the center of disturbing rumors around other freshmen, and even scared off some of my old acquaintances I knew, like Kate and Laura. I'm slowly becoming that kid that just knows things, just not for the most appropriate reasons. In secret, I've wanted any friends or some acquaintances to know that I have psionic powers, since it will at least make it more plausible to explain all about the Altiri and their involvement in my life. Proving my powers to other people, even with what I can do is very difficult to set up. Plus, I've simulated such a scenario a dozen times, and in each one, it's highly likely that anyone I reveal this to will freak out, just over the clairvoyance alone.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10QpxoTOym
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There's a good reason for that. Clairvoyance... Hell, even clairsentience can be a huge invasion of one's privacy, even while they are out in public doing whatever. It's the equivalent of me standing somewhere hidden, watching people with such precision and focus. Some of the girls were right about one thing; it comes off as creepy and weird, not in a good way either. I have to be objective when imagining how others would feel about my powers; they would likely freak out only because of how intrusive this ability stream is.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZb4eoa0Gw
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"Just tell me what happened."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBappySWOQ
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"No." Lumina doesn't need to know about that.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJ6s0K63aj
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"Why not?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAawhPg7aKY
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"Because it's stupid and embarrassing, but also my fault."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf03L5Pkpd
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"Reed? You understand how long we've known each other, right? You do realize that absolutely nothing you tell me will ever make me think less of you? Just share with me what's going on, so that I can help you."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdQSvf2Eb3
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She really doesn't give up... Still, her words were more moving than I realized, and I never did like the idea of keeping secrets from Lumina, even the small ones. "Fine. You want to know why I'll only target myself lately? I'll tell you. The other day, I was using clairvoyance like normal, focusing specifically on Ashly."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVPmAZ6LHw
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"Ashly?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRw9LovdYaW
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"You know, the weird girl. I still know her well enough to the point where this makes things easy and simple. I rewound the reference time while tracking her. I could sense that something still in the future of that moment excited her on some level, so I homed in on that." I could feel Lumina's amazement, attributed only to the fact that I've gotten better at merging clairvoyance and clairsentience together. "Anyway, before I knew it, all I could see were a bunch of other students, specifically to the location of the women's locker room."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRuBXFn0YY
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"Oh no!"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfVYCg1TyX
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Yeah, she obviously understands now why I'm not doing this anymore. "Get it now? My clairvoyance inadvertently let my eyes into a place where they should not have gone... I'm doing my best to forget what glimpses I saw."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUhfVc3vhi
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"But... You see naked women all the time. I don't understand what's so terrible about this."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UjVHHHfX4
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Really Lumina? After all this time, she still doesn't get it! "Women on the internet don't count! This is different Lumina; it involves many people who I know personally, or people who I will at least run into from time to time. I broke the invocation as quickly as I could, so I don't visually remember much. I'm just not happy that it happened at all."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFUHlydI2c
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"Because, if it's not internet porn, it's bad?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoHfbqRin9
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"Because it's a private space for them! Jeese Lumina! How would you feel if you were naked in a room and a bunch of strangers were looking at you?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU62nDkvTM
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"I really can't say. I don't think I understand this embarrassment of nudity, even after you've explained it."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0KXNxL5tS
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"Well, it's important, okay? It's not something I should have seen. Not because it isn't porn, not because I used clairvoyance, but because I never had permission from any of them to see anything in the first place. If I were to let onto a single one of those students that I accidently saw their underclothes while they were changing in the locker room, regardless of how or why, not only would the entire school team up to kick my ass, but I'm sure I'd be put in prison too. At the absolute least, I'll be hated by almost everyone here."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk5ZueGRz7
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"So then it's a permission thing?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW1nyp8EpS
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"I can't deal with this right now Lumina."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ055jHLFtAw
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"I'm sorry! I'm sorry." Lumina tried to understand why I was feeling the way I was now, but it was difficult even for her. Nevertheless, I knew she was trying. "Okay, so you don't want to invoke clairvoyance on other targets, because you might inadvertently see something that you shouldn't, whether the breach in privacy pertains to changing or something else personal?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBca8m9vv6
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"Correct." Thank God she gets it. I can still tell Lumina doesn't understand the reason of such consequences, only that there are consequences, but it's a step in the right direction. "It's safer to use on myself. The problem is, I don't want my every day of the future to be spoiled simply because of the practice required by clairvoyance. I can't explain why, but it annoys me to no end."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLK24UQKlB9
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"So what will you do?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94OwP6NdmJ
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"Stop using clairvoyance, of course. At the least, I want to take a break from it."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6Y1QKOSWH
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"But, but you can't!" Lumina suddenly became frantic, for reasons I didn't understand.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88ssEh8ke9
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"Yeah? Watch me then. I won't bother using it for days, weeks, maybe months... It isn't right Lumina. It isn't right to spy on other people like this."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j4tycEtO9
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"It's not about that Reed. You've mastered clairvoyance and clairsentience enough for it to be permanently activated as root signatures to your Cora. If you fall out of practice of these abilities long enough, you could lose the ability to invoke them ever again. If that happens, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to invoke clairvoyance again, if you don't practice it enough. The time for atrophy in telepathy is thankfully as long as nine consecutive months, but for clairvoyance and the others, it's estimated to be much shorter."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13NTpXmIxg
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"I don't care, Lumina."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXPgaNORUH
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"What?" She really didn't understand why I felt the way I did, so I had to fill her in before she got any ideas.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8Iz4wRx5o
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"I can't say whether I'll allow myself to lose the ability permanently, but I'm not going through this again. I'm calling for a break in the training. If that break happens to be long enough to screw up my abilities forever, so be it. It wouldn't be worth it to me if I was forced to always use it."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UAnhMfUj6
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"Think of all the potential you would be throwing away though."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRpZZFJHHU
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"Lumina? I don't understand you today. A while ago, you warned me not to become overly confident, not to become too arrogant with my powers... I think I ignored that warning recently, though you seem to have forgotten about it entirely."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcChotXuG6R
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"I just want you to know what is at stake."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmP40tOfGT
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"Trust me, I know." I know for sure. Lately, I've been having dangerous thoughts about how powerful and cool I am for having these new abilities, thoughts that it makes me stronger, or wiser, or simply better than everybody else. But just because I can use these amazing abilities to do what I do, doesn't actually mean that I should. I told myself not too long ago that I was protecting myself and the school with clairvoyance, since I would be able to see any major catastrophe in advance and avoid it, but I think that was only an excuse.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3bXuXVE4r
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What does this clairvoyance really give me? What does it do for everybody else? I haven't actually helped anybody with this ability, and I'm not friends with anybody enough for clairsentience to be useful anyway. All I've done since I got these powers was wrecking any and all surprise of my personal life, while invading the privacy of others, usually by accident. At the very least, the Altiri have a much better use for these powers than I ever will.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfFnDk3csj
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"The truth is, I'm not better than everybody else simply because I can do things other people can't. I'm not above other people simply because I know more about the world than they do. I'm special because of who I am as a person, yet still on equal terms with the rest of the world, less they sell their souls out to evil." If I were wise enough, I would have asked myself sooner, why am I using these abilities?148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jO70xWNWe
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"... Maybe I did let myself get carried away."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPhJSpDN4D
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"You think?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjTbn4NXyr
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"I just wish you had more motivation for clairvoyance, so that you wouldn't have to throw away its talent."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7oW2DlkY0
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"I thought so too at first Lumina. I thought, that if I learned clairvoyance, I could somehow use it at just the right moment to help somebody. But life doesn't work like that. The future is too unpredictable to catch everything, even for clairvoyance. Nothing too bad ever happens around here, not that I'm complaining; that's a good thing, to have peace in the world, but I really don't have much use for it anymore. I may continue practicing clairsentience, if I can affirm it doesn't break privacy of others... It doesn't seem to work on myself for some reason. In all honesty, the only ability which has ever motivated me to keep going is telepathy, and you already know why."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8tRcJOXWD
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"Yes, I do. I'm sorry I overreacted a minute ago. I just didn't want to see you throw away something we both worked so hard on."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWF1lddFGA
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"Technically, I haven't really decided to throw it away. I just need a break, remember? I'll think of some way where the abilities can be more useful to us both. But Lumina, even if I do lose those other powers, the time we spent together is what's important; that's not something that we will ever lose, nor can it ever be wasted. So don't worry about it so much anymore, okay?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIx4kTU15p7
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"Okay... You're right."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkBdVMb3Lf
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"Heh, that's usually my line."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SV3yHBQp6
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"Stop it." Showing some humility, Lumina agreed to let me have this one.148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGrVr1OzHO
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"You're usually the one who teaches me an important lesson you know."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6OTu16RMZ
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"Not every time. I forget that I can learn from you as well. Just because I'm smarter than you, doesn't always mean I'm right. We can both learn from each other."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgO5aDuTdNd
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"Sounds like we rub off on each other too much. Don't worry. I'm sure there will be plenty of more opportunities where you can tower your dominance of intelligence over me like a prize."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUGP4jtxV1
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"You make me sound like a mean person when you say it that way."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqLnnWeBQP
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I turned my head with pauses, twice before letting her know, "Well Lumina, you're not exactly the nicest person in the world."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7RTcOw5FW
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"That was so mean! I can be nice if I want to be!"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19OBLtbiB3
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I couldn't resist laughing at her now, her reaction well worth it. "Relax Lumina. I didn't say I mind. I love you just the way you are."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrGuEPHKUG
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"Oh... So then, you must be the kind of guy who likes it when women treat you like their bitch. Is it some kind of preference or something?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSpBe1Vtxo
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For the first split second, I thought Lumina was joking, but the more time I had to consider her words, the harder it was for me to deny it. It wasn't something I noticed myself at first. Lumina and I have always flirted with each other, but lately, our words have become a bit rough, still romantic and poetic, though mean-spirited. We're only joking when we talk to each other like that, but I never made any effort to change our interactions. "I... Yeah, I don't know. I guess— yeah I guess you could say that..."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAKkzuXhsM
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Awkward silence endured between the two of us for five long seconds, reddening my face at Lumina's delight. "Want to talk about it?"148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SOl8cAE8j
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"... No."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDakzkHyiD
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"That's okay. We can try some role playing later."148Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVepxB4R7E
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"Sometimes I'm sorry I even taught you about that." Lumina didn't even know what role playing meant, be it for an actual script or for any other fun activities. Now that she knows, she's sure to use it to tease me some more... Some things never change.
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