Chapter Theme Music: Peace Behind the Walls ~ Solar Empire OST156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl07A7Y3Vb5
<11/12/2010 - 13:25 | Saffrin Middle School (Nurse Office), Austell, GA, USA>
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pPFijWiW8
Without knowing what happened or how much time passed, I struggled as I tried to open my eyes again, though the world above me was shrouded in the blinding light of their fluorescence. Already, I knew that I was not at home in my bed. Whatever I was laying on below me was soft, but the texture just wasn't the same, and I was exhausted from head to toe.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fPJsBqLTn
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeFm4Tj40C
It felt like I had been swimming in the ocean for ten solid hours without a break. Every nerve and muscle inside ached of soreness, but at least the pins and needles were gone now.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7lgciW9nQ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVdB14OUOt
Pins and needles... I instantly recalled feeling that horrific pain all around me, and by extension, remembered what happened to me before I passed out. Even so, not a whole lot was making sense right now. I could only guess how I wound up in the nurse's office. If I lost consciousness, it must not have been pretty...156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPITw8xi7S
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ckUrp6J4B
How embarrassing too. This is the first time in my whole life I think I've ever had to be forcibly dragged to the nurse's office, let alone passing out like that. I flushed the thought away and tried to sit up, realizing my own mistake thereafter, as the soreness throughout my chest and back forced me back down. I managed to move myself that time, though barely. Everything was still too sore to move properly, but I wasn't paralyzed anymore either, nor was I trembling.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0yNjo7zgM
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncgqTezmbJ
"Your father is on his way, but it could take an hour before he arrives. Try not to move if you can help it."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tdffzgsFq
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY6CTz1j8o
I ignored her last request, using my left arm to hold my head, wondering where this flush feeling of being underwater came from in the first place. It was still here with me now, despite being weaker than before. I realized by chance that I had far more control over my body now than before, and I used that opportunity to drill my nurse for questions. "What happened?" Even my physical voice was hoarse and sore, like I had been screaming for half an hour straight or something.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HcPCvsOt1
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymEXtfzMGQ
"That's what we would like to know. You gave some of us a scare in gym class. Maybe you got too dehydrated or something?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOL4a3TGZSI
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4B5Czpo4WG
"I doubt it." It's not as if I'm drinking up to a gallon of water a day, but I'm still drinking more than I used to. It's an unintended consequence of always being connected to Lumina, a symptom I'm forced to endure. I still can't remember what happened between starting gym class and the moment I felt pins and needles everywhere; it's all a blur! But I know dehydration is not the cause of it.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTssSRfEc62
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfjc4ktX3S
Though my realization to something else was as sluggish as my chain of thoughts, I struggled to sit up slightly, looking at the nurse with a surprised look over me. "I can speak... I can move again."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3w8K8AQ2g
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2Wjmvw7cN
"So then, you were unable to move before?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW9CnuJbyK
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkhsD3YUuv
"The pain is gone now." My memory, at least of the paralysis and the pain came back at full force while everything else made less sense. "I couldn't move or talk before... But how did I get here?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1WGJ7TUIC
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyNePX1M8l
"You had to be brought here of course. Just relax for now. You're still too weak to try moving."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SePUDI6Ty
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoUQUaHzJE
I knew that she was mostly correct in that assumption. I had a strong attempt to sit straight up, but the weight against my muscles pushed me back down at double the force, while the dizziness crippling my balance deterred me from trying again... Did I also disconnect from Lumina too? "Lumina?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbU1MuPn8o
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPCD2NGJmI
"Who?" She reacted as anyone would, hearing a name unfamiliar to her own. "I'm the school nurse sweetie, and that isn't my name."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ETTE3RrI5
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQJ6BIPcOJ
Since I was capable of taking deeper longer breaths, that's what I forced myself to do while the stress of my situation shot up some more. I heard no response from Lumina, which must mean that we were disconnected by my loss of consciousness. Lumina... My mind drifted onto her again, while my few remaining thoughts swam to the assumptions that she would currently be worried sick for me by now. I didn't want her to worry about me like that. I don't want my friends to panic themselves over me, especially when I'm okay now. But if she isn't here, she won't know what my status is, not until I call her again. My father comes in an hour, she said? It sounds like he must have talked everyone out of taking me to the emergency room, which I too preferred to stay away from at this point.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhYFdzyiv4
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEkxi9zWGN
I knew by now that I was going to be just fine. Even though my thoughts are unusually slow and scarce right now, I've realized something. But first, I need to get in touch with Lumina again, and that means I have to escape from this nurse's office... Maybe it will work if I just ask. Of course, I will have to give myself time to recover as well. "Listen... I feel like I need some fresh air. If I can stand on my own power ten minutes from now, can I wait outside?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWGWrZZ3zA
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKbizYU4wF
"I don't advise it. It's strange for you to collapse like that. Plus, it's still chilly outside, and you can catch cold without a coat. Just wait it out."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5khOnsxTWt
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlA1N5cDSJM
Of course, I found this answer to be totally unacceptable. But it's hard to argue against her either. It's not like I can just tell her the truth, that my reason for wanting to go back outside is to use a telepathic ability to contact my friend from space. No, then she'll just ask if I hit my head too heard or something. So, I'll have to settle for the old fashion trick; asking to go to the bathroom, and ducking away outside after. I'd only need a few extra minutes to do this.
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi2mrBrYLQ
<11/12/2010 - 13:55 | Saffrin Middle School (Outskirts), Austell, GA, USA>156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VvUyFrHJt
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckYCMZS30r
It took much longer for me to prepare myself than I wanted to, and my body still felt so broken and weak from the incident. By now, I'm sure somebody from the school was looking for me, but I didn't care anymore. I sat myself outside on the pavement with my back against a wall, partially obscured from the view of the windows leading to the hallway. I didn't try to stay standing, but I knew I would need to at least sit up for this.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrv2sKsXyy
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLF7DIARDW
The weather outside was close to fifty Nixus, which was still within the possibility of an active connection. However, I tried projecting my signal earlier, and failed to get the signal strong enough. Strange as it was, I was also somehow able to tell that my projection wasn't working properly moments ago, like I have some kind of sense for whether I'm doing this right or not. Every part of me was weakened by what happened, so I wasn't too sure if my current attempt to contact her would go well for me.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktB7Fro8Oh
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVWIjqqzuf
But remembering how frantic she was gave me the motivation to try again. I sat there in silence, focusing, concentrating, doing my absolute best to send this signal and let Lumina know that I'm calling her again for a renewed connection. Come on Lumina. I need your help this time. I need your help in figuring this out together. I kept it up for as long as I could, keeping the theme of my thoughts directly on Lumina and the Altiri, mimicking that feeling I got used to some time ago. It took nearly ten seconds this time, but finally, I felt the buzzing sensation all around my brain, and I heard her voice before I could vocally react first.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFGQhtqQuk
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmRUoCB45Q
"Reed!"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXeA0hk3QZ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8TSMFtQSZ
"Lumina!" Hearing her voice again cuddled my heart and warmed my blood. I wanted her back with me so badly now. I have nobody to talk to about this, and I need the world's most intelligent mind to help me figure this out.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vGZ5XCDMo
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJySHBhcaki
"Thank god you're okay! I don't know what happened, and you had me so worried!"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhwCEAdkPq
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIezF8Bu96
"I'm fine now..." I could hear the tears of rejoice in her eyes, as Lumina tried to hide it a little. I could feel myself about to cry in sympathy. Having Lumina panic like that was the last thing I wanted her to do. I wanted to reassure her that everything was okay now... But even at this very moment, it was difficult to keep up. I still felt so weak; even my own mind was slowed and crippled by whatever tainted it. So, I forced my entire body to relax a little, all while sensing the lower strength of the connection, based on the fact that Lumina's voice sounded a little farther away from me than normally. I'm sure she knew how weak the connection was too.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXakQHYCebl
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ViTZKg5Kv
After a three second pause, she proved my own observations the same. "You seem kind of drained, and the connection isn't as strong as it should be. Maybe you should take the time to rest some more. I'll be fine knowing you're safe."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9sjDFTK16
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK71U3bi3tl
I waved my eyes around me, wondering if my vocal conversation would be heard by somebody around a corner I could not see. So, I switched to normal thought projection, coaxing Lumina to do the same. "Thanks, but no thanks. I've been resting for the past hour now. And right now, I need you to help me figure out what the hell that was back there."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXgGCjMidH
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlkBXoUTV6
"I don't know much more than you. What parts of it do you remember?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7JJTXwaVX
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLZvi3ayrm
"All of it," I replied in confidence. Even though the moments were so fuzzy, by the time I started getting some fresh air again, I was able to remember every moment of that hell. It reminded me of the first time this happened. I had nearly forgotten all about it, but that one time I was at my dad's house, all of my thoughts went chaotic and rampant, and I somehow lost control of myself. The same happened today too. I lost control of myself, and went into some violent uncontrollable rage. It didn't last for long either, as the draining sensation with pins and needles followed. In fact, the moment I remember back then at my dad's house and this one are exactly the same. "Except, I wasn't really myself once I lost my temper, nor I do know why it happened. All I know is, I lost control of myself somehow."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVeh9LoWp1
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFn7WwdCuI
"That's scary on its own Reed... Man, I really hope this isn't some after effect of the purge that affects only men and not women." Lumina was hesitant to state the possibility at all, since she was the one who used the purge in the first place.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz7bPRDWVE
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HEsi6yg55
I knew that too was a possibility, but something felt a little off about that assumption. Besides, I used to think the first attack was an effect from the purge, right up until today when it happened again. The purge is over with now, so it shouldn't be happening at all. "I doubt it. But I really don't understand why it would happen again."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKBhU5zAww
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4zaqRLTWt
"Again? You mean, this isn't the first time that played out?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmeAawTYN8
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFszve3W10
"Oh, right." I should have remembered that Lumina has no specific memories of myself between the beginning of the purge and the end. "You weren't able to witness anything during my purge process, which means you didn't get to see this happen the first time at dad's house. If I remember this right, it had something to do with how dehydrated I got, as it was a really hot day outside." Still, that cause wouldn't match up with this attack. I can't figure out what started this.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh3bsoaw3U
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQcxh6lea0
"But today is cold outside, and you've kept up with your water today. Still, if this happened to you before, why didn't you tell me?" She was almost upset that I left this out from detail.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1DwFbwPTz
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4Uun9KjQr
However, "I did tell you, back on the bus on our first day. I had some kind of rage attack that never went explained. I let it go when you told me all about what the purge could have done, and that things always happen for a reason."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5px6vWsL3C
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdcbnQpF6u
"I never knew it was this bad... Can you think back to what set you off in the first place?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD3PBpJxOX
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMBmcoOUF0
"I wish I knew." Everything I did remember was still a little hazy. So not everything was making a lot of sense. I think I was already ticked off about being bored, but I failed to see how that would have triggered it. "All I remember from the last attack is that I got really angry, and eventually lost all self-control."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliYtVNujvS
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpquXVEB7nJ
Of course, I didn't need Lumina to tell me how dangerous of a situation that is, but she mentioned it anyway for my sake. "Rage without control is very dangerous. You were lucky not to hurt anybody."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvJQ701O6j
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43FRkTWZbH
Right she was too. I don't think I could live with myself if I did somehow hurt another person during one of those attacks. When it starts, I cannot control myself in the slightest, so that means I'm capable of inflicting harm on others simply by having no consciousness of my own actions. "After I calmed down—" I stopped my chain of thought right there, correcting what I knew from memory. "No, it's more like I was forced to calm down. All of the nerves in my body spiked. By that I mean, I could literally feel pins and needles everywhere in my body, and I mean everywhere."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCb6SxqL30
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vCxNLavxq
"That is really strange."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVSvOCULu5
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNTd0HSdUt
Those weren't the words I wanted to hear from Lumina. She's the strangest person I know, so if she finds something baffling her, I'm totally screwed. "When that happens, I can't move my body. Before long, I feel tired, but normally don't pass out."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZsBg9aKzV
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsmhXfyBj0
"Except this time you did."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiFY4sy7dQ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NQy5QbYQp
"So far," I reminded, "it's only happened twice."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBYoW5WomT
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflWZD2E6gT
I felt a small amount of cold pressure against my forehead, though it was Lumina, holding hers from the frustrating stress this placed her under. "And that's the thing that bothers me the most... You said this happened before, and then today, weeks after the end of the purge. In short, we don't know if it will happen again."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiAaFrFgUf
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTbOcO5vdf
"It better not happen again!" The nervous twitch in me just from hearing that helped wake me up a little faster, but her realization was so unnerving to consider. As long as I'm in the dark about this, unfortunately, it will happen again. "I don't want it to happen again. That was awful! And it happened at school of all places."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmX96UtALy2
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUGOsG00DA
"I just don't understand why it happened..."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUA0U7Cuj7
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWc7HyzxWJ
Sorry to drag you into this Lumina, but it's obvious now why I need your help. She's thinking. That's good; I need someone with her level of intelligence on this case. If I can't figure it out, maybe Lumina can.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLdIvgaiyi
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2SVlHDScQ
"Did anything like this ever happen to you before the purge? Really think back as far as you can."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvclsit6RIC
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtF4blLAAoG
"Nothing. Nothing at all relates to this moment. I can't think of a reason why I would lose control of my entire thought process to such length."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QjfeRFpU5
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFqkKNWtn8
"But you were upset about not having something to do. Maybe that was your own way of warning yourself that there was some other problem."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9WinNoJyR
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiNrZibaeI
What a strange deduction... But now that I recall, one of the reasons I was angered was because of my own boredom. It's a little uncommon for me to run completely out of tasks to work on or for something I can latch my mind onto. Still, it isn't a reason to get that upset about it. "I always want something to do, it's not exclusive only to today. I like to work out stuff in my head, or to have something worthy for all my thoughts to concentrate on. As long as I am doing something, math, reading, homework, whatever; I'm totally fine. But if I get bored, I kind of get angry because of it, which usually motivates me to find something else to do."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc2w7dHcFO
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdBxg38YGz
"And that anger?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3DHD0eDyD
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfdBv3z8Ce
"Not even close." I knew already how I felt about the sensation, how I can get into a bad mood if my mind runs out of something to concentrate on during the peak hours of my day. But that level of anger and whatever attack I had today are not even comparable. "They're not even close to the same scale."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnKwMW6nov
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cGrNfSMMa
"Wait a minute. You said that you like to have something constantly occupying your mind, at all times?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmZnm2XzKl
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yvjOThYsz
"Yeah, unless I'm preparing for bed. I've always been that way." What is it Lumina? What is she noticing?156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZyKLStW2r
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1MEVC6NWD
"Reed. Do you have any kind of specific disorders or medical conditions of any kind? Anything at all, even if they aren't harmful?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfN3qBfwkZ
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Y1sXtgBQF
What is she digging at? "What? No, I—" Wait a second. Disorders, including those that aren't harmful. I doubt it's relevant, but I can think of at least one. "Well, actually, I have ADD if that's worth mentioning, but it doesn't cause too many problems for me." I've had that little diagnosis for most of my life, and nothing has ever come of it, aside from how easily distracted I can be from my own rapid-fire daydreams. Normally, having thousands of thoughts cross my mind per minute would be chaotic and taxing. However, if I have something to focus most of those thoughts on or to add those thoughts to a specific kind of load, it's not so bad. In fact, it actually feels good sometimes, and it's given me the ability every now and then to focus on a singular task really well.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7NUHLW8QR
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjU5tVK4Cf3
"Oh my god! What have I done?!"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxWqZwBJSo
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkowRwdhja
Why is she freaking out about this? "What is it? What's wrong?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29dY2p0pzt
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxXGKFTXmb
I couldn't understand what line she was drawing between ADD and my attack, but Lumina began to explain the reason for her sudden guilt. "Every Altiri Aggressor Group is warned in advance about the unknown side effects of that could arise from a purge, if it is applied to any human who has any kind of mental ailments, since it's understudied. Even something like ADD or ADHD mixed in with a purge could cause some major problems. And all this time, I never noticed!"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzGPqellGo
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaAYe2mLnQ
They're not supposed to mix? Wait, so just by having ADD, the purge can cause problems? "I... So it was the purge?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkUmHiBkh7
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaauA8ioKY
"This doesn't make any sense. If it was the purge, then this shouldn't have happened to you a second time. Unless... Unless the condition itself somehow became accelerated from the purge process."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRn3titQdny
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sYvuk0rQx
"Maybe?" I'm not the expert on what a purge does or how it functions. I remember Lumina saying something about changing the flow, priority, and speed of most neurotransmitters so that it applies to the Cora sector of the brain. It crazy to think what other things can happen from a single purge. "Are these effects permanent?" Accelerated ADD sounds worse than normal ADD. If that is what happened, I would have even more thoughts in a single moment, or at the very least, my thought processes would seem faster to me than they were before. I haven't noticed any kind of change. Then again, maybe that's because I've already become used to the effects. It wouldn't surprise me if that were the case. Hell, you try keeping up all day every day with incredible conversations about aliens worlds using telepathy, all while focusing on the current surroundings simultaneously. I'm a terrible multi-tasker, but I can handle this much now, because I have been for the past two weeks.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSARTdxwcD
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusLGmhKX5T
"Oh my gosh Reed! This is all my fault — I'm so sorry!"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpEJWc09ZU
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sUyVH1cKR
"Knock that off already. Quit apologizing for stupid stuff like that. It's not helping." Even if that turns out to be the truth, if all of this is the result of my ADD becoming worse due to the effects of the purge, I can't really hold it against her. She didn't know it was going to happen, and neither did I. Besides, what matters now is dealing with the situation so that it never happens again.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEu7CrHkIPl
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5KtCVHDPU
Though I could almost hear her sniffling, Lumina did as I asked and stayed on topic. "Okay... So you said you like to have things occupy your mind?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCil4ICJUn1
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCsBIXYMZu
"Correct. But it can't be anything physical. None of that exercising crap gives me that same electric feeling."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1Nt9wIGAl
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2ZjUcrbza
"Electric feeling?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuHEQ27bbL
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡverjI45UWb
I understood the confusion. It isn't the best wording, but I really don't know how else to refer to it. When I'm working on something worthy of occupying my thoughts long enough, I get this nice dopamine sensation all around my head, and it makes me feel so alive. "It's hard to explain. Though I will say that I've not become aware of it until after the purge. If I'm concentrating on something mentally stimulating, like a good book, something I'm writing, or even a good videogame, I get this incredible sensation in my head, should I do it long enough. It activates this kind of alertness to my brain, and it feels really good. It also prevents all of my thoughts from flying off tangents. Instead of being distracted by random facts or daydreams, I can focus all of them on whatever task I find interesting."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQmZNu10Xp
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rCodlm5Oa
"I never knew this about you."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOq4Wfqqv9
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZZ9RFm3rt
It's because most of those random thoughts are never projected in a manner capable of telepathic transmission. If they were, there would be too much noise for a connection to occur in the first place. So, when I'm not concentrating, my subconscious normally handles them all. "But what happens when I don't have something to focus my thoughts on? That I can't explain. I don't know why it bothers me so much. It makes me angry, puts me in a bad mood, and desperately motivates me to find a task I can concentrate on. Otherwise, I start to freak out inside." I was a first time explaining it to myself like this too, which opened my eyes to the idea that this wasn't actually as normal as I set it out to be.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tk7w82DQX
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcRbx0V4Wj
"And then it creates whatever hell we saw today."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTFgHVtpBo
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAD9P8TGHR2
Did it though? Is that really the trigger for it all? I've been bored before without this ever happening to me so often. Or maybe I have to be bored for a long enough duration? "Either way, it didn't just start at random. I was only angry beforehand because I had nothing to focus my thoughts on, nothing to commit to any task, aside from anything physical, which doesn't help me anyway."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdCrMQn126
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzj5FoEE3Eq
"Then that must be the trigger." She thinks so too, illuminating my worst fears.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVbhGT1jVm
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB0VuJUq6A
If what she says is true, then this madness will happen again, simply because I get bored! I can't have that happen again, especially not for a reason as stupid as this. "So that's it? There is nothing I can do about it now? You realize I get bored easily, right?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiAAfpqg8Z
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgUHka8wJc
"I don't know." Lumina was doing her best, trying to think of a situation out of this mess since it has no immediately solution. "If it starts to feel like you are getting angry because you are getting bored, then you need to take your own advice and find something to do. And don't let any teachers get in the way of that, under any circumstances. I don't think you could simply explain it to them."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1xxEWzDCo
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqPPTQBzd9
She's talking about a lifestyle change here! I knew as well that none of the teachers would have my side on this. I can't just tell anyone 'Hey, I need to leave and find something to do, before I have a psychotic raging meltdown and hurt somebody.' It's not something that should happen to anyone, not even me given the weirdness in my life. What she proposes is no solution; it's only an evasion to the issue. "Easier said than done. It's not like I can just whip out a videogame at school. Trying to duck out of class early to go to the library will be hard too, especially if I make it a habit."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIYBHZs5pD
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAumGz4pe1F
"Why should it be? You're the one who got your work done thirty minutes faster than everybody else." I understood her own sentiment, and I wanted to apply it to my own feelings. But as I said before, it's easier said than done. Lumina doesn't understand the school dynamics here, like how most teachers and staff express more authority than they should actually have, though she wasn't finished speaking either. "I can think of no other explanation. You're not just getting smarter Reed. Your thoughts are becoming faster, or more intense... I don't know for sure. I don't know how this ADD thing works."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrKXiuhUkh
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6BFlpcYTx
I couldn't fault her for not knowing about it, but I'm beginning to believe the situation myself, that my thoughts really are becoming faster than they used to be. They're fast enough already, so it's insane to think they could speed up even more. "Well for one, I don't like the term. It's called attention deficit disorder, but I don't really consider it a disorder, not when I have the power to control all those thoughts at once, provided I have something to focus on. They make it sound like we get distracted easily and can't pay attention to anything. But for me, that couldn't be further from the truth."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBhtDxvuHS
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLp9kuYeKtA
"You obviously don't have exact control of it yet, or else this wouldn't have happened. I never want to see it happen again."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NsZN2n9LC
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmT12jplEJ
"Neither do I, but for now, all we have to go on are theories." I want to fix this, but Lumina and I are both grasping at straws here. "On top of that, it happened right there in gym too, in front of all those people. The entire school is going to think I'm insane now, regardless of their knowledge of Altiri." My reputation is ruined before it could gain any good traction, and it isn't even burned for the same reason I feared all this time.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvh0qRgjA4
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRU9CwuNuoe
"Maybe some of the others will finally leave you alone then." I knew exactly what Lumina meant by those words, that she was referring mostly to Banarus's group, whom I've been trying to cut ties with for a while now without making it obvious or direct. Still, she could have phrased it better, because that stung a little. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that Reed."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6GHEzPZRv
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQj9TPAYScI
She apologized too quickly for me to call her out on it, with regret stuck in her words. But even if she didn't mean it, the truth was already set in motion regardless. "But you are still right about that. Nobody will ever come near me now. I'm sure every girl in school will want to sit fifty feet away from now on. I'll forever be without friends, all because of this stupid uncontrollable..." I spaced off, failing to identify what exactly this would classify. "What on Earth can I even call this condition anyway?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5O0EHrLUe
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv88BylimJ7
"I'm the wrong person to ask right now."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1EKFrXHqq
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxx9dZVE0B8
I guess it's up to me to name this new condition then. A status ailment that makes me lose all sanity and become consumed with rage until my body can't take it anymore. What kind of condition would that fall under? I can't really think too well right now. I'm able to speak to Lumina this way, but I'm hiding the fact that I'm still super tired from all of this. It's already affecting my currently sluggish thought pattern. Right now, I don't have a thousand thoughts per minute. It's been slowed to a lower double-digit number from the commotion earlier. With that, I can't keep this connection going forever, I just know that I can't. "Look Lumina. I'm really exhausted after this. I'm glad I was able to call you after that hell, but right now, I need to hang up and get some rest."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgohYEawEWw
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWn4wkGCvZ
"Okay." I wasn't sure how bothered she was to hear me say that. Even with the circumstances, I'm still telling Lumina that I needed some space. It's not as if I actually want to hang up. "Please take it easy for the rest of today. Don't do anything stupid."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡik24Um5S1R
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybp1AswLaH
Tsk! Like I don't know already. "You know I won't."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhma30HGL3I
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVVXaaKSJl
"I... We'll talk again soon, alright?"156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3plYg0un7
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoRuz5mDN1
It wasn't hard to tell something was on her mind, but I didn't have the strength left in me to find out right now. I have to get back inside the school and return to the nurse's office as if nothing were out of place. My bathroom break is long enough to be considered a #2. "Yeah." The softness and sincerity in our voice felt like a strong promise, that Lumina and I would for certain be speaking again once I recover. I don't need to doubt that possibility. "See you around Lumina."156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6QZADu02L
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Vn43Qv7y2
I sat there in silence after she gave me her farewell, waiting for that strange sensation associated with the connection being terminated manually. I couldn't do it myself, since I didn't understand too well how it works. But I could tell a few seconds afterwards when the connection is cut. I would get this whirling sensation in my head for a brief few seconds, followed by a significant energy drain that is temporary. Once that's over, I can move and think on my own again, certain that no matter what I say or do, I'm totally by myself this time.156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5nLv4EJEh
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEimjuSXYP
The mystery of today hung on my mind above everything else as I sluggishly made my way back to the office. I still wasn't sure if ADD has anything to do with this, or if accelerated ADD is even a real thing. What scares me more is the logical conclusion that I won't know for certain until it happens again, assuming it somehow does at random. It was a lot to consider, especially on top of the idea that this purge affected me so much that I really have changed in my own way. Man. Now I have purges that cause issues even after they are gone? What am I getting myself into?
156Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56LTHEOwt3
