Chapter Theme Music: Advent 13: Purity of Memory ~ Solar Empire204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3so1BJUErv
<08/21/2009 - 12:40 | Saffrin Middle School (Math), Austell, GA, USA>204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2yMMqDEjm
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As the days went on, my time spent became a little more interesting, though I was more confused than entertained with what had been happening the entire time. Throughout all of my classes, I became acquainted with a few more people, most of which were just friends of the current small group of acquaintances I made so far. Even so, I still hung out with mostly the same people I met at first.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5iD6MZWdf
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In my Honors Math class, Banarus, Maddison, Laura, and Malica Moringstar sat together with myself often with the desks pushed together to form clusters of four or five groups. It wasn't a requirement, since our teacher allowed us free reign over seating so long as we could behave. When I say I hang out with them, all I really mean is sitting there quietly with a stupid look on my face while my whole reality is typically overridden by all the day dreams my mind wants to throw at me.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6mc6nVN7q
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But today, I sat just a bit away from them, sliding my desk apart from their formed square to focus on something else. I only did this because I really couldn't afford any further distractions from my latest obsession.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXmJnT6SOc
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Even as I thought back to it, I knew that something was strange about all of this. Even though a large part of me wrote it off as something I didn't mind, my thoughts have been unbelievably obsessed with the mere concept of the universe and outer space itself. I became more interested in sci-fi shows and movies, more interested in observing the night sky with a telescope, and playing video games with a space theme to them. It wasn't just random either. If I ever found myself outdoors, be it day or night and my eyes manage to meet the skybox above me, every bit of wonder and interest to it floods my brain in an uncontrollable spur of emotion and certainty. At the same time, I had no idea why, which led me to an unnatural conclusion that whatever I was feeling was not actually normal.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdvG94xFMv
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It isn't me, or perhaps it isn't supposed to be. When I say obsession, I really do mean that the sight of the sky sets me awestruck, triggering chain reactions of automatic day dreams and imaginations of some other kind of world and life in space. It's like day dreaming though without the ability to control the subject matter or its details. I couldn't help myself at all. And every day since about two weeks ago, that sensation has been growing stronger and stronger, as if there was some central importance behind it all, not that I could piece it together.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRx1CgDqGG
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No, the sensations it left only confused me so much further than it should have. Because as much as I knew it wasn't exactly natural, the other part of me simultaneously embraced that sensation, or at the very least cared not for any potential downsides these distractions could cause. Unnatural interest in outer space, and now an unnatural acceptance of what I feel; that is the model of my current conundrum. Only now, it has gotten a lot stranger than before.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYMXokNmwu
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Sitting alone in class, I opened my spare notebook, flipping through the pages until I got back to the art project I left off on. Finding a page covered in strange triangles, I realized that this was another cause of my current obsession. These triangles, I did not draw them out of randomness or boredom. They have some important purpose, though I have not drawn it exactly right, which was why there were so many.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLYYBvzvBI
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This too had the same sensation attached to my other obsession about the stars of the night sky. These symbols, these markings, I feel like I know them, or that I should know them. I also feel like they are incredibly important! I knew they were important, something that holds so much significance.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQigImQi10c
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But how? How did I know that? Why did I think that? Why was I so obsessed with getting this symbol drawn exactly right to the exact proportions? This too was another instance of unnatural obsession, and like with the other aspect of it all, I didn't care that it was strange for me to be like this despite being able to register that I knew it was strange. Instead, all I have cared about most for the past three days was getting this symbol exactly correct. I have never seen it before, but somehow I knew what it was supposed to look like. It's an upside-down equilateral triangle. In the center, there is a small perfect circle, the eye of the triangle, and from that eye, straight lines are strewn about in multiple directions. The lines represent the eye's vision, and going out in all directions means it is an eye that can see just about everything. What was it called? I had no idea.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡka0m05Jzeo
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This symbol, this eye, it means something important to me. If I can just draw it right, I might be able to figure it out. At the very least, I can run an internet search and see if something matches. But I have to get it right first!204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2q2eOA2zE
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Even as I convinced myself of this, the task was difficult. I realized as much when I glared hopelessly into the white canvas filled with failed drawings of this symbol. So many times have I tried and failed, the proportions were all wrong, or that I added too many lines, or that the lines were not centered or placed properly. I had to draw this in pen, so it wasn't easy to correct the mistake, and I only drew this in pen so that I can get the ink to come out to a blue color. This mattered just as well. Without knowing why, I understood that the symbol has a specified color of a strong cyan with a slightly darker tint. If I tried to draw it in grey pencil or red ink, it drove me mad and I had to start over before finishing the triangle itself. The sheet in front of me did not lie; I really was determined to get this right despite how hard I have attempted to already.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaVYmsEMAv
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Frustrated with another failed attempt, I groaned aggressively, though only as a projected thought inside my head. I didn't want the others to overhear or see what I was doing. Since I had already kept up with my studies, the classwork assignment that was handed out to us was something I already completed a day earlier at home. That gave me most of the class to work on this. But man was it difficult! My talents do not extend to drawing and painting, so even a geometric shape can be impossible.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs84tvcpm8F
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Since I ran myself out of room on paper for the second time now, I flipped the page, trying to hold the blue pen steady while beginning another new triangle. As I continued being more slow and careful, the time of the class passed by in what felt like an instant. The bell had not rung yet, and I wasn't paying it any attention either, but I was only about five minutes away now from having to pack it up and leave. Just when I thought I might be getting close enough to get this one right, my luck of doing this alone had run out.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHtxYVypak
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"Hey Reed! Whatcha doin?" Banarus had gotten out of her seat to bother me, hoping to find out the reason why I was distant from her today. Walking around the class like this was not out of the ordinary for us, since everyone was expected to work on their class assignment, and do whatever once finished. But as soon as I realized Banarus standing over me, the only thing I could think to do was hold the notebook up to my face in a freaked panic. My jerk reaction released the hold I had on the notebook, launching it into the air out of my own grasp, while I quickly tried to catch it again.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXr4iVBNBF
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Keeping the book shut and firmly in my grasp after a successful catch, I checked beside me to see Banarus looking as shocked as I was. Point-two seconds later, I could feel the glowing blood of embarrassment flood my cheekbones. I shouldn't have jumped like that, but she really gave me a scare, and it wasn't just Banarus who saw my odd reaction. Her tiny group of friends, Laura, Maddison, and Malica were also curious of my tension.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDD2mStZ2l
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"You don't have to sneak up on me like that!" I did nothing to hide my frustrated tone from her. The way she approached me without me knowing could have given me a heart attack. I know it wasn't her fault, but I couldn't help from being just a little mad at her over it, clutching the notebook tightly to my chest as I tried to calm myself down.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlOYV5C5sq
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"Well if you weren't so spaced out in the first place, it wouldn't have happened!" Banarus kept a normal volume with her retort, but she made it very clear to me that she too was angry for having to justify how she was not in the wrong for simply asking me what I was doing. Unfortunately, I was always doing this, always spacing out in my own little world, so I wasn't blameless. At last, Banarus wondered why it even mattered anymore.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdFHFTs8lq
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I bashfully turned my face away from her. I couldn't argue with Banarus about it, because she was absolutely right. I was the one who was spacing out, my mind hijacked by the mystery of this symbol. Had I been paying just a little more attention to my peripheral surroundings, nobody could have snuck up on me like that. At the same time, I tried to wonder why I panicked in the first place, but to no avail. "I'm sorry," I softly spoke with sincerity. "I didn't mean it."204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvLRe9KZB2
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Banarus looked satisfied at last to hear a proper apology from me, but her interest had already since shifted to the notebook my hands were clutching at. "Let me see." She held out her hand, expecting me to hand over the notebook so she could study my distractions for herself.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNUcAMhmUj
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While it was yet another surprise, I knew what was at stake this time. Banarus was asking for me to hand over the notebook of all my failed drawings. But I just couldn't do that. "No." I didn't put much more emphasis behind my response, but I also shouldn't have to. There is a perfectly good reason why I didn't want the others to see these symbols.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1mfU2sMUy
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However, Banarus grew a wild smirk on her face instead, preparing another method. "I said let me see it!" Giggling in her own nature, Banarus reached right over me to try and swipe the note book from my hands, but I was fast enough to lift the notebook higher into the air behind me by lifting my arms straight up. Still, Banarus managed to clutch the notebook just enough to manage her own grip with the book of pages, the two of us now fighting a soft tug-of-war over possession. Without hiding her own expressions, Banarus started laughing about it too, enjoying the fun and anticipation of swiping something potentially embarrassing! I didn't want this shown around in the first place! I should have just left it at home!204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiEz0zX5dy
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"No! Let it go!" She wasn't listening to me, and I wasn't fast enough to keep her hands off of it either. Holding it higher up was not the best plan I could come up with, since it made it far easier for Banarus to stretch her arms right over my head while trying to steal the notebook from me. It was painfully obvious that she was having fun just thinking about it. She must have thought it was a book of secrets or some kind of diary to go this far, but I still fought like hell to not let her have it!204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wYB35PGgy
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If anyone else opens my notebook and studies the symbols inside, I won't be able to explain to them what the symbols mean or why I am drawing them in the first place. I can't explain it because I don't know the reason or significance myself. She would only think it was weird if she saw them anyway. Whatever it is about was never meant to go public! Let it go Banarus!204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAyL65Nnyo
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Thanks to the commotion this was already starting, the two of us attracted the sharp attention of Laura and Maddison, who quickly understood that the situation is exactly what it looked like. "Ooooooooh!" Laura announced so that I and Banarus could hear. "Is it like his diary or something? Got some naughty secrets to hide Reed?"204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSqS6vnyn2
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"I bet it's something totally embarrassing! Grab it Banarus!" Cheering her friend on, Maddison played along hoping to get a glimpse of whatever was in that notebook. If I had simply pretended like it was not important, I wouldn't be getting this kind of treatment, but Maddison didn't care either way.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHBPZkRtK0
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With a poke to my arm followed by a final tug, Banarus liberated the notebook at last! "Success!" Her very own announcement got the other two clapping for her victory, while Banarus held the notebook around to keep me from claiming it back. Having kept it away from me long enough, she quickly scurried over to her makeshift table of desks, passing the notebook to Maddison so that I would have even less of a chance of getting it back. Despite my warning earlier, I didn't actually put up much of a fight after losing the notebook either. That's only because I wasn't going to exacerbate this any further by trying to stealing it back at the risk of causing more mayhem.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8trbZFX7T3
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Defeated and embarrassed, all I could do was sink to my knees. I imagined so much at once from this very moment, concluding the most likely of what was to happen next. All of them will think I'm too weird to hang out with and will repel me from their group now. I also worried about others learning about the obsession I had over this symbol without total clarity on why, but it was too late now. Banarus overpowered me and took the book, flipping it open and handing it around on top of their desks, trying to find the page where I drew the symbols. Even if I tried again to stop them, it was already too late.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrCNy5GoqV
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The four of them were excited to see firsthand what contents could have caused such a commotion, but once they found the relevant pages, their building behavior quickly sunk into a disappointing confusion that consumed all of them. It wasn't the disappointment of disapproval, they simply were not expecting what they got to see with all of the drawings. Triangles that seemed a little unfinished or drawn at improper scales scattered the blank pages. It was obvious to determine that the art was made out of some kind of mild obsession.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzfIy10aKO
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Banarus was the one who spoke first, but her thoughts and feelings about it were mostly synchronized with the others. Turning around to my defeated soul, she asked me what it was all about. "I don't get it. What is all of this?"204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56ufhxzdNu
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Sighing heavily with great hesitation, I simply decided to be truthful about what I knew so far, to a degree at least. "I'm trying to draw something exactly right, but I can't explain to you why it is important. I'm a little confused by it myself."204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmesHC2QS0
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Before Banarus could respond, Maddison and Laura gave their opinions on the artwork before handing it back to Banarus, already bored over having not seen something truly juicy or funny. "Lame," Maddison blurted.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZov1gWEsA
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"Is this some kind of Illuminati thing or something?"204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TErpgCd7F
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I refused to answer Laura's question, so Banarus simply gave up and handed me back the notebook without any further fight. "I swear Reed. This isn't even something to be embarrassed about."204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYiLUbF5iH
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I gently took my notebook back from her, realizing that her face was full of both apology, confusion, and disappointment. Based on what she said, it means I likely overreacted to the situation itself. They probably think I'm ten times weirder now than they used to just because of that, not the symbols, but how importantly I treated them. "I don't know what they actually mean. Let's just leave it at that."204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltKWlmZPHR
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"How interesting!" Laura didn't understand the situation either, and she kept her voice down enough for me not to hear her remark. If only this were about the Illuminati, maybe then I could ask her about it.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGMdxdJFyI
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I nodded and returned back to my lone seat. The end of the class bell rang the very instance that I sat down, forcing me to get back up, collect my things, and get ready for the next class, but after what just happened, my mind was scattered long enough to slow me down.204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezliHnYuj4
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What happened was by no means too big of a deal... But until that happened at all, I had no idea I cared so much about these markings. I wasn't entirely sure before, but now I am totally certain! These symbols, or rather the one symbol that is the correct one is important somehow. It's still stuck on my mind, even after that commotion to distract me. I'm still so driven to draw it correctly even now! It must mean something. This symbol means something important, and I have to find out exactly what it is!204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqTcWZWS52
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I prepared to walk to my next class, coming up with a way to research what this glyph is supposed to be about. I may not get the time to do it right away, but if I can get an excuse to get out of class and go to the media center, I should be able to run an internet search using their computers... But how do I reverse search for a picture to determine the meaning? I don't know what this thing is called. Laura called it Illuminati, but somehow that doesn't sound right. Until I can figure it out, and until I can draw this thing to absolute perfection, I must not relinquish this obsession!204Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAMvwl3Kft
