987Please respect copyright.PENANAyytKqr6243
987Please respect copyright.PENANASNBJIJHnpH
其實我不是沒有喜歡過阿樂。987Please respect copyright.PENANAAHBERhH5sa
987Please respect copyright.PENANASap1brXizs
只是,這種喜歡對我來說,是不夠的。987Please respect copyright.PENANAv02OUnkvUg
987Please respect copyright.PENANAVaePRaHzNL
剛剛認識阿樂的時候,我就覺得他很搞笑,不是娛樂的那種,而是因為他總是不說話,和整體的Ocamp氣氛很不夾。別人的熱情和他的靜默形成強烈對比,甚至他每次說話時都感覺很放不開,有點緊張。987Please respect copyright.PENANAicB2VTp9KH
987Please respect copyright.PENANAi25gviYpAV
這一點,令我覺得他比別人可靠,和別的滿嘴跑火車的人,不一樣。987Please respect copyright.PENANARLTXdDjZvh
987Please respect copyright.PENANAjp91Qfkzwm
我認識了他,我和他相熟。987Please respect copyright.PENANAjkn6HsMFCE
987Please respect copyright.PENANAgPwhNzoEeO
阿樂不只是林子樂了,他還是「樂仔」。987Please respect copyright.PENANA9Cn8T5PX54
987Please respect copyright.PENANAww4pIvquVN
我們是同一屆的新生,有好多事都是一起學的,譬如Reg科。我登入不到系統的時候,就找他求救,他幫助登入,不斷重刷那該死的網頁。987Please respect copyright.PENANAd71dDzeoE1
987Please respect copyright.PENANAQtbbO9r9gO
我們一起在晚上行過新亞書院的情人路,正正因為很黑,所以要有人陪才能行。他成了我一段路的情人,我捉過他的手臂,然而這一種肢體碰觸可能太過輕巧了,多走一會兒,就已經到達了本部。987Please respect copyright.PENANAhmizi9kD0u
987Please respect copyright.PENANAHqFJEd1o3J
我喜歡過阿樂,但其實,我也不知那是不是喜歡。987Please respect copyright.PENANAFWp1XiSx2Q
987Please respect copyright.PENANAkgrC2wqQDp
他陪在我身邊,和我日夜傾談的日子,我有心動。對,我發現我有心動,會很想等到他的WhatsApp,或者很期待和他連線睇戲。可是這一種感覺,卻沒有很強烈,就是很淡,很柔和的思念,僅此而已。987Please respect copyright.PENANAu0k5CNGzam
987Please respect copyright.PENANAVJh28T6AgN
然後戀愛,尤其是年輕人的戀愛,這樣的平淡對我來說是不夠的。每次對上阿樂的眼睛,我都懷疑自己的感情;喜歡他,和我以前喜歡別人時的感覺,差太遠了,以前真的是心跳很快很急,可是面對阿樂,卻沒有那樣的顛簸。987Please respect copyright.PENANAuBTwzNPKLK
987Please respect copyright.PENANA7Bj46mbs4l
那一段時間,我淡然地喜歡着阿樂。我的表現如常,只是和他更頻繁地聊天。987Please respect copyright.PENANASghGqTbJts
987Please respect copyright.PENANAXtLOTEqQDD
慢慢,我越來越依賴他。987Please respect copyright.PENANA12C1hjdyYA
987Please respect copyright.PENANA6kGaeAUp7W
但是,我卻不想和他在一起,因為我覺得自己應該要和「更好」的人在一起,譬如,那個人可以給我更刺激的戀愛感覺。987Please respect copyright.PENANAqg2n0cyMBM
987Please respect copyright.PENANAI0k3SY9ZZi
我感受到,阿樂也喜歡我,而且,和我的喜歡有一些差別,他真的對我很好,很照顧我,未必真的想在我身上索取什麼。987Please respect copyright.PENANAaj5bhKkggo
987Please respect copyright.PENANAR74g2FkpCS
我對他的友誼變質了,再沒有當初純粹。我貪戀他的善待,即使我受着良心的譴責——她說我不應和他曖昧。可是,其實我也迷惑的。987Please respect copyright.PENANAvIwXSWLrNE
987Please respect copyright.PENANAeWGHMPLTtT
一方面,我喜歡他,也喜歡和他浪費時間;另一方面,我卻覺得將來會遇見更好。只是在這一段時間裏,他是最好的,所以,我也願意奉獻這一顆不夠純粹的真心,和他做朋友。987Please respect copyright.PENANAnTiCtIJl0u
987Please respect copyright.PENANAHmysFp7QsJ
後來,我戀愛了。果然,戀愛是很幸福的感覺,很濃烈,很快樂,那一條情人路,我也和男友走過。987Please respect copyright.PENANAB8i0X2P5gH
這一段時間,我也和阿樂保持舊有的關係,他總和我說,我的男友是個MK仔,總和我吵架,不懂得珍惜我。我笑笑,總回答他,可是有你對我好啊。987Please respect copyright.PENANAfpBwY7DDwy
987Please respect copyright.PENANA95zflQHRYS
我對阿樂的依賴沒有隨時間消失,在男友的映襯下,我更覺得阿樂對我好。可是,那一種看一眼就鍾意的感覺,不是阿樂可以給我的。987Please respect copyright.PENANA7tte7dgRhr
987Please respect copyright.PENANAgBmwZzbnzV
我和阿樂,可能是不夠來電吧,電流太弱了。987Please respect copyright.PENANA85NHmqoKvx
987Please respect copyright.PENANAm8PZTt5EFl
後來,我分手,阿樂和我表白,我拒絕了。987Please respect copyright.PENANA4TYGiRcXXd
987Please respect copyright.PENANApXbqDr6kmb
沒有什麼難過的原因,只是難堪而已。我對他的喜歡,不足以捆着我,因為我知道,我永遠不可能像他喜歡我一樣地喜歡他。987Please respect copyright.PENANACE3kVw9QkC
987Please respect copyright.PENANAHihRski0KS
講到尾,其實就是我不夠喜歡他。987Please respect copyright.PENANAoOanUbO5dj
987Please respect copyright.PENANAoMbg115HF7
我們恢復聯絡,一切如舊。987Please respect copyright.PENANA1Tvk3kQQQD
987Please respect copyright.PENANAqjqgpfVI41
我見有女孩子在他家住,第一下感覺挺不舒服的,但第二下、第三下,又覺得與我何干?我有些嫉妒別人也可得到他的款待,但這一個「唯一」我卻不太想要。987Please respect copyright.PENANAoAHnZZnGQ0
987Please respect copyright.PENANA38qdOp80Tx
大概是因為,我有心理負擔吧。987Please respect copyright.PENANA13LNxj2F8G
987Please respect copyright.PENANAvQ0RtslDMS
雖然你未必相信,但我是真心與阿樂做朋友的。這一種矛盾的友達以上也令我很混亂。他對我的喜歡其實也很明顯了,尤其是他抱我、愕然地看我時,我知道他受傷了,深深受傷。987Please respect copyright.PENANAlnaxjyUREa
987Please respect copyright.PENANARFmJ8RHBct
他因我的迷糊和貪婪受傷,可是講真,這於我不是超級超級重要——我更因而知道自己並不可能再進一步喜歡他。987Please respect copyright.PENANABsqqqeKT8v
987Please respect copyright.PENANAcMAe0fmEhg
我只得來自友情的心理負擔。987Please respect copyright.PENANAXWLwucP745
987Please respect copyright.PENANAhDSrHUjknI
我一直都覺得有些虧欠他,可是這一路走來,我都說服自己一切都是你情我願的;然而,確實因為我的存在,而令他有幻想和希望,因而,失望受傷。987Please respect copyright.PENANARcR6JbvPkz
987Please respect copyright.PENANADPNNVZSyjP
唉,感情好難。987Please respect copyright.PENANAjxY7JTP8c0
987Please respect copyright.PENANAVEo8UqooFJ
但是,就在這段期間,我遇上了阿賢,我喜歡他,真的。987Please respect copyright.PENANA7TtaxrGxh0
987Please respect copyright.PENANA1FBDhblhRl
我確實這一種心跳感覺,一如當初與舊男友時的心跳選擇。987Please respect copyright.PENANAONO7EdZUXS
987Please respect copyright.PENANAODvtOwv791
這不是阿樂可以給我的,總是差了一些,或者差了很多。其實我也分不清。987Please respect copyright.PENANA5UMqcpJa3E
987Please respect copyright.PENANAo3NpRFhYAe
我和阿賢在一起。987Please respect copyright.PENANASzbElKuKbu
987Please respect copyright.PENANABlamqJ4BLW
我不想再與阿樂像以前那樣聯絡了。因為,我感覺到我們都變了,我認清自己對阿樂的感覺,他也不再像以前那樣,接受卑微的後備位置。我們的心態都失衡了,一切都會很奇怪,定位模糊,只得不甘的尷尬。987Please respect copyright.PENANA7IhVHAtHed
987Please respect copyright.PENANAi80HrftQTk
我對他的依賴,也仿佛在這種拉鋸之中消散,突然覺得這一種關係是沒用的,對大家都沒有好處。變成,我更樂意依賴男友,還更有正當性呢。987Please respect copyright.PENANAqqUVuR7tTK
987Please respect copyright.PENANA2UOw9avChx
阿樂看似接受了一切,可是我知道,他沒有,至少沒能那麼快。可是,都沒有辦法了。987Please respect copyright.PENANA3WXXlizRHw
987Please respect copyright.PENANAz3iD1z7CMB
變質的友情,在真心和不夠純粹之間,都很難有平衡點。如果我真的喜歡他就好了,但我真的無能為力,其實我也痛苦,但也許沒資格說吧,所以,唯有希望他快樂,希望我們都能快樂。987Please respect copyright.PENANA71IXIyJj9I
987Please respect copyright.PENANAVXZOrhU4MP
阿樂應該找一個很喜歡他的人,然後相愛。987Please respect copyright.PENANAGINt8nsdj3
987Please respect copyright.PENANAO4cNrJCmmj
只是,這個人,無法是我。我不夠鍾意他,對不起。