Since the big cry fest over four weeks ago, my life has pretty much gone back to its usual state. I hardly even remember it anymore. I continue to work, eat, sleep, and shut the world out as I usually would.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOC4D09H3dK
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTLHpxAkOX
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPJmGooYYW
There's only one minute problem; I've been avoiding David, and I'm sure as hell that he's noticed. How could he not notice that I haven't been available in over a month?611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee95Tec85S
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGX8N6reIT
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf01v6Gj6zW
I let his calls ring out, and I don't call him back. I don't reply to his texts, or his WhatsApp messages. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw0EcqCEm1
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmy3znxNBLb
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQAAgQj7f9
It's pathetic, really, but who can blame me? That night, I realised that I was beginning to feel something very strong for him, and I also realised that he had already begun to feel that way a long time ago.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllTVVF0Utz
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77NS2zC0EL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPzRXhiKbH
as long as you stay here with me611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXvegOq2o2
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFsl9qn6Uu
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ565ZTVC9sW
That's what he said after the wedding. He meant more than what was happening in that moment. I could feel it, and that night at Poetic Justice, I could see the way he looked at me, as if I meant the world to him.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC73cmNVwoo
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKpHZuts3J
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmtPOZW9dz
This has to stop.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsApB50Tod
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpIZmPm70o
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9UsslxaJz
I sit on the edge of my bed and stretch, feeling that sharp pain in my pelvis again, and I yelp. It's been happening more frequently now, and it's getting worse. I really need to eat more.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GidjECkyy
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBY0aI5oMl
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHf8vjYHfi
I get up, not knowing what I'm going to do today — I have no work — so I go to make some coffee. I'm just about to pick up the jar that is now placed safely on my kitchen counter, rather than high up in a cupboard, when I hear knocking on the door. Somehow, I know that it's him; it's as if I can feel his energy through the door. Still, as I pull the door open, I didn't expect his expression to be so... worried. My first guess would've been that he was angry, but here stands before me, a man who looks like he is on the verge of shitting himself.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMaM7r32U2
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatGdsI9kCo
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhv5I2qVFvb
"Are you okay?"611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzGQ86FOrE
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWqvGu2o4U
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuItH0ef6di
"Yeah," I say letting out a heavy sigh. It seems as if every time I think of him, he appears. "We need to talk."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hlYh1ltRc
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorzBc6p3cm
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxzi1Mhphx
I step aside to let him pass, and follow him to sit on one of the couches.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGpR5LVz34
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy3utzwZxt
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjGGf1O33a
What the hell am I supposed to say? I don't love you? You're better of without me? It's not you, it's me? 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlX1WVoxpwi
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcU1XF7oUjK
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObWWTEiVQ2
Instead of going with any of those options, I choose the best thing that I can think of.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODkbvvj14A
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xHLR8ZFso
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvjFxVgASg
"I don't want to do this anymore," I say to him, sounding like Rihanna.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePRYtKPd9I
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FxerBHWWN
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yE3cpDGH2
I don't want to hurt you anymore. I can't give you what you need.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsHpu1IPza
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBhsobgbEj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwIRl9k1a6
His eyebrows knot together in confusion. "Do what?"611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsSguKej7k
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmfAbBARtA
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHu876VdG0X
"Us," I say, but he still looks confused, so I decide to elaborate. "I can't give you what you want."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvwVWjL2oY
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaDqIXukok
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRt1qyG63i
He puts his hand on his forehead and rubs it, letting out a sigh.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMy1H4IjO7
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJ6ZLir7Z7
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2k0YPQNdP
"Yes, you can."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaY9WPapVi
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvev6VS13OB
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGIodhZfq5
"David—" I interrupt, because to be honest, I'm tired of people telling me what I can and can't do; but then he throws something at me that I didn't see coming.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5T4kqPevv0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRCZd7E4Mi
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9XhTSJhmn
"You can, but you don't want to. You're holding on to the past. There's a difference."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFn2xJY56M
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUk9EaUHOO9
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYy3HubMWj
All of this is said with a look of sympathy on his face.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDS3ICfUrG
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfBxMXrHJD
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZzM72gJaQ
To be honest, I can't tell him that he's lying, because he isn't. That's exactly what I'm doing; holding on to the past, to my dead lover who's ashes are kept in an urn under my bed, who I will never see again; but there's more to it. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5ksqcIABv
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ197chbrjJA
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcM0MT2TiI
I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to lose again. If felt enough pain to last me an infinite amount of lifetimes and then some.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizSLpzBwMH
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWMU9zvYwz
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjMy5kw00z
"You're holding on to the past," he says, repeating himself. "I get it. You love him, probably infinitely more than you could ever love me; but do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Would he have wanted that?"611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVtooz0e5G
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ie9Uw7IoJ
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQzOp2gZB9
I stop and think for a second. Would Andrew have wanted that?611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4hlhMMhPd
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl977aMBlLx
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuxmahvcVN
No, he wouldn't, because the last thing he said to me was "be happy, for me; live, for me." 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2auGRm9gbY
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOZTJEFUmP
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDe60j6q1aK
I'm a disappointment to my dead boyfriend, because I can't get over my dead boyfriend. This is so fucked up.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMleyCkMsI
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8xgxXNfkC
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcb3upImVVf
I don't even realise that I'm sobbing until I'm in David's arms, and my face is in his chest; he's rubbing circles into the small of my back, just like he did four weeks ago.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFbNtNzoCA
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyhzF8J5qd
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ646jQSKUYA
The sobs wrack my body so hard that my pelvis starts to hurt again, which causes me to groan.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqmVx2S8Pp
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLbbuKNJqF
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXP4knZkg9
"What's wrong?" 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLaWAemKzq
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh234zHCcc
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpX5q8DhRm
I take a few deep breaths, so that I can calm down; each time my breath hitches, I feel that sharp pain again.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2jLnQhei6
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrDOmHGQVx
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgpR5yPiZw
Once the sobs stop, leaving only tears flowing from my eyes, I speak.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekrXnWdnwC
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pAIezBAWH
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUe1N8Rwo1
"My pelvis hurts. I feel pains whenever I don't eat enough."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8XQtWaRrU
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHIfSZXGAO
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUVGXLbzNV
He gives me a disapproving look.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQRdE5jlRX
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDYsF3ga7I
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdBhkuKiuX
"Are you anorexic?"611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8k9IbqYGH
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Zsgh0BFjc
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmamF5Jk3j
"Oh, god, no. I just only eat when I feel the urge to. The problem is that sometimes I feel the urge to eat once a day, or I feel hungry and I don't want to eat solid food, but there's no liquid food in the house. Other times, I stuff my face like a pig."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv2dNzDxId
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtG16v3mSVT
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIBYuAi1eG
He looks at me like I'm the strangest creature on earth.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0vwDpAI89
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBwaD02ke5
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrxET26wAU
"Okay," he says in a resigned tone.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CA09ufNdP
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwhOgnpc7j
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7VTJ9YcL8
The tears are slowing down now, and I'm beginning to realise that David isn't going to just evaporate into thin air because I order him to.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYGpjpMfvg
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XhwPAKMly
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9BHAX3WsW
Almost as if he hears me, he smiles at me and says, "I'm not going anywhere, babe."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNY5KOAnm6J
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFjXQArsfU
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1ilsbjCCG
Not yet ready to accept that, I let out a sigh — then wince when my pelvis hurts again.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEJoGoCI1f
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7hS5dT7VT
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIm1pmk4yNz
I ignore it.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVv4LgLOHj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZkPaiMtwo
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6H311ct6jO
"I don't want to get hurt again."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3UfsBENHH
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLxx1M7dHJ
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlP2NfE8lFK
At this, he has nothing to say. What can he do? Promise me that he won't die? That would be a lie.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrOHsNxLUX
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcHpzD0gHC
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsgH8iM2sN
"I won't let that happen, and I can't give you what you want. I can't give you love."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmGB5KopUk
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWCXGd6eR1
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVw4d7x3CNp
He knows that he can't give me a legitimate reply to that. I've lost every important person in my life. He can't ask me to risk that happening again by becoming close to yet another person.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyTocY2kpy
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnfwunirMy
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqev50CByM
"This is why I don't have friends. I don't date. I live on my own. I just cannot endure any more pain, David. Love is a weakness; it it my weakness. It feels amazing when you're with the person, but at that funeral? You feel so distraught, so hurt, you're in so much pain, that you feel as if you're being tortured to the point of death, but you aren't dying; you're stuck on the threshold between life and death yourself.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0MxJVxl6g
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWN6pSkgPfr
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdepzM4I6E
"When I love someone, I do it with my whole heart. Whether it is my friend, family or lover, it consumes me. I can't help it; so when I lose that person, it is absolutely devastating. I can't do it again.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7zqqd98OI
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEncjrZz18Z
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHD3xUH7oqY
"So please leave, David, because these feelings that I have? I refuse to allow them to blossom into full blown love, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already inevitably have."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0IWCMWjpy
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGUHJMjQnh
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUj9qc6Nh5s
He gets up, and I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I can also see the understanding. It feels like it takes years for him to cross the room and make it to the door.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWOudNU7EZ
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsz7jizsTKw
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgoDD6QMB1
As he opens the door to leave, I know that I have done the right thing; I couldn't use him anymore.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEzIHgPH3O
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxG7RdxWUAw
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgDezJwQdU
So why is it that I felt the urge to call him back?611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZUTZU4Ihu
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCh9jwXxc0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP131T0ZT93
***611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccDHEkdNt8
For the past two days, I've been doing everything to get David out of my mind; and I've been epically failing. Every time that it is most inconvenient for me, he just pops up into my head, out of nowhere.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiU0G43yjJ3
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLfM2C1DGR
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxVCNg2vzK
For example, right now, I'm at a photo shoot for a man who wanted a few portraits of himself, and I can't see the subject through the viewfinder.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09GyWvLNAu
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrp00EngHr0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDi87XjsuFi
"Excuse me, can I get a glass of water? I'm parched."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNTVFudsUE6
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcukYGBlhE
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jv41Uf3DP
He smiles at me.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZ1W1s9Dxo
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSmY8U4HSE
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8t7e1Z8NO
"Sure, hon."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuQMBOOcuP
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz8xvL9jTH
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5DmYZ46IK
He walks off, and like the masochist I am, I pull out my phone and read David's messages. So much for trying to forget him.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJipZO5NvnL
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9pAgVgKP5
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYdcvqn5sL
The very first ones:611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpXegeeow7
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0QnAvDhgz
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TfyYyRJ3K
Hey! I miss you.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2TgG7bwIm
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPSFXWJ6mC
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna1zScFIrG
How about you come over to my house and sit on my face? 👅💦😉611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNkcyKXc8J
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmxGpmEmug
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZYrHlTIJp
Leah, I have a special present for you... 🍆💦611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcF8VIP6NGI
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7J4fhgeQ0
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8JTiAcHyo
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSPVdXpMG7
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSycDl3Xhbl
Then, when he realised that I wasn't reading or replying to my texts:611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWt0Txfive
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng3bIAQzVy
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhVdluKZlj
Hey babe, why aren't you answering my texts?611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCNQLL3AVJ
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOLs1Xub0m
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e6cb5QYOo
Are you okay?611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOEAKHIwnE
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qCUPtz7bE
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGR8oZq79D
Did I do something to piss you off?611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgymeAQv4MY
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgRU3YWZP6
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvQf2SKSyg
Then, he caught on to the real reason why I wasn't replying:611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVYcqJh4id
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbBQzK85P1
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YAKEccThG
If it's about the other night, please remember, it's okay to feel.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoNb9SeUwA
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhu5ON2unpw
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZCKbuyNOE
Then, something that caught me completely off guard:611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZyDHJCibz
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhKCYCwuOg
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlv449UshY
Leah, I've peen wanting to tell you this for a while; I wanted to tell you this at the poetry night, but I didn't know how. I love you.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub4C1lfVkh
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldtVu33omj
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZrcr22lnc
Suddenly, it feels as if all of the oxygen has been removed from the air; as if I'm dying from CO2 poisoning, and my heart is beating so hard and fast, it feels as if it is trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqPmz8gvY5
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wx8uS3K6n
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTTxCyPyzg
"No," I whisper, my voice cracking, and I let out a sob when I work out the date on which he sent the text. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GDojxU8IT
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDcGAnVTgl
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ3rK4rSpl
Two weeks before he came to see me. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlNR4HecQC
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlYDLqZNt3
611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgdraHzOQD
Of course, my fucking pelvis begins to act up again, but the pain is barely noticeable over the pain I feel at knowing the extent to which I've hurt him. I knew that he felt strongly about me, but love?611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2qJ4sScN5
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"Leah?" Trevor says, with the glass of water in his hand.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziollBS3kJ
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I wipe my face quickly.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHunlm6SlS
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"It's okay. I'm fine."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhYfsK8iiK
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"You don't look fine," he says, with concern on his face, handing me the water.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJqohtIZxW
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"Don't worry about me. Lets get back to work."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcGJSHirdq
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***611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwQmvaCvYe
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I'm in David's driveway. I know I shouldn't be here after promising myself that I'll leave him alone, but I feel as if I have to say something to him after reading his confession, even though I know that seeing him in person again will probably end badly for both of us.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirvKeHPqG6
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Still, I called him to inform him that I wanted to talk, and he invited me over.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLv42VCCKbj
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I can't get out of the car. I'm fucking nervous out of my mind. What the hell am I supposed to even say to him? 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88FCcd3h4R
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I don't even realise how long I've been here, until I here knocking on my car window. I jump slightly, yelping in fright, before realising that it's only David. I open the car door slowly.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EaDzyXMGq
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"I was beginning to wonder if you were going to spend the night in the car," he comments.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipfkGCmTo2
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I close my eyes as I stand and lock my car.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvBcDQaOJa
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"You finally read my messages," he states.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF75liLZe4B
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"Yes," I reply, realising that the ticks must have turned blue.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YeIKXJbEs
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I just look at him, and he looks back. Now that I'm looking for it, I can see it plain as day. He loves me. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvTKzti35T
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If I'm going to be honest, I should've seen this one coming. He always wants to cuddle, he always looks for an excuse to sleep in the same bed as me. Now that I think about it, most men who are trying to keep feelings out of a relationship would rather sleep on their couch.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkD2HLTENI
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He fucking stalked me, followed me to a water party.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKR2et3ZZfC
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"When did you start having feelings for me?"611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC51QthgFo
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He exhales loudly, and then looks at me as if he knows that I won't like the answer.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhom4i4JkG
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"That night that we had dinner together, right here."611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YSobF9uaP
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Wow. That was an actual date. A romantic date. I feel like a dumb fuck.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrRj3Wb3hU
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He loves me, but I don't love him. Despite the fact that I feel drawn to him, the fact that I want him, not just sexually, I don't love him. Not yet.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRwbtfvMUN
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I'm attached; I swore that I wouldn't let this happen, but I've become emotionally attached. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t890S9mD0
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"Leah, are you really sure that you want to spend the rest of your life alone?" he asks, interrupting my train of thought. I can't even think about the weight of that question, because he continues.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7LH4rMpHZ
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"You say that you're afraid of pain, but right now, you're hurting yourself. You aren't happy. I know it's nothing compared to the pain of losing someone, but at least when you let other people in, you'll have some light, people to laugh with and cry with. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbFRAebeug
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So I'm asking you again: do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?"611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqYp3uuA9H
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I look at him, and I can't say anything; I'm speechless. Everything he just said makes sense, and it hurts, because I know that either way, I'm screwed. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2S7jqoONY
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If I say "no", he'll hold onto it the way that Jack should have held on to that lifeboat in Titanic, and if I say "yes", that may not be completely true, because I don't know anymore. I hate being alone, but I fear emotional pain. 611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfx0YEcTnO
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I just stand there, silent. Instead of trying to talk, I do the only thing that I can do in this moment; I hug him, and to my elation, he wholeheartedly returns the gesture.611Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdaI2XrGFu
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Happy Valentines Day! ❤️😘💋
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