Last night was one of the most emotionally tumultuous nights of my life.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4KqYs0GSK
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTESmNEVBv
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmZJNEj1Wp
Do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4apzjl7E2Q
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBe8CGKQBK
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIdkLCtgSw
No.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGW9kMJUqk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuCviU6J5tP
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEOG9C5syN
Then tell him.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwA05xok6bq
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjdYfn1MuX
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiI0SXKQEEa
I can't.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU5jL0eQX3
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ffH2Ejde5
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX87xu7sofj
"I can't," I say out loud as I lay on my back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling above me. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLh92nVM8Q
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMdqb1Xq8c
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1jqpQ5qPb
Truth be told, I'm stuck. I can't move forward from my past, from the pain that I've experienced; I can't let it go.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfs38b7wmx
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbq7zfME0a4
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQG171jqOmF
But can you let David go?466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYMx0u64b9
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWirqZRKZ9
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoenpBwqJXB
I try to shut off that annoying voice inside of my head, because the thought of life without David right now is... painful.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Z6E8VIyWk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyIThMmIol
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzNxqQrITY
Attachment. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmjUzz0qFL
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2J2agFqleT
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBDJA20em8
I don't want my life without him to feel painful, I want it to feel free. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cnM1zuHQG
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuVoa0KWfR
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8n1ryG3Il6
But I don't.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zJN6cERxN
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddtICvP1S5
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8932R45f1
I feel entangled with him. I want to be near him, feel him, see him, just know that he's there.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpZTrlsDXW
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQnXaLvRcS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmZbtCR6bO
Have you ever been in the process of falling in love with someone, where you aren't quite there yet, but you can feel yourself plunging into something so unknown, but it's so... blissful?466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxFRaw2sz0
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1j3DJibbT
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93I0VS3cMu
Well, it's the opposite for me. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJktTvfSdxc
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1D7oscnUb
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSUI6JCIYD
I'm not in love with David yet, but I'm sure that pretty soon I will be. I'm free-falling like a dense, metal bucket with no rope or string thrown into a water well. The water at the bottom of the well represents is the love that I, the bucket too dense to float, will sink into and be filled with one day. That's what love feels like; it floods you, it consumes you.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqC0boAJOqj
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDsgEujDiQ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTtKeLRJzV
I haven't hit the water yet, but as I plummet through the dark, cold air, I know that it is coming.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEmwjTFqwv
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqbHXkETXJ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2yVj1B8k0
It terrifies me, because the farther I go, the more and more I realise that I cannot defy gravity; I cannot go back. It feels as if I'm being dragged down towards that damning pool of love against my will. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuCoDRFboR
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxa1ZXHpKI
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmbYMgn3NT
This isn't bliss; it's torture.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbPcPOGqGl
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPkYfoUTsi
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2y8lI06swX
***466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGhnVojNzY
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelajVWqnLG
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39hIZ4pHaw
I can't sleep.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3u3lwMuIA8
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFiDtWzf4e
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsheIzB1ksI
The pain in my pelvis is back in full force, and I'm beginning to think that this is due to more than just bad eating habits.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEID4zhZiWd
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9IFMbJwlL
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYmUaNz7cn
"Fuck," I groan to myself as I roll over, clutching the left side of my pelvis in pain. Of course, that does nothing.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4JpOGifID
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qzfUOCjFP
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgvnybQS2U
I decide to get up and do something else; I'll go to the doctor tomorrow. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8NGTNDXtR
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Sw4HNfwfW
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOethDND74
I circle my room, walking around it five times, until something catches my eye. Underneath the dresser, pushed to the back, covered in dust, is a tiny, black album, with a spine which was once bright crimson, but is now a dull red from the dust which has taken up residence on the cotton material. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnLa8rgORe
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAhhYyRGvD
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SCXUFJMTs
This is the album with photos from my old life. I put pictures of people I love in this album, but once they all died, I stopped using it.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfjCG3hOHa
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BsvYLSseB
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtpCOnGtfx
I'm obviously a professional masochist, truly learned in the art of inflicting pain upon oneself, because before I can make a well thought out decision as to what I should do about this little discovery, I am dragging the dusty album from under my dresser and sitting on my bed, flipping it open.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZhXRCdqDO
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmEdFl44R7
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFzyOuixhY
The first picture is a picture of myself and my mother. This starts up a dull ache in my chest. She was the world to me; she made me believe in myself, and there wasn't a day that I lived in that woman's presence that I didn't feel loved. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzjjrIt6pK
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiiloHtu7B
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKu7wFhgjLJ
Having your mother die in a house fire when you're fifteen hurts like a bitch, especially if she's even half the mother that mine was. It was just so, abrupt, so unexpected, so... tragic.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbjSDUWjZD
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIUkcVDxbv
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU9BovlIHB
The next set of pictures that set me off are Amy's. Amy... isn't just my best friend. She's my sister. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JIMP06lru
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA05gvuANK
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGsu0BdQzj
My mother's death fucked me up; I stopped socialising with people, and I started to shut them out. I didn't get tied to the people who cared for me; once I turned eighteen, I just got up and left. Amy was the only person who I still let in; she had been my friend since I was six years old, and we just never grew apart. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPDHoi0W7i
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS46mNPHvcl
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LcVpQbWZW
When I tried to push her away, she wouldn't let me. I didn't leave her, but in the end, she left me.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93hygTwLQE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY26xi42fFf
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyYsZTB6E3
For what?466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDnpbXjwOA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ID5UvmHkx
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL59kFGUc78
Nothing.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTP1aC01jDe
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwg8fpGnAy
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1WEFRNJmi
Amy was actually the one who introduced be to Andrew on my twentieth birthday.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27BKPuGcOS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMHFeBzGL8
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkOrioNAI1
Andrew.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOyFVZ1u2A
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFgFxmUDne
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrkeb0OOm7
With the tears already welling up in my eyes, I flip the page quickly, wanting to get it over with quickly; but once I see his face, a face I which haven't seen for so long, a face which I have evaded for so long, I throw the album and scream.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGj41xdXrLo
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tl2ygKHQs
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIkexZrZFe
Sometimes, I wonder if something is wrong with me. Most people lose their loved ones, grieve, and then move on with their scars, never forgetting, but always moving forward. Most people can look at a picture of their boyfriend who's been dead for two years now without breaking down into hysterics.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFff1HAH4a
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLZGkTfqNS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCsTXsbx1Z
I can't.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplSjotgsj6
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7j3sbHVUq
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO5uiNFX7E
This is why I try to block all of this out; because I've tried healing. To an extent, it worked with my mother, because even though her death was tragic and unexpected, you expect that you'll outlive your parents; you don't expect them to grow old and die with you. With Amy, it didn't work as well, because she was so young, and I still haven't forgiven her.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6E9Op5UI0
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPxXr8SsAm
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuhzIoHnds
With Andrew? It just didn't work. Period. He was supposed to have children and grow old with me. So here I am, writhing in emotional agony on my bed, sobbing just as hard and in even more pain than I was in on the night that he died. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6Plul2aEA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikYhb5Uutt
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98qkVmOHgn
I can't be healed. Pretending to forget is the next best thing.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFAfoFdwXy
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKraNsY4AdH
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoJuv0mw68
When I'm all cried out, the once dark sky is now dimly lit with early morning light. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxZayRXMkk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA5pcb7g21
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPVGrc5NTU
I just spent hours crying over Andrew; I have to admit, if he were alive, he'd probably feel a mix of guilt and disappointment. That hurts.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRTlriMzAv
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3IKIasFJm
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlQP0wCTjI
Before that thought can set me off, I close my eyes and will myself back into my closed-off emotionless state.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktni17POxh
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8ZzCwRfKG
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtvCcGTUpq
Why did I bother to take up the fuckíng album? I should have just left it. I should have just—466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Dr10TWbMq
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCrYNOUwNw
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vgyvcPzwv
"FUCK!" I scream, when I feel the pain tear through my pelvis once more; it feels as if it's consuming my entire body.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gwOa7U1Sb
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMf2yHrvyp5
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTMiyTIO1S
This definitely is not normal.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUkce3PE6N
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqno0b2Uwag
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuVcLOYtbA
"Ahh!" I scream, trying to pull myself up, but I fall back down.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSsDd9s7yo
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQV9WJ2qE0x
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rkS8LsyAM
I desperately feel for the phone, trying to feel for it between the sheets, under the pillows, anywhere — then finally, I have it.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPMc2OfoKi
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNs0aUuhYrZ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxVRZPNh0r
Then I pause.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQPVskRnzr
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5WG3G7vF8
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGaN6cKMAH
Should I call an ambulance? I won't know how to explain this to a phone operator, and they probably wouldn't take me seriously, so I'd be waiting here forever.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkDRnVOw2x
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NcAmSZmA9
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLdyfvyJG6
Call David.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33Bfl8grlu
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKjnAlgE88
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW3Q9oceyh
I don't have time to think too hard about it, because all too soon, I'm hearing his sleep-roughed voice.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduoVe7l7md
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wpfHtFnSa
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegZHkw81wl
"Leah?"466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LkVZfAwsE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPdstAT4BN
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfc5RxRLGQ
"David," I gasp. 466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mVZBkkexw
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hPC87Mh82
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXTv9T0j13
"Leah! What's wrong?" he asks frantically, once he hears my voice.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdevQQt6b7T
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvGIOt3Lud
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwPHw5adeK
"M-m-my, m-y side," I stutter out, hoping that he can make out what I'm saying.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe7tiqgR7n
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuZ0wYdG02
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuryWQ6sPb
I can hear him moving in the background, and I know that he's in his way.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH4rwIXsBk
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8o62Gt0NXp
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYlVdcbvK0
"Are you at home, Leah?"466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsy5B70eevv
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk32AQiZr6H
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWJWZWuMWP
"Yes," I whimper, feeling weak all of a sudden. Too weak. I'm about to pass out.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVag0AXNkfS
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QRz4Y3mmf
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrB47RcXvTy
"I'm on my way, but Leah, I need you to keep talking to me."466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKIJolxC5L
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7b6Mklo3zB
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwradINGSc
"Hmm," I say, barely able to get anything out.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhJoI4L68Y
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKhOeRPUr4
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU74b0ikSqV
"What's wrong with your side, Leah?"466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2urUTGBGmw
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5KQ8q43be
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Lh0SpTqlx
I focus on his voice; I focus on him. He's trying, coming out of his house at the ass crack of dawn to take me to the hospital; even as I feel the darkness yanking at me, I fight it.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NLPxT3fF6
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUBpplx58G
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1dRylBowq
"It hurts," I whisper, as if it's some great secret, and in this moment, it is, because I'm not just talking about my side; I'm talking about everything. I want to explain that to him so much, but I can't.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7QGnJrhl9
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHg4UIk64S
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡii71y52Iej
When I go to blink again, I don't re-open my eyes.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3js2EdJZE
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHUvS87AGB
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD9CFNi7pM
I can't.466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64SecPaGFJ
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cU1TKVPeA
466Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcwCisg1wJ
Oblivion swallows me whole.
ns3.141.12.150da2
